2258
In the morning, Saavik asked to accompany Spock to the Academy memorial service that being held to honor the members of Starfleet that had died. He had no reason to deny her request, so they walked together to the main courtyard on the waterfront while Sarek headed to Starfleet Headquarters.
It seemed as though the entire student body was present for the service. A large screen had been set up to display the names and pictures of the hundreds of senior cadets and dozens of instructors that had been slaughtered in Vulcan's orbit before the planet was destroyed. A hush fell as Admiral Barnett, Dean of the Academy, got up on the steps to address the crowd.
"We have been through difficult days," he told the students and instructors. "We have suffered the loss of siblings, children, parents, friends, and colleagues. And we are not alone in our pain. There is now a hole in space-time where a planet once existed.
"On Stardate 2258.42, the galaxy as we know it changed forever. Our lives changed forever. Two-hundred and forty-seven cadets and forty-one officers rose to the challenge when they were needed in order to help someone else. They didn't think of their own lives, or the risks that they took. They did as they were trained, and we should remember their actions with pride. And we must carry on in a way that honors all of those who were lost."
A few students read passages that were traditional for the occasion for various cultures. Saavik observed several Humans around her crying openly and she wondered for a moment what that experience would be like. She didn't remember ever crying before. She'd also never had to deal with the death of someone that she cared for. Did humans believe that emotional displays signified how deeply they felt their loss? Since Amanda had been Human, would behaving according to Vulcan custom over her death be an honor or an insult to her memory? Normally, she would ask Spock about any topic she was curious about, but this…she didn't dare ask him about this.
To end the ceremony, four training shuttles flew over the courtyard in the missing man formation. As the drone of their engines faded, the crowd began to disburse. Spock came to attention as he saw Captain Pike approach him. "At ease, Commander," the older man said before waving his hand in dismissal to the man who had been pushing his wheelchair.
"How are you, Sir?" Spock asked.
"Alive," he replied, "And for that I am grateful to you and Kirk."
Saavik lightly touched Spock's shoulder. "May I say hello to Nyota?" she asked, indicating where the communications officer was standing a few meters away. He nodded.
"Was that your sister?" Pike asked once Saavik was gone.
"No, a very close friend of my family."
Pike nodded in understanding. "I wanted to tell you I'm very sorry for what you've lost. It doesn't seem like any words would be adequate."
That was definitely true, but words were all that any of them had. "Your condolences are appreciated, Captain."
"If you need time, we're still trying to figure out what to do with the end of school year."
Spock shook his head. "I will fulfill my obligations to the Academy," he promised, "But I will be sending you my resignation, effective after the semester. I will not join the Enterprise when she is re-launched."
Pike frowned. "Resignation?"
"Yes. It is the most logical course of action; I should assist in ensuring the survival of my race."
The Captain was quiet for a moment; he understood, but that didn't mean that he had to like it. "Do you want to take a few more days to think about it?"
Spock shook his head. "That will be unnecessary. I will send you the message this evening." Pike nodded and moved away.
"You shouldn't make this decision right now," a voice said, and Spock turned to see Nyota and Saavik behind him. They had both obviously overheard the end of his conversation. "It's too soon to do something so drastic," Uhura continued.
"I disagree. Time will not change the situation."
"This isn't all about logic," she argued.
"And I believe that your concerns are personal, not professional, in nature."
Nyota froze, caught off-guard by that observation. "You're right," she finally admitted, "But I'm not going to apologize for it… If you thought that this was the right thing to do – "
"It is."
"You would have talked with me about it last night instead of making decisions and letting me find out after the fact."
He looked away. "I did not want to give you the opportunity to change my mind."
Nyota was quiet for a long moment. She knew how hard he'd worked to escape what others expected of him. It hurt to see him finally forced to conform. "I could go with you."
Spock shook his head. "No. I will not allow it."
She raised an eyebrow. "ALLOW it?"
"You have been commissioned," he explained, "And given the assignment that you most desired. It would be illogical to sacrifice that; I will not allow you to do so."
"What makes you think that you have the ability to 'allow' or 'disallow' me to do anything?" she shot back.
"I do not wish to be the cause of you abandoning your dreams."
"Like you're abandoning yours?" She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. It wasn't like he was doing this for fun; his world had ended, and she could respect the obligations he felt bound to. "I don't want to lose you," she quietly told him.
"We were always aware that we might someday be separated due to our responsibilities," he pointed out.
"Not like this…I-I guess I should go," she whispered when it was obvious that he wasn't going to say anything else. As she brushed past him, Nyota stood on her toes and briefly kissed his cheek.
Saavik was relatively certain that she wasn't supposed to have witnessed that conversation, but she had. She watched as Spock closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself.
"Apologies, Saavikam," he quietly said as he looked up. "I did not intend for that to occur here."
She shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for." She gently twined her fingers through his; the skin-to-skin contact allowed them to connect telepathically. Perhaps she could help him to center himself, as he had helped her so many times when she was a child. He had so much to be concerned with right now.
Spock knew what she was doing, and allowed himself to be lost in the familiar sensation. Saavik's mind had always been just as bright and warm with energy as she was, and for a moment he was transported back to Shi'Kahr. There had been many wonderful days, despite the struggles that he had endured there. From this point forward, life would undoubtedly be so much more complicated than anything he'd previously experienced…
Spock finally forced himself to pull away; he had always been Saavik's protector and confidant, not the other way around. It was unfair to burden her with his troubled thoughts.
"What is wrong?" she asked, confused. "Should I not have…?"
Spock shook his head. "Thank you," he quietly told her, his voice hoarse. "You did nothing wrong, Saavikam. Come, we should try to locate my father."
She nodded and obediently followed in silence. His conversation with Uhura still haunted her, however. Spock was giving up the things that he'd most wanted in order to do what was right for their people. How could she not make the same sacrifice? Saavik knew that she would have to decline her acceptance to the Academy.
Spock spent the entirety of the following day at the Starfleet Hangar, assisting with the organization of supplies that were pouring into the facility. Allies from all over the quadrant had stepped up to support the endangered Vulcan race, from sending items like food and clothing to promising able bodies willing to help with construction once a new homeworld was found. Getting everything organized for distribution to the refugee camp that Starfleet had set up was a major challenge.
By the time that night fell over the city, he still hadn't returned home, so Saavik and Sarek prepared dinner together. She felt a swell of sadness when she realized that some of the ingredients in Spock's kitchen were items from Vulcan that she and Amanda had shipped to him only a couple weeks before. The sharp contrast between life then and life now was incredible.
"Do you think that Spock is all right?" Saavik asked Sarek as they cleaned up.
"I am certain that he is fine. If this was not the case, I would have been contacted." She couldn't argue with that logic, but was still unsettled. "What did you do today while I was at Headquarters?" His days had been full of discussions with Starfleet officials about what came next for the remnants of the Vulcan race.
"I walked," Saavik replied.
"You traveled around the campus?"
"And beyond it. I became lost twice, but managed to find my way back here. I wished to observe as much as possible about this city and its inhabitants."
Sarek nodded slightly. "I remember making similar explorations when I first arrived on this world more than seventy years ago."
"Is it very different now?"
"Nothing stays the same for that amount of time. There was a large earthquake in 2206 that caused great damage to many historical landmarks, and new buildings were constructed in their places. The transportation system is continually being improved. Starfleet headquarters and the Academy have grown, of course. Both institutions celebrated 25 years of existence shortly after I first visited. "
"Where else have you traveled to on the planet?"
"I have been to all seven continents. They differ greatly in climates, history, and traditions."
"I would very much like to see more of this world. Did you have a favorite location?"
He did indeed: a beach south of San Francisco where he and Amanda had gone after their wedding on Earth. Most water on Vulcan was underground, but here…two-thirds of Earth was freely flowing liquid. Sarek had always been fascinated with shorelines and Amanda had enjoyed showing him what the planet had to offer. He wondered if he would ever be able to watch a sunset over the ocean again without thinking of her…
Sarek realized that he hadn't actually answered Saavik's question, and was not going to voice the thoughts he'd just had. Seeing the curious and slightly concerned expression on her face was enough to threaten his tenuous composure; when (and how) had she managed to inherit that look from his wife? "Apologies, Saavik," he quietly told her. "I believe I should go meditate. We can perhaps continue this discussion at a later time."
She nodded slowly, and watched him retreat to the privacy of Spock's bedroom. After finishing up in the kitchen, she settled on the couch to consider the complexities of the entity known as a family. It was plainly obvious to her that Sarek had been very attached to his wife, even if she had never heard him say so out loud. She'd been able to visibly see his devotion over the years, even though Spock had not. Each of her guardians had cared for their son very deeply as well, though they expressed it in very different ways. Perhaps they were not a traditional family, but they were the only one that Saavik had ever been close to, and they'd been perfect in her eyes. They had given her so much over the years, and she wished to honor Amanda by taking care of the ones that she had left behind.
As she started to drift off, she grabbed a blanket to keep warm. If Spock isn't back by morning, I will go looking for him, regardless of what Osu Sarek says. He doesn't need to be alone.
The rising sun seemed to make the metal structures within the Starfleet Hangar glow like fire as Saavik walked between the ships and full pallets of supplies, looking for Spock. She finally saw him standing a few meters away and speaking with an older man that she quickly realized was Vulcan. They offered each other traditional salutes before the other man walked away.
"Who was that?" she asked as she joined him.
"An old friend," Spock told her, preoccupied with his thoughts as he watched his elder self disappear behind a ship. He quickly dismissed the conversation he'd just had and turned to her. "What are you doing here?"
She offered him the small bag she was carrying; it held a container of food and utensils. "I thought that you should probably eat something."
"Thank you, Saavikam."
"I was worried about you, when you never returned to your apartment last night."
"I became very involved in my work," he told her. "And Vulcans do not worry."
"I am not fully Vulcan," she quietly pointed out. Spock nodded in consent.
They found a quiet corner with a desk where he could eat the meal that she'd brought. Saavik sat with him, watching all of the activity in the hangar. "How long do you think we're all going to stay here?" she asked at one point. "On Earth, I mean."
"I am uncertain, but work is being done to find our people a new home… However, I will not be there to see it with you."
"What do you mean?"
"I have changed my mind, and will elect to remain with Starfleet. It…it is where I belong."
She considered that. "What will you do? Continue teaching?"
"I am hoping that a…friend will have a use for my services aboard his ship."
Saavik was quiet for a long moment. "Do you believe that Starfleet is where I belong?"
Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not under – You passed the examination," he suddenly realized. It had all been forgotten in the haze of the past few days.
She nodded. "It seemed so insignificant. And after you said you would stay with us – with our people – I knew that I could not accept."
"You worked very hard for that honor."
"But is it important now? I do not know where I should go."
"That is up to you – and you alone."
Silence fell as she considered his words. Recent events had changed so much in the quadrant, had already changed the course of her life in ways she couldn't yet know. But they hadn't changed who she was and what she wanted. And she knew what Amanda would tell her to do, if she was there.
"Do you think I will be an acceptable Cadet?" she finally asked.
Spock shook his head. "No. I am certain that you will be an exceptional cadet."
Spock spent a few more hours at the Hangar before finally returning home to have dinner with his guests and speak with Sarek. He hadn't thought that informing his father of his decision would go smoothly, but he was pleasantly surprised. It was likely that the Ambassador was disappointed that they would all be separated, but he did not disapprove.
There was then only one other person that Spock needed to talk to; he requested a video communication with now-Admiral Pike.
"Good evening, Sir," he said when the older man appeared on his communications terminal.
"Good evening, Spock. What can I do for you?"
"I have put more consideration into my decision to resign from Starfleet and have realized that I do not wish to leave. I can still help my people through the accomplishments that I make here, as an officer. I regret that I did not heed your advice of waiting before submitting my letter of resignation."
Pike smiled slightly. "What letter of resignation?"
Spock frowned. "I sent the document to you two nights ago after we spoke at the memorial."
The Admiral shrugged. "Really? I don't remember receiving anything. I'm in the process of getting everything organized to be moved to my new office; it's entirely possible that I deleted a file I knew the sender didn't really want to have submitted."
Spock suddenly realized what he was doing. "Thank you, Sir."
Pike nodded. "The Enterprise will be lucky to have you, Commander."
TBC...
