Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nadda, zilch, absolutely nothing.
3. Weird doesn't even cover it.
Bpov:
I stopped in front of his dresser and braced myself for whatever waited for me on the other side. I closed my eyes and yanked the door open. Slowly I opened my left eye and peeked into his dresser. I sighed in relief. Somewhere out there, there really was a God. I opened my other eye and studied the neatly arranged dresser. It consisted of four selves and a big space for hanging clothes. The top shelf contained his underwear and socks. I quickly moved on to the next one, which contained his t-shirts. The one under that one were pajamas and the last one seemed like tracksuits. On the rod next to the shelves, there were a few jeans on hangers next to coats and some neat shirts. He had about five pairs of shoes.
OK how am I going to do this? Shirt first I think, I'll leave the nasty part for last.
I grabbed the bottom of the shirt I was wearing and ripped it over my head.
OK now where would he keep his deodorant?
I checked his cupboard and found absolutely nothing. I glanced around his room and spotted another door that, hopefully, led to his bathroom. I walked over to it and halted to a stop when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I turned this way and that way examining Edwards well developed chest, he even had a fine six-pack. I poked my finger into his stomach and it felt like I was pressing against a wall.
Well, well, well Edward. Aren't you full of surprises? Wait, what am I thinking? This is Edward. The guy you argue with and who insults you every chance he gets.
I shook my head lightly as if to shake away the thoughts that ran through my head and continued on to the mystery room. I opened to the door and stepped into a big clean bathroom. The toilet seat was down, no stray clothes lay on the floor and it was so clean. Almost too clean.
Emmet and Charlie could definitely learn a few things from Edward.
I walked over to the small cabinet on his wall and opened it. It contained his deodorant, a razor with some shaving cream, a toothbrush and some plasters. I froze. I forgot Edward was a boy, which meant I had to shave his morning stubble. Shit, shit, shit. I stood there for a few seconds just staring at the cabinet. It can't be that hard right? I took out his razor placing it on the sink and then took out the shaving cream.
You can do this. It's just like shaving your legs.
I didn't linger on the fact that I could barely shave my legs without nicking myself a few times. I ran some water into the sink and picked up the shaving cream. I squirted some of the foamy cream into my hand, placed it back on the sink and rubbed my hands together. I lifted my hands to my face and rubbed it on Edward's cheeks. I quickly washed my hands and picked up the razor, I remember watching Charlie shave once.
"You can do this." I said aloud and placed the razor close to my ear.
I moved the razor down to my chin, why was his stubble so hard? I rinsed the razor out in the water and looked at the small line of clean skin. This wasn't so hard. I finished shaving his one side and moved on to the next cheek. I would leave the chin for last; I placed the razor near my chin and pulled it towards my ear.
"Ouch dammit!" Blood was beginning to ooze from a small cut on my cheek.
Crap.
I quickly grabbed some toilet paper and placed it on the cut. After most of the bleeding stopped, I stuck a small bit of paper on the cut and carefully began shaving again, this time starting from my ear and shaving down to my chin. I managed to nick myself again, when I shaved my chin.
Sorry Edward but nobody is perfect.
I cleaned out the sink and placed the shaving utensils back in the cupboard. I applied his deodorant and smelled that same musky scent I smelled yesterday when he caught me. I spotted some cologne behind the deodorant, I shrugged I might as well smell nice as long as I'm in this body. I dropped a few drops of cologne on my palms and after rubbing my hands together, I patted my cheeks, just like I saw some men do in movies. I felt a light stinging on my cheeks but the minty smell of the cologne overwhelmed me the most. At least he had some taste.
Ok now back to the dresser, I grabbed a baby blue shirt and pulled it over my head. I took a big breath and pulled down his pajama pants, I straightened up again without looking down once at his most private bit.
"How do I manage to get myself into these situations?" I asked aloud before quickly glancing down. I sighed in relief. He was wearing some boxers. I grabbed a pair of jeans and dressed quickly, I finished of his look with a white hoody. I grabbed a pair of socks and some sneakers and sat down on the ground to put them on.
I noticed briefly that his toenails were nice and short and that he had perfect descending toes. I had a thing with toes. It freaked me out when someone's second toe was longer than his first. It was shallow of me but I just can't help it, I'm weird in that way. I ran my fingers through his hair. It wasn't like he combed it in anyway. They always stood in total disarray.
I stood up and crept to his bedroom door, please tell me his family members are not early risers. I opened the door and peeked into the hallway. It was deserted. Luckily, for me I knew the layout of the house thanks to my sleepovers with Alice. I walked in the direction of the kitchen. I could hear the sizzling sounds of someone making breakfast on the stove. I glanced around the corner and saw Alice busy making what smelled like omelets. With luck I could sneak past the door, I was just halfway when Alice turned around and spotted me.
"Morning Edward, why are you sneaking around? Dad already left, so don't worry about running into him." I frowned, why would I worry about running into Edward's father?
"I'm not sneaking around, just…err…wanted to…err…see if I could surprise you." I finished lamely hoping she would believe my small white lie.
She smiled. "Silly boy, I always catch you so why do you even bother? Come on, your omelet is getting cold." She held a plate out towards me.
"Sorry Alice. I can't…Emmet called he…has some sort of emergency and needs my help. I've got to go." I began walking briskly to the front door.
"Wait! I'll come with you, if there's an emergency I can maybe help with something."
I spun around. "No!" I shouted and cringed. "No, it's a boy emergency. You would just make him uncomfortable."
She stopped in the middle of the living room and blushed. "Oh ok then, just don't be late for school." I nodded as I walked backwards and into the door. I fumbled for the doorknob.
"I won't be late."
She frowned. "Edward is everything ok?"
I finally found the knob and turned it, I almost fell over backwards when it swung open. "I'm fine Alice, don't worry about me." I stepped out and shut the door in her surprised face. I turned facing my own house and made a beeline for the front door.
Luckily, Charlie was an early riser and already left for work. I opened the unlocked door and walked straight to my room. I could hear that Emmett was busy in the bathroom and opened my bedroom door. I froze in utter shock when I saw myself in front of me. I stepped into my room quickly and closed the door.
"What the hell Edward?" I said as he swung around and I stared wide eyed at him.
"Bella thank God! Help me get out of this contraption!" I looked at him and now that I saw just how a single bra got the better of him, I couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped my lips. "This is not funny, are you going to help me or not?" I burst out laughing, his head was through one of the armholes, his one arm was twisted and stuck behind his back and his other was pulling a strap away from his head as he tried to untangle himself.
I walked over to him slowly. "Why are my breasts exposed to the whole world?" I asked as I began to help him.
"I was trying to dress you and things just went haywire. How do you get dressed in these everyday?"
I laughed as I finally freed his arm. "It takes some fine maneuvering but we girls just use our heads. Now turn around please, staring at my half-naked body is freaking me out. And don't look down!" I said as I finally held my bra in my hand. He obliged and turned around.
"If I may just say, they are really nice." I smacked his…my back.
Ok, this was going to be confusing.
"Shut up you pervert. Now I'm only going to show you this once, turn the bra inside out and connect the two pieces in front of you like this." I slid my arms around him and fastened the bra together. "Then turn it around until the two breast pieces are in front of you". I did that part for him and took a step back. "Now slip your arms through the arm holes and pull the straps up over your shoulders. He did as I said and turned around looking amazed.
"Great why didn't I think of that? They should hand out a manual with these things." I ignored his rambling and walked to me dresser, I took my deodorant and threw it towards him. I grabbed a shirt, some jeans and a jersey.
"Look Edward, just tell me what you did that caused all of this so that I can fix it." I said as I handed him the shirt.
"How many times must I say it before you listen to me, I didn't do a fucking thing." He said and pulled the shirt over his head.
"Then how do you explain this?" I asked as he glanced from me to the jeans in my hands. "Oh for heavens sake Edward, just pull down the pajama pants and pull on the jeans. It's not rocket science." He blushed suddenly. I looked like a tomato when I blushed.
"You are wearing underwear right?" He asked in barely a whisper.
I couldn't help but chuckle. "Yes." He pulled the pajama pants down halfway, slipped one foot out and stepped on the pants maneuvering out of it. Without once glancing down he grabbed the jeans and slipped them on, in his hurry to straighten back up he lost his balance and fell over. He shot out his arms and in the process took full impact on the injured wrist.
"Fuck it Bella! You're like one big deathtrap." I forgot how clumsy I was, Come to think of it, I didn't fall over once this morning. Edward wasn't clumsy. Suddenly I felt sorry for him. Not only was he trapped in my body but he also had to get used to my clumsiness.
"Ok so if neither of us did anything funny last night, then how did this happen?" He asked as I helped him up from the floor, he took the jersey from me and pulled it over his head. I gave him some socks and pointed to a pair of shoes he could put on.
"All I know is, I woke up yesterday morning, went to school and came back home."
We looked at each other. "The museum!" We said together. We were looking at each other when he frowned.
"What did you do to my face Bella?" I turned and looked in the mirror. I still had two bits of toilet paper on my face from the razor cuts.
"You had morning stubble." I deadpanned. "We have to go to that museum after school." I said as I removed the two small toilet paper balls. He stood up when there was a sudden knock on the door.
"Bella were going to be late! What's the hold up?" I moved to the door quickly and opened it.
"Emmett, do me a favor and take Alice to school. Edward and I are taking his car."
Emmett frowned. "Edward what are you doing here? Don't you mean Bella and you are taking your car." He said emphasizing my stupid mistakes.
Shit, I forgot I was Edward.
"Uh…yes, Bella and I have a…err…Biology project to work on before school. Oh and if Alice asks about some emergency just tell her you don't want to talk about it. Thank you, see you later." I closed the door in his face. I heard some mumbling from behind the door and then his disappearing footsteps.
"Who is going to drive my car to the museum? You're not touching my baby." Edward said behind me.
I sighed. "Yes, I am, and we're driving to school, not the museum."
"What do you mean where driving to school? We have to fix this now. I'm not going to school as you."
I glared at him. "Yes you are. I have to hand in a written essay in English today and need perfect attendance to get my scholarship. We can go to the museum after school." We glared at each other for a while.
"Fine, but we leave right after school! I don't want be like this for too long, it's creepy."
I huffed. "Really? You make it sound as if I'm having the time of my life, why am I feeling some sort of pressure between my legs?" I asked as I looked down.
"What do you mean some sort of pressure?" He asked quizzically.
"I don't know it feels like my bladder is going to burst." I looked at him wide eyed.
How was I supposed to go to the toilet?
"Well then you better go." He said as if we were discussing the whether.
"No, I'll just keep it in." I said in a small voice.
"Bella I don't know about girls but when a guy has to go he has to go." I shook my head just as Emmett called that he was leaving, from down stairs in his booming voice. "It's probably better if you go here and not at school."
I wanted to argue but the pressure on my bladder was getting worse. I turned and walked to the bathroom and stopped in front of the toilet. I lifted the toilet seat and was about to sit down when he interrupted me.
"Don't turn me into some kind of pussy, men stand they don't sit". I glared at him and straightened up turning around. "Don't forget to pick up the second part as well." I lifted the second piece of the seat and then froze.
What the fuck am I doing?
"Now unzip the jeans and it will probably be better if you pull down the jeans and my boxers."
I gulped. "Why do I get the idea that you're enjoying this way to much." I unzipped the jeans and then pulled it down. If someone saw us like this, me standing in front of the toilet with my jeans around my ankles and Edward, in my body, standing behind me telling me what to do, I'd might just die.
"Actually I think I'm even more uncomfortable than you right now." I ignored that and pulled down his boxers but didn't look down.
There was no way I was touching his…thing.
I grabbed a lot of toilette paper. "This is wrong in so many ways. Do I need to hold it with one hand or both?" I asked still not looking down.
"Just one, it's not a fire hose!" I heard him shout in the hallway, I glanced over my shoulder and didn't see him anywhere. I didn't even hear him leave. The coward. I took a big breath and placed my toilet papered hand around it, pulling my mouth in disgust. Luckily, I took so much toilet paper it covered almost everything.
"Now what?"
"Aim at the toilet and relax." Relax! Was he fucking kidding me? How was I supposed to relax? I aimed at the toilet and waited. I thought about how if we went to the museum everything will turn back the way it was supposed to be. Suddenly I felt the pressure disappear as I heard liquid falling in the toilette. "Bella if you're done remember to…err…shake…it a few times." Edward called down the hallway.
Shake it?
I did as he said throwing the toilette paper in the toilette and scrubbed my hands before I left the bathroom. I spotted him where he stood near the stairs. "Coward, just you wait until you have to go to the toilette." He shrugged.
"I'll just sit down. I have always wanted to go into the girl's bathroom. Maybe under different circumstances and for different reasons, but beggars can't be choosers." I glared at him. I have almost forgotten how irritating he can be.
"Can we go to school now?" He nodded and I showed him where my schoolbag was before we left. "Lock the door behind you." I told him as we walked out.
We walked to his Silver Volvo. "Bella, would you let me drive, please?" I nodded and got into the passenger seat. He quickly ran into his house to fetch his car keys and his school bag. We said almost nothing on the way to school and barely made it there on time. "Meet me here right after school." He said and I nodded, I glanced at his class schedule and headed for his first class.
The first three periods were hell. I had to remember to react every time someone called Edward's name. I didn't know how he treated other students or whom he disliked. I could only hope that he didn't mess up any of my classes. When lunch finally arrived I made a beeline for the cafeteria, I bought some pizza and joined my friends at our regular table. I saw that Edward was already seated. He wasn't eating. I sat down across from him.
"How are you holding up?" I asked concerned.
"I fell over at least a dozen times and the girl's bathroom is not how I imagined it." I forced the images of Edward in the girl's bathroom out of my head. It was awkward enough going to the toilet as Edward. I didn't need to know about him going to one as me.
"My morning was hell too, just two more classes and we'll be right back where we belong." I said and took a bite of my pizza.
"What's with the two of you?" Emmett suddenly asked.
Shit I forgot our friends were still around us.
"Nothing we are just not feeling like ourselves." Edward said.
That was the understatement of the year.
"Hey beautiful, sorry I missed you this morning but I'm here to make up for it now." Jacob suddenly said behind Edward and kissed him in the neck. Edward's expression turned to one of disgust. Jacob sat down next to him and took his hand.
"Its ok Jake, Edward and I were so busy with a project for Biology I didn't even notice that you were gone." Jake glared at me and I kicked Edward under the table. "Ouch, dammit." I looked away innocently.
"So do you want to go do something after school?" Jacob asked playing with a strand of Edward's hair. He twisted towards Jacob so that he smartly moved out of the little caress.
"Sorry, Edward and I have already made other plans. Maybe next time?"
Jacob frowned. "You and Edward get along now? Maybe I could join you?"
Edward smiled at him. "Sorry Jake, there's only room for two on this outing. Right, Edward?" He turned towards me.
"Uh yeah, sorry Jacob." What the hell, did he want to end my relationship with Jake? The bell suddenly rang and Jake slid his arm around me for our usual parting kiss.
"I don't want to be late for class." Edward said turning out of the embrace and left a stunned Jake behind him. Our friends gaped at him as he left. I turned and walked to Edward's new class before any of them could ask me all kinds of questions.
I fumed through the period until the bell for the final class rang. I headed to the Biology class. Edward and I were lab partners and he was already at the table taking out my books. "What the hell are you up to? Couldn't you handle the situation with Jake any better?"
Edward tilted his head and shook it lightly. "He's not my type. He's a bit too manly for me."
I stared at him shocked. "Well he is my type so you better get used to it."
He looked at me and shook his head. "I don't think he is your type either. People would look at you funny, seeing that you're a male." My mouth fell open.
Where is this coming from? I didn't know Edward had a funny side.
"Just stop your crap, ok?" He nodded as we paid attention to our teacher.
We left quickly after school. "I hope this works, otherwise were screwed." Edward said as we stopped in front of the museum. We walked into the foyer and saw the same old tour guide that gave us a tour yesterday. We walked quickly towards him.
"Excuse me, sir, but were wondering if you could help us?" He squinted at us and smiled a toothy grin.
"Sure do you want a tour?" He asked us, obviously mistaking us for tourists.
"No we were part of the school that visited the museum yesterday."
He nodded suddenly. "You forgot to ask something yesterday." Ok he was starting to irritate me slightly.
"No, we wanted to now if you ever heard of someone swapping bodies with someone else?" He looked from my face to Edward's.
"Well why didn't you say so? Right this way."
We looked at each other and it was clear that we both thought the same thing. This old man was insane. We followed him into the first room where I noticed the weird statue with the arrow. He stopped in front of the statue and waited for us to join him.
"We don't know were this figure originated from but archaeologists found it on our shore about one hundred years ago…" He really was insane.
"What does the statue have to do with our question?" I asked.
The old man smirked at me. "Everything. Now, do you want my help, or not?" We nodded quickly. Maybe he really could help us. "Amongst the archaeologists there was a woman present. She and one of the men didn't get along. They argued a lot. One morning they woke up in each other's bodies. It was said that the statue crossed over their spirits so that they could better understand each other."
We looked at him expecting him to go on but he in turn just stared at us. "Well did their spirits return to their bodies?" Edward asked excitedly.
"No they did not."
My mouth fell open. "What do you mean?" I asked the man flabbergasted.
"The statue gave them one task and they could not complete it."
I looked at Edward. "What was their task?" I asked not taking my eyes off him.
"They had to fulfill the others persons hearts desire, before their time ran out."
My head snapped back to the man. "Time ran out?" Edward asked, shocked.
"Yes they had two weeks to fulfill each others most inner heart's desire and they missed their deadline. Now if you'll excuse me the museum is closed."
He started to push us towards the door. "Ok! We're going, we're going." I said and we walked out into the drizzling rain in a stunned silence. I slid into the passenger seat and after a few minutes, Edward joined me.
"Edward I can't stay like this for two weeks." I said in a shaking voice.
"Bella I don't want to stay like this at all, so we better do this heart's desire thing before our time runs out."
I looked at him. "Ok, so what is your heart's desire?" I saw how my nose cringed up a little as he thought.
"That's easy. I want to study music at Yale." He wanted to study music. I thought he wanted to be a doctor.
"Well that won't be to difficult, did you apply already?" Why did he look all depressed?
"Yes I'm already accepted but I have to play a music piece for the scholarship committee in ten days to get a scholarship."
Ok, now I was confused. "Why do you need a scholarship?"
He sighed, "My father is a bit difficult about the direction I'm taking and now he refuses to pay for my studies." Then that was why I saw Carlisle shouting at Edward.
"Ok, so then you just have to play…wait…holy shit. I can't play any musical instrument, I can't even sing to save my life." I started hyperventilating. I was going to be stuck like this forever.
"Calm down Bella, I'll just teach you how to play the piano. It's not that difficult. Now what is your heart's desire? It better not be anything the do with Jacob." I was distracted momentary by his little jab but then I thought about what I wanted most.
"No, I also want to go to Yale and study literature. I need perfect attendance at school and then, also in ten days time, I have to go there for an interview to get a scholarship."
He looked shocked for a few seconds. "You want to go to Yale and study literature?"
I cocked an eyebrow. "What is something wrong with that?" He shook his head lightly.
"No you took me by surprise that's all. So, an interview. That doesn't sound too difficult." He started the car and started pulling away.
"About Shakespeare."
He slammed on the brakes. "Shakespeare? I know about books. Fantasy books are my specialty. My classical knowledge is ok. My Shakespeare knowledge on the other hand, is nonexistent."
I looked at him. "Then I'll just have to teach you."
He huffed and started to drive again. "That's going to be boring."
I looked out the window, "Would you listen to that…" I waited a few seconds and we listened to the silence surrounding us. All you could hear was the soft purr of the car and the rain hitting the windshield. "That is the sound of me not caring."
A/n ok so we have some awkward situations between the two of them. It is difficult to describe all the guy stuff since I'm a girl so I hope the descriptions of what Bella goes through as a guy are ok. Anyway, hope you had a few laughs in this chapter. The next chapter will be from Epov and will definitely have some girl issues.
Thanks for all the great reviews. It was the sunrays in the wintry weather here in South Africa. Thanks for the people who added the story to their favorites and alert's list.
I would also like to thank my wonderful beta, Princes Blair Rose, for editing and polishing this chapter to perfection. Be sure to check out the story she's writing "Bella Cullen" it's great.
Thanks for reading.
