Author's Note: Now.. the continuation of Beware of Jacob! Since people find it giggleworthy, then I suppose it's worth going for another chapter! Haha.
This part is about as long as the last one is. I was going to get more of the characters into it a lot more. But my silly mood is kind of running dry for today, so I mostly stuck with the main people. There should be another silly chapter soon though! If there's someone you really want me to pick on, let me know!
Onetreefan, may recognize a few things in here from one of my SVU crack!fic stories. Ahaha!
Beware of Jacob:
"Alright," Jacob stated, watching as everyone sat back down. "Now that our little recess is ov--"
"WAAAAAALT!"
"Oh Island! What are you doing?" Jacob growled, looking at Michael.
"Walt's not here!" Michael informed him. "Where's my boy? Where's WAAAAALT?"
Jacob rolled his eyes. "He's sitting behind you."
"WAAALT?" Michael asking, turning and seeing Walt behind him. "Oh good."
"Okay, let's get this straight Mikey my boy," Jacob stated, pointing his finger at him. "That's just plain annoying. You even did it in the video game, now if that's not annoying, I don't know what is!"
Silence.
"WAAALT!"
Jacob narrowed his eyes. That wasn't Michael's voice. It was a woman's voice. He turned to see Kate inconspicuously pointing at Juliet who was whistling. "Oh.. you are spiteful, Juliet."
Juliet shrugged.
He watched Locke get up and start walking away. "Hey, where do you think you're going? You can't--"
"Don't.. tell me.. what..--"
"I CAN'T DO!" Everyone finished for him. "We know!"
Jacob rolled his eyes.
"Hey, how come you're ignoring all of us?" Nikki questioned.
Jacob eyed her. "Who are – oh, well, probably because you never really mattered. What did I say about questions?!"
"Why don't they matter?" Juliet asked with a smirk.
"You are going to get kicked out of this meeting, Juliet!" Jacob warned her.
"Dream come true," she retorted with a smile. "Want to kick me out now?"
"No questions!!" Jacob yelled.
"Why?" Juliet asked.
Jacob was furious. "Because I said so! Wait.. stop that!"
"What'd you say?" Sawyer asked now.
"Knock that off! Look what you started, Juliet!" Jacob huffed out dramatically.
"I have no idea what you mean," she replied with a smug smile.
"Moving on!" Jacob said with defeat.
"I believe I deserve a bigger part here, I've been very important on this island!"
Jacob looked at the man. "Who in the real world are you?"
"If the Island is God, is 'real world' your equivalent to Hell?" Juliet questioned.
Jacob was silent. "Like I said, who are you?" he asked the man.
"That's Steve," Sawyer answered with a nod.
Juliet chuckled.
"What?" Sawyer questioned to Juliet. "Did I get Frodo's name wrong again?"
"It's NEIL," the man piped out. "Can't you get anything right?"
Jacob shrugged now. "Well, we've just proven that you're not very important at all, Steve."
"NEIL!"
"Okay, Steve," Jacob stated. He glanced around the group of people and eyed Mr. Eko. "I have to tell you something."
"Fine," Eko replied.
Jacob almost moved on rather then go on with Eko. "No longer are we allowed to call that stick a Jesus stick."
Silence.
Juliet stared at him. "Let me guess.. its now, a Jacob Stick."
"Exactly!"
Silence.
"I vote we beat Jacob with the Jacob stick," Sawyer suggested.
"I second that," Juliet stated, raising her hand.
Jacob looked around warily. "Let's not get too hasty here.."
"I don't think we're being hasty," Kate admitted. "I'm with Sawyer and Juliet."
Juliet eyed her suspiciously. "Why can't you just be with Jack?"
"Jack didn't give an opinion," Kate replied with confusion.
Sawyer whistled.
"I can fix this!" Jack decided.
"NO!" Everyone yelled.
Kate's eyes widened. "HE'S GOT A---"
Sawyer stared. "Holy shit. Is that a thong?" he questioned, taking a stick and poking at it in Jack's hand. "What the real world else do you got in that backpack?"
Silence from everyone.
Jack opened up his backpack and rummaged through it. "Look! Glowsticks!"
"What the heck you got glowsticks for?" Sawyer questioned.
Jacob watched in stunned silence.
"You just never know," Jack replied with a shrug. He threw the glowsticks down on the ground and pulled out several other things. A bra, which he handed to Kate.
"This isn't mine," Kate stated warily, holding it between two fingers. She eyed Jack angrily.
Juliet raised both eyebrow. "Hey.. that's mine," she stated, lifting the bra from Kate. She glanced over at Sawyer who was giving her a strange look. "Hey.. it was a long time ago," she said with a shrug.
Sawyer snorted out a laugh.
Kate didn't look nearly as amused.
Now Jack tossed out a pill bottle filled with little blue pills.
"What are those?" Kate questioned. When Jack didn't answer she handed the bottle to Juliet. "Do you know what they are?"
Juliet studied it carefully. She narrowed her eyes slightly and stared at Jack with a look of confusion. "You carry viagra?"
Silence.
"That explains a lot.." she muttered, handing the bottle back to Kate. "Jack, when you take those, you're suppose to consult a doctor for an erection lasting more then four--"
Charlie coughed. Sawyer laughed. Kate looked downright unhinged. "Four hours?!" she said in shock.
Juliet smiled knowingly.
"Not funny.." Jack stated.
"Yes well.. since you couldn't fix that one, I think I did a fairly good job.." Juliet stated with a shrug.
Jack grinned. Kate looked appalled. Sawyer looked uncomfortable. Charlie coughed again.
Now Jack pulled out a picture.
Sawyer snatched that one. "Is that a picture of Juliet and Kate?" he questioned.
Silence.
"Hey wait.. they're wearing Dharma jumpsuits.. they're taking off Dharma jumpsu--"
"Gimme that," Kate said quickly, snatching the picture. She watched Juliet lean over and look at it.
Juliet glanced around. "Huh well.. that's uh.. really photogenic," she stated, scratching her head.
"Yeah.. imagine that," Kate stated, pocketing the picture.
Sawyer eyed Juliet. "Is that why you weren't at the meeting about Sayid?" he questioned.
Juliet shrugged.
"Enough!!" Jacob stated, gripping his hair tightly. "I need to go over TWO more things before we take another break.."
Everyone stared at him.
Jacob pointed at Sawyer. "What the hell happened with your beard during all those flashes that day you became 'LaFleur'?" he questioned. "First you had this nice thick scruffy brown beard, then a few flashes and you had this weird thin oreo colored beard, and then later you had a nice thick brown scruffy beard again!"
Silence was his only answer.
"Right well, guess that one got passed your make-up artist.." Jacob assured him.
A few chuckles.
"Okay, back to Ben!" Jacob stated.
"Finally!" Ben said with relief.
Jacob rolled his eyes. "Am I the only who got a chuckle when Ben opened his secret dresser/door only to open the secret door in his secret closet which opened to show the door to the secret tunnel where he only went to unclog the smoke monster's secret drain?"
Everyone stared at him.
"Just checking," Jacob stated. "Now for another short recess."
()()TBC()()
I probably have at least one more part left in me to write if you guys want it :)
