A/N: First off, I want to thank all the readers of this story for being so awesome. I am blown away by the response I have gotten for this story in the past few days. It became my most favorited and alerted story on , and I got a ton of alerts, favorites and reviews which absolutely make my day. Trust me, my life/job sucks right now, so I'll take the little bits of happiness where I can get them. Since I don't really have time to be apart of any groups or sites or anything and I am not able to pimp my little story out very much, I'm very surprised you all have found it. Thanks! Actually, I'm really surprised and curious to hear how you have found this story, since there are a ton of stories out there, especially on this site, so please drop me a line and let me know how you found it, whether by word of mouth or just randomly...I really want to know. I also want to thank HeatherA9, who left very thoughtful reviews of every chapter. I read all of them after being in the hospital for almost 40 hours, so they definitely made my post-call day a little less shitty.
Thanks again, and with that little blurb, here's the next chapter that almost catches with . Pssst...If you can't wait for the next chapter, I'll give you a heads up, I've already submitted it at Twilighted, so it should be up, if it isn't already.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the book, movie, songs or lyrics.
Rating: T to M, for language and mature situations
Flight 5107
Chapter 9: tell me your secrets, ask me your questions
EPOV
For an entire twenty-four hour period, I raced around trying to find a human life form. Nothing. Where the fuck were we? I found nothing but stupid deserted islands with no trace of human blood. It was maddening.
I shouldn't have left her. She would be dead by now, I was sure. But at least I resisted the need to bite, to fill her with my venom. The hunger for her blood still quaked inside me, the yearning propelling me to keep searching for someone, anyone who could help me. Now if I did find someone, I'd have to fight the urge to kill them, too. Great.
Discouraged by my lack of seeking ability, I swam back to our little island. I had no trouble finding that, I just had to follow Bella's scent. It lingered in my nostrils even hours after I'd left, mocking me for my stupidity and weakness.
I heard it before I saw her, the encouraging heartbeat, and the thump against her chest wall. It was rhythmic and beautiful. She lay on the beach, her hair splayed over the sand, hiding her face from me.
And when I saw that face it was like a thousand stars shined on me. Bella. Alive. Well.
Be well, my love.
When she fell into my arms then, I knew I was meant to love this woman. I was surprised to find that her touch no longer stung me as badly as it had before, my body having consumed her blood. Now she was a part of me, and I a part of her. I caressed her hair as I held her close to me, I never wanted to let go. I took a long look at her, amazed I was able to save her. I was amazed that she had made it through. Extraordinary, that's what she was.
What was even more extraordinary was her admission to me that she loved me. The empty hole in my chest swelled with emotions I didn't think I could ever have. It was the greatest exultation and joy I'd ever experienced. Those five little words, "I think I love you." Five words had brought me to my knees, handing over what was left of my sanity to this woman.
This beautiful, bright, encouraging, red-blooded woman. Fate is cruel.
I loved her back and that is why I would not deny her anything. I would tell her everything. And inevitably when she found out the truth and ran, I would let her because I only wanted the best for her. And I was certainly not what was best. I would do anything to keep her safe, even if it meant making the greatest sacrifice…leaving her so that she would be protected from the ultimate evil. Me.
It was selfish of me to come back in the first place. What was I expecting? If she was dead, I would have drank her blood. I was not that strong and I was mentally fatigued from resisting. If she were alive, and we were somehow rescued off this godforsaken island, I wouldn't be able to stay with her. She deserved much more than me, an immortal who could give her no future.
I was going to get Bella off this island, alive, if it was the last thing I was ever going to do. I'd already kept her from too many of her loved ones. It wasn't fair to her. I couldn't keep her from living her life. She could have a chance at a life without me. I was only hindering her.
The fact that she was alive now brought on a new set of problems. She was far too perceptive, she knew too much. And now she demanded answers. I'd fought off her questioning for one night, but she was expectant and obstinate and she would get her way.
I wanted to be honest, but I was frightened of how she would react. She promised me that she did not care, that the truth did not matter, but I knew better than that. She would shy away from the killer in me. They all did.
Her words caused more fear in me than consolation. She spoke of loving me, believing in me, wanting me, but I could not believe it. I knew secondhand how an admission of love between vampire and human could go. If it could ruin a greater man than myself, then it would surely ruin me.
It was the 1970s, a horrible time by all accounts, and we had been living in Oregon, just north of the California border. Jasper had been enraptured by a free-spirited college student who seemed to equally share his adoration. They'd been taken with each other from the beginning, he by her blood, she by his relaxed, handsome disposition. They became inseparable, even though we had previously thought it damn near impossible for Jasper to control his urges around humans. He had been the most recent addition to our clan, and he thirsted for human blood more than all of us combined. At least until she came along.
She was one of those rare beings who did not shy away from us. He believed himself to be in love with her, although I suspect that had more to do with the strength he gained from being able to restrain himself around her. Eventually, his feelings grew so deep for her that he felt it necessary to make her knowledgeable of our condition.
She'd never thought we were that different than any of the other weirdos running around that era. In contrast to Bella, she was not very perceptive as she did not wonder why we never ate around her, why Jasper never went out during the daytime. She just let him love her unconditionally. And he did, and he wanted to share his life with her; he wanted to transform her. He truly believed that when he told her, she would agree to be with him as a vampire. That she would leave everything behind to just be with him forever. Literally.
But still, he wanted to give her the option. When he finally confessed his true self to her, she'd balked, thinking he was playing some sort of trick on her. She accused him of trying to turn her against him so that he could leave easily. She'd called him a liar. He did what he had to convince her. He showed her his powers, and she'd run away, thinking she'd lost her mind.
And he lost his. He didn't speak for a year at least. He holed himself up in his room, save for the occasional trip to feed. He kept all his emotions bottled up, making him more volatile. Eventually as time passes, so do emotions. Feelings get replaced, bitterness seems petty and life carries on.
Even so, I knew he still kept tabs on her. He'd never gotten over her completely. He'd never gotten over the rejection. She'd gotten over him, gotten married, had a few children and grandchildren. As her mind slowly deteriorated from old age, she rarely thought about that era long ago with the beautiful, dangerous man with whom she'd once loved deeply.
I now knew how that was like, to feel that someone loved you so much that they'd do anything for you, to be with you. But, it is easy to be misled by words. It is not so easy to be repaired after your heart has been broken. Jasper has spent the majority of his years wandering the earth searching for something he knows he will not find again. His heart.
I was not afraid for my own heart, but for hers. I could take it if she wished to leave me, but I would not be able to handle if I hurt her.
I had to prepare myself for the worst case scenario. If Bella rejected me, it would hurt, but if she didn't, that would be much more painful. Because then the ball would be in my court, and I would have to leave her. She deserved to have a family with beautiful children. She deserved to live a long, happy life.
"Edward…" she moaned, rolling onto her side. Her scent wrapped around me as she took small breaths. I caressed her back lightly, my fingertips burning with need.
I would miss this. Watching her sleep fitfully while her subconscious spoke my name. It was demoralizing to think that she thought of me just as much as I thought of her. I crept out of the tent and went down to the beach to recover myself. It was difficult to not touch her all the time.
"Edward?" she whispered and I was by her side in a moment.
"What is it, Bella? Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she muttered sleepily. "I thought you'd gone."
"Don't be paranoid, go back to sleep."
She leaned her head against my skin and sighed. Could it get better?
"I'm not tired," she said with a yawn. "I want to stay out here with you."
"It's cold," I chided. She snuggled herself further into my shoulder, wrapping her arms around me. Her lips were dangerously close to my neck. Her hot breaths flamed against it. I ceased my breathing to ease the longing I felt in the pit of my abdomen.
"Bella," I warned. She did not listen. Her fingers traced lazy circles on my back as she knelt on her knees. Her arms looped around my neck and I could not resist anymore. The proximity was electrifying. "Please."
"No," she whispered, placing a tiny kiss on my cheek.
"You're killing me."
"So you know what it feels like for a change." Her hands dipped down to my low back and she pressed herself against my side, her breaths now hot on my ears. "Can I kiss you, Edward?"
I did not answer, and she did not wait. Her hand found the back of my neck, pushing herself against my lips. I tightened my throat and my mouth, not allowing a drop of venom to escape. God how wonderful this felt. It was everything I'd imagined and more. She moved her body so that she was sitting in my lap, and I forced her back so that she was a safe distance away.
Her brow furrowed in confusion as she spoke, "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted…like I did, I'm sorry."
She pulled away quickly, trying to scramble up. "Bella, I want this more than you will ever know. I'm too afraid of being myself around you, you must understand that by now," I muttered apologetically.
She pouted, her lower lip slightly trembling. She huffed, "All I understand is that I put my feelings out there on the line, and I didn't get any sort of confirmation. I guess this is confirmation enough."
I cocked my head and looked at her in the dim moonlight. She was still unsure of how I felt. How strange of her, I thought it was clear as day how I loved her. I racked my brain of our conversation, and I realized I had not given her the verbal confirmation she'd needed. Humans could not read minds, and to her, I must be a complete vacillating fool with my actions. I'd screamed my love for her from the rooftops in my head, but I had not admitted my feelings outright to her.
"Bella, don't be silly. I want to show you how much I care for you, but you have to let me lead."
I tested myself with a light brush of my lips against hers. Her eyes were closed tight as we both reveled in the intensity of such a small gesture. Her hands ran through my hair, urging me on, championing me. I mimed her movements, letting her hair cascade through my fingers, feeling the contours of her scalp as I lightly massaged her lips with my own.
Her breathing picked up as did the force of her lips upon mine. I moved my hands down to her shoulders to keep her in place. No sudden movements from either of us. I reminded myself that I could break every bone in her body with a poorly placed nudge or squeeze. She fought me to deepen the kiss, her eyes opening and staring at mine with a frenzied look of heightened enthusiasm.
Lust, how I lusted for her, and she for me.
She let a moan escape from her lips, and that set me off. To think that I could make her feel pleasure was so stupendous a feeling, I wasn't sure there was a word to describe it.
My lips crashed against hers, eliciting another moan from her depths. So soft, so slight. I wondered how I must have felt to her, was it like kissing a concrete wall? Her hands tangled themselves into my hair, holding my lips to hers. She bit lightly on my bottom lip causing a surge of pleasure to envelope me. Her warm tongue wanted to slip inside and twist itself looking for its partner, but I would not let it. She pushed herself on top of me, trying to pin me down.
The monster wickedly laughed as he imagined me sucking the blood from her lingual artery. All I had to do was bite her tongue.
Oh fuck.
He was back, and back with a vengeance. Now that I'd had a sample of her blood, now that I had kissed her lips…he wanted more. And he was not going to go down without a fight. He would not be denied.
I imagined her lying there, her neck exposed to me, aching to touch and kiss me as I sunk my canines into her flesh, ripping open the carotids and jugulars so that I could drink twice as fast. Where would I hit next? Her vertebral arteries or the basilar? Cutting off all the blood to her brain? Or would I go to her aorta, the largest artery of all, filled with freshly oxygenated blood. Oh that would taste so nice, not bitter like venous blood.
Or I could also take my time and go for the smaller vessels, dorsalis pedis in her feet, the popliteals behind the knees…mmm…up to the femorals. This time it would taste so much better. The sheer brutality of the act would make it all worth it. I smiled subconsciously, baring my teeth.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I pushed her off of me in one swoop of my arms. She fell back against the sand, dazed and shocked.
"I'm sorry, Bella. We can't do this…not right now," I insisted, hoping that the pleading in my voice would discourage her.
Her eyes flashed as she questioned, "Why not? I swear I'm not weak, I've never felt better."
"Just trust me, okay?" I begged.
She angrily spat, "You say that a lot."
"Because I want you to believe it." As much as I want to believe it. "Go back to the tent and lay down," I commanded lightly.
She sniffed at me before turning to the shack. I grabbed her hand and jerked her back gently, letting go as I immediately heard the monster cackle in my ears.
"Oh, and if it wasn't clear to you, I love you. More than you will ever comprehend."
Her brow furrowed at first, but then her eyes sparkled with glee. Her wide smile was enough to kill me. That was confirmation enough. I now lived to make her heart smile. I could die happy knowing that I had the love of this girl and she had mine in return. I would die as the monster internally tore me apart.
----
I had the entire night to ponder how strange and wonderful it felt to be in love. Bella was now my everything, my life, and I would do nothing but protect her.
Except that I was taunted by thoughts of me sucking the life out of her until there wasn't a drop left, not even in her marrow.
Sick bastard.
I hated the irony in the fact that she needed protection from me the most. But the present danger was clearer to me now than ever before. It scared me shitless that the monster within returned last night when we kissed. He had been absent for so long, I was hoping he'd stay forgotten, buried.
Stupid fucking eternal damnation.
She slept so soundly, my angel.
"Hi," she yawned, stretching on the little mat. Her head raised and exposed a huge grin upon her still sleepy face.
"Morning sunshine, did you sleep well?" My tone was decidedly too cheery for what I was about to knowingly do.
She nodded, her tangled hair sticking up every which way, contradicting her statement. I knew she had tossed and turned in the night, quivering in her dreams. "How could I not with you beside me?"
I winced at the irony. "Hold that thought. Are you hungry?"
"I could eat. But what I really want are some answers," she replied, crossing her arms.
I sighed, "You didn't forget."
"I didn't forget," she echoed. "I want to know, Edward, I want to know everything."
"Okay. Well, let's get something to eat," I offered as I led her out of our shelter, her tiny hand fitting perfectly in mine.
"Don't try to distract me, or change the subject. If there's something wrong, I want to know. We've already been through it all, you don't think I can handle it?" she teased, a small smile appearing on her lips.
"I'm not trying to distract you, now what do you want, coconut milk?" I dropped her hand and raced up the nearest palm tree and back down, tossing a coconut at her feet. "Or fresh berries?" I ran around the island wantonly, returning with bunches of wild berries. "Or would you rather have some more seafood?" I jumped into the water nervously laughing at her gaping mouth. A fish flopped around in my hands as I emerged from the water seconds later.
I waited for her to say something. Anything.
"So that's how you've fished," she stated plainly. Her eyes met mine, and I couldn't read them. I'd never wished for my mind reading ability to work more than now. What was she really thinking? Was that really her response? Not shock horror? Not pure repugnancy towards me?
Instead of the desired affect, she looked even more curious. Even more in awe. This was a bad thing. Her lips curled up in an amused smile.
"Is that all? Did I not even impress you?" I implored, hoping to find some confirmation of my status as a horrifying character.
She shook her head and shrugged. "I must be dead. That is the only explanation. I'm dead…or I'm hallucinating. Did you give me some wild mushrooms to eat? There's no way you could be that fast, I'm imagining it. My head injury must have been a lot worse than I thought…" she rambled, picking herself up to stand.
I chuckled. She was ridiculous. "I just climbed a thirty foot tree, ran a dozen laps around the island, and swam at the speed of light and you think there's something wrong with you? You are too much, Miss Swan."
"But, people don't just do that. You can't just do that," she balked.
"What, do this?" I rushed past her in a blur. "Or this?" I grabbed a tree trunk and hurled it about three hundred feet into the water. I'll admit, I wanted to show her how foolish it was to trust me. And at the same time, the macho guy in me needed her to be impressed. I grinned hugely, and noticed that her eyes were slightly bugged and that she had made no move to come near me.
Finally, I scared some sense into her. My brutish strength must have looked terrifying. Good.
I stepped forward and took her hand into mine. I whispered, "Bella, I'm not like you. I think you're beginning to grasp that."
She gulped and nodded. "So, what are you like Bruce Wayne? Peter Parker?" she asked.
"That's comic book stuff, right?" I lowered my voice even though there was no one else around…mostly for dramatic effect I guess. "What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy?"
"You're not," she countered quickly.
I ignored her statement. Foolish girl. "There are things about me that make me dangerous. You have got to be careful around me."
"You keep saying that, but all I've seen you do is run really fast and climb up a tree. Not so scary. I trust you," she stated firmly. She trusted me? Even after she saw what I was capable of?
"Don't." I slowly walked away from her, my head hung down. "Bella, I don't know how I was able to control myself, but I'm tired of trying to deny you, trying to close myself off to you."
"Don't," she whimpered.
"I won't," I murmured. "Just as a warning, it would be prudent for you to be cautious around me."
"I've never been one to follow warnings," she reminded as she looked down at her battered body.
"It's best if you just be careful."
"Here you go again with these cryptic remarks. Why are you so insistent that you know what's best for me?" she interrogated.
I explained calmly, "Because I'm not good for you."
"You saved my life, not once, but twice. Why don't you let me be the judge of what's good for me and what isn't."
"You don't know the whole story. It is foolish of you to trust me. It is foolish of me to keep leading you down the wrong path," I reasoned.
She wrinkled her nose. "You're the one who is wrong; I've never felt like this about anyone. And I have never been more sure of anything in my life. So you run fast, so you're strong, there are worse things in the world."
"Don't be flippant, Bella. I'm serious. This is not a trifling matter. I am capable of much more sinister things. Everything about me invites you in, and I've been strong, but I don't know how much stronger I can be around you. I don't know how I've been able to resist for so long."
Suddenly my insides panicked. Shit. Sunlight. The clouds shifted and let a single ray of sunshine in, which of course found its way to put me in the harsh spotlight. I could feel the light radiating off my body in a billion tiny crystals; I could see it reflected in Bella's eyes. Eyes that were widening at the prospect of seeing me like this. I had never shown any human this side of me.
"Your skin…looks like diamonds." She reached to touch the exposed skin at my collarbone, but I denied her the contact.
"Bella, this is what I am. I'm a monster. This is the skin of a monster."
"No. You don't intimidate me anymore, I know how caring you are...you love me."
"Bella, I've killed people, I've done things that should be left unspoken forever, things that haunt me. Things that should make you hate me."
"Like I said yesterday, I'm not afraid of you." I could see she was lying.
"You should be. For your own sake, you should be terribly afraid." I clasped my head in my hands as the waves of repulsion coursed in my hollow body. As I sat myself down, she kneeled down next to me and put her hand close to mine. She hesitated before she placed it over mine.
"Edward, the only thing I'm afraid of is not being able to be with you. I feel like you're going to disappear. And I don't want you to."
"Bella, I should have left a long time ago. By now I would have been able to get help for you. You would be off this island, and it would have been a million times safer for you. But, I was selfish and I wanted to be around you too much. I couldn't leave you for too long. I couldn't bear it. And in that egotistical gesture, I've endangered you beyond imagination."
She gently touched my exposed skin over where my heart should have been. It felt like a thousand fireworks were set off in my head. I loved every second of her hand on my skin. "You don't know how divine that feels, that warmth. I've been cold for far too long," I shared quietly.
It was so hard though…his laughter rang in my throbbing head. I have never hated myself more.
"You won't hurt me." As if to show me how much faith she had in me, she pushed my arms open and wrapped herself around my still body, sitting herself in my lap. I pushed her off forcefully.
"Bella, the need is an immeasurable times more potent now. I wish I could swear under oath that I won't hurt you, but I can't. I know I said that yesterday, but things have changed inside me and I can't fight it. I will do everything in my power to protect you, but I cannot guarantee anything. It is too difficult to be around you."
"Edward, you kissed me and you were able to fight it. I know you can do it. I know it may sound crazy because we hardly know each other, but I just knew when I saw you. I knew you were important, and now I realize just exactly how important you are and how much I need you. If I was going to run away, if I was truly frightened, I would have attempted to escape even though there was no where else to go. Whatever it is…you can tell me. I trust you, but I don't think you trust me. And I don't care if you're an alien or a zombie, it doesn't matter."
"It doesn't matter? It doesn't matter if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?" I exclaimed.
The muscles in her jaw tightened. Liar. "No, all that matters is that you're here with me, and I'm here with you. I'm willing to risk my life by staying here because you're here and I won't leave you."
My voice turned pleading again. "Bella, please…"
"Edward. Tell me…I think I have a right to know what I'm up against. Come on, just tell me." She reached for my hand and I flinched away.
Fuck it.
"Vampire," I snickered, turning away from her. "I'm a vampire."
Inspired by The Scientist by Coldplay, Policy of Truth by Depeche Mode, and Starlight by Muse
I'm a busy girl, and I actually haven't read much Twilight fanfic out there (I've read and loved Wide Awake, which I think probably everyone has read) which is probably surprising, but I want to start reading some high quality stuff, so if anyone has any recommendations, I'd love to hear them! As you can probably tell, I don't have many friends who are into Twilight, or I'd probably have the answer to that question already. And remember, reviews are love!
