Disclaimer: Yay! All you reviewers have made my day! As a reward for your contributions, I proudly present--

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The Owner's Guide to the Matrix

A Manual

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Note: Keep box in a top-secret location before and after reading this manual. In order to obtain the full benefits of this wonderful device, please take 10 minutes to read manual thoroughly.

Matrix not made in China…

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Congratulations!

You are now the new proud owner of the Matrix! Although this may be the best thing to ever happen in your lifetime, it significantly decreases your chances of living past 60. The reasons are explained below.

What Have I Ordered?

You have ordered the very thing people will hold wars over. Because you own the most sought after item in all of Matrix-dom, prepare to receive anything from blackmail to house-break-ins by people carrying AK-47s. Although your life is in danger while you possess this valuable item, we're all going to die anyways. Might as well die happy! (And with everyone knowing that YOU owned the Matrix.)

The Matrix comes complete with:

-Characters

-Additional storage space in case you want to add anything

-Everything seen in the trilogies down to the last steak billboard ad (noticed that while watching the car scene chase in Reloaded. I believe it had a cow on it…)

How to Assemble

The Matrix disk comes packaged in a green box with the Matrix code scrolling down the sides. It's loaded with Styrofoam and bubble wrap to ensure its safe passage from our company to your house. To open, use scissors or a knife. Keep in mind to open the box slowly unless you want to suffocate in an avalanche of Styrofoam and bubble wrap.

(Note: This has happened to some owners who believe that they were too good enough to read the manual. Those that died had their Matrix disks transported back to the company.)

After Assembling

Once the product is freed from its respective packaging; lightly brush off the remaining packing noodles. Carefully turn the CD over and check for any possible scratches. Once cleaned and checked, discard the box and all of its trash in the nearest garbage bin. Then go to your computer and place the Matrix CD into the CD drive. Once in, a little pop-up screen will appear asking you if you want to install. Click yes. You'll then notice the files downloading and may take approximately a day or so to fully download. The Matrix can be downloaded onto any computer day or night. When downloading, make sure that all other programs are not running. Running programs interfere with the downloading progress and may extend the time it takes to effectively download.

Added Info

Because you now own the Matrix (and all of humanity) on your computer, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT turn it off. This'll result in the Matrix world coming to a standstill, followed by a cataclysmic crash. Your days as a proud Matrix owner are gone…nullified…nonexistent and all you'll be left with is a blank screen and a small red flashing light. Keep in mind that the Matrix CANNOT be reinstalled. Just wrap up the CD and mail it back to us. We'll happily give you a full refund. Afterwards, you can go back to a normal life and pretend nothing happened.

How to Maintain the Matrix

Maintaining the Matrix is very costly and will put a significant dent in your wallet unless you happen to be a millionaire or billionaire. Because you are unable to turn off the computer while the Matrix is running, your electricity bill will skyrocket. In addition, you must keep in mind to update new programs and see to it that everything is in balance. If you are unsure about how to operate the Matrix, get the Architect A.S.A.P and please do not press any of these buttons-

-Ctrl+Alt+Delete

-Escape

-Delete

-The power button

In Conclusion

We hope that owning the Matrix is well worth it. It's not everyday that you get to control humanity, spy on people (via Architect's multi TV's) and fiddle around with important programming. Some side affects of the Matrix include extreme swelling of ego and abuse of power. To see if you're worthy of such power and responsibility, call us at 1-800-Review. The Matrix costs vary upon demand and availability.

Q- Am I able to transport myself to the Matrix?

Fortunately or unfortunately- NO. The only way of effective way to transport yourself is by dreaming. Anyways, if you could transport yourself, you have no operator to get your butt out of there. In addition, you need all of the equipment and you yourself would've had to have been plugged in the Matrix at some time (Unless you want to stick a long pointy needle up into your brain cavity thinking that you'll come out alive.)

Q- What if the Matrix isn't for me?

Quite simple. Just send us back your Matrix CD and then resume your normal life. If you're lucky, we'll send you a Sims game. Although you don't get to play with real people, the Sims is less complex and easier to understand. The Sims is truly the Matrix for dummies.


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Because I'm not able to own the Matrix, I pretend with all my heart that the Sims2 University is. I actually have Neo, Trinity, a few characters from Interview with the Vampire, 2 from Inuyasha and one from Naruto…I recently downloaded Matrix pajama pants…How f'in cool is that?

Don't worry people, I'll get back to typing about characters. This thought just popped into my head when coconut shampoo got into my eye…I don't know how…but it did…perhaps if I do that again I'll get another idea. Or I'll just go blind. That tear-free label is a lie…A LIE I TELL YOU!!!

Lies….

XD

15 seconds of your free time results in a blinding smile from the authoress. Here are some matrix sunglasses for your protection.