Disclaimer: Yay! Halloween is just 3 weeks away! So instead of bringing out a pillow case and having it filled up with candy, I've decided to bring my AOL mailbox and have it filled up with reviews! (besides, reviews don't have calories and they make you feel as if you've just had a heap of sugar…Mmm…)
Thanks SO much to Angelus-Cantus, KillerBeas4 Brains andAnakin McFly for reviewing. Peeps review so I can give you a (hug!) too!
The Owner's Guide to THE ONE
A Manual
Congratulations!
You are the proud owner of Neo! Finally, the star of the matrix itself has arrived via Fed Ex to the front of your doorstep. Take the time to read the enclosed manual in order to obtain all the benefits that your Neo can provide.
What have I ordered?
You have ordered Superman to the power of three. Unlike the other characters, Neo's not only delivered in a box, but it comes complete with a nice red bow on top that spans the length of four feet. He comes complete with ALL of the following:
-Super cool sunglasses
-Black trench coat
-A dozen cookies the Oracle sent him before arriving at your house (Taking them would be suicide)
-An Agent Smith voodoo doll.
-Trinity plushie
-Stick on plugs for your own amusement.
-Spoon
Any attempt at taking either the third or fifth item will result in a gruesome death that'll rival that of a spork homicide…'Nuff said…
How to AssembleJust because the One is special, that doesn't mean his confinement (box) has to be. All that's needed to open the box are a pair of scissors and your hands. Open carefully and with caution, so as not to startle Neo in his new environment. Upon opening, back away to let Neo have some space. For some new owners, Neo may start doing his 'superman thing,' but don't worry people, he's just stretching his cramped muscles.
After Assembling
Once he settles down, all you have to do is escort him to his room. There's no need to show him around the house because he already toured it while flying. During his stay at your house, you'll notice that Neo will ask for your permission before sitting on any furniture that may seem valuable to you. You have no need to fear that Neo will abduct your favorite comfy chair OR bed. The only thing in danger of abduction is Trinity (if you even add her to the family).
Added InfoNeo gets traumatized if he sees anything resembling the glop aboard the Nebuchadnezzar. Therefore, serving grits or mashed potatoes is a no-no…If served any of these items during a feast, family reunion or what-not, your Neo will pale significantly and will politely ask to be excused for the remainder of the time period. It is therefore noted that adding Mouse to the family will result in a hostile environment around the dinner table.
What does Neo like to do?Hack, hack, and more hacking. Unless you want to be held responsible for 12.48 million dollars missing from Opera's account, any computer within Neo distance is susceptible to being the prime area of the hacking genius. It is extremely unwise to put or place a computer in Neo's room. Even if it's a stone age Windows 95, your Neo has enough patience for the thing to start, load and occasionally crash. If you want to spend quality time with the One, that means parting with your dear computer and throwing it outside. Every now and then, Neo will arrive home late at night. What does this mean?
-He's been at your neighbor's house hacking on their computer…
OR
-a Neo-crazed fangirl got a hold of your phone number, called when you weren't home, and bribed him with an whole day of hacking fun.
Unless you want this to continue, we strongly recommend that you lock all doors and place motion detectors outside. It is also wise to murder any fangirls within a 50-mile radius.
Other than that, if he's depressed or feeling bored, he'll occasionally whip out his Agent Smith voodoo doll and prick it with shiny needles. At this time, it is wise to refrain from bothering Neo…There are some days when he just needs a little 'me-time'.
Sometimes during the hours of night, he'll take out his Trinity doll and cuddle with it. ( XD) Please note that this information is to be kept confidential because Neo has dignity, pride and an ego that needs to maintain its reputation. If Neo does something that Neo shouldn't have done, just take a picture off him snugglin' with the doll and post it on the Internet. You'll notice a significant improvement in no time at all.
How to Maintain your NeoWith Neo, there really is nothing to maintain. Just make sure that you do the following and your Neo will appreciate you for however long you keep it up.
-Have breakfast, lunch, and dinner on the table everyday at consistent times. Under designated psychological studies at General Mills, Mr. Anderson likes to have his breakfast EXACTLY at 7:16. There is no evidence why this time has been chosen.
-Make sure that you don't use all the hot water.
-At least once a day, have Neo go outside and jog around the perimeter of your household/apartment/condo/box.
Note: Flying is only recommended when people are not in sight.
-If his voodoo doll or Trinity doll get torn to shreds due to overuse, replace immediately. DO NOT throw the old ones away, especially the Trinity doll. Severe beating will occur.
In ConclusionWe hope that you enjoy the newest (and most sought after) member of your family. If you feel as if Neo wants a friend, we recommend the following characters:
-Morpheus
-Link
-Trinity
The Architect is not recommended.
If you want some juicy drama within the household, feel free to add the Trinity and Mary-Sue characters. For intense drama, add Persephone to the mix.
Thank you for reading the manual, you may now open the box. Refrain from accidentally strangling self with ribbon. We are not held accountable for any injuries on your part.
If you click a certain button, Neo will magically appear and give you a nice, big bear hug…if you're not so lucky, a pop up screen will appear and you will be compelled to fill in the blank spaces. It'll also make a certain authoress ecstatic and update faster! Hugs, cookies, candy and Neo all around!
Neo: I feel so used…
