A/N: Yes, as bizarre as it seems, I actually am updating this quickly. *wonders if this is actually bizarre, or if it's actually just in self's mind XD* *clears throat* This story is so angsty and so hard for me to write, but as depressing as this chapter begins, I guarantee it will resolve itself by the end. I just hope you all don't find this a crappy, rushed, unrealistic story by its completion. *gulp* With that said, please R & R, and let's hope this Monday's episode doesn't kill us.
*One last thing—this chapter will be more Chuck-centered in its POV. I love B to death, and am definitely slightly more biased with her than with Chuck (hence the exaggeration on how bad she must feel in the previous chapter ;p), but…*shrugs* idk. I have just decided this. XD Enjoy!
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Ch.3—Just a Trust Thing
He couldn't believe she actually hadn't tracked him down.
Sure, he had told her to stay away, but he didn't expect she was actually going to. Maybe it was a petty fight, maybe it wasn't, but this was Blair Waldorf and the only reason she ever listened to anybody was if she was forced to.
Chuck paced his bedroom, dragging his hand through the thick tufts of brown hair atop of his head. He couldn't help but feeling how empty the space was without her in it. Whenever she did not really have to be at school, she was there, beside him…or astride him, give or take. And it had been so long since he had felt her, even if it had only been 3 ½ days. The exact hours and minutes he wasn't sure of, but he knew if he really sat down and thought about it, he could come up with the precise numerical digits.
With an assistant at hand, naturally.
He sighed, falling down to the far side of his bed and slumping over into a dejected, miserable position. He was still really mad at her. But he saw the issue clearer now, and he knew that her initial intentions post-fight had been the right ones.
They should have stayed and talked it out .It was absolute hell being this long without her.
"She would be jealous if the assistant was tall….slender…blonde…"he contemplated, pursing his lips. He smirked at the thought, but then his smile faded. If they weren't fighting, he would have actual cause for thinking these things.
She would have no reason to be jealous, obviously, but…
There was a soft knock at the door, and he knew it was her. He sighed in relief, knowing he couldn't look so grateful once he opened the door. He had told her he needed time, space, without her, but that didn't mean she could hold out forever. He beamed.
Thank god.
"Blair," he stated neutrally. Her head was ducked down and her eyes glued to the floor. She gulped, and it made him very uneasy. He cleared his throat, and she looked up at him. She appeared to be trying to breathe evenly, and yet appear completely normal.
Who was he to state the obvious?
"Chuck," she smiled wide, and it caught him off guard. His eyes narrowed. "So nice of you to invite me in," she pushed past him and sat facing him on the couch. "It's been awhile."
He coughed lightly and started walking towards her in her seated position. "Yes, it has." He took a seat across from her. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"
She blinked, and it honestly confused him. It wasn't the vulnerable type blink that had been ferociously thrown in his face during their fight a few days earlier. No, this was cocky, proud, and egotistical. This had Chuck Bass written all over it.
"Blair—" he warned, but she seemed to be ignorant of his warning, and instead stood and walked around the room, pretending to admire all the beautiful artwork and decorative furniture. He had had just about enough when she started commenting on every little thing, especially since she had known where he had acquired every piece. Even the pieces given to him by worthless sluts she burned holes into. "Blair—" he warned her again, but she just moved to cross the room on spotting some more artwork.
He sighed. "Blair, cut the crap. Why are you here?"
She froze, and gulped, and he almost regretted the tone he had used. Sure he had been, and still was, furious with her for where her mind had been and the way she had acted, but didn't want to hurt her more. He loved her. He just needed her to understand the situation.
Blair turned around slowly and offered a small smile. "I want to fix things."
"How so?" he looked at her cautiously, standing his ground. He had offered an opening for discussion. If anyone was moving forward in this whole…thing…it was going to be her.
"I didn't mean for it to get so messed up," she took a hesitant step towards him. His eyebrows narrowed.
"Well, what did you expect?" his anger was rising, but it didn't seem he could do much to avoid it. She still didn't get it. "That I would be okay with kissing a guy?!"
She sighed harshly, glancing down at the floor. Now she was just plain annoyed. Hadn't they been here before? "I said, I was sorry—" she ground her teeth against each other.
"Oh really? When was that? I must've missed it." He crossed his arms across his chest and stared her down. Her eyes squinted.
"Fine," she said slowly, for dramatic effect. "I didn't exactly say it. But I am!"
He shook his head at her, his prior thoughts of 'missing her' extinguished from his mind. As far as he was concerned, she wasn't sorry and he didn't want anything to do with her until she was.
"This isn't just about me kissing a guy, though apparently you think so. Perhaps I was wrong to assume you think of anything beyond a superficial level."
She gaped.
"Popularity? Really? I thought you were past high school drama."
Her lips pursed against each other angrily. "You were the one that helped me get back into it!"
"You were crying like a baby and associating yourself with high school freshmen! What was I supposed to do?"
Her eyes narrowed and she shook her head. "And yet, here you are, fighting with me endlessly about having to kiss a guy," she scoffed.
He took a step towards her and lowered his voice. "I told you, this isn't just about that."
She rolled her eyes. "Well then what is this about, Chuck?" Her furious demeanor must have made her forget, but it did not lessen his anger in the least.
"Was it that insignificant?"
She was taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
He scoffed and took a few more steps towards her. "Trust, Blair. It's about trust."
She gulped, suddenly recalling every aspect of their fight some nights before. Her eyes were glued to him now, and beginning to water. He was caught up in trying to make her understand, though. He didn't really see what it was doing to her and how badly she was trying to comprehend the reality of everything he was saying. What lie beneath.
He scoffed at her lack of a response and was immediately brought back to how silent she had been when the topic was originally brought up.
"Do you know what trust is, Blair?"
She shook her head at his stupid accusation. "Are you really one to ask that, Chuck? You who basically trusted no one while growing up?"
"Because you trusted so many people," he quipped sarcastically.
She gaped and shook her head. "You know, I can't believe I took Serena's lame advice and thought you'd actually be reasonable after a few days' break," she spat.
He rolled his eyes. "If you haven't already learned that not everything Serena says is intelligent, then you have more to learn than I thought. Half of what she's said has been while drunk anyways."
Blair's eyes narrowed. "I've clearly wasted my time in coming over."
He scoffed. "Basically. If this is your idea of fixing things, I fear for people you try to make problems for."
She sucked in a huge gasp. This wasn't at all what she had expected in coming over. And she was not waiting until the waterworks came pouring from her eyes in order to leave.
He turned away from her, furious how this had somehow risen to the occasion of anger and distraught behavior. Plus, he couldn't bear to see her cry again. And he knew she was close.
"So, is this it then?" she asked, her voice having become suddenly so small, and it took his breath away. At least before, they were arguing, they were fighting. She wasn't silent or vulnerable, or at least not as much as she had been the other day. This was safer, because both of them were at least standing on one foot…instead of falling dreadfully hard and without anything to grab onto.
Now that's exactly where she was headed, and he hated that it had happened so soon.
He turned back towards her and knew instantly she had interpreted the movement as a nod by teary streak running down her left cheek. The almost inaudible sniffle also set off warning bells in his mind. He was losing her again. He couldn't keep losing her…
She nodded then, softly, and went for the purse she had dropped and entering. "Very well, then." She turned for the door, when she heard his thundering footsteps behind her. He pinned her to the wall directly behind them and just stared.
"How could you think that?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. "After everything that we've been through you honestly think I would give you up so easily? Over such a small thing?"
He was breathless, and she wanted to mock him or poke fun or joke, at the very least. But everything was so fragile, and once again she didn't know what to do…or where to go…or how to say what needed to be said.
She just breathed.
"Chu—"
He backed off and turned away, and scoffed. "Now I know you don't trust me." He faced her again, trying hard not to take in her teary eyes and defensive stance. "You don't confide in me, you don't trust me…"
She shook her head in denial, her tears flooding down her face, but she couldn't speak.
"…and you need to leave."
She sighed painfully, as her eyes flashed back to his. He was staring her down and she knew he would do so until she left. So, she fastened her purse tighter against her shoulder and turned for the door. She said nothing more—only erupted into sobs as he slammed and locked the door behind her.
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"Serena," she cried, sobbed, sniffled into the phone. "Everything's gotten so bad! I don't think it could ever get worse. I swear he doesn't love me anymore, I swear he doesn't. He doesn't even want to be dating me anymore! I mean…I know you'll say I don't have any proof for that, but it's so true. I can feel it! I waited a few days, just like you said, and we just got in this big fight all over again," she sighed sorrowfully. "I don't know what to do, S! I don't know what to do. I can't fix it, I can't. I can't live without him, S, I-I—"
The blonde cleared her throat, hitting the end button on her cell phone.
"That's just one of TWENTY-SEVEN messages I've gotten from her in the last HOUR."
Chuck's eyes flashed to hers. "And your point is?" he asked, gesturing his hand aimlessly.
She scoffed. "My point is, you have to make up with her!" she threw the phone at his chest.
"Hey!"
She rolled her eyes. "Listen to the other twenty-six, if this one didn't convince you. I can assure you she isn't doing this to get on your nerves."
He sighed. "I know that."
"Are you doing this to get on hers?" she raised her eyebrows, hardly taking notice of his glaring eyes.
"Please. There are better ways I could get on Blair's nerves than all this constant fighting," he sighed, and suddenly she felt for him.
"Then what?"
He shook his head. "She doesn't trust me—"
"And you think by fighting she's suddenly going to?!" she shrieked.
"Calm down, Sis. It's not like this is going to go on forever."
She looked at him doubtfully.
"It's not. No fight lasts forever."
"And you know why that is?" she crossed her arms against her chest.
"Enlighten me."
"Because either one or both of the included parties fix the situation, or at least try to." She muttered.
"Well, apparently Blair tried and it didn't exactly—"
"Guess that just leaves you then, doesn't it?" she glared, standing from the couch and moving to refill her wine glass in the kitchen.
Chuck's eyebrows furrowed, and instantly he thought of a million ways to defend himself. Blair had used him. She hadn't really told him any truthful statement that night. And so far any particular means she had used for 'fixing the situation' had done nothing but cause more drama.
He sighed.
But he missed her, and he loved her, and…Serena was right. The only one keeping them apart was him, and therefore the only one who could put them back together was him. He stood to his feet and walked to the elevator, briskly walking inside once the doors parted open.
Serena smirked.
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The light glowed from her room and he found it odd that she would have her lamps lit so early in the day, but he let the matter slip in his mind. He didn't come over to analyze her use of electricity.
He cleared his throat and walked inside.
"Dorota told me you'd be in here," he offered.
She gasped at his sudden presence and then vehemently inaudibly cursed something regarding her maid towards the face of her blankets.
"Blair?" he took a step towards her form on the bed, and he didn't blame her for leaning as close to the wall as she could. He had been dangerously angry the last couple times she saw him, and he was far too calm to be offering a genuine conversation. She probably thought it was only a matter of time before he exploded again.
After all, she had only exploded this last time, because he had exploded first.
"Chuck," she looked down at her hands, who were now fidgeting, "look, if this is what happened earlier or what happened a few days ago—"
"No," he said, sitting before her on the bed. He wrapped his hands around her cold fingertips and instantly wished to warm her. She recoiled a bit and hesitantly met her gaze with his own.
"What then?" she asked, voice quieted to a whisper.
"I'm not going to break up with you," he said, cupping her chin in the palm of his hand. A small smile escaped her, but she was confused by his statement. Confused that he wasn't angry when he spoke.
She gulped. "Then…?"
He sighed, looking away momentarily. "The reason all of this is such a big deal to me is because there should be a lot of trust between us. I trust you more than I trust anybody. I need you more than I need anybody. And if you don't feel the same way—"
"Shh," she said, instantly covering his mouth with her flat-faced palm. "Don't think like that."
He pulled her hand away from his face. "You made me think like that."
Her brows furrowed, and she tried her very best not to take offense. Everything was going so well, so calm, so humane. She didn't want to ruin it.
"I didn't mean to," she offered.
He nodded. "I know."
"I shouldn't have done what I did."
He looked up at her.
"I should've consulted you. We could have definitely concocted something way better than I came up with." She chuckled, hoping to lighten the mood.
His eyes twinkled at her, and for the first time in the last four days, he allowed himself to be playful with her. "Now, now, don't shun your ideas. If it had been anyone else, I'd be giving you a standing ovation."
She smirked softly, but then blinked away the brief happy moment. "Chuck—" she sighed. "I don't want to fight with you."
"I don't either."
Her eyes searched his desperately. She still didn't know where to go from here, how to fix this so they would be okay again.
"I just need to know that you trust me, Blair. I can't see us growing in any way unless you do."
She gasped, scared of what the end of them would mean. Her head fell and a tiny tear made its way down her face. His whole world fell apart when he saw that, and he grabbed hold of her upper arms.
"Hey, I'm not breaking up with you," he insisted, and she sniffled, nodding.
"I know," she said, trying to contain her emotions. "It's just—" she looked back up at him, "—just thinking about it…breaks me." She gulped, and he kissed her suddenly. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into her, breaking the kiss soon enough and sobbing into the crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she cried. "I do trust you, I do," she insisted. "It was a stupid, stupid mistake and I'll never do it again, I—"
"Hey," he silenced her, putting a finger to her lips. "That all I need," he placed a tender peck on her bare shoulder.
She blinked at him, in doubt that it could really be that easy.
"What?" she asked, confused.
He chuckled quietly. "That's all I need," he kissed her. "I just need you to try for me."
She gave him a small smile. "Chuck, I—I shouldn't have used you. We are so much better together than apart." Passion built in her every word.
"Hey," he wiped the tears from her face. "I said it was all I needed. Just a little more trust, that's all. It's not that you don't trust me now, it's just you don't trust me completely, with everything. And I need that."
"But you're not ever going to be sure, are you?"
He backed away slightly, his eyebrows furrowing.
"You're always going to be wondering if you can trust me, because you won't know for sure if I really trust you, because you will never have tested me enough? Have really known the depths of—"
He kissed her, leaning his forehead against hers when they parted. "I know you better than I know anyone—"
"But you didn't know this time—"
"There are always exceptions, Waldorf, but if you're willing to try for me, then I think I can at least give you the benefit of the doubt and hand you a second chance."
Blair smiled, and lunged forward the small distance between them, kissing him on instant. "I love you so much," she sighed, nuzzling her face into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, and peppered her face with kisses.
"I love you too."
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A/N: Okay, so I don't know if this is as brilliant as I meant it to be, or if y'all like it as much as you thought you would, but I hope it was still awesome for you, because…IT IS FINISHED! lol *sigh* I hope that the writers don't kill us this Monday and the next. *gulp* I plan on writing a ton more this weekend though, with other stories! Make sure to R & R!! ;p
