Selfish

I do not own.

Jacob's Point of View

"I don't get it."

I looked over to Bella as the words stumbled out of my mouth. It was not that hard to imagine…but then again it was. There was a defiant tone in the back of my throat waiting to explode at the sheer possibility that she would return to him. But she wasn't…she didn't move, we had been sitting on this beach now for what felt like seconds but I knew it was hours that had passed us by. The sun had gone down and the moon dripped over the waters that crashed at our feet.

I would take her secret to the grave with me, I would protect her, though I was sure she didn't need my help...I was just sure that I would do anything but give her up to the blood suckers. They couldn't have her, they had already had more of her than I would ever be allowed to have and I wasn't giving up what small piece of Bella I had left. But the decision was her's.

"What don't you get Jacob?"

"Do you love him?"

She let out a drawn out sigh and dug the tip of her shoe deeper into the sand. I watched her head drop and her chin settle on her knees that had been pulled up in front of her chest. The wind carried around her hair making her appear to be more fragile in this very moment than she was when she told me how she thought of herself a monster. The end of it all, the outcast, the one who would never belong with anyone or anything; she really thought that no one would accept her. Pretty lame if you ask me, not only would every single idiot in the world…no wait…universe accept her, they would all love her and she would never know it.

"I've loved him since the first time I saw him."

"Then why are you here?"

"Would you still be my friend if I went to him? And what about when he finds out what kind of freak I am?"

"I couldn't be your friend Bella…you know that."

"My point exactly."

I didn't get her point; well I kind of got her point. She was willing to give up on the possibility that he would love her back to be my friend and I was selfish enough to let her do it. He wouldn't be good for her, she deserved better than a stupid blood sucker and his blood sucking family.

I could give her warmth, a family; they'd learn to love her…

"Plus this will give me time to think about how to tell him."

"Time to think? I'm just time to think?"

"Jacob…you'll die someday…I'll live forever, so will he…I'm staying with you because you are my best friend, but after you die, I'm going to go and find my own happiness."

Selfish…that's what I am.

"Do you think he'll still remember you then?"

"I don't know…I was surprised that he remembered me now."

"Why don't you avenge your family? Ya know… instead of looking for love. That's what I would do."

"You're always the violent one Jacob…looking for a challenge…what's done is done…and I don't know if I want my father knowing I'm alive. Too many questions ya know?"

"I'm not violent."

"Mischievous then."

Bella laughed as she shoved some of the sand on the beach towards me and shook her head. She seemed happy…right? These little things were just small bumps of sadness; I could overcome them and make her happy…just like right now, she was happy.

"Do you think your father is still alive?"

"I don't know… I guess so."

"So, he slept with your mother… your human father had to be scared shit less when you came out all blood and gory killing your mom. Then he became a drunk…remarried to a crazy woman who worshiped Satan…she killed herself, he eventually died from alcohol poisoning, you stayed at hotel not knowing where to go or what to do…issues if you ask me, and then you meet … him. So you leave and meet me…? Does that sound about right… am I missing anything or did I get it all?"

"For the most part… god Jacob, you make it sound worse than it really was."

"Too you…that shit is pretty fucking crazy if you ask me."

"I'm sorry Jacob."

"Sorry for what Bella?"

I could help the incredulous look that crossed my face, what the hell was she sorry for? She couldn't help the way she was created…or the way her parents acted… I think she did a pretty damn good job of taking care of herself…no apologize are necessary…right?

Right.

"I didn't want to burden anyone with this."

"Huh…"

Huh? I have just proven a point on idiocy…she's hitting the sad point again and all I can respond with is …'huh.' I mentally slapped myself before the not so subtle fact that he was still looking for her, and that he had not forgotten her, and he was still close…too close to her.

"So are you going to tell him…so that he can leave and we can be back to normal?"

"I don't know what or how to tell him."

"We can someone deliver a message."

"That seems wrong Jacob."

"Can you tell him yourself?"

"No."

"Then I'll go deliver a message for one of the blood suckers to talk with you so they can deliver the message."

Bella gave me an almost immediate crazy look before shaking her head 'no' and running her right hand nervously through her hair. I watched as she bit her bottom lip and then fixed her gaze on me.

"I don't think it can be that easy Jacob, do you think he'll still want to speak with me after that?"

"I want to tell you I care, but I want his family to leave more…and if he has any kind of 'leave' from you I'm sure he'll do it…you worth waiting for though if you ask me."

I meant it, I meant that she was worth waiting for, and even though the pit of my stomach turned violently at the thought that she was only here to watch me die and then go find him I still couldn't stop the selfish side of me from making her stay.

I couldn't be the stronger man and tell her to go where her heart really wanted to be, I was greedy enough to keep whatever part of her around me that I could. If she left I would have only a haunting memory of the friendship we had and even that would be laced with anger and hatred once she left.

"If I do this your way… I want to talk to the short pixie girl. She seemed really nice, and I think she might understand more. But you'll have to distract the rest….God Jacob; I don't think I can do this. Maybe I should just leave."

"What? No, you can't leave me Bella."

I didn't recognize my own pleaded voice, there was harshness in it, one I hadn't expected to use ever in my life. But something about her leaving for his benefit and not my own lit a fire deep inside me. Why couldn't she do it? What was so hard about it? It's not like she was waiting for him to die so that she could hang out with me… no she was going to wait for me to die so that she could run to him.

"Jacob, this is too hard."

"No Bella, it's not…look I'll distract him, you talk to the blood sucker and they'll leave. We'll go back to normal."

"Jacob this isn't normal…what if they really aren't like the rest? Could we all coexist?"

"No."

My voice had hardened to a whole new level. How could she ask me to coexist with a blood sucker? They don't preserve life and protect others, they hunt and kill them… now half of that was already running through my best friend, but I couldn't blame her for her stupid mother's choice. She was different and the only exception as far as I was concerned.

"Bella, if you go over there with any intent other than to make them leave you'll be starting a war, we'll have to kill them all."

"Are you threatening me Jacob?"

"No, but I am promising you they will die if you start this war."

Bella glared and then turned her head away from me. Her hair whipped behind her as she mumbled an 'alright' and stood up. I felt awful, but not awful enough to apologize. I had to do what was best for her and the reservation. I couldn't let their lives be at risk over something as unsure as though blood suckers.

"Let's go right now, the sooner the better."

"Jacob, I don't even know what to say…"

"Figure it out on the way."

I shifted and mentally let everyone know what was going on and what I was doing the minute I did. I trusted Bella but I didn't trust them, and in matters of the heart; I knew I couldn't completely trust myself. I was inches closer to having her to myself again, and I wasn't about to let anything step in between that.

I took off running only glancing back once or twice to make sure that she was still behind me. It would be easy, I'd make up some bull shit about the treaty and request to speak to Edward specifically… she would talk to the rest. Now the only question was how to get them into different locations.

I didn't have to think on that very long before another scent drifted and headed south into the woods. It had to be a couple of them. I looked back and noticed that Bella was already on a different path, she obviously picked up the same scent I did. She crossed around the trees and jumped on to a branch taking cover high above while I moved closer to the scent. The voices echoing off the patterns told me it was him. I nodded my head towards Bella and watched as she dove out of the tree and began running again. This had better not take very long.

"What do you want?"