Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nadda, zilch, absolutely nothing. (Seriously, do I need to say this every time?)
7. Sisters and best friends don't mix.
Epov:
There was silence as the words she just said sunk in. "It's that thing every girl gets once a month." It can't be… I knew exactly what she meant. Even though I was a boy and we didn't get things like that, I knew what she meant. I took biology and even though it grossed out the boys in the class, we understood. We didn't ponder over it and we didn't think about it but we understood that girls have to go through this every month.
The only time we boys worry about it is when our girlfriends tell us they skipped theirs. That meant their body was for some reason, we knew exactly what the reason was yet we opted not to know at that exact moment, cleansing itself from the preparations it took to prepare it self for a potential baby. And if it didn't cleanse itself, it obviously was going to complicate two very comfortable uncomplicated ways of life forever.
Nevertheless, a baby was not the reason I was worried right now, I could handle all the babies in Forks and their dirty diapers right now without even flinching away from whatever form of goop their small body can come up with. What I couldn't handle right now was the fact that I was experiencing this form of body cleansing first hand.
"Are you telling me that I'm having my…..a….your period?" I asked in a whisper from where I sat huddled up on the toilette seat.
I knew from my biology class that this lasted about a week. A week of cleansing, it has been three days since Bella and I swapped body's and I had to deal with suffocating deathtrap bra's. I had to cope with teaching Bella to play the piano and pin my hopes on her for getting me that much needed scholarship. I had to cope with Jacob wanting to kiss me and now I have to cope with a period as well? Hell no, this is the last straw, to here and no further.
"What is today's date Edward?" I heard Bella ask, I had almost forgotten where I was.
"What? I have a very big problem right now and you want to know the fucking date?" I screamed at the door, as I was unable to control my rage.
"Seeing that I have gone through this more than once and know my own body better than you do, I would say that the fucking date is very important you moronic ass but if you don't want my help I will go and you can figure this out all on your own." She shouted back and I heard footsteps heading for the door.
I flew of the seat and unlocked the cubicle door. "Bella wait!" I shouted stopping her in time before she could unlock the bathroom door. "I'm sorry ok. I'm just freaking out at the moment. It's the sixteenth… I think". She turned back to me and raised her hands counting something. "What are you doing? Are you back in kindergarten or something? Can we just get back to the problem at hand?"
I said getting more agitated by the second. She glared at me from under her eyebrows and kept on counting. "You said the stomach cramps started today?" She asked suddenly finally dropping her hands. I nodded. "Well then you have pms so the period should follow in the next two days. If my calculations are correct then it should be tomorrow and if I'm wrong it should be the day after tomorrow."
I frowned.
Girls can actually calculate when it's going to start.
"I thought pms is just an excuse woman use to boss men around." I said not thinking about the next screwed up few day's of my life.
"Believe me it's not an excuse. It's just your luck that I am always prepared. Do you have my schoolbag here or is it still in the cafeteria?" She asked and I frowned.
Did the body swap cause her to have some sort of split personality? I was going to be the only man on earth to ever experience a period and she wanted her bag?
"In the cafeteria, what does it have anything the do with this?"
I asked as she began to unlock the door. She glanced back over her shoulder. "It's your savior, are you coming Mozart?" I frowned as she glanced around quickly before exiting the bathroom. I followed her reluctantly as she walked to the cafeteria. She headed towards our table and picked up her schoolbag. She unzipped the small compartment in front and took out a small box as well as a small pharmaceutical bottle.
She held out the bottle towards me. "Here are some pills that will help with the cramps, just drink them as instructed." I took the pills as she began to talk about the small box she still held in her hands, I froze and everything zoned out when I began understanding what she was telling me.
"Wait you want me to do what?" I asked in shock.
Maybe I misunderstood her.
"Don't be such a baby Edward. When it starts just do what I told you for the course of the period and you'll be fine, ok?" She stated simply taking the box I was staring at from me placing it back in the front compartment and zipped the bag up.
"Can't you do it for me…err…I mean it is your body after all….err…you must have done it a dozen times and ….err…its way to an intimate thing for me to do."
I finished lamely hoping that she understood what I was trying to say. "No Edward, it's creepy just discussing it with you. You just have to do it yourself, just do exactly what I told you and you'll be fine."
What exactly is your idea of fine?
I stared at her and wanted to object heavily but I knew how stubborn she could be. "How will I know when it finally started?" I asked picking up the bag as the bell sounded for the next class.
I hoped that the teachers didn't notice that we were MIA. "Believe me Edward you'll now, so that's that lets get to biology class before we get in trouble for ditching". I wanted to point out the irony of biology class since we talked about biology the whole time but just followed her to class instead.
We walked to our science table together and sat down just as the teacher walked into the class. "So just for interest sake way do you have a box of you know what's in your schoolbag?" I asked her out of the corner of my mouth so that I didn't draw attention to us.
"A girl is always prepared. Who knows what could happen".
She whispered back and continued to take notes. "How are you so calm, doesn't this freak you out?" I asked wondering if there was anything on this earth that threw her world into chaos. She glanced my way before looking back at the teacher.
"I am wearing boy's clothes, I have hair in strange places and I have a PENIS! So no Edward I'm not freaked out at all, being trapped in a guy's body is second nature for me!" She whispered back and I started to chuckle softly. "This is so not funny!" She whispered angrily and I stifled the laugh when the teacher glanced our way.
"It's a little funny". She ignored me for the rest of the class and I tried to ignore the stupid cramps that sometimes felt like it would cause me to cry out in pain.
When this is all over, I'm going to need a psychiatrist.
"So are you never going to talk to me again?" I asked as we made our way out of class.
"What? Oh sorry, I was just busy thinking." She said absent-mindedly and I rolled my eyes.
"I asked if you were never going to talk to me again."
She cocked her eyebrow. "Didn't I just talk to you? Watch out…" I looked up instantly but it was too late. I walked of the curb and right into a puddle of water. My shoes were drenched in ice-cold water all the way through to my socks.
I shook out my foot and ignored the laughter coming from Bella. I walked on but barely walked two steps when I stepped on a frozen puddle and slipped falling on my ass. "You ok?" Bella asked holding out her hand to help me up.
"Yeah ice doesn't really help the uncoordinated."
She chuckled. "Tell me about it." I smiled and picked up my schoolbag that was still on the ground.
"So what were you thinking about?" I asked as we continued to the car.
"I was wondering, that after we switched back, if I was going to know how to be a girl again." I frowned I never thought about it. I spotted a dark heard guy about to get in a white Chevy truck.
"Well let's see, what do you think about that guy over there?" I asked nudging her shoulder playfully. Bella looked over at the person I was talking about.
"Who? Ben? I think he has a nice truck."
I glanced over at Bella. "Maybe you are becoming a man after all."
She laughed, "Ben is going out with Angela and he is not my type but that doesn't change the fact that he has a nice truck." She said as we reached a various transports.
"Whatever you say…she-man." I waved and walked over to Emmett.
"Hey Sherlock don't be late this afternoon and remember your books." She called after me and I nodded in her direction indicating I heard what she said and climbed into the Jeep.
"Why is Edward calling you Sherlock?" Emmett asked as he pulled out of the parking space and joined the rest of the traffic leaving the school.
"Because I figured something out that was really obvious and now he can't stop making fun of me." I said staring out the window when I remembered something. "Did you do something to Jacob yet?" I asked remembering he and Jasper wanted to teach him a lesson.
"No not yet, we wanted to do it this weekend. Why did you change your mind?" He asked sounding like a small boy who just lost his favorite toy.
"No I just asked. Let me know when you did it." He nodded and turned onto our street.
"Sure thing but you will know when we did something, believe me you'll know." I smiled as he stopped in front of the house.
"So are you going to call mom tonight at the normal time? This time I want to be there from the beginning and not just when she wants to talk to me." He asked as we got out of the Jeep.
Mom? Phone call? Whole time?
"Uh, I'll call her at the normal time Emmett".
I have to remember to ask Bella about this.
"I have to go help Edward, see you later." I said and started to walk towards my house.
"You two seem to be spending allot of time together, is there something you're not telling me. You can always tell me if you got the hots for Edward, its ok if you do."
I lifted both my eyebrows in surprise. "Edward is the last person on earth I would get the hots for."
In addition, you need serious help if you develop a crush on yourself, padded room help.
"I'm just helping him with some English papers that's due next Thursday. The guy has absolute no brain cells."
That sounded like something Bella would say.
Emmett shrugged and walked in the direction of the house when he turned around suddenly. "He really isn't that bad Bells, maybe you'll even like him if you give him a chance." He didn't wait for a reply and entered the house.
Thanks bro.
I walked to my house. I stopped and knocked on the front door.
Alice was the one to open the door. "Bella you are just the person I need. Come on in." I frowned and walked inside.
"Need for what exactly?" I asked suspiciously. I knew Alice. She just needed a girl for three reasons. One was to go to the mall with her after she couldn't turn my arm to go with her in the first place. Bella was usually the one to be dragged along then.
Two was when she was designing new clothes and needed someone to put them on and model them for her. Lastly but not the least was when she wanted advice on what to wear on a date with Jasper. I was hoping for the latter since it meant I would be free a whole lot faster.
"Advice, Jasper is taking me out to dinner tonight." She took my hand and almost danced out ahead of me to her room. She closed the door behind me and walked to her closet.
"Alice why don't you just wear what you want. You look good in almost anything." She turned to me her mouth in a silent o as if she was shocked.
"I would look good in everything mind you but that is not the point. Besides Jasper will remove whatever I'm wearing before the end of the night so I just need to look fabulous for the duration of the dinner."
I fell on the ground as my knees gave way. I was a guy trapped inside a girl's body, sitting on a floor covered in what seemed like all of Alice's clothing and I just heard the last thing a brother would want to hear from his sister.
I just stared at this sister, who was now a stranger to me. "Bella what's wrong? Did your foot get caught on something?" She asked and I shook my head. She turned back to her closet thinking I must have answered her but in fact, I was trying to shake the evil images of Jasper taking her clothes of from my mind.
"You…you…you and Jasper…are…sleeping together?" I finally managed to choke out.
"No, you know that but since tonight is our anniversary and we are going out for the last two years already I think it's only about time we took our relationship to the next level. What do you think about this?" She asked holding a pink mini skirt and a white casual shirt up.
I shook my head. "Are you sure, you don't have to take it to the next level you know. You can always wait another year or two."
Or twenty.
"Just because you live like a nun doesn't mean the rest of us has to. Besides I love Jasper and he loves me and this is something I really want to do."
Bella lives like a nun? Bella and Jacob never slept together like he boosted in the boy's locker-room, wait focus at the problem at hand Edward.
"Did Jasper force you into this?" I asked with a little too much anger.
But forgive me if some guy was going to take advantage of my sister.
"No he is more than willing to wait, he doesn't want to push me into anything I'm not ready for yet."
Ok so that only let's Jasper of the hook.
She held up a pair of jeans with a grand red blouse. I shook my head again. "Then way rush into things? I mean if he is not pushing you into things, wait until you're finished with school at least. Maybe Jasper is the one who isn't ready for such a big step".
Alice turned around and smiled. "Oh he is ready alright and besides Bella when did you become Sister Marie and joined the sisters of the chastity belt? You didn't try to stop Rosalie from taking it to the next level with your brother."
If I was shocked before it was nothing compared to now. Emmett and Rose were sleeping together and this doesn't even bother Bella at all?
Focus Edward, Bella wouldn't be freaking out right now.
"Well Emmett is a guy and Rose would not have listened to me in anyway. Are you sure about this Alice? I asked just as her bedroom door suddenly opened.
I almost pulled a muscle in my neck as I looked over my shoulder in fright. Bella stood there glancing from me to Alice who was now holding up a pair of leather pants. I never noticed before that my body was somehow able to fill a whole doorframe.
Maybe it only seems that why because Bella is for some reason very agitated.
"Bella I've been waiting ages and here you're sitting picking outfits with my more than capable sister." She walked in and headed straight towards the dresser. She quickly began shuffling through her still somehow overstuffed closet. I already thought her floor was covered in all of her clothes.
Alice stared at her, mouth ajar in wonder. I never would do what Bella is doing right now. I never even entered her room never mind look through her closet. Bella exclaimed triumphantly and held up a short black dress.
"I guess you're looking for something to wear on your date tonight? Well, this is perfect. Jasper will flip. Now come on Bella."
She had handed Alice, who finally managed to close her mouth, the dress and grabbed me by the hand pulling me up. "Now if you'll excuse us little sis we have work to do, so enjoy your date." I barely stumbled out the door when Bella closed it again and started pulling me to my bedroom. She let go of my hand and I fell over my feet onto the floor as the change of motion caught me of guard.
She closed the door and glared at me. "Are you out of your dam mind?" She asked and sat down on the bed still glaring at me. I stood up from the ground slowly and breathing heavily I pointed my finger at her accusingly.
"I'm perfectly sane, what the hell is your problem? I don't ever go into my sister's room nor do I rummage through her closet." She glared at my finger and I dropped it slowly fearing that she might bite it of.
"And I don't go trying to stop people from sleeping with someone they love. You almost screwed up everything." She said venom lacing her voice.
"What? Did you listen to our conversation or something and maybe you dam well should care about whom they sleep with. I'll be dammed if anyone takes advantage of my little sister." I went to stare out of the window to stop myself from glaring at her.
Bella snorted. "Alice is far from your little sister and I only overheard the last part because I was searching for you and figured you must be with her cause I heard you knock on the door. Just relax Edward, it's not like she is sleeping with some stranger at a party. Jasper loves her and won't do anything that could hurt her." I grunted at her words and kept on staring out the window fuming in silence.
I was far from relaxed. Brothers didn't need to see images of his best friend with his sister flashing through his head.
"Would you please talk about anything else to distract me please?" I tried to say as calmly as possible.
"What do you want to talk about?" She asked softly obviously trying to calm me down.
"I don't know just anything that could serve as a distraction."
There was silence as she tried to think about something. "Are the cramps any better?" I spun around and looked at her and when I saw the teasing lights in her eyes, I broke into a fit of laughter.
When I finally calmed down enough then serious mood had lifted, for now at least. "So what do you want to do first? Piano or Shakespeare?" I asked walking towards my desk and sat down on the corner.
"Piano besides your bag is still in Alice's room and I'm not risking you going in there again." She said and I nodded absentmindedly and followed Bella to the piano in the living room.
"So according to Alice you're a nun, why is that?" I asked as she sat down opening the piano lid revealing the black and white keys.
"My point of view differs somewhat from theirs about sex. Now are you going to talk about my sex life or teach me how to play piano good enough to get you into Yale Mozart?" She asked.
She was right of course. Talking about her sex life was way scarier than Alice's.
I sat down next to her and picked up, were we left of last time.
After piano lessons, Bella went to fetch my bag in Alice's room and I was tutored in Shakespeare and love. This was what Esme found us doing when she walked into the living room two hours later. She sat down on the couch next to Bella and yawned.
"Sorry Esme did we wake you?" Bella asked as Esme picked up a book from the counter studding it.
"Not at all my dear, my room is sound proof. Since either Carlisle or I work the graveyard shift, we sleep during the day so Carlisle soundproofed the room. Are you studding Shakespeare?" She asked eyeing the book cover.
"Yes I'm teaching Edward the finer details of his work." I said explaining in the same time why I was here in the first place.
"I always thought his work was about tragedies since someone always dies in his stories." Esme said handing the book back to Bella.
"Plays actually, Shakespeare wrote plays not stories." Bella said and bit her tongue when she realized she spoke out of place, Edward after all would not have known that.
"Well Bella seems like your doing a good job in teaching Edward, I'll leave you to it then."
"No, don't go. We are finished for the day in anyway. I was just leaving. Charlie will be home soon and I still have to make some dinner".
She smiled. "Of course send my regards to your father. You should all join us for dinner sometime." I smiled and picked up my bag.
"Thank you and we would love to. Enjoy your evening and I'll see you tomorrow at school Edward." I said glancing over my shoulder.
"I'll walk with you. I'll be right back mom." We walked in silence to the living room door and Bella opened it walking out first. I looked back to my mother who was smiling about something. I waved and followed Bella out.
"You don't have to walk me all the way to your house I won't get lost you know."
It's just across from my house after all.
"I know Sherlock, it's just good manners." We didn't talk much after that. "Remember to do the laundry tonight ok and remind Emmett he has a dentist appointment tomorrow after school."
I nodded. "Yes I'll remember she-man." I said as we reached the front door, I was about to open the door when I remembered something. "Bella what time do you normally call your mother?" I asked turning around to face her.
A small emotion crossed her face before she controlled it and replaced it with a calm exterior once again. "At nine, the phone number is on my cell and let Emmett talk first." I barely nodded before she turned around walking back to my house.
I watched as she entered the house and closed the door behind her, I sighed, what was she hiding behind that calm façade.
I turned and entered her house wondering if I'll ever be able to figure her out.
A/n why do I enjoy torturing Edward so much? Honestly I don't know. Maybe because guys have no idea, what it's like to be a girl and I have the perfect guinea pig too torture. Next chapter will have some Bella torture and embarrassment.
Thanks for all the reviews. I am incapable of finding words to describe how happy each and every review made me. They are the best part of writing a new chapter. Thanks for the people who added the story to their favorites and alerts list.
Thanks for reading.
