In the End

I do not own.

Bella's Point of View

I was angry, but years of repressing my anger had taught me to conceal it well. When Jacob had threatened the lives of the family I had hoped to join in the distant future...it was like stabbing a knife in the pit of my stomach. I knew better than to tell him the truth, I knew he wouldn't understand, but something made me do it, there was an unbreakable friendship between us, and no matter how rash or cruel he was…I loved him like a sister would a brother.

I am a half vampire half human, one of a kind… a mix breed with a horrible past and a future I choose not know more about than I already know. It starts with one thing, and I don't know why I try to avoid it. No matter how hard I push and pull myself I am never one thing, always two a monster and an innocent.

I had asked myself several times if my mother knew what she was getting into, if she knew the destruction it would cause, if she knew how hurt my father would be…I never once tried to find my creator, though I'm sure he was looking for me. I had run from him at the hotel… when he came back. And that's when I decided to look for Edward; it was when I was looking for Edward that I found safety with Jacob. No one would have expected me to be hiding there. Billy was the only person who knew of my secret and he held on to it, he didn't judge me like I know everyone else will.

They judged me without even giving me an actual chance. They simply knew that I was different and to them…that was enough to dislike me. I knew that Jacob wouldn't judge…but he would be overbearing against the non human side of me…he would want to control it and keep it locked in a box; I didn't want to be something he was ashamed of. But I knew telling him I was leaving him would hurt him.

Time is a valuable thing, when you live as long as I have you'll start to watch it fly by you, centuries will change, people will change but you'll remain frozen…it supposed to tick life away, but not for me. I'm stuck here forever as my father's regret and my mother's mistake. I took her life, unwillingly but I did. I was lucky to be raised by crazy humans who thought nothing of me. I was a great shadow in there path's. And when they died…I was sad…but not for them, I was sad that they got to die…like it was some strange right that you got from living.

It's so unreal sometimes to sit back, though I'm sure it was stranger for those who were completely human most of their lives and then turned. I've always been half and half knowing that I wasn't going to get that opportunity watching the humans let their time go out the window. Then when they're changed they try to hold on to that…because they didn't know. They didn't know that they would have to live forever…I knew.

I kept my secrets deep inside, and even as I ran for something or someone I didn't know…I knew that I could only tell them so much. My secrets were a part of me, they were who I was now and nothing would take back the years of loneliness or hurt that they had placed in me. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest screaming to be let out; but I knew it would never happen, it would always beat…I knew.

Life for me was about to fall apart, I knew what I was going to have to do…I couldn't let Jacob hurt this family that I didn't know personally but had a strange attachment to. Their presence offered me peace, and Edward…well I have always had a strange drawing to him…his innocent's stained my hands and though I didn't want this life for him, I was glad that I was going to have a chance to know him.

With Jacob, what he meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard to be my human side. I had planned to stay with him until he died, I knew that he would die and then I could find Edward…but he changed that. His threats changed everything in my mind and now I had to embrace the monster I was.

I can remember all the times we fought over small things, and I knew his reasoning then, but the evil that was growing inside him soon would be domineering over me and I couldn't do that. I know I can just leave, but then he'll hunt me and hurt whoever I grow close to… I can't do that.

In spite of the way he is going to mock me and act like I was part of his property…I'm surprised it hasn't already gotten that far. But I can stop it, I can do this to protect the family I don't even know wants me. Because I don't know…and that sucks, I'm taking a blind leap of faith here and I'm hoping that it doesn't turn back in slap me in the face. Maybe I could ask the tribe to kill me if all ends badly…I can't take the hurt anymore. In the end doesn't really even matter?

I stopped running letting the leaves settle around me and took in my surroundings. I did not have any clue as to where this house would be. My senses were not as good as the others, the vampires that could sniff out a family from a mile away, or hear a storm coming hours before it hit…my senses were half that.

"You're safe here."

I spun around on my heel to see the short pixie girl standing with the blonde haired boy next to a tree. She wore a beautiful smile on her face but he was distance and cautious. He had every right to be. I was a monster.

"How did you know?"

"Oh Bella, I saw you looking for me. So I came…what is it?"

"You saw me coming?"

I dropped my arms to my sides and tilted my head curiously…how could she see me looking for her? I could barely see what I was looking for…let alone that I was looking for her, though if I had to speak to anyone in his family she seemed the most welcoming out of them all.

"I've told you my name before, but I think a new introduction is necessary. I'm Alice Cullen; this is Jasper Cullen my mate."

"Bella."

"I know."

"You still didn't answer my question… how did you know?"

Alice smiled and moved closer to me while Jasper placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her back, that's right, keep her away…it's safer. I smiled back slightly and in order to help Jasper keep Alice's distance I took a weary step back from them both.

"I can see the future Bella."

Well, that doesn't explain a lot. Contrary to the belief I don't think future tellers are much help, can't the future always change anyways? It's based on actions of other's; but here she was telling me she saw me coming and now she claims to see the future.

"You're nervous."

Jasper looked directly at me with his golden eyes the only thought that was running through my head was of course I'm nervous…who wouldn't be? But instead of speaking I checked my stance straightened my shoulders and held my head high. I had been through worse; talking with his family would be no different.

"Jasper, she won't hurt me."

"Why would I hurt you?"

"He's just over protective…you'll learn to love him. I see what you have planned…we'll leave. You don't have much time though; Edward is getting antsy to get Rosalie home before she kills your friend. We'll meet you there. Promise."

"Promise?"

I was a little out of my league talking with these two…my comment was left unanswered but I don't think it was meant to have an answer… I didn't know what she was promising or what she saw me doing… but supposedly we were meeting someplace else. Now I needed to figure out the location, but why would I be meeting them anywhere? I came here in the end for resolution a solid plan…and I was left with more questions. Undoubtedly my own fault, because everything wrong in my life was my fault… and even the future seeing vampire pixie chick had to know that.

My tone was incredulous…and it resonated in a soft whisper off the trees, she said I didn't have much time…so instead of standing around and thinking I began running the path I had taken earlier, the one that led to the area where I left Jacob, and hopefully I'd catch him and we'd run back…that was exactly how long I had to figure out what Alice thought I had already figured out for myself.

Sure enough Jacob's strides matched my own as we both began the run back towards the reservation. The wind had an eerie noise to it that matched the eerie feeling creeping over my arms and running like veins through my chest causing my heart beat to change constantly. I hoped Jacob didn't pick up on my nervousness but I could brush it off if I had to. I knew I had to.

Once we were at the reservation and in front of Jacob's house I waited on the front porch as he shifted and made his way inside to put some clothes on. My fingers sat idly over the hem of my shirt as I watched the wind pick up and then die back down again, once Jacob emerged from the house he took a seat on the porch swing and then looked at me with a victorious grin.

"So what did you tell them?"

"I told them that I wanted them to leave. They promised they would."

"Promise huh? You know I want to rip that blonde chick to shreds, she's got a foul mouth on her."

"You told me if I stayed you'd leave them alone Jacob."

"I know."

Jacob patted seat next to him inviting me to sit next to the real monster, I was mirrored in his eyes and I could feel the pity floating towards me in a giant wave, the rush right before it crashes against my chest and the deafening feeling of not knowing what to do before it hit struck me. So, I listened to his silent command and I sat. Just like a good friend would right?

"So we have time for just us know Bella…and I don't know about you…but I plan to live for a very long time."

I bowed my head down slightly and forced the happiest fake smile on my face that I could while I stared at the ground. I didn't want him to see the anger or the hurt in my eyes so I dared not to look at him.

The next few days moved by just like this, I went through the motions which made my fake smile appear more and more natural by each passing second, it did nothing for the giant knot building in my stomach, I had not had contact with the Cullen's…and as promised they left town without a word or even a goodbye. The reservation celebrated while I wept inside for the loss that I was about to endure. Jacob was becoming increasingly more obnoxious and alarming. His entire pack knew of my secret, he didn't keep it…he handed it out like a trophy…I could see it in his eyes when he spoke of me to his friends, the evil that had taken over his soul as he waved me around as the vampire who knew better…the one who he saved. He didn't save me, I saved myself…but I was about to save him.

I had my plan tucked away in my pocket. No smell, no trace, no nothing, I'd see him in heaven or hell…whichever it was meant to be…but he had become the monster that my father was…and I couldn't watch another man in my life go down that path. To each his own and everyone's got a reason but in the end it doesn't matter.

Tonight is the night, the night I planned to let the monster inside me take over, I slipped into his room while he was asleep and I presently sat at his bed side as he snored away, I planned on waking him without alarming him, but first I had one small thing I had to do…something so potent that only years of having nothing to do would have created it. Its power was held in small little glass tube and I as pinched the vein running through Jacobs left arm and then tucked the tube back into my jacket pocket I let out a deep breath.

Jacob stirred around me until my hand moved over his arm where I had poisoned him…poisoned him with my presence, my friendship, and my undying love for the person he could have been if I had never shown up in his life. They would weep at his funeral… I would weep for him, but his soul would be safe. That was all that mattered.

"Jacob? Are you awake?"

"Bella? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

His voice was harsh and his black eye turned into slits, our friendship died when I had told him what I was and why the Cullen's were looking for me…I tried so hard, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore, and I kept telling myself so that I could keep my sanity. I needed to apologize before it was too late.

"Jacob, I'm leaving now. You'll be in a better place without me…"

Before the words could completely come out, before I could finish my sentence Jacob ran a hand over his face and let out a deep unsettling ground causing me to push myself back a few inches from his bed side.

"You're mine Bella, you're not going anywhere!"

"Jacob, I need to leave now."

"I said you're not going anywhere Bella!"

His hand flew to my arm as his grip tightened I saw the rest of the kindness in his eyes diminish, the angry monster inside him was trying to take over, take his soul, I wouldn't let it though, Jacob was going to die a good man…the way he was meant to.

"Jacob, you're my best friend…I love you, but I'm sorry I have to do this."

"What did you do Bella?"

His hand tightened around my arm even more placing an indention that ran to my bone. I could see my own veins wanting to burst from the pressure but I held my resolve. I didn't move any further away from him. The alarm in his voice told me that he only had a little bit longer. I only had to sit a little bit longer and my reason for being here would be over. It would all be over.

"Jacob, just rest."

"What did you do Bella?"

His voice was a whisper of anger that floated around me before he settled back into his pillows and closed his eyes. I closed my eyes as well and pictured his soul floating to heaven, where I knew it belonged, I pictured the happier times, the one's where we both learned to ride motorcycle's, the memories seemed so long ago and so far away, but I could picture them and held on to them for mercy, hoping that someone above would know why I did this and forgive me. Though I wish it was Jacob's forgiveness and understanding that I had…it doesn't matter now though.

I pulled his fingers from around my arm and stood up moving silently over to the wall clock in his room and pulled it off the wall. I took out the batteries and let time stop for just a second in this moment with him; I would alert his family… I would fake innocence so that they didn't hunt me or the Cullen's I would do it and fake it all for the sake of freedom. They would never understand….no one would. It was yet another secret that I would hold within me.

I started with screaming for Billy's help, he took forever with his wheel chair and wept once he arrived in the room to see his only son lying in his bed without a heartbeat. The cause of death would remain unknown. I would lie though, the autopsy report would say it was heart failure, I would tell them that he got to excited and then just stopped breathing. They would believe me, Jacob had always had a crush on me…I could fake it; though we both knew the truth…it would never happen. Another secret I would take with me.

After the funeral I would pack up again and head north. I don't know where up north I would head, but that was my original plan years ago. I would head north and see what life was like there. Alice had told me she would meet there, wherever there was…I wasn't sure even at this moment. But as the days came and went by, the tears dried in the dirt, a new foundation was started in Jacob's memory and my loss became a huge charity event for the tribe. His friends looked at me like I was crazy, that or the cause. I was the cause…but I would never tell them that.

I placed the one bag I had in the passenger side of my truck and waved good bye to Billy as I drove off. No one else was there to see me out; though I was sure the pack was watching from the wooded distance, they didn't want me here. I didn't blame them anymore. Now they had a reason to hate me.

I drove until my truck broke down on the out skirts of Alaska. The tires were bald and slippery on the ice as I shoved the side of it to get it off the road. I grabbed my duffle bag of very few belongings and began to walk down the road. The night time made the air stale with fresh snow, the ice made it easier to slide along the street as I pictured myself pretending to be a child with loving parents on an ice skating rink. Those kids will never know what they have until it no longer exists, and then they'll hold on as long as they can to that one moment of peace and serenity. I never had that moment.

I couldn't tell you what time it was, things in Alaska were different, telling the time was another story…my mind was still set on the clock in Jacob's room. The one that will forever read 2:43 AM, I slung my bad further over my shoulder and began to pick up pace. I wanted to be out of the eye of the public by time they all awoke. I didn't want to deal with the humans today…or any other day for that matter. They had so much that they took for granted, they dreamed of being like us…while we dreamed of being like them.

A set of beaming lights appeared over a hill top as I moved to this side of the road and walked through the sludge of melted snow and ice. My shoes were now soaking wet but my mood remained somber. I watched the lights disappear at the top of the hill only to return, they appeared to be getting closer faster. I gripped my bad tightly and ducked my head down so that even if someone saw me, they couldn't get a good enough image of me to remain in their memory that long. I would be just another girl walking down the street. But the lights came closer until they stopped and a window rolled down. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see Alice staring at me.

"Get in; we have a lot to talk about."

My feet hesitated underneath me as I took in the appearance of Alice and the bright yellow car she was driving. I hadn't noticed the color until just now…and she appeared to be alone. Her lips twisted slightly as she reached over to the passenger side of her car and flung the door open, another invitation.

I moved over to the car and bent down through the entry way of the door before placing myself or my bag of few belongings in there with her.

"Are you sure about this Alice?"

"Bella, you're with me now, everything will be fine…just get in, we have so much to talk about."

"Alice…"

"Trust me Bella."

Her eyes were pleading, she could see my indecision, but she had to know that I would be there…I would get in and we would discuss…I don't know what she wanted to discuss but I would tell her what I could. I threw my bag in her back seat and sat down on the leather cushion before closing the door and leaning back. Alice turned her radio down and tilted her head with a smile on her face in my direction.

"He didn't believe me…but I told him you'd be here…I'm so excited Bella, there is such a fun future for us ahead."

I smiled a real genuine smile at her before my head fell back against the seat. The tires of her car squealed around her as she giggled and spun the car around heading into the opposite direction. I'm not much for riding off into the sunset, but there was a beautiful one in front of us with nothing but shadows of my past behind me, this was as good as it was bound to get.