Desired

I do not own.

Three days after I started my search and I was already close to putting a lock on it and walking away. I knew more about the different species in this world than I did about myself at this present moment. Yet my eyes won't stop scanning over the pages, and my mind won't stop collecting and categorizing all the information.

Alice and Jasper spent most of their evenings researching the shifters, but still offering helpful insight on my search when it was needed…Jasper was more than curious about the shifters and what exactly they could shift into…he didn't like them being enemy's and so close to our new home, but he knew that Alice was not leaving…so his only other option was to prepare for the worst and at least know what he was up against.

We were in the same boat technically, except we were both preparing for different kinds of 'worse.' Then again, we were also preparing for the same 'worse.' If they started a war with my family, I would feel responsible, and therefore I would make sure that I was in front of those battle lines, it was my plan to at least give my family time to escape…what was a world with the knowledge that Bella existed and I couldn't have her anyways?

"What if she doesn't actually exist?"

"You mean Edward beat her into our heads so much we're all imagining her now?"

I smirked at the annoyance lacing Rosalie's tone as Alice simply shook her head from left to right and shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't thinking a figment of our imaginations, more like a ghost or something else entirely. Ghost would match my theory of angel, but I didn't dare mention it, I had suffered enough humiliation among my family to even breach that topic at this moment.

"No Rose, more like…a dimensional being? Maybe I'm not making sense…but what about a ghost of some sort…like a haunting."

"I can run with the whole haunting thing…it would make sense that we would all be tortured by his ghost."

Again, Roses tone had a hint of annoyance, but the fake smile never let her fake rosy cheeks. The things women did with make up completely astounded me. Emmett was down stairs with Jasper playing a game of chess that he was about to lose…and then he would be sulking with Rosalie somewhere… I was counting the seconds and praying Jasper would hurry this thing up already. Too bad he wasn't a mind reader.

"She does exist…"

Before I could retort my reasoning Alice had her own rebuttal, "and how do you know that?" She knew what I was originally going to say…that there was no doubt in my mind Bella was as real as the rest of us, that there was just something slightly different about her.

"Alice, look at the list, she has blood in her veins…that makes her human."

"Edward look at your own list, she's cold…like a dead girl."

"Ok, but she told me once that it was poor circulation."

I could picture it all in my mind, the argument between me and Alice going on until the list was emptied and we were both left with the same result. Bella wasn't human, but she wasn't a ghost either. I assume Rose had the same vision as I did because she stood up from the couch in the corner and walked over to the window in Carlisle's office. She pulled the curtain back slightly before turning around and focusing her gaze on Alice and I huddled across from each other and above the most recent set of books on the floor.

"You're both wrong, she's both… why can't it be that easy? She is alive but she is also dead."

"Rose, that's not possible."

"And why isn't it? Look at the facts that have been staring at all of you…she's both…dead and alive. Jesus if I could go grey it would be from listening to you two bicker over the obvious. Something's are not as complicated as you make them."

Emmett and Jasper's game was the most 'obvious' thing over with right now, besides my argument with Rosalie. She took Emmett's whining to Jasper downstairs over another loss as her time to move in and snatch him up. I could see that Rose was tired of the subject, and Emmett was the only one in the house not actively participating in my investigation.

So she left sending a gust of fresh air from the hall way into the stale room fluttering some of the pages on the ground as she passed by them. Alice looked at me and then back towards the door where she stood up with the full intentions of relieving her own stress with the topic and danced down the stairs to meet Jasper. I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose back where it belonged, in the books.

I remained huddled over the books for hours, see vampires never really lost track of time, but it kind of lost track of us. Either which way the thoughts down stairs centered over Rose and her belief now that Bella was both. Of course as soon as she had formed her own opinion on the matter she had to make it clear to everyone else where she stood. It was typical of her, the thing that I didn't get was how her 'obvious' decision made sense to them. It just wasn't possible and for them to accept it without question was crazy.

I closed another book and began the tedious process of picking up Carlisle's office. Ever since that first day of my research where I made the biggest mess he made a rule that I had to pick it up before he got home, that way if he wanted to also read or research he would be able to find his books. It made sense, so I didn't argue.

"Hey Edward, find anything interesting today?"

I shrugged my shoulders as I slid the last book onto the shelf in time for Carlisle to walk in to his office. He had just been debriefed by Rosalie in regards to guess what… her opinion on the subject of Bella. Though, what had me curious was his not so tactful approach of keeping his opinion on her opinion a secret from me. Carlisle had resulted to counting in his head in order to prevent his opinion from projecting to me.

I didn't know if this was due to the fact that he knew I didn't want to hear Rosalie's opinion on the matter anymore of if he was actually counting to see how long it would take me to crack and ask him about it. He could prevent her opinion from continuing…all he had to do was mention what we all already knew, or at least I did…that it wasn't possible.

"Alright, Carlisle…I'll give, what do you think about Rosalie's conclusion in the matters of Bella?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

His smile was wickedly mischievous but his stance told me that he didn't know which way to lean on the matter, so I was probably going to get a full discussion on both, why it could and why it couldn't be possible. This would then open up a family discussion that would lead to countless hours of arguing and brain storming. Did I want to open this can of worms or did I want to choose to agree to disagree and keep searching until I found the right answer?

"Follow me down stairs Edward, I think that since you have involved the whole family, they should have a say in this discussion as well."

"There went option A."

"What was that?"

"Never mind."

I know he heard me, Carlisle was simply choosing to ignore my bad attitude, which was fine, I preferred it to be ignored right now anyways. I didn't mean to lash out on him or anyone else in the family for that matter…every wrong answer eventually leads to the right one…so if an all out family meeting over everything we have all found out in the last few days was what was needed then I would participate to a degree.

I followed Carlisle down the stairs where Alice had already assembled everyone else in the dining room. Arms were folded across the table and eyes were on me or Rosalie waiting for the big debate to begin. I wasn't going to debate, but I was willing to compare theories, which in all honesty is a less heated debate anyways.

I took a seat at the center of the dining room table with Emmett, Rose and Jasper in front of me. Alice and Esme were at my sides as Carlisle took his position at the head of the table. I felt like I was stuck in that boring game show Family Feud just waiting for someone on the other side to ring the buzzer and begin.

"I'll start. Edward, I know that Rosalie can be difficult, but her theory about us looking past the obvious seems to be accurate, I mean what if she is both?"

"Jasper, how would that even be possible? You cannot be both dead and alive at the same time. You are either dead or alive."

"Not so fast Edward, we're all technically dead…but then again we are all technically alive also."

"Emmett, Bella cannot be a vampire."

"Why not dude?"

"Because blood runs through her veins."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his chair rocking on the back two legs for support while one arm was slung across Rosalie's chair. I had now heard Jasper and Emmett's partial opinions in the matter. Now, I was waiting for the rest.

"Well, I kind of agree with you Edward, except, I also kind of agree with Rosalie. I don't see it possible to be dead or alive, I see ourselves as alive…the dead are buried or burned in my opinion. But I do think that there is something terribly obvious staring at us all and we just have seen it yet."

I loved Esme; she was as close to a mother as I was going to get right now, and sense I don't remember much about my actual parents, I loved her that much more. She brought me close to normality in the times that I needed it the most. But it was also very typical of her to pull the mother card and find a way to choose both sides.

"I agree with Esme, and I am now sure that Bella is not one of those shifters, she doesn't have the characteristics nor does she have that horrible smell, I honestly think I cannot see her future because she hangs out with them. Maybe if we could get her away I could see if she at least plans on telling us what she is."

"Alice, I don't see that as a possibility."

"Edward, why do you even bother? She made it pretty clear out there that she does not want you around."

Rosalie's words stung deep inside my chest but as soon as the anger began to boil and the hurt began to settle deep in my core Jasper sent a different emotion of happy and secure my way. I smiled gratefully at him knowing that I didn't want to explode on Rosalie that way.

"I just want answers now Rosalie, I will respect her wishes, but I feel I at least deserve an answer."

"That's it? That's what this is all about? A stupid freaking answer? The never ending riddle of Bella? And what happens when you get your answer Edward? Then will you finally leave it alone?"

I thought about Rosalie's outburst for a minute. She could believe that I had actually given up and would leave Bella alone. Her thoughts ran wild with my own obsession and then how easy it was for me to respect Bella's wishes to her own self satisfaction of how she was right, and how she always thought that Bella wasn't worth it. But she was, she was worth every ounce of me that I was allowed to give her…I just wasn't allowed to give her myself…she didn't want it.

"Bella is worth it Rosalie."

"That wasn't my question Edward."

"I'm going to respect her wishes."

"Fine, then I'll personally ask her what her problem is."

"You can't do that without starting a fight between us and them."

"I can too."

With that Rosalie stood up and headed out the back door. I was the only one who stood up after her looking at the rest of the family like they were crazy for not going after her before I took off to find out where she was going. I was not going to let my curiosity get anyone killed; even if it was their own stupidity that was causing it in the first place.

"Rose, wait!"

I knew I was close, her scent mingled with the expensive Italian perfume that she was wearing. I followed her into the woods which actually lead in the opposite direction from which I originally thought she would be running. She wasn't heading for the reservation. Clearly she was heading some place much farther than the reservation. I scanned the forest for her thoughts before I ran into her standing next to a tree with a smirk on her face.

"This is what I mean Edward, god you are so gullible."

"You ran out here to prove I would follow?"

"Yes, in a way it proves my point about you missing the obvious. Now why would I risk the family to find out information about Bella?"

"I thought you had lost your mind."

"Clearly you are thinking too much about this Edward."

"So now what? You've proven your point…but where do we go from here?"

"I didn't think that far ahead."

"I am beginning to wonder if you think at all sometimes."

"And what's that supposed to mean Edward?"

There was a snap in her voice meaning that I clearly found a button she didn't want me to push. Her eyes narrowed into slants and her hip cocked out slightly before there was rustling in the trees followed by a horrid stench that could only mean one thing. I didn't bother to ask who it was; I didn't need to…their thoughts told me everything I needed to know about that subject, the question that had been haunting me in regards to all topics of discussion these days was why.

"What do you want?"