Saavik sat alone in the training conference room as her 'crewmembers' left. They would receive their official marks from Admiral Pike in a few days time, but their instructor had given them much to think about during the debriefing.

The scenario had rattled her, and she wasn't sure why. It wasn't as though she'd never seen an image of Bird of Prey before. And it certainly wasn't as though she'd never had another ship firing weapons at her during a simulation. What was it about the combination of those two things that had such an effect on her? She rubbed her right temple in an attempt to stave off a headache. There was something there, some memory lingering just beyond her grasp. Most of her childhood still evaded her, other than vague notions of a life filled with anger and pain and violence. Some part of her knew that what she DIDN'T remember was far worse than what she DID.

"Saavikam," a voice said, and she turned to see Spock was standing in the doorway. Instantly she got to her feet.

"Apologies, Commander. I did not hear you enter."

Spock was fully aware of that; he'd seen her expression, deep in thought. "At ease. This is not an official visit."

She nodded slightly, and just barely relaxed her posture. "When did the Enterprise reach dock?"

"This morning."

"How long will you be on Earth?"

"Only until tomorrow. I wanted to take this opportunity to go to the Colony." He hadn't been in more than three years, since just after its settlement. "I was wondering if you might join me."

Saavik raised an eyebrow. "For what purpose?"

"I am aware that you have only taken leave during a semester break once since beginning your education here four years ago."

She nodded. "It would have been inefficient not to utilize the time for my studies."

"Although that is a seemingly logical conclusion, it does not always hold true." He didn't elaborate further, leaving it as something else to add to her quickly-growing list of things to ponder.

Saavik considered his offer and finally nodded. "All right. When do we depart?"


Sarek was waiting at the spaceport in the Colony's capital when Spock and Saavik's shuttle landed. Spock had chosen to pilot a vessel himself, allowing them to keep their own schedule instead of being dependent on the transport lines that ran through the quadrant.

"How was your journey?" Sarek asked his son as they began to make their way toward his home under the light of the setting sun.

"Lengthy," he replied, "But without incident."

"You look well," he told Saavik. "How have your studies been progressing?"

"Satisfactorily," she replied. "I have one additional semester remaining, but will have a third specialty when I graduate."

"Engineering, Astrophysics, and…?"

"Federation History."

Sarek raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."

"Oh," Saavik said a thought suddenly came to her, "I acquired this for you." She dug into the bag that was slung over her shoulder and produced a fist-sized clear cube that held a few tiny seedlings growing in a soil-analogue. "To replace the others," she explained.

Sarek nodded. "Thank you, Saavik."

"What others?" Spock asked with a slight, confused frown.

"I have known for many years that I have no skill for growing things," Sarek told him. "Her garden has been terribly abused while she has been at school."

"You have a garden?" Spock hadn't yet seen his father's new home on the planet; it had still been under construction during his last visit.

Saavik smiled slightly. "That title is perhaps generous," she admitted. "I spent my only other semester break from the Academy here with Osu Sarek and obtained a few types of seedlings to plant. It seemed odd not to have green things around after being so accustomed to Lady Amanda's garden."

"It was an unexpected comfort," Sarek told them. "However, I believe the plants would have been better off if their care had been left to another in your absence."

Saavik shook her head. "I am sure they are fine."

"You will see for yourself. I believe I will leave this," he indicated her gift, "as well as the others to your capable care while you are here."

"As you desire, Osu."


Sarek had a comfortable house on the edge of the new capital city. It wasn't as grand as his family home on Vulcan, but was still above the standard that most lived in on the Colony. In the morning, after they had all shared a meal, Saavik and Spock set out on foot to explore the capital.

"May I ask you a question?" she spoke up at one point after they had spent several minutes in amicable silence.

"Proceed," Spock replied.

"Do you ever wonder whether we should have stayed here?"

"I have, at times… Father sent word soon after the colony's founding that they were having some difficulty restarting the Science Academy, and I wondered if I should return to teach."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was once urged to put aside logic and do what 'feels' to be right…I felt my place was where I already was."

"I could have returned here last year, attended the Science Academy. Maybe I would have received a post aboard a Vulcan science vessel."

"Why didn't you?" he echoed her earlier question.

"I-I wanted more…Is that wrong of me?"

Spock shook his head. "You have opportunities available to you at Starfleet Academy that cannot be found anywhere else in the galaxy. It is good to know that you value them."

"I wish to return someday," she asserted. "At times…at times I feel like I have no home. I am not half-human, as you are, and therefore claim no ties to Earth. This is the world of my people now, and yet I hardly know it."

He slowly nodded. "Understandable. I share your thoughts."

"I remember first arriving in Shi'Kahr as a child," she told him. "Everything was so foreign. I would watch the city from the window at the institution. I had no connection to the planet or people at the time, but it still fascinated me. I considered it to be…organized chaos."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "An interesting description."

"Everyone had their own destination in mind, their own purpose. But they all were governed by a uniform structure, their behavior and decisions had a model to fall within. All I knew before that was…chaotic chaos."

"I believe that I recall teaching you many years ago that a word cannot be used to describe itself," he pointed out.

Saavik smiled slightly. "I am aware. On Earth, my statement would be found mildly humorous…Human humor is a difficult concept."

Spock nodded. "It is indeed."


A few days later, as the sun began to set and the colony's twin moons rose in the sky, Spock found Saavik outside tending to the garden. Many of the plants had originated on Earth, just as with Amanda's garden, and were reengineered to survive in the climate. Spock recognized clematises, chrysanthemums, and jasmine among a few alien forms of vegetation.

"I did not believe it was possible to kill cacti in a desert," Saavik somewhat amusedly commented when she noticed him. She indicated a couple small dead husks lying on the ground beside her. "Perhaps Osu Sarek was correct when he stated that he possessed no skill for plant care."

"My mother quickly ceased her efforts to teach him," Spock agreed. "But you…she would have said that you possessed 'a green thumb'."

Saavik nodded. "She used that expression once. I remember checking to ensure that I did not have a bleeding cut on my finger."

"I had a similar reaction the first time that I heard it… I can picture her here, sitting with you. She cared a great deal for her flowers."

"I can imagine it as well… She always enjoyed being outside to watch the sunset over the Forge and take care of her garden."

"It is good that you did this."

Saavik stopped at that, looking up at him with a thoughtful expression. "I was unsure how you would react…whether it would be an unwelcome reminder."

Spock was quiet for a long moment, reaching out to touch one of the clematis blooms. "Memories are all that we have," he finally said before making his way back into the house.


Sarek had been inside, watching the two of them together. "She keeps your mother's spirit alive in this house," he told his son. His eyes were still focused on Saavik as she continued to tend to the garden. "I have missed her while she has been at the Academy…I have missed you both."

"I have missed you as well, Father."

"I trust that things have been going well for you?" Sarek asked as he took a seat on the sofa.

Spock nodded. "It is likely that after its upgrades are completed, the Enterprise will be tasked with a long-duration exploration mission."

The elder man nodded his approval. "I am sure that notion pleases you."

"It does."

"Do you know where Saavik will be assigned once she is commissioned?"

"That will be up to her. I spoke with Admiral Pike while at the Academy; several captains have already shown interest in her after her performance on her training voyage."

"Including your Captain Kirk?" Sarek inquired.

Spock nodded. He'd had a conversation with Kirk about Saavik only a few days before the Enterprise had reached Earth. "As I said, it will be her decision."

"Indeed. That small, undisciplined child that you brought home for dinner has become a remarkable woman."

Spock nodded again. He had never been tempted to feel jealous of his parents' affection for Saavik; it would have been illogical not to provide for someone so obviously in need of so much. He inwardly cringed to think of what her life might have been otherwise. "Yes, she has."

"She would be a good match for you, my son," Sarek commented.

Spock looked up, an eyebrow raised. "I do not believe that I heard you correctly."

His father ignored his disbelief. "It is not unworthy of consideration; neither of you were betrothed as a child. It is true there is an age difference, but it is not significant."

"Father, stop," Spock told him. "What you suggest is highly illogical."

"What I suggest is a necessity for the continued existence of our people," he returned. "I have received many questions of when either of you will fulfill your obligations."

Spock frowned slightly. Why is this the first time that I am hearing of it? "You did not speak out against our decisions to remain with Starfleet."

"I am aware. Since you both are in…unique positions, your bonding with each other would be a logical solution. You could continue your current duties and still abide by the Council's principles."

"I know very well that marriage is not the only obligation the Council would desire to see fulfilled," Spock pointed out.

Sarek shrugged slightly. "You are both young. There is time enough for children later." Spock had a feeling that 'later' would come very quickly. "Why do you resist this, my son? I can plainly see that you care for her a great deal."

"That is not the matter which we debate."

"Then convince me why you dismiss the notion and we will not speak of it again."

Because she deserves more than such a forced arrangement, he thought. Because I do not want to burden her with these concerns when she is on the edge of receiving the rewards of her hard work. Because I have an excruciatingly human fear of losing her if she does not agree.

However, he voiced none of these responses to his father. "It…it is illogical," was all he could finally come up with before quickly leaving the room.

Sarek settled back into his seat, contemplating the exchange. He didn't notice as the door to the garden quietly closed.


Saavik carefully shut the door, remaining outside, and sighed as she retook a seat on the ground amid her plants. She had been on her way back inside, since the sun had disappeared behind the horizon, when she heard Spock and his father talking. She hadn't wanted to interrupt them, and truly hadn't meant to overhear the last part of their conversation, but she'd ended up with an earful.

She hadn't ever given much consideration to the idea of marrying. Given what she was and the background that she'd had, who would want her? She had never really possessed friends during her years of schooling, and even if she had, the vast majority of her peers were dead now. Spock had been one of very few constants of her life. The idea that he saw her in the same manner that so many others did – as something that should be discarded due to damage – bothered her greatly.

No matter how far she came, would it ever be far enough?


TBC...