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9. It's a strange world out there.

Epov:

I walked out of class and made my way briskly to the biology class. Since it was raining, I didn't pay much attention to what was going on around me. I still couldn't believe that Emmett and Jasper actually dyed Jacob's hair blue. I looked up as I entered the biology classroom and spotted Bella were she was already seated at our table. My biology book was open in front of her and she was reading something in it very intently. As I walked past Mike Newton's table, which he shared with Eric Yorkie, I couldn't help but over hear what they were talking about.

"Yes it's true, Lauren and Edward was caught doing the ugly in the storage cupboard."

Eric shook his head. "I've heard he cried like a baby and vomited all over the headmaster shoes when he caught them …"

By this point in the conversation, I had walked past them and couldn't hear anything else but now my attention was fixed on Bella.

What the hell was she doing? Was she out to get me expelled?

I dropped her schoolbag on the ground and flopped down on the seat next to her. I glared at her but she was either, ignoring me openly or she was set on really ticking me off.

I vaguely remembered that I wasn't supposed to glare at her since Bella never even looked at me during biology so I reluctantly got out her biology book and mimicked her posture.

Why did I even bother keeping up the facade?

"What the hell are you doing Bella?" I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.

"Reading, what does it look like I'm doing Sherlock?" She answered back sarcastically.

"Stop your sarcasm, is it true?" I asked but as I asked the question, I already knew what the answer was going to be.

"Is what true?" She attempted miserably to lighten the mood with humor.

"You and Lauren alone, doing who knows what, in the storage cupboard and then there was something about vomiting and crying when the headmaster caught you." I whispered to her angrily as the teacher began his class.

"Can't we talk about this later please? I'm really trying to forget about the whole ordeal."

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. "So it is true." I accused ignoring her plea.

"No not entirely."

I frowned. "What is not entirely true? Were you in the cupboard with her or not?" I asked drumming my thumb on the table in annoyance.

"Yes but…"

I swiveled my body to face her. "Have you gone insane?" I whispered loudly. Her head shot up and she glared at me, my green eyes were full of unshed tears.

"Do we have a problem over there?"

I turned back facing the teacher as Bella looked back down at the book. "No sir, no problem I just asked her to repeat something you said. Sorry sir." He frowned but continued his class.

"Why are you crying?" I asked now softly glancing at her concernedly.

"I was in the closet with her but SHE jumped ME not the other way around. How did everything get so messed up?" She asked miserably and clenched her fists trying to control her emotions.

"Are you telling me I'm getting more booty action since you're in MY body than when I was in it?" I asked jokingly trying hard to cheer her up.

It just would not look good if she broke down in tears in front of the entire class. Boys just don't cry.

"Ha, ha very funny but you're not helping at all."

I pulled my mouth up in half a smile. "So you two were in the closet?" I asked when I was certain she wasn't going to burst into tears.

"Yes she asked me to get some chalk for her from the top shelve. Then she kind of ambushed me, taking of her shirt and hitting on me."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "So she overpowered you and you were helpless?"

I asked trying hard not to laugh. "Yeah that is where the headmaster didn't believe me either."

Great so the headmaster WAS involved.

"Ok so what happened after she took her shirt of?" I asked while faking that I was taking notes.

"We had a little shuffle and I ended on the receiving end of her shoving her tongue down my throat." I pulled a face. I could understand what she went through since it was probably the same reason why I didn't want to kiss Jake in very beginning of the body swap.

When you kiss someone the same gender as yourself, even though you are trapped in a different gender, does it still make you gay?

"She's not as weak as everyone thinks, you know." Bella said doodling on the page in front of her.

"Ok so then what happened?" I asked since it was clear I was going to have to drag everything out of her.

"The headmaster opened the door, we tumbled out of the closet and I lost it a bit by vomiting all over his shoes." Bella said, not even paying attention to the class anymore.

"I'm guessing he phoned my father." I said wryly.

She pulled a face. "Yes after he dismissed Lauren, I think Carlisle used words like unbelievable, disappointment and something about discussing this at home."

I grunted. "That sounds like my loveable dad." I said sarcastically. "I don't think you have to worry about being like a man when we change back. Since you vomited after Lauren kissed you. That only makes me gay and you a girl, she-man." For the first time since the class started, she smiled an actual smile.

"Mr. Cullen and Miss Swan, is there something you would like to share with the class?" Bella and I jumped in fright.

"No sir." Bella said first, I shook my head at him.

"Then be quiet or you can share notes in detention." We nodded and concentrated on the rest of the class.

"Oh Alice invited me for a sleep over with her and Rosalie during lunch while you where in gym, so I'll see you in an hour or so." I said as we packed our bags and headed out of the classroom. "Bella, would it be at all possible for you to act more like me, for the last couple of days?" I asked concentrating hard not to step on a patch of ice.

"I'll try. I just never thought it would be this hard. You seem to be doing alright being me, why is it so difficult for me to be more like you?" She asked catching my elbow just in time as I seemed to somehow still managed to trip over my own feet.

"I have a theory about that." I said as we waked across the lot.

"And that is?"

I smiled at her and shrugged, "I always had the biggest stupidest…" I trailed of and she looked at me with inquiringly eyes, I opened my mouth to finish my sentence when I spotted Carlisle's black Mercedes standing behind my Volvo. "I'll tell you later, Carlisle is waiting for you." She looked in the direction I was looking and sighed. "Just stick to the truth and don't loose your temper, his tirade will pass sooner that way." I gave her advice just before Carlisle got out of the car.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, get in this car right now." He said softly yet you could hear each word perfectly.

Oh, crap he used my full name. Bella is in way over her head on this one.

"Wish me luck." she whispered and handed me the Volvo's key's behind her back as she passed me and headed to Carlisle.

She slid onto the passenger seat without a word and as the whole school watched, Carlisle sped out of the lot. I walked to where Alice, Rose, Emmett and Jasper watched in wonder.

"What did Edward do? I haven't seen Carlisle that angry since I broke that vase containing Grandma's cremated ashes."

Rose frowned. "I thought Edward broke that."

Alice shook her head still frowning. "He just took the blame." I smiled, Alice must really be worried is she was willing to own up to her sins.

"Edward and Lauren were caught together in the storage cupboard." I said. If they were surprised before, they were astounded now.

"I didn't know he was such a ladies man. Remember the time you and I were in the storage cupboard Emmett?" Rose asked and Emmett frowned.

"I was never in the storage cupboard with you." He said accusingly.

He was still frowning when Rose quickly kissed him on the mouth. "Oh must have been someone else then, see you later." She walked to her car before Emmett could even react.

"Don't linger on it to much Emmett. She thought the guy was you. That means he wasn't even very good." Jasper said and Emmett looked like he was going to have an aneurysm.

"You're not helping Jasper." Alice said and Jasper looked regretfully at Emmett.

"I was just saying." I shook my head.

Didn't we have enough drama for one day?

"Here are the keys to the Volvo Alice. Edward slipped them to me without Carlisle seeing." She took them and gave Jasper a quick kiss.

"Well I better get going, lots to do before the sleepover tonight." She said before hopping into the Volvo. I cringed as the gears scratched before she reversed out of the parking space.

"Well come on then, we better get going too. Jasper you ready to play some Guitar Hero, I'm so going to kick your but today. I shook my head as I climbed into the back seat of the Jeep.

Where were the days when guitars had strings instead of buttons?

I didn't pay much attention to the two boy's bickering in the front seat, I wondered if Bella was ok. If she lost her temper, it would only fuel Carlisle's anger. As soon as Emmett turned onto our street, I scanned for any sign of the Mercedes. It wasn't in the drive and since we only used our garage to store garbage, it was clear that he wasn't home. There was no way that Carlisle's little talk was over by now, so where did they go? I jumped out of the Jeep as soon as it stopped and headed into the house.

I dumped Bella's school bag in the bedroom and quickly grabbed some stuff for the sleepover, pillow, pajamas and clothes for the next day, toiletries including stuff for the red tide and some snacks from the kitchen cupboard. I heard the boys busy arguing in the living room and popped my head around the corner.

"I'm going over to Alice's, see you tomorrow." They grunted in reply not even bothering to look up.

When I walked out the front door there was still no sign of the Mercedes. I knocked on the door and waited patiently for Alice to come open the door.

"Bella, you're early." She said closing the door behind her.

"Yes I know, Edward said I must help him with Shakespeare again. Is he back from wherever Carlisle took him?" I asked following her to her room.

"Not yet, knowing my father it would probably be awhile before we see him."

That was what I was afraid of.

"Since you're here, do you mind helping me clean my room?" She asked as we entered the war zone that was her room.

"Sure why not, it's not like I have anything better to do."

During the three hours it took to clean Alice's room and the constant bickering from Alice, Rose arrived and helped to pick up the last bits of clothing. When that was done, we went to the kitchen to make some homemade pizzas. Esme joined us for a while before she had to go to work. There was a lot of laughing and some food throwing involved before the pizzas was eventually ready to be placed in the oven.

We took turns to take a shower and I made sure I was first, that way I could excuse myself when they used the bathroom together. There was no need for me to experience a run in with a naked Rosalie or my sister. While they were still busy in the bathroom, I went to the kitchen to take the pizzas out of the oven. As I placed the tray on the counter, the front door opened.

"Edward don't you dare walk away from me." Carlisle said and the front door banged.

"Or what dad, I'm not some puppet you can control. I've took every drug test you wanted me to take, you don't want to listen to me if I tell you the truth about what happened with Lauren and now you are accusing me of being gay. I don't have to listen to this, come talk to me when you find your mind because you definitely lost yours." Bella shouted at my father before heading towards my room.

"Come back here Edward!" Carlisle shouted after her.

"Go to hell." Bella said before slamming my bedroom door. Carlisle huffed a few times before storming of to his study. Alice and Rose walked wide eyed into the kitchen.

"Did Edward really tell our father to go to hell?" Alice asked plopping onto a barstool.

"Never mind that, did Carlisle really force him to take a drug test?" Rosalie asked leaning over the counter on her elbows.

"To answer both of you, yes he did." On the one side, I was furious with Carlisle because he actually thought that I was on drugs and on the other side, I was furious with Bella for talking to my father like that.

So much for acting more like me.

I grabbed some plates from the cupboard and placed them in front of the other two. "Help yourself to some pizza ladies and let the men sort out their own problems." I said and began to cut the pizza.

"You're right Bella, their big strong men and we'll let them fight their own battles."

Just like that, the evening was back on track. Neither Bella nor Carlisle came out of their hiding spots. I tried to participate in whatever the girls were doing, be it nail polish, manicures, or some girl beautification thing but I was worried about Bella.

We were camped out on Alice's floor. I was sitting Indian style while Alice and Rose were sprawled out on the newly Christmas made bed, leafing through old magazines. I heard a door open just as Alice asked me something. I nodded my head in answer, hoping that that was the response she was looking for. A door closed again as Alice jumped up shouting excitedly.

"Great Bella you lay on your back while Rose and I get the wax ready."

Wait, what? What was the wax for?

"I can't believe you finally agreed that we could wax your eyebrows. You are going to look like a whole new person when we're done with you."

Eyebrow waxing? Were the manicures and pedicures not enough torture already? Well it's only an eyebrow wax, how sore can that be?

I lay on my back and made myself comfortable as Alice and Rose returned from the bathroom. "This is going to be great." Rose sat down by my side and Alice took place at my head.

"Ok Bella this is going to feel warm but that is only normal, now close your eyes and relax."

I had a feeling that I was going to regret this. After the third rip of what felt like flesh being peeled from my face. I regretted ever having met Isabella Swan. If I never met her, I would not be trapped in her body right now, undergoing what felt like the worse torture ever.

If this was what woman had to go through to be beautiful, then I'll rather just be ugly. When they were finally done with my eyebrows they wanted to do a bikini wax, all I knew was that I said no faster than the roadrunner could run. I didn't know what a bikini wax was nor did I care, all I knew was that there where only a few places on my body that still had hair left and I'll be dammed if they waxed those places.

After we settled in for a classic chick flick, Sweet Home Alabama, Alice and Rose fell asleep halfway through the movie. I switched of the TV and as quietly as possible sneaked out of the room. I walked down the hall and opened my bedroom door. I slipped into my room without waking Bella. Light snoring noises was coming from the bed, I didn't know that I snored. I shook her shoulder lightly and she mumbled lightly.

"Bella wake up." I said as I bent over her.

She shot up and our heads collided together. "Shush Bella, before you wake Alice and Rose." I whispered as we both rubbed the small bump forming on our heads. She switched on the bed light and we both blinked a couple times before our eyes got used to the light.

"What are you doing here Edward?" She asked settling herself against the headboard.

"I came to hear if you were ok but if you rather want me to go…"

"No, its ok, you can stay." She said before I could even finish my sentence.

I smiled and sat down on the end of the bed. "So what did Carlisle have to say?"

She pulled the covers up and made herself comfortable. "Well at first he said very little and just drove to the hospital. Once we got there we walked to his office where he forced me to donate…" She made the universal quotation marks in the air with the first two fingers of her hands when she said this. Obviously, the donation wasn't made entirely voluntarily. "Some blood for a drug test. He thought that I wasn't acting like myself and therefore made the wrong decisions."

She rolled her eyes and ran a hand through my short disarray hair that always looked worse when I slept. "Well it was not like I could tell him that I was actually Bella and that I was stuck in his son's body. He would have shipped me of to that happy place with padded sells and straitjackets."

I chuckled softly. "So you took the drug test."

She nodded. "So I took the drug test.

When that came back negative, he asked me what happened in the storage cupboard. When he heard that she kissed me all on her own accord, he said I was lying and that no normal single straight guy would pass up an opportunity to be with a more than willing girl."

I rolled my eyes. "Well I'm a single straight guy and I wouldn't want to be with a girl like her." I said pulling my legs up onto the bed.

"Really you wouldn't?" Bella asked skeptically.

"No I wouldn't, she is not my type of girl."

Bella cocked her eyebrow. "And what type of girl are you interested in?"

I made as if I was deep in thought. "Someone who likes to speak her mind. Someone that cares a lot about others. She should be something for the eye, a well brought up girl with good values and someone with a strong personality."

She looked at me all mockingly. "Do I know someone who is like that or more importantly do you?" She asked throwing me with a pillow.

"I do know someone like that. She unfortunately doesn't know I exist." I threw her back with the pillow whishing that she would know that I was talking about her.

"Did you try telling her how you feel?" She asked sitting up straight.

"Yes I have been trying to tell her recently but she seems too daft to get what I'm saying."

She threw her hands up in the air. "Did you do anything else to show her how you feel?" I shook my head, "You know what you have to do, once we change back you have to go up to her and kiss her. You have to kiss the living daylights out of her."

I smiled. "You think that is what I'm supposed to do?"

"Yes, I do. Say you will do it. Kiss the girl who you're in love with, right after we change back." I looked at how exited she seemed to be and to my surprise I answered yes. She shot forward and gave me a quick hug. "That's great Edward, I bet when you…Edward?" She trailed of for a moment. "What happened to my eyebrows?" She asked glaring at me.

"Alice and Rosalie happened. By the way, I have found new respect for woman. The torture they put themselves through for men is unbelievable." She trailed her fingers over the thin eyebrows.

"I guess it looks ok."

I went to hell and back, it should look more than ok.

We talked for another hour or so, discussing why Carlisle thought I was gay and what we wanted to do once we change back. Somehow, I ended up laying next to her as we discussed almost everything. Then somehow, in the midst of talking to her, I fell asleep.

When I woke up my body was pressed against something warm. An arm was across my waist and I felt air flowing over my cheek. I twisted my head up and froze, Bella was fast asleep and she was holding me. This was all wrong. I was supposed to be the one holding her not the other way around.

It still felt good though.

I tried to remove her arm and then Bella moved and I froze for a whole other reason. Something hard was pressing into my leg, it took me a few seconds before I could react and I jumped out of bed. Bella sat up. My sudden movements shook her awake.

"What the hell Edward, don't you ever wake someone gently." She asked still a bit disorientated from the sleep.

"I'm sorry but I must have forgotten my manners when your thing was pressed against my leg."

She frowned. "My thing what are you…" She began to look down as she obviously began to become aware of the pressure in her loins. "Oh holy shit, get rid of it!" She exclaimed looking afraid for some reason.

"I'm not getting rid of anything. You're the one having it, so you get rid of it." I said beginning to feel grossed out a bit.

She looked down. "Go away, stupid penis."

Ok now this is just stupid.

"It's not going to go away like that." She glared at me and grabbed a book from the nightstand, before I could stop her she brought the book down on her groin. She doubled over and gasped for breath, moans of pain and a whole list of profanities escaped from her mouth.

"That was by far the stupidest thing I have ever seen." She cursed at me and sat up slowly. "You know, I did want to have children one day." I said helping her slowly to her feet.

"How can such a small place cause so much pain? At least it's gone now." She said sitting down on the bed carefully.

"Did you ever hear of a cold shower?" I asked softly while listening to hear if she woke anybody with her ruckus.

"You could have mentioned that a little earlier." She said sounding more like herself.

"Yeah well I didn't think that you would actually assault yourself with a book. Why did you even have a morning-glory in the first place?"

She thought for a second and smiled. "I had a good dream."

She said looking sheepish. I chuckled. "Well then it must have been a very good dream." She just nodded enthusiastically. "Well I better go before someone wakes up, see you in a bit." I said and after she waved absentmindedly, I walked out of my room.

Just another morning in Screw-up Ville, I thought to myself as I sneaked into Alice's room.

A/n Like I promised, Bella and Edward had some real bonding, now she just has to wake up and see that he was actually talking about her. Next chapter will have who knows what, these characters tend to have a mind of their own. I suffered from a little writers block during the time I wrote this chapter hopefully the result isn't that bad.

Thanks for all the reviews. They, after all, are the reason I try to write the best possible chapters. I try to thank everyone that reviews personally so for all the anonymous reviewers also a very big thank you. Thanks for the people who added the story to their favorites and alerts list.

Thanks for reading.