Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nadda, zilch, absolutely nothing. (Been there said it before and still saying it!) Stephanie Meyers….. Yada yade…. something…. Twilight.

15. I miss you.

Epov:

It was one of those rare and sunny days in Forks, the grass seemed greener, the sky was blue rather than the usual miserable grey and there was birds chirping in the trees. From where I watched the scenery, visible through my room window, I felt none of the joy associated with these sunny days. Every now and then a patient would walk by my window, enjoying a little stroll in the small but beautiful garden of the hospital. I could see an elderly couple sitting on a bench; they were holding hands, just looking at the garden not saying a word to each other.

That small picture of closeness reminded me of something I've read once. The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. What would it feel like to be old and you were still able to hold the hand of your beloved? To really grow old together and no matter what happens in life, you managed to make it through the ups and downs and were now capable to sit on that bench, basking in the son, holding the hand of your adored one and not say a single word because you know that you were content with everything.

You are more than satisfied to sit there all day, just holding her hand. I looked away when the old man brought his wife's hand to his lips and placed a small kiss on the top of her fingers. When you see affection like that one can not help but to think about the person who captured that special place in your heart, just like I immediately thought of Bella. I cursed myself for thinking of her, it hurt. It literally hurt to think about her. It's been exactly a month since I saw her. Every time there was a knock on my door I would look up expectedly, only to feel disappointed when it was someone else.

I tried to talk to the others about her absence but no one could tell me way she didn't come to visit me. I tried to think back to anything that I might have done or said on her last visit that might have offended her, but I only drew up blanks. No she has done what she promised to do; she tried to get me into Yale. She didn't owe me anything else; she didn't need me anymore. She has just gone back to ignoring me. I glanced at all the flowers and get well soon cards I received from people I barely even talked to. It wasn't too much effort for them to come and see me, they barely even knew me. Yet the one person I wanted to see more than anyone in the world couldn't even just pick up the phone and give me a call.

I tried calling her but she wouldn't answer her phone, nor did she respond to any of my text messages. Well I decided that if she didn't want to talk to me then I wasn't going to force myself on her. So I stopped trying to communicate. There was a knock on my door before Alice walked in. I smiled at my little twin sister, she was hear to pick me up. I was finally proclaimed well enough to go home; I looked at her expectedly opening my mouth to ask her a question when she interrupted me. "No she hasn't asked me to pass anything along to you Edward."

I closed my mouth and tried to hide my disappointment. "How are you feeling today? Did the doctor book you out yet?" I planted a rather unconvincing smile on my face. "I feel fine and no he haven't signed me out yet, he should be here shortly." She nodded and plopped down on the chair next to my bed. "Since we are alone, do you want to tell me what exactly has gone wrong between you and Bella?" I frowned and shrugged, "I would be the happiest man in the world if I could just have the answer to that question." Alice frowned, "Well whatever it is you better sort it out soon, before Bella turns into a real zombie."

I looked at her when I processed this new information. Over the last month I have received no information about her, I wasn't planning on asking anyone either. That just meant that what ever little information I did get, I slurped up like a dry sponge that landed in water. "What do you mean by that?" I asked trying to sound like I didn't care and just wanted to pass the time. "I don't know how to explain it, she jogs with her dad in the morning, goes to school, does her homework but still she only talks to someone if they ask her something directly. She lost some weight, although I don't know if this is the outcome of the morning jogging sessions or if she is just not eating properly."

Why was Bella like this? Was there something wrong in her family? Or was she worried about something? Was there some other reason why she wasn't coming to see me? "Is Emmett also like this?" I asked trying to eliminate a family cause. "No he is the shame cheery person he always is, you've seen him when he visits you." Yes she was right he was exactly the same. "Didn't she mention something to you that maybe has her worried?" I asked and Alice shook her head, she looked concerned about Bella. "No I would say she is depressed, like she had her heart broken or something. Emmett said she's been like that since the day she came back to tell you something."

I frowned, "Tell me something? Bella never came to tell me anything Alice." I said trying to remember if I saw her after her last visit, the day she did the interviews for the scholarship. No I was sure I haven't seen her since then, but back then I was pretty out of it by all the pain meds in my system. Maybe she did come back and I just couldn't remember it. "Well maybe Emmett is just mistaken, either way Bella isn't doing very well." Alice said and I looked up when there was a small knock on my door and my mother entered the room. "Hey guys, I have just spoken to your doctor Edward and he says he is very pleased with your x-rays. He said as long as you stay off your leg, he sees no reason why you can't come home today."

Alice jumped up excitedly and gave me a big hug, "Well if Alice didn't just crush my ribs again that's sounds really great. I really am tired of hospital food." I said when Alice finally pulled away. "Well I'll make your favorite pasta meal for dinner tonight, how does that sound?" My mother asked as I began to move the bed covers away from me. Luckily I was already dressed, I asked a nurse earlier to help me. "Great mom, hand me those crutches please?" I asked swinging my cast over the side of the bed. "That settles it then, oh and before I forget the Swans will be joining us for dinner." I froze momentarily before I took the crutches from my mother.

"Does that mean all the Swans?" Alice asked the question that just formed in my head. "Yes and Jasper and Rosalie of course, it's just a small welcome home dinner." I smiled a thank you to my mother and as Alice grabbed my bag, we began our slow convoy to the car. I was already counting down the hours until dinner all because I got to see Bella again. "Mom did a letter from Yale arrive yet?" I asked as we walked into the elevator. "I don't think so no, stop worrying about it. I'm sure everything will work out ok." Yeah well I'm not so sure, if I don't get that scholarship I'm going to be screwed. As we entered the front lobby of the hospital my mother greeted me saying she still had to work another hour. I told Alice that I would catch up to her; I just had to do something quickly.

She nodded and walked through the electrical doors. I headed over to the receptionist who looked up as I approached her, smiling friendlily at me. "Well Edward you must be glad to finally go home." I nodded, "Definitely, I just wanted to know what Jacob Black's medical bills where." She frowned, "I am supposed to pay his bills, its part of my punishment or whatever you'd like to call it." I added trying to clear up why I wanted to know the confidential information. "Oh I now the chief of police informed us of that but the thing is, someone already paid for Mr. Blacks medical bills."

I looked at her in astonishment. "Who paid for it?" I asked and she smiled again. "The person would like to stay anonymous. She really is an amazing person." The receptionist said and winked at me. "She…the person who paid was a woman?" I immediately thought of my mother. "But I thought the judge forbade my parents to pay for anything?" I asked amazed that my mother would do something a judge forbade her to do. "I'm sorry…your parents didn't pay for anything. Now of with you, before the doctor decide to keep you here for another day." I couldn't go; I had to know who paid for it. I could always just reimburse them. "Then can you at least tell me what this person looked like?"

The receptionist looked around her before turning back at me, "She is your age and had long dark brown hair. Now that is all I'm saying." She winked at me again and indicated with her hand for me to go. Well that description didn't help at all; there were at least ten girls my age that had long dark brown hair. I sighed and walked towards the electrical doors, they opened with a swooshing sound and I walked into a small heat wave. I looked around the lot for my fathers black Mercedes but didn't spot it. As my eyes swept through the lot again it stopped on a canary yellow 911 Turbo Porsche.

Alice was sitting on top of its hood caressing the sleek metal lovingly. So dad caved and finally bought Alice her dream car. I began walking over the lot to Alice and by the time I reached her I was breathing heavily. A month in the hospital can really make you unfit. "I see you finally got your car." I remarked once my breathing normalized. "Yeah dad asked me to pick out a new car for us and I just couldn't help myself." I smirked, "Something tells me you didn't have to convince him much too actually buy it." She just shrugged but I caught the mischievous look in her eye before she jumped of the hood and climbed into the car. I slid into the passenger seat, carefully so that I didn't bump my cast into anything.

I closed the door and barely tied my seat belt before Alice sped of. "Alice I was just released from the hospital after I recovered from a car crash and I have no intention of being in another one." Her only reaction was stepping harder on the gas pedal. Ten minutes later we stopped in front of our house. I climbed out of the car swearing that even if that thing was the last vehicle on earth I would rather walk across the Sahara desert barefoot before I rode in it again. I spotted a movement in front of the Swans living room window but by the time I looked up, whatever moved was gone. Alice rolled her eyes at me and pulled out her cell phone, "Rose that modifications you were talking about for the Porsche….how soon can you do it?" I shook my head; of course the Michael Schumacher wannabe would want to be able to drive even faster.

I glanced back at the Swan residence before turning and walking towards my house. I heard Alice still talking with Rose; I opened and closed the front door before setting of to my room. When I opened the door, I expected to see some form of evidence that Bella lived in it for a whole week but there was nothing. My room, if truth be told, looked exactly like the day before Bella and I swapped. I spotted the book I was reading and walked over towards it, I picked it up. Opening it, I anticipated too find the bookmark at the place Bella stopped at last but instead it was on the page I left it on, when I was reading it. I placed the book back and walked over to the window sill; I sat down and swung my casted-leg up on the window sill keeping the other grounded on the carpet.

I knew that Bella sat here allot while she was in my body and sitting like this, I felt close to her if such a thing was even possible. I looked at her window and saw that the curtains was drawn, I knew she was home since it was a Saturday and she didn't really go out. So why was her curtains drawn in the middle if the day? She liked the sun, why would she keep it from entering her room? There was only one explanation…she didn't want to see me. I closed my eyes and had about five minutes worth of rest before there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I asked and my father head appeared around the door. "It's only me, may I come in please?"

I frowned; he didn't usually ask if he could come into my room. "Sure dad." I replied and he smiled before coming in and walking over to me. "I'm glad you are back home Edward. I'm sorry I was such an ass the last week or two." I didn't say anything. I knew that my father rarely apologized and that when he does you should just accept it because he really does mean it. "I realize now that I was doing my job lately for all the wrong reasons, I was doing it for the money, to buy the best of everything so that our family could look important and that caused me to miss out on the real important things in my life. You, Alice and your mom, I can't put into words how truly sorry I am for that. I only hope that from now on you would understand and give me a second chance to be there for you now."

He finished his speech and was now waiting for my response to it. "Of course dad, you don't even have to ask." He smiled as I took his outstretched hand and shook it. "Ok now I want to give you something, this arrived in the mail about a day ago. I just want you to know that whatever they decided, I am more than willing to pay for your studies. If it is really what you want to do then I would respect that and support you in everyway." He revealed a letter he hid behind his back all this time, I thanked him and as he turned to give me some privacy I stopped him. "Don't you want to know what they decided dad?"

He stopped and looked at me before nodding and standing a little closer to me as I opened the envelope. I read it and reread it and as it began to sink in I still couldn't believe what I was reading. "So what did they say?" Carlisle asked just as Alice entered my room. I handed the letter to my father still to numb to speak. "Dear Mr. Cullen. We are proud to inform you that you're scholarship have been approved. You have composed a piece that is full of originality which transcends the distinction between personal compositions and standards, a piece that causes the listener to experience a captivating joy.

Your closing theme is a study in mood shifts, ranging from deep foreboding to a spirited explosion of joy. You instinctively know when to stop, start, increase volume or speed up, or slow down...taking the listener on an emotional rollercoaster that is both enjoyable and makes your skin crawl with goose bumps…." My father read the letter before collapsing on the bed. "What was that?" Alice asked looking from my father to me. "I got the scholar ship….I'm actually going to Yale." I managed to choke out and Alice began to jump up and down shouting with glee. "That's great news Ed, wow Bella actually did it." She gave me a quick peck on the cheek and in pure Alice fashion skipped out of the room looking like a very petite ballerina.

"Would you play the piece you composed for me? I would really like to hear it." I looked at my father in alarm. Did my ears deceive me or did he just ask me to play something on the piano? My father has never asked me something like that nor have he ever expressed any interest in my music. "Please Edward?" He asked after I remained silent long enough to actually be rude. "I'd love too, although I would probably not do it any justice since my leg is in a cast and I would not be able to step on the left pedal but I will try my best." My father smiled and stood up leaving the acceptance letter on the bed. "Come on then, let's go." I shook my head and picked up my crutches following my father to the living room. He was seated in the couch closest to the piano waiting for me patiently since I was going allot slower than him.

I made myself comfortable on the bench and took out the sheet music to Bella's lullaby. I took a big breath and began to play, I knew what to expect when I played the song. I, after all, was there when Bella played it the first time; still I couldn't help but to be transported to a whole new level of emotion as I played that song. "She was right; you truly are as good as Mozart." My head snapped in my father's direction. Only Bella ever called me Mozart, "Who said what?" I asked my father softly but I knew it was loud enough for him to hear. "Bella, she came to see me about a week ago. She pointed out all the things I've been missing and she asked me to just once listen to you playing the piano. She said that you reminded her of Mozart. A true genius, well what concerns music but a total idiot with everything else."

I thought she always just called me Mozart because she was making fun of me. I could just imagine Bella saying that to my father but what surprised me the most was that my father actually listened to her. "I may have never told you this Edward but I truly am proud of you." He said and I could hear the honesty in his voice. I never imagined that those words could make me so happy. Too finally hear my father say that he was proud of me. "Thanks dad." He nodded and stood up. "Well we better get ready; your welcome-home-dinner is in about an hour. Plus I think I just heard you mother pull into the drive." I heard her car too and watched my father leave the room.

"If Bella was so angry at me that she didn't even come visit me in the hospital then why did she come talk to my father? The front door opened and my mother walked in carrying groceries. "I would offer to help you with those but unfortunately I'm unable to do so. Hello sweet mother of mine." She smiled at me from behind the big paper bags. "Don't worry about it, you should be getting ready in anyway, the Swans will be hear shortly. Ask Alice to help me in the kitchen please, would you?" She said while walking into the kitchen, I did as she asked. After informing Alice about our mother's request, I walked to my room closing the door behind me. I walked into my bathroom; this too was in the same condition I left it in the last time I was here.

I opened the bathroom cupboard and spotted a small peace of paper stuck in between my shaving cream and aftershave. I took it out and immediately recognized Bella's handwriting. You need to replace your razor blade. You're also running low on shaving cream. I flipped the small paper around checking for anything else but found nothing. She didn't even leave her name. I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin; I spotted a plastic bag on the toilet seat. I frowned at it wondering what it was when I realized I was supposed to place it over my cast. My mother must have put it there. I sighed before taking a much needed shower; I dressed and when I walked into the hallway there was a knock on the front door.

"Edward, could you get that for me please?" My mother screamed from the kitchen and I hobbled as fast as I could on my crutches to the front door. "Hey Edward, I'm glad you are finally out of that hospital." Charlie greeted me as I opened the door. There was a bottle of wine in his hands, looked like chardonnay. "Thank you sir, hey guys you know your way around right?" I asked as Emmet and Bella followed their father in to the house. "Of course we do, where's your mother?" Emmett asked and I indicated to the kitchen. He and Charlie began to make their way to where I pointed leaving me and Bella alone in the living room.

The last mentioned was looking down, she wasn't making eye contact with me at all. I took the chance to look her over and the more I saw the heavier my heart felt. She was wearing loosely fit clothing but even they couldn't hide the fact that she had lost wait, her cheek bones were more prominent and I couldn't help but notice that her skin was a pale waxy color. "Hello Bella." I said and for the first time tonight she looked up. I gasped when I saw the purple rings under her eyes "Hello Edward, how are you doing?" She asked but even I could here that she was forcing every word she said, as if it was causing her to choke.

"Allot better than you apparently, is everything alright? Is something wrong?" I asked taking a step forward but stopped when she immediately took a step backwards. "Why would anything be wrong with me?" She asked offensively. "Oh I don't know Bella…maybe because you look like a junkie just waiting for his next fix." She glared at me noticeably mad at what I said. "Do you really want to know what is wrong with me?" She paused momentarily and continued once I've nodded. "You're what's wrong with me; I look like a junkie because for some reason I can't get you out of my system. It's like you were my own personal brand of heroine and now I can't have you anymore. You infiltrated my heart, my thoughts and even my stupid dreams. I can do nothing because everything I do reminds me of you."

She took a deep breath and before she could have another explosion there was another knock on the door. I looked at her and when our eyes met it was as if time stood still. It's like those movie moments were the two people stand perfectly still but the world keeps spinning around them. Well as I stared into those bottomless brown pools, I couldn't help but feel that who ever was knocking on the door just destroyed something important. When there was another knock I sighed and opened the door. "Ed, it's nice to see you up-and-about." Jasper said shaking my hand before Rose gave me a hug; they disappeared shortly after towards the kitchen. Where apparently everyone was gathering since all the voices was coming from there.

I turned back to Bella who looked as if she was on the verge of crying. "Bella what do you mean you can't have me anymore. I'm still here, I have always been here." She shook her head and a single tear fell on her cheek. "Not anymore, you have Angela now. You have the girl of your dreams." I frowned, "What the hell does Angela have to do with anything?" But as I said it I froze, Angela kissed me about a month ago, right around the time Bella came to see me last. Did Bella see that? Promise me Edward; promise me you will kiss her when we change back. Bella's voice echoed through my ears and I swore softly. Bella thought that Angela was my dream girl because she saw Angela kiss me.

"Bella, it's not what you think ok. What you saw was an accident." Bella snorted, "What she tripped and you fell?" I shook my head, "Angela walked into my room when you left, she brought my homework for me. Anyway to make a long story short, I sat up and a pillow fell on the floor. She picked it up for me and placed it behind my back, and then she very surprisingly laid one on me. You must have seen that and didn't stick around long enough to see me push her away. I swear Bella she kissed me, I didn't kiss her back." Bella began to laugh, "You actually want me to believe that sweet innocent little Angela kissed you, just like that, all against your will?" I took a breath to calm myself.

"Well maybe if you weren't so friendly to her when you were me, this would never have happened. Plus I remember that sweet innocent little you also kissed me all on your own accord." Bella glared at me, I was about to apologize to her when Alice came into the living room calling us for dinner. I turned and followed my sister to the dining room, I wanted to turn around and talk everything out with Bella but something in me was just to proud to do that. I took my seat and a moment later Bella took hers ignoring me the rest of the night. At the end of the dinner Carlisle, clinking the side of his wineglass, stood up demanding everyone's attention.

"I'm very proud to announce that my son is going to Yale next year. So here is to you Edward my all your dreams come true…" he was interrupted by Charlie who was a little unsteady on his feet after consuming one to many glasses of wine. "And here's to Bella who will also be attending Yale next year." The others also raised their glasses and toasted to us, I looked at Bella but she was looking at everyone but me. Well if she wasn't going to look at me out of her own accord, I could always make her. I also clinked on my normal glass capturing everyone's attention.

"I would just like to take the time and thank Bella as well, without her I would have been nowhere. I just hope that one day you will forgive me for what I have caused. I just want to see you happily smiling again, I've hurt you so much and I am so very sorry for that pain. So here is to you and my all your dreams come true." Nobody said a word and just looked at me as if they only noticed sitting here for the first time. "Too my little sister, the miracle maker." Emmett exclaimed and everyone joined in and as I took a sip of my juice I saw Bella smile for the first time tonight.

I retired to my room as the girls volunteered to clean the dishes and the others went to the living room to continue their argument about if golf was actually really a sport. I was staring out of my window, the only light was coming from the moon shining into my room basking everything in a silver light. "What you said at dinner was beautiful." I jumped a little when Bella talked behind me softly. From her voice I could hear she was standing near my door. "Thank you, how did you get in here without me hearing you?" I asked without turning around. "I lived here for a bit more than a week; I think I know my way around by know." She sounded more like the old Bella and I turned around. Even with the weight loss and the tiredness that radiated of her, in the silver moonlight, she still looked breathtakingly beautiful.

"Bella I know that things between us went terribly wrong. I want to fix those problems." I shook my head when she wanted to interrupt me. "I am not pointing fingers or placing blame on anyone. I just want to tell you something before I really loose all my chances to ever be with you." I took a step toward her cursing my crutches for ruining the moment for me. "I thought seeing you again would make me nervous but it felt as it always has. It felt like coming home again. It felt natural and calming. I missed you so much."

Another step, she wasn't moving away from me. "I wasn't always there for you but that has changed. I want to be there for you and nothing will ever change that. One month ago you walked out of my life and I confess to you that it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Yes it was even worse than all the injury's you gave me. Worse than being kissed by myself, worse than going through periods and just between you and me that is really saying allot."

Another step, there were only a few steps left. "You have such an impact on my being that nothing in my life matters accept when you are apart of it. Now, seeing you again is the most wonderful thing imaginable. My every thought is of you and each time that I am able to dream it is only and always of you."

One more step, I could see the light of…is that hope in her elegant eyes? "I must tell you that I have held you in my heart all these years and the only thing I regret about that, are being too much of a coward to confess my love to you."

One more step, there was only one more left. "I do not know what the future holds for us but what I know is that I want to be part of your immediate future. At any given time when you command it I will be there for you. Nothing else in this world matters to me as much as you matter to me, I could not exist in a world where you don't."

I took the last step and was now standing right in front of her. I placed my hand under her chin and tilted her head up to me so that I could look into her eyes.

"I Love You"

A/n isn't Edward just adorable. See Edward did have a good explanation for the kiss. It surprised me allot the reaction that kiss caused. Sorry I had to end the chapter there but it really is a very long chapter.

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