Yeah, I know, this took a really long time. I'm sorry. School and homework… Also this wasn't the easiest chapter to write. I couldn't figure out how Roy, Riza and Havoc should interact. So it's the best I could come up with. Hope you enjoy it.
Thanks to StormAlchemist677, Her Royal Shortness, and hello9245 for reviewing. I seriously write for your wonderful comments.
Chapter Eight
She desperately wanted him back by her side once again. She'd do anything to have it that way.
The next thing she knew, Roy was screaming. At first Riza could barely make out his words, for they came so fast and loud. But soon they made themselves clear to her.
"You're not supposed to be here! You're dead! Why are you here? They told me you were fucking dead!" Riza had never seen him so uncontrolled before. He was supposed to be the calm one, the one who thought things through, keep cool-headed at all times. Right now, his eyes were wild, body shaking like a leaf in the wind. He'd scrambled up to his feet, despite the bloodstain spreading over his pant leg. He looked as if he was seeing a ghost.
"Colonel - it's just me - please, calm down, sir - "
"Shut up! Get away from me!" Roy shrieked, backing away further. His bad leg gave way and he stumbled backwards, into the wall. He just sat there, chest heaving, not taking his eyes off of Riza. She was, to tell the truth, terrified. She was finally beginning to understand everything. The pieces of the puzzle were falling in place. Why hadn't she thought about it before? How could she have been so blind and stupid?
The Colonel had thought her dead, just like the rest of the world.
It was then Riza saw Havoc's head stick through the door frame. He was back from the hospital, visiting Fuery. "Lieutenant? What's going on?" His mouth fell open when he saw Mustang on the floor and Riza standing in front of him. "Colonel...?"
Roy had gone frighteningly silent. His eyes travelled from Riza to Havoc and then back to Riza again. Then, slowly, as if he'd come to a large decision, he pulled out what Riza recognized as his alchemic glove, and slipped it on. He began to raise his hand. Ready to snap.
Riza's heart was in her mouth. Havoc was shouting something, but she couldn't hear. "Colonel! Please, don't! It's us, Colonel Mustang! We're alive! We're here! Let us talk to you!" Roy was shaking his head, his fingers trembling. They rubbed against themselves so hard that a spark leapt through the air. Riza knew she and Havoc could be cooked in any second now.
"Lieutenant - what do we do?" Havoc was saying desperately, frozen in his spot by the door. "Colonel - "
"Don't call me that," Roy said hoarsely. "Don't... don't call me that."
Riza's fists clenched. "Get a grip on yourself, Colonel Mustang!" Abruptly, without thinking, Riza strolled forward until she was in front of Roy - then bent down and struck him in the face. The slap resounded rang through the now-silent hall. She didn't even give Roy a chance to conjure up any fire. Havoc staring at her, openmouthed, with something like awe on his face - or was it more like admiration? Roy was looking startled, but somehow less crazed. "Colonel... It's me."
Roy's voice was no more than a whisper. His eyes had softened at last, even if it was only for a moment. "Lieutenant...?"
Riza choked back a sob. She fell to her knees, and pulled Roy into a tight embrace. The tears began to overflow, but she didn't bother hiding them - it was everything she'd been holding back since she'd first learned of Roy's disappearance.
She could have sworn she felt his arms around her, as well.
Riza agreed to have Havoc over for dinner. He said that he wanted to eat with Mustang again. It was something they hadn't been able to do for such a long time.
Riza kept a cautious silence as Roy warily sat down and began to shove massive forkfuls of leftovers into his mouth. Havoc kept casting furtive glances at him, but he kept his mouth closed. When had he last eaten? Riza wondered. He was like a wolf tearing into a fresh kill. Back when he was still in the military he would never eat like that. It had been only six months since Riza had last seen him, but he'd changed. He was noticeably thinner. There was a black bruise on the side of his face where Havoc had punched him. His black hair was longer and unkempt, as if they'd been hastily cut by a pair of scissors, and they still hung over his eyes. But it was his eyes that were most different. They were still as dark as the night, but they no longer had that youthful sparkle to them - instead they looked so weary, dull with fatigue...
Riza noticed that the hand that held the fork had only a scarred stump for the small finger. Her gut twisted every time she saw it. Roy, however, seemed completely comfortable with the inconvenience. It certainly didn't restrict him eating his supper. It showed Riza just how much he'd changed while she was gone.
He hadn't said anything after asking for a meal. Riza could tell he didn't want to speak about anything. He was working his way through his third serving of fish and rice when Riza felt she could no longer stand the silence. Unable to think of anything better to say, Riza spoke. "Colonel. We have a lot to ask you."
He spooned more rice into his mouth before replying simply, "It's a long story."
"We have lots of time." Havoc piped up. "We want to hear it." He looked determined and ready. To tell the truth, Riza wasn't really sure about herself. Did she want to know all the things Roy had done during her absence. What crimes had he committed? What terrible things could he have done? Worst of all, just how much pain had he endured?
Roy put his fork and knife down. He looked at Riza and Havoc in turn, his eyes scrutinizing their faces. Riza tried to appear braver than she felt. His gaze lingered on her for what seemed like an eternity.
He started from the beginning, and told them both everything. Almost.
The warm shower had felt so good. The soft bed was also heavenly, and hunger was no longer gnawing at his stomach. But still, Roy couldn't sleep. His mind wasn't quite at peace, like his body was, save for his throbbing leg, which Riza had redressed nicely before bidding him goodnight.
Roy let his eyes close. Maybe if I go to sleep, I'll wake up to find that this is all a damned dream… Maybe Riza's not really here, alive… She's dead… So is Havoc, Falman, Breda and Fuery… This isn't real… It's a cruel dream…
Who're you kidding? Fool.
He knew this was truly happening. He opened his eyes again.
What was it that he wanted, anyway? How many times had he wished that he had his subordinates back with him? How many times? He'd lost count. All those moments of exhaustion, of being alone, of being in the dark, with no one to turn to, with no one to support him – it was what he'd been living in for the past months. Roy had constantly missed his subordinates so badly.
It had come true. His wish had come true. And now his world was about to collapse for a second time.
Roy had never expected this to happen. It was a possibility he'd never thought about. Now that he asked himself again, why hadn't he? Why did he believe those stupid generals and their mediocre search teams? Roy cursed himself for not thinking, analyzing and deducting like he always did at that time. Only if he'd known that his squad wasn't completely eliminated. Only if he hadn't done so many rash things. Only if…
He climbed off the bed, stood and leaned against the wall. He looked at Black Hayate, asleep on the floor. The dog had immediately made it his job to tail Mustang wherever he went. As if he wanted to protect him. Maybe Riza commanded him do to so. It seemed likely. Roy had to grin. Riza hadn't changed one bit. Neither had Havoc, judging by the cigarette still having its permanent spot between his teeth. Roy wondered what Fuery, Breda and Falman were doing right now. Probably Riza had called them, telling them of his return.
What was he going to do now? Roy had no idea. There was no way he'd be able to get back into the military. It wasn't going to be possible. He couldn't go back to his old criminal ways, either, not with all his subordinates watching… What was he to do?
What had been the point of his entire past six months, anyways?
He'd done everything to milk revenge from the military. Revenge for what? His beloved squad was alive and well. Roy had blamed himself and his commanders for their 'deaths'; he'd done his best to punish himself. He hadn't regretted it before, for he firmly believed that he'd deserved it. What about now? Why had he made himself go through all that? Why had he thrown away his life's goals and dreams? All for a lie. He'd done all this for a lie.
Roy sank down to a sitting position. He covered his face with one hand for a moment, the one without a finger. He took it off and stared at it for a moment. Remembered what it felt like, losing it. Remembered everything he'd been through. A mad grin began pulling at the corners of his mouth. Riza… Riza isn't dead. None of them are dead. Even the damned dog's here. Everyone… Everyone is fine.
His shoulders shook. He burst out laughing.
This was almost comical. He laughed until he had to gasp for breath.
From a few feet away, he heard the dog whine.
"It's hilarious, isn't it, Black Hayate." Roy chuckled. "It's so damn hilarious, this thing called life." He leaned his back against the wall and looked out the window – stars were sparkling in the dark sky, as if to mock him. He gave another humorless smirk. "What an ugly world."
As if to agree with him, Hayate padded over and lay down next to him, nuzzling at Roy's foot with his muzzle and wet nose.
Outside, crickets chirped.
The next morning, Riza woke early, far before the sun rose. Her head was still buzzing from the thrill and shock of being reunited with the Colonel. Havoc, too was up already. She found him standing in front of the door of the room Riza had given Roy to sleep in.
"Second Lieutenant…" Riza said quietly. "Why are you up so early?"
Havoc shrugged carelessly. "Just… uh…" He took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. "I was waiting for… the Colonel… to come out."
"Why?"
He just shrugged again. "I want to talk to him."
Riza raised her eyebrows. "About what?"
Havoc grinned sheepishly. "I should apologize for hitting him like that."
She had to smile. "Yes, you should." They both fell silent and waited in front of the closed door, straining for any sounds coming from inside. Thirty minutes passed. At last, Havoc, without waiting for Riza's reply, put his hand to the doorknob. He opened the door.
"Oh." He said softly.
Riza's heart skipped a beat. Had something happened to Roy? "What is it, Second Lieutenant?" She went beside him. She closed her mouth.
The room was empty.
Riza went inside. "Colonel?" She shouted. "Colonel! Colonel Roy Mustang!" It was no use. He was gone. The bed was neatly made. Most likely he hadn't even slept in it. Riza cursed herself for not watching him more closely. It was obvious that he wasn't in the most stable of mental states. He'd been through so much. It must have been a shock for him to discover that they were alive and well. Where had he gone? There was no way of knowing –
"Lieutenant." Havoc said suddenly. He tugged at her arm, pointing. "Look."
It was the door of the washroom that was across the hall. There was light coming from under it. Riza slowly went forward, and put her ear to it; she could hear nothing. After a moment's hesitation, she gently pushed it open.
She came face-to-face with someone's bare backside.
She was so startled that she forgot to make a sound. It was obvious who it belonged to, yet she couldn't bring herself to believe it. It was Roy, standing over the sink, his shirt thrown over the side of the bathtub. His head lifted, and then turned towards Riza, who was frozen to the spot. His face showed not much emotion, just a mild surprise at seeing who had invaded his privacy.
"Colonel… I…" Riza couldn't tear her gaze away from Roy's shirtless body. It was the body of a predator – or was it prey? – tense and ready to bolt. The muscles in his shoulders were lean and wiry; he seemed underfed but somehow still gave the appearance of power. Every inch of his flesh seemed to be battered in some way. There were scars and breaks in the skin everywhere. Riza could only imagine where Roy had acquired all those.
He deliberately ignored Riza and reached for his shirt. Just as he was pulling it on Havoc's voice came from behind Riza. "Colonel? Lieutenant?"
"We're fine." It was Roy who spoke. It was the same voice he always used back when they were in Central's offices – smooth and with authority. "Why don't you go make some breakfast, Havoc? I'm starving."
"Er… Yeah, sure." Havoc blinked and replied uncertainly. Riza knew he was no cook, but seeing the awkward situation, he wisely went off without another sound. It was then Roy looked to Riza. She was startled at how cold his dark gaze was. For a moment it was like someone she didn't know – a complete stranger. A second passed, and Roy turned away.
"Colonel…" She put her hand on his shoulder. It felt so firm, even without his stiff uniform on. Riza could sense him flinch every time she or Havoc called him by that rank. Hesitating, she asked, "Do you want to have some breakfast?"
He picked up a towel and wiped his face with it. "Yeah."
Riza watched as Roy limped his way past her. Riza had rejoiced when she'd thought that he had returned. Her happiness, she now knew, had been brief and false. It pained her. She realized that Roy Mustang hadn't really come back. It wasn't really him. He was a stranger, a criminal, a hardened man that she barely knew. His story had held no surprises - he'd done awful things. People had done terrible things to him. It would have been stranger if he had remained the polite military officer.
She desperately wanted him back by her side once again. She'd do anything to have it that way. Anything, even if he was no longer striving for a goal she thought so noble, even if now, she could be thrown into jail for helping him. She knew that inside, Roy Mustang must be the same man she came to trust and respect. How deep? That she couldn't say. But he was there.
Or so she was telling herself, willing herself to believe it.
TBC
Hey guys! How did you like it? Reviews will be appreciated!
