Disclaimer: (hands appears out of dirt dramatically) Yes! It is I! I am NOT DEAD! I've just been muy perezosa about updating.

Without further ado I present the most worn out superhero saying in all of Earth-dom- have no fear because AGENT SMITH is HERE!


The Owner's Guide to Agent Smith

A Manual

Note: It is HIGHLY recommended to keep Smith contained in his box until reading this manual.

Congratulations!

You are now the new proud owner of the awesome Agent Smith! The Smith contained in the box may or may not be the true Smith, but what the heck! Since when do you get to own a Smith clone?

Note: Calling him Smithy-poo, Smithy-kins or anything relating to or sounding close to a pet name will guarantee you an 80 percent chance of dying within the hour. The other 20 percent is dying within the day.

What Have I Ordered?

If you don't remember…you ordered Agent Smith…I swear, people just don't check what they order these days…

Smith comes complete with:

-Sunglasses

-Business outfit

-20 dollar gift certificate to the nearest dry cleaners.

-Shoe polisher

-a big vocabulary

-a passion for owning e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

Note: There are no refunds, returns, or satisfaction guarantees. (unless under specific conditions) Handle at own risk…

How to Assemble

Agent Smith is special. In fact, because he's so special, he comes delivered to you in a plain brown box with a hint of a dirt smudge on the lower left hand corner. Because of the box's simplicity, the method of opening should be simple too. Forget the knives or the scissors. Just your bare hands will do. But don't be deceived. Although the box may be simple to the naked eye, the person inside is the exact opposite. Many owners don't want to deal with Smith's changing attitude, so they just leave him in said box. Those that want to take the risk of setting a Smith lose within their home are those that're either dumb or risk takers. Agent Smith is not for the people who sleep all day. He might just change you in your sleep…(insert dramatic music)

After Assembling

Once you decided that you'd take the "Agent Smith Risk" (abbreviated ASR) and opened the box, just introduce yourself and any family members.

Note: It is not wise to have any members living within your household. If you do something to tick off Smith, his most likely revenge is to change your sweet aunt Betty into a superawesomevirusclone. If you happen to have cats or dogs, keep an eye out for them too. Smith was wondering whether he can change animals to human clones.

After introductions are completed and checked off your invisible to-do list, go into the kitchen and make Smith a cup of coffee, preferably Maxwell. Afterwards, just go about your daily business.

Added Info

Simple and to the point…Smith enjoys reading the newspaper in the mornings accompanied with his coffee. It is recommendable (if you haven't already) to buy a comfy leather recliner chair. If you happen to own the twins and they claim that the comfy chair is theirs, tell them that you'll buy another one. This has save countless Twin/Smith owners from potential virus chaos.

What does Agent Smith like to do?

If you've seen the movies, it shouldn't take a genius to figure out that he wants everything. (even that test paper marked 50 under your bed.) Besides never being able to achieve that goal, he likes to watch the news and spend time with his other Agent Pals. This is all that has been noted by scientific research.

How to Maintain your Agent

-As noted with the twins, it is not possible to download things onto his programming. Virus or not, he will kick ass if you even suggest installing more megabytes into his person.

-Smith is very picky when it comes to his clothing. In order to maintain your Smith in the best appearance as possible, make sure to have his suits dry cleaned every so often and have his pants ironed.

-Make sure his toast is well done and the eggs scrambled. Bacon not needed.

-As an added note- if he's feeling a bit down, give him coffee.

In Conclusion

We hope you enjoy the newest (if not the coolest) edition of your family. Smith is a solitary creature and prefers to be left to his own devices. If you're thinking of adding more characters to the family, consult with your Agent. Attempting to bring in a Neo, Trinity or Morpheus character spells red flags and disasters. If you happen to be a millionaire and don't mind your house being torn down from time to time, then now's the perfect time to add a member of the resistance under your roof. Open box and enjoy.


There...I did it...that wasn't so hard...

Don't hurt me Trinity fans! She's coming up next! (hands out Trinity dolls in 'spare-me-please-don't-kill-me' bargain.)

I'm curious, do you reviewers prefer long or short manuals?