"All done."
Rosalie looked into the closet with a calculating eye, checking to make sure everything was tidy and in order. Moving Emmett back into their room was a tedious affair, but they had done it quickly and without stopping. Yes, it was an avoidance of the happenings in the house, and yes, it was a distraction for the two of them. But it was a chore that needed to be done, and it was finished in only a day's time.
"Well?" Emmett asked, looking at her from the bookshelf where he had just finished moving his novels back. "Satisfactory?"
She nodded. "Everything's finished."
"Finally." He moved to the bed, falling onto the thick mattress with a sigh. Rosalie watched him for a moment, happiness and worry swirling in her.
They were together again, but for how long? Would it last this time? Would they be able to get back to the way they were? Could she forgive him? Could he forgive her? And what of Esme and Alice? If something happened to them, it almost didn't matter whether or not she was with Emmett. The family would fall apart nevertheless. And then there was that final question plaguing her mind…
"Come here, woman."
Emmett had sat up on the bed, one strong hand reaching out for her. She allowed herself to be pulled up onto the mattress beside him, resting her head on his chest and hooking a leg over his. It was almost peaceful to lie here with each other, just together, nothing else.
The heavy scent of blood in the air was quite a killer, though.
"What's the problem, Rosie?" Emmett asked into her hair. "You as thirsty as I am?"
She smiled a little at his attempt to lighten the mood. It was true; the smell of Esme and Alice's change was making her throat burn and her mouth water. But no, that wasn't the real problem. "Are…are we going to be okay?" she asked warily, not letting her eyes look up to his.
She could almost see his brow furrowing even without looking. "What do you mean? We're together, aren't we?"
She sighed. "Yes, but…will we stay that way?"
A finger came under her chin, lifting her face towards his. His stare was calm and sure as he spoke. "I have every intention of making this work. For the rest of my life. Do you?"
She smiled a little and nodded. "So does this mean we get to have another wedding?"
Emmett laughed, a great booming sound she had missed so very much. His eyes crinkled with joy, he said, "I suppose so. We are divorced, after all. We have to make things official."
She cuddled into his side, a slight smile on her face as she began to daydream of Vera Wang gowns and an Agent Provacateur splurge for their honeymoon to…Paris? They hadn't been to Moscow in ever so long, and Emmett had loved it there, even if the accent he faked was horribly annoying. Or maybe the island. Maybe they could go in the sun. Safely, without fear. As if they were human.
Human.
"Rose?"
She looked up, broken off from dangerous ideas that were beginning to swirl in her head. Apparently it was Emmett's turn to worry; he only puckered his lips that way when stressed.
"What is it that's bothering you? That's not all it."
She sighed; even if Emmett wasn't the most insightful of men, he still knew her inside and out.
"It's just…" She faltered, then began again. "Esme is human. Alice, too. Just from a serum that we made. If we could change them back, maybe…"
"Carlisle's tried work with antivenom before, long time ago. It didn't help him at all. And this only worked in affect with the formula they ingested," Emmett replied gently. "We don't know how it would work on its own. It might kill you."
"Or…cure me." She was almost ashamed for suggesting it. She had a wonderful life with Emmett and Carlisle and Esme and the others. Why would she want to shun it? But it had been her desire her entire immortal life. To be mortal once more, to raise a family, to grow old with the one she loved.
With Emmett.
If she became mortal, he would have to as well. She couldn't do this without him. But…they'd have to leave the others behind. It would be too painful to grow old and watch them remain the same, knowing they'd have to leave them someday.
Leave each other someday.
What about when she died? And what if Emmett died before her?
"If that's what you want, Rose…" Emmett sighed and pressed his lips to the top of her head, his words almost muffled by her hair. "We can do it if you want."
Just knowing that he would do that for her, that he would give up all that for her, was enough to settle it.
She shook her head against him and tilted her face up, kissing him sweetly. "I love you, Emmett."
Even without saying it aloud, he seemed to understand, and she held him tighter, thanking God, thanking him.
His voice broke the silence that settled around them. "Do you think they'll be okay?"
Rosalie wished she could say something truthfully. If for once she could have Alice's gift…but the girl was still lying in that bed, her screams muffled through the door, her life hanging in the balance. No one could know what would happen. And so she said the only thing she could think of.
"I hope so. I truly, truly hope so."
~*~
Edward closed the book he had been glancing over absently, knowing that little of the information was going into his head. Taking a correspondence course in Medieval French Philosophy had been a good idea. It was a time consuming process, it kept him busy, kept him active. But now was not the time he could devote his mind to his studies. Not with the house in such turmoil. And not with Jasper one floor below him, his mind almost screaming in silence as he watched over Alice.
The fairy-like girl was changing before all of their eyes, her skin paling, her body seizing, pained moans erupting from her mouth. As hungry as they were, and as unhappy as it made them to see her in such pain, every person in the house was pleased at the signs both she and Esme were showing. The change was progressing as it should. Esme would come to rights very soon now, and Alice to follow. There was only one person who was not pleased.
From the second Emmett and Carlisle had managed to strong-arm the man away from his dying wife's vein, Jasper had been in a state of constant torture, angry at himself for having done what he did, sick with worry that she might not make it, and disgusted with the continual hunger that plagued him. Tasting her had not made him stronger and resistant; he only desired it all the more. Yet despite the fact that the most delicious scent he had ever inhaled was currently assailing his nasal passages, Jasper still remained at Alice's bedside.
Everyone had gone in to check on them, as well as Esme, but it had been a while for Edward. He placed his book on William of Champeaux at the top of his desk and pushed out his chair, stretching his legs for a moment before heading down to the second floor where Jasper and Carlisle were keeping vigil.
The stairs ended just outside Carlisle and Esme's bedroom, and Edward stopped to look inside. Esme had grown still on the bed, her body working the last of the venom through her system. He could hear the faint thoughts coming from her mind, little moans of pain…and remembrance. Even as hurt as she was, she was still silently calling out for her husband. Carlisle, like always, was on his knees next to the bed, his mind a mixture of pleas – to God, to Esme, to himself, all begging for the same thing, the return of his wife and daughter, a return to normalcy for his family.
He felt almost like a thief, standing there and listening to his father's private prayers, and so he made his way down the hall, pausing again in another doorway, looking into Alice and Jasper's room. Jasper had pulled a chair close to the bed and was sitting there, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, keeping guard over his wife. Just like Esme, Alice was on the bed, growing still, but her body gave a pained jerk every so often, still processing much of the venom through her still-human veins. The change would be longer for her, and for now, her thoughts were still a reflection of pain. But she was there, conscious, changing, and she would come back fully soon.
Jasper's mind was almost as pained as Alice, but a very different sort of pain. He was so incredibly guilt-ridden from what had happened, blaming himself not only for Alice's pain but for allowing her to become ill in the first place.
If I had only gone with her, he thought to himself, I could have saved everyone from this whole mess.
"You couldn't have known," Edward spoke up gently. "No one did. Not even her."
Jasper glanced up at him, his eyes black and sorrowful. He opened his mouth to speak…but nothing came out. Thinking instead, he said silently, But I still could have stopped her. It could have been me instead. I would know how to deal with this sort of pain.
"She knows how as well," Edward replied. "We all do. We've all gone through the change before."
But she's so fragile…
At this, he had to laugh. "Alice? Fragile? Her being asleep for so long must have made you forget. She'll remind you soon enough."
To me, she's fragile, Jasper explained. If I were to lose her, what would my world be?
Edward came over to put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I understand," he said softly. "If I lost Bella…again…well, we've seen what happens then. But you won't, Jasper. She's going through the change. She'll be here soon."
Jasper gave a derisive snort. After she goes through the pain I caused her.
"You had to. Someone had to change –"
"I nearly killed her, Edward!" Jasper thundered loudly, speaking – shouting – for the first time in two days. His shoulders were shaking in anger, and his jaw was clenched tightly as he stared up at his brother. "I bit her. I couldn't help it. And I almost…almost…"
"I know," Edward cut him off, not wanting him to have to say it. They had all seen how dangerously close Alice had been to death's door, and how it had been Jasper to usher her there. "But you held back. You were strong enough to stop."
"Only after Carlisle and Emmett pulled me back."
"Come on, Jasper. They wouldn't even have been able to do that if you had any true desire to continue. Admit it."
"Still…it's my fault she's in such pain."
"Pain that will save her." Edward squeezed his shoulder again. "You can't blame yourself so. What you did is returning her to us. We thank you."
Granted, that thanks was carefully balanced with the thought of what might have happened…but it hadn't, and Alice was here. That was all there was to it.
Jasper nodded gravely and turned back to Alice on the bed, his hand going towards her pale face, hovering over her skin but not quite touching. "All for her," he murmured. Edward wasn't sure who he was directing the words to, but he let them have their time, silently slipping out the door and leaving them alone once more.
~*~
The pain. The pain was like nothing she had ever felt before.
No, that wasn't right. She had felt this pain before. This exact sort. But it had been long ago, so very long ago…
Carlisle. Carlisle had been there. He had bitten her and she had turned into one of his kind. They took her from the morgue. They…Edward had helped.
Edward. Bella. Rosalieemmettjasperalice. The names hit her like a wall, making her remember. A family. She had a family. Children to return to. A husband who loved her. She needed to get back to them.
It was then that her eyes opened.
She was staring at…the ceiling, wasn't it? Yes, the ceiling of her bedroom, with its high vaults and art deco fixtures she had found at that flea market in Olympia. She turned her head, craning her neck to look around…and catching a glimpse of a light-colored head bowed against her bedside. Two pale hands were folded as in prayer, rising above the head, and it was those hands she grasped in one of hers gently.
Carlisle's head shot up, his eyes bewildered and his mouth agape. "Esme," he whispered, almost as if the word was a prayer.
"What…" Her voice was hoarse and came out as a rasp. She cleared her throat to try again, still speaking huskily. "What's happened?"
He rose to his feet, standing at her side, both his hands enclosing around hers. "You…you were sick, my darling."
"Sick?" she repeated. The last thing she could remember was the cleaning frenzy…an unpleasantness with Carlisle about her not feeding…
And, dear God, she was ravenous.
"Do you remember the bears you and Alice hunted?" Carlisle asked, breaking into her hunger-laced thoughts.
She searched her mind…then nodded. "But that was so long ago…"
"Four months," Carlisle replied.
No, that wasn't right. "It was three."
"It was four. Esme…you've been asleep for nearly three weeks."
"A-asleep?"
It was a concept she couldn't comprehend. Sleep had been something she hadn't had in a hundred years. For her to have spent the last three weeks of her life in that state…it was mind-boggling.
"Why? What happened to me?" Panic began to course through her, adrenaline making her worn body alert. "Carlisle, please –"
"Calm down, Esme," he said gently, putting one of his hands to her cheek. "You're fine now. Jasper got us the formula, Emmett and Rosalie made the antidote. They saved you."
"The formula?"
"Those bears were an experiment. The Volturi put a compound in them that you ingested and that we had to counterbalance. The only thing is…"
"Is…what?"
The hand on her cheek went down to her neck, caressing her there. "The antidote cleared the venom from your system….you became human."
It was too much to take. Esme closed her eyes tight, screwing them shut and blocking everything out. Everything but the feeling of that hand caressing her. Still keeping her eyes shut, she murmured, "And now?"
She heard Carlisle give a soft sigh. "I changed you. Again. You're…I suppose a newborn, again. But you're back."
It would be difficult. She knew it would be. But opening her eyes and seeing her husband standing before her – the man she had wanted as a human, as a newborn, throughout her entire life – seeing that steadfastness, that determination, that love in his gaze…yes, it would be difficult. But it would so be worth it.
~*~
Esme had been awake for nearly four hours now, and Carlisle had even wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to the patio to let to sun warm her. Since the moment he had announced that she had risen, everyone had seen her, spoken with her, and had been showering her with love and support.
Everyone except Jasper.
Alice hadn't come to yet, and so he kept his vigil. However, she had begun to still as the change within her finished, both a blessing and a curse. She was coming back to them, back to him, but the pain she experienced had been immense. It had all been because of him. And he had sat there to help her through it…and to let that pain reflect through him. It was a stupid thought, perhaps, to think that by sitting there he might absorb some of the hurt and lessen it for her. But if it did any sort of difference to her, to help to ease her, then it was worth the stupidity reflected upon him tenfold.
And though he had been sitting there for the nearly three days since he had bitten her…almost killed her, he thought bitterly to himself…he had not touched her once. It felt like he would only sully her perfection by placing his murderous hands on her. Instead, he smoothed the sheets over her body, rested his hands near her, or kept them clasped tightly together, his knuckles standing out palest white as he squeezed as hard as he could. He needed her here. He needed her back. And the waiting was getting harder and harder as time went on.
What if when she woke she didn't remember him? What if she was a true newborn, with no knowledge of their past? If she denied him…the very thought sickened him. He could not go on without her. He had gone through everything for her, had been willing to put himself in the hands of his enemies for her. And if, when she awoke, she had no recollection of him, no desire to be with him…that was it. He was through. There would be absolutely nothing left for him on this earth.
Edward would help him, if that was the case. Edward, who had gone through the denial of a lover so long ago. His brother had even come to him to ask for death, a request Jasper had denied – at Alice's insistence. She had said that something had to come of it, and that death would not be the answer. Would he carry her words with him, even now, if she did not care for him? Could he possibly go on living if she –
The faintest threads of confusion entered the air, confusion that was not his. Jasper's eyes shot over to –
Yes. Yes. Alice's eyelids were fluttering open, her rosy mouth straining before…
"Jasper?"
Oh, dear God, she remembers me.
Her eyes had yet to fully open when she called his name. He was the first thing on her mind when she awoke, and his entire being was rejoicing.
"I'm here," he said, leaning over her, his face just above hers so that when her eyes did open, he was the image she beheld.
Her eyelids parted slowly, opening fully to reveal bright red orbs – the eyes she had once seen staring out of his face, now misplaced in hers. He bowed his head for a moment, all at once thankful she was back, praising she was his, and cursing that it was him who had ruined her so.
A small hand pressed against his cheek, and the feeling was intoxicating.
"Jasper…"
He looked back up to see her frozen, her mind processing whatever future event had come to her. When she returned, he felt a sudden wave of knowledge and sympathy come from her.
"The bears…" she murmured. "Is Esme alright?"
"Yes, and you are too," he replied. "Only…"
He took a deep breath and reached for the bedside table, opening the drawer and pulling out a hand mirror, holding it out to her wordlessly. She took it, holding it before her face for a moment…then fingered the two swollen bitemarks at her neck that were just now starting to fade.
"Did you…?"
He nodded, saying nothing, watching and waiting as she put the mirror on the bed and stared him straight in the eye.
"I understand."
She knew. She knew it all. And she still loved him for it. He was unworthy, unclean, and still she loved him.
A small laugh, merry and bright, filled his ears like angelic music. Alice was smiling.
"Did you think I would hate you?" she asked as if it were the most ridiculous idea in the world.
"I…" He faltered and shrugged his shoulders. His ideas seemed silly now that she was back with him.
She shook her head. "I could never hate you. No matter what happened, you are my Jasper and always will be." She smiled at him again, her hand going to her throat – then freezing. "My…my necklace. Where is it?"
"Oh." It was Jasper's turn to smile, and he reached to the back of his neck, unclasping the tight silver chain he had been wearing since Alice became ill. The small ruby heart pendant, one he had given her that Christmas so long ago, fell into his hands, and he latched it around her neck with ease, then smoothing his hands over her cheeks, holding her face in his palms.
"Alice," he murmured, his words halting in his throat. He couldn't get them out. Couldn't say the don't even leave me again and I love you so much it hurts he had poised on his tongue.
But she smiled up and him and nodded, turning her face to kiss his palm. Even without speaking, she knew. And though he didn't think it was possible, the love in him grew even more.
