Disclaimer: When I'm finished playing, I'll put 'em back in the toy box… wait. Toy box? Screw the toy box! (kicks toy box aside and places on shrine the size of the Great Pyramids.)
That's better…
The Owner's Guide to the Virii Twins
A Manual
"Multipartite viruses have a dual personality. Some are file viruses that can infect system sectors; others are system sector infectors that can infect files.
Some viruses can be all things to all machines. Depending on what needs to be infected, they can infect system sectors or they can infect files. These rather universal viruses are termed multipartite (multi-part).
Sometimes the multipartite virus drops a system sector infector; other times a system sector infector might also infect files.
Multipartite viruses are particularly nasty because of the number of ways they can spread. Fortunately, a good one is hard to write."
Direct quote from CKNow, an excellent 'virus info for dummies' site! -Joules
Note: It is HIGHLY recommended to keep twins contained in their silver boxes until reading this manual.
Congratulations!
You are now the new proud (and envied) owner of the Twins! Created simply by the copy and paste button, they will bring hours of entertainment to all members of your family.
Note: Bloodshed may occur.
What Have I Ordered?
Simply put, you have ordered the very best of the Merovingian's bodyguards.
They come complete with-
-Identical white clothing (comes on Twins)
-Switchblades
-Toy Cadillac Escalade (yeah, like we're sending you a 62,000 dollar vehicle…)
-Machine gun
-Hookah (or whatever that shiny silver thingy is…)
-Sunglasses (DO NOT attempt to take off…)
-Laundry detergent specifically designed for white fabric.
-Painkillers for your convenience
Note: There are no refunds, returns, or satisfaction guarantees. (unless under specific conditions) Handle at own risk…
How to Assemble
Almost exactly with the Mary-Sue, cut the box open with either car keys or a knife. Unlike the Mary-Sue, make sure to open the twin sets in a dimly lit area for they are prone to sunlight. When you open the boxes, you'll notice that they don't come with straightjackets. This is to ensure that they actually make it out of the box instead of being stuck there being drooled at.
(If somehow, one or both of the twins are in a jacket, don't attempt to take it off, they can manage it on their own.)
After Assembling
Once the twins are free from their respected boxes, give them a little tour of the house. Because the twins lived six versions of the matrix in a big-ass chateau, it should take less than an hour to find everything that they need. Keep in mind that YOUR favorite comfy chair might become THEIR favorite comfy chair. Until you get used to various objects being taken from you with or without your permission (ex. The comfy chair), it is NOT recommended (or smart) to attempt taking back what they've stolen. Under designated tests and research, it has been noted that any attempt to take back what they have dubbed as theirs faces a switchblade thrown at person. It has been noted that they are very possessive over things they own. Hopefully if you get on their good side, that possessiveness will also apply to you.
Added Info
The twins are very fond of smoking. Unless you want your house to be filled with smoke, point out to them (during the tour) to take all smoking out on the back porch. If you live in an apartment or condominium, let them smoke on the balcony. If your place doesn't have one, well…you knew what you were getting when you ordered.
(Note: any development of lung cancer is to be appointed to your doctor, not to us.)
For your own safety: do not try to separate the twins. This'll result in a nervous breakdown. Depression may ensure.
What do the twins like to do?
Other than lounging around all day and smoking, the twins are actually quite active. Do you have an annoying neighbor that blares music loudly while you sleep or has that dog that never shuts up? If it annoys you and the twins, tell them to shoot/stab said object. It normally takes less than a few minutes to clear up the annoyance. Besides assassination, they enjoy quiet games that involve logic. Bringing a chessboard into their lives is one of the quickest ways to get onto their good side. Be prepared to have values placed on the chess pieces. (Ex. If they take your queen, expect to pay them around thirty dollars and vice versa)
Things not to give the twins…-Anything possibly explosive
-scissors
How to Maintain your Twins
-Just because they are programs, that doesn't mean you can stick some part of their anatomy into the nearest USB port and expect to download thousand of cool things onto their programming. It not only makes you look bad, but puts you on the potential "I- might-not-wake-up-the-next-morning" list. Also, refrain from glomping onto their person AT ALL TIMES! Even though they have been endowed with cool phasing abilities, that doesn't give you the right to hurt or damage them in any way. There is always that one possibility that a glomp/jump/superflyingtacklepounce might go too far and then you'll end up having your floors damaged up by a bleeding twin that can't regenerate.
-If your twins have been a family heirloom that's been passed down from generation to generation, some minor glitches are to occur such as-
-decreased reaction rates
-not being unanimous
If this problem occurs, don't fret. Just send back and we'll repair the damage at no cost to you.
MAJOR NOTE! (If you happen to bring over any of your friends that may be a potential fangirl, explain to her that wild fangirl screams are not to be tolerated and any harming of the twins in any way (mentally or physically) will resort in immediate removal from property. If she's not so lucky, you'll see the fangirl in many different pieces…like a puzzle)…O.O (This also applies to each and every Mary-Sue.)
-The twins don't need food in order to survive. Although they can eat, don't force anything on them. On second note, don't bring them to your grandma's house. All they need is basic love and attention. If you give the twins their personal space, a chessboard, designated smoking locations, plenty of ammo and the occasional victim, they'll live long, satisfied lives that'll surly outlive yours (and then you can pass them down to the next generation!)
In Conclusion
We hope that you enjoy the newest (if not the most interesting) edition of your family. When you and your twins know which pieces of furniture belong to whom, feel free to add more characters. If you happen to do so, point out immediately to the new house member which items belong to the twins. (This does not apply to the Merovingian or Persephone)
A random yet important question…
Q- What if the twins take my bed?
A-Unless you have a strong bond, don't attempt to cuddle up in the middle. Go buy another bed.
Q- What if I don't want to?
A- There is a high percentage that you'll have switchblades sticking out of you. Don't worry though, the twins will be kind enough to roll your corpse off the bed before resuming their sleep. In the morning they'll drag you to the front of the house. You'll be staying there until garbage day comes.
Questions? Comments?
You know our number…
Don't deny it…
You know that button looks almost as irresistible as the twins. Click it…or no cookies for u.
