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Chapter Four: Queenstown


We had arrived bang on schedule for Queenstown; I was overseeing the men as we tied up at Roche Point, unable to dock at the port itself. It was here that I finally marvelled at the sheer size of Titanic. Once we were secured I asked permission to go to my quarters to take some time to write to my family once again, this time mother and father.

It wasn't often that I wrote them, father wasn't the easiest of men to get along with, and whilst he was incredibly proud of me I felt there was nothing I could do that would be quite good enough to show him that I am a man, an honourable and worthy sailor, I am or was honoured to be serving aboard the Titanic on her maiden voyage and possibly looking forward to a lengthy career with her.

I feel my lips and chest quivering with the slight shake of laughter, thinking back now on the day I wrote that letter, how very odd of me to feel that I should show that much love and affection in my letter. Though it was all heart felt, now I wish I had said even more. This would be the last time mother, father, my sisters and my Ada would ever hear from me. I should have written more…


After an hour or so I'd finished writing the letter and sent it on its way. I'd expected to hear from anyone upon reaching Queenstown but to my unfortunate luck, the mail from Agnes would arrive to late and Titanic would be sailing westbound.

I took these spare few moments whilst more passengers were boarding to walk the length of the ship. The weather was fair and so far we'd not seen much trouble in that respect, I hoped it stayed that way, but that was yet to be seen. Walking up to one of the lifeboats, I remarked just past it at the davit, seemed like I was having some sort of sixth sense, I could hear people all around me screaming, I looked around me but shook my head, knowing I was only imagining it. I reached toward the davit, my hand resting on the metal of it; as soon as my hand touched it I heard a loud scream and felt like someone hand barged past me knocking me forward. I fell towards the davit but spun quickly looking up and down the deck.

There was no-one there of course and though the sweat trickled down my brow, I could literally feel my heart pounding. "What was that?" I asked myself bringing my hand up to wipe my brow before shifting back steady on my feet and pushing myself off the lifeboat, turning around to face it again. "I must be dreaming…" I thought daring myself to reach out and touch the davit once more.

It took a lot of courage, more than I knew I had in me, I wasn't a brave man or at least I didn't think I was just at that moment. No matter what had happened before on previous ships, right at that moment my hand was trembling like a cowardly kitten. I eventually made contact with it, unfortunately for Lightoller; my hand also connected with the top of his head and sent his cap flying down the deck.

He'd come up behind me and spoken but hadn't gained my attention. So when I failed to reply he placed his hand on my shoulder, I spun around and caught the top of his head, sending him backwards slightly before my hand instinctively reached out and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, to stop him from flying down on to the floor and quite profoundly on to his buttocks.

"What on Earth is the matter Will?" He began tracing his cap and placing it back on his head neatly, straightening his uniform too. "I err…" I stuttered, looking back and forth between him and the lifeboat. "Will, you look like you've seen a ghost?" He began to laugh slightly before walking back to me and placing his hand on my shoulder. "Let's get you into the mess and give you a strong cup of coffee!"

I couldn't speak; it was as if I was trapped in a dream like state, unable to comprehend the living world with any measure of ability. I looked back as Lightoller dragged me away, all the while unable to shake what had just happened to me off. Once out of sight of the damn thing and into a doorway, I stopped, pulling away before grabbing Lightoller's shoulders and pressing him back against the wall.

"What the devil is wrong with you today?" He asked again, this time I was deadly serious. "Something weird just happened to me out there!" I stated, knowing full well this man could take this to the Captain and I'd be confined until we reached New York. He looked at me baffled, nodding slowly "Okay who are you and what have you done with William McMaster Murdoch 1st officer of the Titanic."

I stared at him, baffled myself at what I was doing, here I was holding this man against a wall, this man – my friend who was trying to help me – against a wall, staring at him like he was trying to do me harm. I released my grip quickly and shook my head; he smiled slightly and brought his hand up to my shoulder. "Will, let's get to the mess and have a chat, I'm due a break and we're not yet ready to leave for New York…"

I followed compliantly as he lead me into the officer's mess and sat me down whilst he brought over two cups of strong coffee. I sipped at it, not sure of the taste, I wasn't the world's biggest coffee drinker and to be honest it wasn't really helping a great deal. But it was the thought that counted. "Will…?" I heard him ask, looking up at him slowly and resting the cup on the table in front of me. My eyes were tired and I rubbed them for a moment before finally speaking to him.

"I apologize Charles, my actions are unjustifiable, I'm not quite myself today. Tired I guess and anxious to get Titanic moving towards New York." I really did feel at the time I spoke those words that, that was my true reasoning for seeing and hearing what I did. It was all starting to make sense and Lightoller only confirmed it and reassured it.

"Will…We're all anxious to get to New York, it's been a long time coming I guess old chap, but we should just take each day as it comes. No sense in letting all the excitement and anxiousness get to us, it'll only make us less able to the jobs we were brought here to do…"

"You're right of course Charles…I know you are…" I sighed a hefty sigh and finally smiled up at him. "What the devils up with me today I've really got it on me!" I laughed, straightening myself up, feeling better for having spoken with one of my friends and crewmates about it. Lightoller was good at this sort of stuff a lot of men never confessed their problems but if they did Lightoller was normally around to help them. I knew he'd survive, Lightoller was one in a million and not even the Titanic sinking could stop him.

Once again I look back now at this memory with fond amusement, silly things that happened like this, that brought our friendship closer, we were a team, all of us were. The Titanic hadn't and wouldn't have taken that from us. We were a team before the collision and we were a team still after it, some of us made it, some of us didn't but for those that did, it meant having to relay our last moments alive and that was a job I'm glad I never had to do.

"You're on bridge duty within the next couple of hours Will? He asked me, I checked my watch and nodded, standing I knew it was time I went and got some rest before hand and let my friend return to his duties. We walked together to the counter and placed our cups down on it before walking together back out onto the deck.

Lightoller couldn't resist walking over to one of the lifeboats and proceeding to imitate me scared; I laughed and walked over to him, knocking his cap off watching him chase after it down the deck again before turning and smiling as I walked away in the opposite direction.

"It's not over yet Will!" I heard him call; I laughed waving my hand over my shoulder and heading back to my quarters to get some rest.