Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina.
Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr Nice Guy
Chapter 2: LSD-Spiked Sake or why Ms. Alcohol and Mr. Match can't be friends
Keitaro thought that this would be a day of rest and relaxation.
He was now lying on the couch in the living room and reading some good-quality pornography.
True Haitani and Shirai sometimes acted more like exploiting, backstabbing bastards than friends, but they really had good taste when it came to porn and everything that had to do with NC-17 stuff.
Normally he would be cleaning the hot springs, the floor, fixing the roof and several other chores in the morning, but now it seemed that he finally had some time off. The holes from yesterday could wait.
He soon grew bored with seeing only naked women and switched to another magazine.
Now he was admiring the attributes of several well-endowed women in a Playboy magazine bought from Haitani who had ordered Playboy for three years and sometimes sold off some of them when he lacked cash (and after he had scanned the pictures with a scanner).
He could spend minutes (sometimes even hours) gazing at one picture at a time.
However this tranquillity could not last….. for as he discovered: Kitsune was out of sake.
Since Sarah was now with Seta; Su on a trip to a science convention; Shinobu out shopping groceries, the young manager estimated the probability that it was unlikely that they would be back soon. Naru and Motoko were sleeping in their rooms. That meant that he could openly read in peace.
"I didn't know you had it in you, Keitaro," a familiar voice teasingly observed, startling him.
Kitsune smiled at him, grinning like a devious, beautiful minx that would inflame passion in anybody had she but wanted to.
"I've read porn and adult magazines before, Kitsune, you know that." Keitaro reminded her in a matter of fact tone.
"But in the living room?"
"There's always a first time." Shrugged Keitaro, returning to his adult magazine while trying to ignore the resident alcohol consumer. He hoped that Mitsune didn't want him to go on an "errand" as usual and buy her sake on his expense. He had never really forgiven her for making him lose his first job and sometimes he really got some strange urges to stuff a sake bottle down her throat and watch her thrash around in agony as she choked slowly to death.
Mitsune Konno flashed a foxy smile at him as she leaned down to peek at what he was looking at, revealing her cleavage to him. Unfortunately Keitaro was not looking at her but at several other drop dead gorgeous women in lingerie.
(Just concentrate on pretty women…. Just concentrate on pretty women….) Keitaro's mind chanted again and again, while forcing Keitaro's eyes to remain glued to the magazine pictures.
Kitsune looked quite irritated as her usual efforts to "persuade" Keitaro into buying her some sake bottles were ignored by said target. He seemed suddenly to be quite taken with all the pictures as soon as he became aware of her presence. But he was Keitaro Urashima, and she was Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno - and no one could stop her from getting what she wanted.
"Wouldn't you think that would fit me perfectly?" she then said cheerfully as she put her finger on one of the pictures showing a really beautiful piece of lingerie.
Keitaro's face began to turn slightly red as Kitsune said that and there seemed to be small drops of blood running from his nose.
(DANGER! DANGER! WILL ROBINSON!)
He knew he should never have watched that Lost In Space Marathon last week. It was funny to hear the cowardly doctor rant and ramble though while badmouthing the poor robot at the same time.
There's no need to mention that Keitaro in fact didn't want to buy sake for the sake-swilling young woman. In fact he wanted to spend his money on something he wanted.
"Or what about this? I bet Naru would look good in this one."
This little remark made Keitaro even redder and blood seeped like waterfalls through his nose as several erotic images of Naru posing in lingerie and stripteasing in front of him ran through his head. Okay, so he did have a neurotic crush on her; but he had to admit that she was good looking and she was nice in (very, very) rare moments when he could see her good side (at least he thought it was).
In a reflex-like motion, Keitaro lifted his head up… and came face to face with Kitsune's "appendages".
"Uh…well…-"
"Why don't ya buy some sake and I won't tell Naru and Motoko that you were staring at my chest and that you also were having naughty thoughts about Naru too - Deal?"
"…." Keitaro said….
"So you want sake." Keitaro grumbled. "I'll give you sake, you bloody vamp!"
Normally he would have been a good live punching bag/man-slave and done all this without really complaining and everything would repeat itself, but now Keitaro was in a very bad mood.
His mind was cooking up another sinister scheme. This time for Mitsune Konno, the free-loading vixen of the dormitory.
He was imagining himself dressed as a devil holding an extremely sharp trident while slowly boiling a screaming Kitsune in a black cauldron filled with boiling oil. Her agonized screams sounding like wonderful music to his ears. His sub-consciousness also added Naru, Motoko, Kaolla, Sarah, Seta and his "aunt Haruka" to the fray. Devil Keitaro began to laugh as he beheld the inhuman agony of his victims as they boiled in oil, pushing them viciously back in the cauldron with his wicked-looking trident when they tried clambering out in desperation.
He was now walking down the streets of Hinata carrying a plastic bag filled with three bottles of expensive sake that Kitsune wanted and this had emptied 1/3 of the money in his wallet. Luckily he had gained the foresight to hide away some of his savings in the basement as a precaution. He was considering changing the password of his debit card, if he was feeling more paranoid.
"Hey, Keitaro."
He knew that voice. He stopped in his tracks.
He turned around and saw Haitani and Shirai smiling at him.
"Tough day as usual?" Shirai continued.
"Want me to whack you with this plastic bag?" he warned him, holding up the object for emphasis, rattling it so that the bottles jingled.
"Chill, Keitaro." Haitani quickly answered and then asked: "A new bakery's been opened and I've heard they sell some really good food there. Wanna come with us? We're paying for you, since you helped us sneak into the Hinata-sou and made it possible for us to take pictures of the girls in the hot springs."
"I think you guys should stay clear off the Hinata-sou for the next hundred years or so. Naru and Motoko never really forgave you for scanning their heads on the bodies of various porn stars and posting them on the internet." Keitaro reminded them. Luckily for him Naru and the others never knew that had helped them since he managed to get an alibi by cleaning the basement at the time. "But I have to admit that it was worth it to see the faces of the two when Naru's 'friends' and Motoko's 'disciples' called them and told them what they found on the net." He finished with a grin.
"Didn't they take it out on you?" Haitani asked.
"As usual," he sighed while pushing his glasses upward. "They launched me up to fifteen miles longer than their usual distance and I crashed into a police car."
"I take it you were arrested and your aunt had to bail you out."
"Actually, no. Luckily I knew the guy. He used to date aunt Haruka a few years before he got sick of her constantly comparing her to her ex and belittling him and broke up with her. I never knew her ex was Seta at the time."
"How did you meet him?"
"Well, a few years ago aunt Haruka came home to my family on a visit and she brought him with her and introduced him to us. Actually I think he just wanted to get to know our family better and 'persuaded' aunt Haruka to visit us. I actually liked him. He could actually drive, compared to Seta."
"Seta can't drive. You know that." Came from Haitani with a snort.
"I would cross out 'drive' and replace it with 'raping the driveway' with his utter incompetence when it comes to handling cars." Commented the manager of the Hinata-sou dryly. "Last time I sat in his van he crashed into an orphanage, almost turning small kids into roadkill. Sarah also wanted Seta to drive over a few of the kids just for fun. Luckily I managed to grab the hand brake that time!"
Shirai whistled. "Sometimes I really feel sorry for ya, Keitaro. And to think that I used to envy you for shacking up with those broads."
"Being grabbed by the groin and smashed relentlessly to the ground repeatedly does that to you." Keitaro winced remembering the day Kimiaki Shirai accidentally did "a Keitaro" and placed a hand on Naru's chest. The sight wasn't pretty and luckily for Shirai Keitaro managed to convince Motoko (who was also present at the time) not to castrate him with her sword slowly. The hospital managed to patch and sew him up, but the somewhat large hospital bill was quite unexpected.
He also remembered how Haitani had squealed when Motoko hit him in the groin with one of her shinais after he had tried to make her go on a date with him and then suddenly did "a Keitaro" too, and that he crashed through the giant glass window of a nearby bookstore. He shuddered when his memory replayed the pain-filled sounds Masyuki Haitani made that day, lying there, before the ambulance came.
(Invulnerability is a nice thing to have when you live with girls who acted like refugees from Ranma ½ on crack.) Keitaro thought sarcastically.
But he had to admit that they were good-looking, at least.
"Man that stuff sure was good." A satisfied Keitaro said as he patted his full stomach. Haitani and Shirai weren't kidding when they said that they sold excellent baked goods.
He strolled down the streets carrying the plastic bag containing the three sake bottles in his right hands. They had parted a few blocks from here, all three of them going their separate ways.
He then remembered that he had to give Kitsune her sake; and shuddered at the mischief she could cause of her whims were not fulfilled.
He got a déjà vu feeling concerning how he had so easily gotten sidetracked by his friends. It reminded him of the various Freakazoid episodes he used to watch on TV back home. Almost every time Freakazoid was busy with saving the day, his friend, the police officer Cosgrove would appear and sidetrack him with something.
He was interrupted when someone suddenly pounced on him from behind.
"Keetaroooo!" a well-known voice cried out… and he was nearly strangled as the owner of that voice gripped her arms around his neck and squeezed as she began to cry.
"Urk!" was all Keitaro said.
"Su got expelled from the science convention for bringing stuff!" Kaolla Su wailed.
"What?"
"They said it was illegal to bring drugs to the science convention and threw me out"
"Drugs?"
"Yeah, I cooked something up in my lab, using rare herbs and plants only found on Molmol."
"Please don't tell me it's heroin or opium, Su. It would be quite a scandal to your family if you got deported for distributing dangerous substances to Japanese kids, teenagers and adults. I remember the time you gave Seta those opium cigarettes and that he almost got addicted to them hadn't it been for aunt Haruka threatening to make him a eunuch if he continued smoking them while pressing a loaded handgun to his groin."
"Not heroin." Su told him, "LSD. It's more fun." She then flashed a grin, showing him her pearly white teeth.
"So you've made hallucinogenic drugs." An exasperated Keitaro muttered out to her. (Great this day just keeps getting better and better!) He suddenly imagined himself being arrested and blamed for letting minors mix up strange stuff that would most likely make people see neon pink fish swimming up in the sky and listen to poisonous mushrooms that urge them to eat them while elephants polkaed around the streets, letting him rot in jail for the rest of his life.
"I hope they confiscated everything, Su." Keitaro said to the younger girl.
"Nope, I managed to smuggle a small batch of it." Kaolla Su answered as she reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a small, palm-sized transparent plastic bag containing something that looked like powder.
He snatched it out of her hand. "I'll take that." And put into his right pocket. "I'll try to talk with the staff and convince them that it was just a cultural misunderstanding due to the fact that you're from another country and aren't aware of all our laws."
(While the truth actually is that you walk over Japanese laws like it's your personal doormat,) he added mentally.
"Thanks, Keitaro." Kaolla sweetly smiled at him… and promptly gave him a kick in the face as a sign of gratitude.
(If this is how people from Molmol thank people, I don't want to see what they do to their enemies.) He then remembered how poor Hiroshi had been hospitalized by Su's greeting kick, and how he ranted of revenge against the evil foreigner when Keitaro had visited him and given him some flowers. The former postman was probably somewhere abroad in a fishing boat, planning his revenge against Kaolla Su and laughing maniacally.
Luckily the bottles weren't broken as they hit him in the face as he fell down and waved his arms in desperation. It looked quite amusing to most people passing by seeing a young man clonk himself in the face with a bag full of sake bottles while falling down. A few males passing by winced. "I'm glad I'm not living in that nuthouse of a dormitory, Mitsuhiko."
"Amen to that, Ikuya." His friend said.
(Mustn't get prejudiced thoughts against people from strange island nations…. Mustn't get prejudiced thoughts against people from strange island nations… Must resist urge to throttle Su and throw her into a tank full of piranhas …..)
After walking home (while at the same time giving Kaolla Su a piggyback ride), Keitaro just sighed as he removed his shoes and entered. Walking to the living room, he collapsed on the couch. Luckily for Su, since he fell on his stomach, she wasn't crushed to the sofa by Keitaro's bulk (which would probably have led to a confrontation with Naru and/or Motoko as they had the notion that he was in fact quite lecherous and a potential danger to every member of the opposite gender in the world).
Sometimes he really couldn't blame them for that. A lot of times his clumsiness did ensure that a lot of girls in the past regarded him as a pervert. Like that incident with Kimie in the classroom when he was 16. Sometimes he had the feeling that his hands were living a life of their own since one of them had gripped Kimie's butt as he suddenly stumbled on that fateful day after one of his fellow pupils tried to trip him.
Her boyfriend didn't like it and had been nice enough not to clobber him like a madman (and clobbered the guy who tried to trip Keitaro instead), but glued his hands to his desk to ensure that his hands kept to themselves for the rest of the day. He was nice enough to feed him during lunch and after school was over for the day, he released him. It was quite difficult to write using the mouth to handle the pencil since his hands were glued and that they had a test that day though. Luckily he didn't need to use the toilet at that time.
Takeshi hadn't been one of those who taunted him with the constant Taro Urashima jokes at school, preferring to leave most people alone, but when provoked he could be quite mean and sinister.
He remembered that some bullies used to pick on another guy at school just because he was a Korean. Takeshi responded by giving them a righteous beating that would make even Naru proud. After that no one picked on the other pupils who were of different nationalities while Takeshi still attended that school. And neither did pupils of different nationalities bother the natives for that matter. He was big on law and order for everyone after all.
"Su." Keitaro groaned.
"Yes?"
"You're heavy. Please get off me."
"Okay." She cheerfully responded and went up the stairs to her room, forgetting the small bag which Keitaro had so earlier confiscated like it was no big deal.
Tearing down the corridor she stopped in her tracks as her eyes beheld a tiny creature walking on the floor.
(It's Chow Time!) Su thought as she saw Tama, her mouth beginning to water.
"Myuh?" Tama chirped. She didn't like it when Su got that gleam in her eyes.
Kaolla made a sudden lunge for the tiny baby turtle - who easily avoided her feeble efforts to catch and devour her by flying up in the air. Unfortunately for Su, Tama-chan also responded by making a small loop and then headbutted her as hard as she could in the back of of her head. Kaolla Su crashed face-first onto the floor.
"MYUH!"
"Oowies!" Su groaned as she nursed her forehead.
Tama then flew away.
"Ooo you are so going to get it!" Su said smilingly and tried to pursue the flying Tama.
Which she couldn't since:
a) she jumped off the balcony
b) she couldn't fly
c) gravity seemed to take a severe interest in her today
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
SPLASH
Luckily for her she fell into the hot springs.
"Myuh!" Tama chirped happily as she saw Su fall. Maybe she would one day learn to fly.
"Huh? Did I hear something?" Keitaro muttered as he lay exhausted on the couch after giving Su a piggyback ride. The plastic bag lay beside him. "Must have been the wind," he simply shrugged and rose, deciding to blow off some steam.
Kitsune was pretty miffed. That was because Keitaro was in fact several hours late. Prancing around in her room in impatience while grumbling about unreliable managers. "Where is that Keitaro? He should have been here with my sake hours ago."
She decided to go to the living room and watch some TV (and afterwards have some fun at Keitaro's expense by telling Naru and Motoko when they wake up about the incident with Keitaro earlier).
"This ain't the garden of Eden… There ain't no angels above… And things ain't what it used to be… And this ain't the summer of love…"
A very familiar voice was utilizing the karaoke machine in the living room. She also heard that someone switch to another song.
"Your cruel device… Your blood, like ice…. One look could kill… My pain, your thrill… I want to hold you but I better not touch…"
"You're Poison runnin' thru my veins…. You're Poison…. I don't want to break these chains…" Keitaro was enjoying singing one of his favourite Alice Cooper songs now having earlier sung the lyrics of a Blue Öyster Cult song.
"So there you are!" an irritated voice said to him. He didn't have to be a genius to know that it was Kitsune whom he earlier had "promised" to procure some sake for (with his hard-earned cash). "You're late; and where's my sake?" she also added sourly.
"In the plastic bag on the couch, Kitsune," Keitaro answered to her in a friendly manner. He had calmed down a bit after meeting Haitani and Shirai and handling Su-chan, and didn't harbour any negative thoughts and feelings about Mitsune at the time being, the singing having helped too.
Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno inspected the three bottles. "To make up for being late you have to buy at least six more."
"Six more? Do you know how much these actually cost, Kitsune? I refu-" He didn't get to finish as the resident vixen began to seductively trail a finger around his chest while smiling as his face began to turn redder than a ripe tomato in a grocery store that was stolen by a shoplifter and thrown into the front window of a high-speeding car, causing it to crash into an Acme Dynamite Factory, exploding and blowing the building sky high.
"What was that again?" Kitsune emphasized by becoming more intimate by increasing the pressure on her finger and giving him a look filled with longing and intimacy as her cheeks reddened, giving her the look of a woman longing for love, understanding and pleasure at the same time. She then began to tilt her head slightly downwards, slightly exposing her cleavage to the young manager.
Unfortunately for her, Keitaro's nose unexpectedly began to spray out a severe amount of blood, splashing her face and new shirt with the liquid distributed through his body by his heart. He also fell backwards and landed on the couch. "Gaaah! Ooof!"
"Just look what you did to my brand new shirt (not to mention my face and hair)!" Mitsune shrieked angrily.
"Sorry about your shirt, Kitsune, but you know what happens when you expose your 'tremendous' chest every time." Keitaro pointed out while wiping the blood from his nose with a handkerchief that he kept in his right back pocket in case of severe nose bleeding. He then noticed a few bloodstains on his glasses and proceeded to also clean them while Mitsune glared angrily at him.
"Sake! Out! Now!" she ordered. Needless to say the young and unfortunate manager/man-slave was a few minutes later seen hightailing it out of the inn.
His mission: To buy six bottles of expensive sake or suffer the consequences. He knew that usually meant that the exploiting, two-faced vixen would con Naru and Motoko into believing that he was up to something with NC-17 intentions - resulting in that he would emulate a space shuttle launch.
The anger flared up again. Normally he would have been a kind-hearted nitwit who was too kind (and too naïve) for his own good that would have just shrugged it off like it was nothing. He was seriously considering starting a lock-out as a protest against the inhuman conditions he went through as the manager who was inept at controlling the violent outbursts and antics of the tenants who rented their rooms there.
He began fingering various items in his right and felt the plastic exterior of the small bag containing Su's "homemade" LSD.
He suddenly got a very a devious idea and grinned a satanic grin.
"Something on your mind, Keitaro?" a voice addressed him in a partly accented Japanese.
"Hello, Father Isaac." Keitaro greeted the Roman-Catholic priest of the church in the vicinity of Hinata. Despite being a Catholic, Father Isaac had a shrewd sense of humour. He enjoyed watching Life of Brian by Monty Python (not to mention singing Every Sperm Is Sacred a few times in public) and listening to metal. He was also very open-minded and tolerant of most other religions (despite being a Catholic).
In the meantime….
Seta was handcuffed by a grinning police officer for endangering people in the traffic after locking Sarah MacDougal in the back of the patrol car for assaulting an officer of the law with a jewelled, ceremonial dagger used for human sacrifices.
"Still the speed-junkie, eh, Seta?" he said casually pressed Seta very roughly against the front of the car while cuffing him.
"Let me out of here!" Sarah cried out in rage trying to hammer herself out with her tiny fists, but only resulting in her hurting her hands.
"Let's see: Driving too fast; assisting attempted murder with a sharp object; endangering pedestrians; giving an old lady a heart attack, blah… blah… blah… And not to mention excavating an ancient tomb in a foreign country without proper admission from the local authorities... I think you're in for a long time behind bars, Noriyasu. You have the right to remain silent…-"
He wondered how his ex would react when she found out that he had arrested her "Oh So Precious, High And Mighty, Smart and not to mention Attractive" Seta. That would teach her not to constantly have nagged him about not being as perfect as the Indiana Jones wannabe he just cuffed.
"I was framed!" Seta complained. It wasn't his fault that his employer had double-crossed him by forging fake documents that allowed him to excavate the ancient resting place of an infamous high priest and (the rest of the clergy who were entombed alive with him). After fighting off hordes of the living dead (after prying the dagger from the dead high priest's dried-out fingers) with only a rusty pick and a very sharpened shovel and managing to claw his way out after the tomb collapsed after a boulder trap missed him and hit one of the main pillars inside with the prized dagger, he was forced to "evade" the police who "informed" him that the admission was "false" and he had desecrated a tomb.
He was ignored and roughly (and deliberately) shoved into the patrol car which drove off to the nearest police station while Sarah tried to still punch and kick her way out.
"Seriously," Father Isaac pointed out while he and Keitaro were in the small confessional booths inside the church, "haven't you ever considered moving from the place if you're always sent sky high for every mistake made?"
"That has crossed my mind a few times, yes," Keitaro confessed. Keitaro had never been a very religious person in the past, but he had come to respect Father Isaac after meeting him a few months ago after crashing into the clock tower of the church and being peeled off the giant bell by the priest and a few other people, leaving a man-shaped imprint on the bell. He had then woken up on a soft bed and had then met the rather weird priest who had a strange sense of humour.
It seemed that the Catholic Church had shipped him off to Japan just to get rid of him for numerous pranks and off-colour jokes.
It was nice to talk to him though. Even though he wasn't exactly a Catholic, Keitaro sometimes came to confessions (but that was most often when he crashed through the wall and into the confession booth after irritating either Naru or Motoko). Luckily he always miraculously managed to scrape together enough money to pay for the repairs.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned… or to be more precise I will sin in just about a few hours." Keitaro then began glumly.
"May I remind you that the Catholic Church stopped selling indulgences a few centuries ago, Keitaro." Father Isaac informed him.
"Yes, Father, I've read a few books about European history and religions around the world." Keitaro answered him openly. "But to make it short - Today I want to get even with one girl in particular for exploiting me almost every day and making me lose my first part-time job."
After telling Father Isaac about his scheme, the priest grinned maniacally. "Go with God, Keitaro Urashima, and punish all those who have wronged you in a very despicable and humorous manner that will make many pranksters around the world green with envy when they hear about it. Here's something to read by the way." He said handing Keitaro a magazine.
After having bought the six (expensive) sake bottles for Kitsune in the nearest store that sold it (it was far away) and returned to the inn-turned-dormitory Keitaro cheerfully went whistling (at least he tried to, but failed) into the kitchen with the plastic bag which contained the sake bottles in his left hand.
Kitsune lay relaxingly on the couch, three empty sake bottles lying on the nearest table. After Keitaro ran off she had thrown her blood-stained clothes in the washing machine and taken a relaxing bath in the hot spring; and after dressing herself in some new expensive fashion clothes bought with money scammed from the young, hapless manager of the dorm, she began enjoying the sake Keitaro "bought" for her. She merely shrugged as Keitaro went by. "Just put them on the table." She commanded him and then hiccuped.
"Okay, Kitsune," Keitaro replied. "Should I open them up too?"
"That would be nice."
"I take it you want to chuck them down right away?"
"Yup."
Unnoticed by Kitsune, Keitaro was pouring the entire content of a tiny plastic bag into one of the opened sake bottles. After returning from the kitchen with a plate carrying all the six sake bottles (that were opened by him), he saw that Mitsune began to lick her lips in anticipation of tasting the beverage.
Keitaro flashed another satanic grin as she chugged down the spiked contents of the bottle…..
"Why are there pink turtles flying around the ceiling upside-down?" Mitsune suddenly asked as she glanced at the ceiling which didn't in fact have any pink turtles flying around in circles whatsoever. Keitaro observed the vixen's eyes; they were quite blurry for some reason.
He went to his room with a satisfied smile; carrying a hardcore XXX magazine with the headline: 1 Monastery. 30 Nuns. 1 Monk. Lots of spare time and imagination.
Father Isaac had told him about the time he had smuggled one of these into the room of a bishop and caused quite a ruckus which made him laugh a villainous laughter every time he thought about it.
(I didn't know priests could read stuff like this?) Keitaro thought. Haitani and Shirai would turn green with envy if he told him he had gotten this most sought after issue of adult entertainment.
Naru and Motoko were staring in disbelief at Kitsune who was prancing around the living room as an erratic tornado. The living room looked like a bomb site as Mitsune Konno giggled while pouring several alcoholic beverages over her hair. These mentioned were from her own private liquor cabinet in her room. She did this because she thought the liquor was begging her to drink them or pour them over her scalp.
She giggled once again as she saw Naru, since she appeared as green as the Hulk. Envisioning her best buddy as the She-Hulk seemed quite amusing to her (even though She-Hulk had a somewhat better temper than the talented but also easily angered Ms. Narusegawa). Motoko on the other hand was as white as a sheet… and covered with pink polka dots all over.
"Light me," said the little match in her hand while the matchbox rested in the other. Mitsune complied, striking it against the matchbox and holding the lit match close to her alcohol-soaked hair.
Most people knew the simple mathematical answer to this: Lit match plus flammable alcohol, equals - Ouch!
Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno's hair was ablaze like a funeral pyre.
Kitsune was aware of that.
That was why she was running around the room like a panicked, headless chicken while her hair continued burning.
"!"
Naru and Motoko winced in pain as they became witnesses to this display of burning proportions. The stench of burning alcohol and scorched flesh and hair made the two quite unwell.
Fortunately Shinobu was on the scene with a fire extinguisher with which she promptly put out the scorching inferno which was Kitsune's hair… or what was left of it.
Keitaro carefully applied the salve to Kitsune's burned scalp. The young woman whimpered slightly in pain as Keitaro's hands carefully stroked her head. The salve was soon beginning to soothe the pain. The young manager then began to carefully cover her head with bandages.
Kitsune was shocked over the deep kindness and concern radiating from the inn's manager as he cared for her. She thought that he only reserved this side of him to Naru only. True he had shown a very altruistic and friendly side towards them all, but somehow when he usually was with Naru, he would show a very deep concern and kindness which bordered on almost neurotic.
Keitaro felt guilt.
True Mitsune had deserved some payback, but this prank had gone too far. All he could do now was to make amends by caring for her and nursing her back to health.
"I think you need to lay off the alcohol until you're finally well, Kitsune," Keitaro told her strictly.
Kitsune groaned.
End Song: Lean On Me, sung by Joe Cocker
The next chapter is titled: Never Mess With The Male Nurse or Why Glue Can Be Useful.
Motoko furiously tries to remove her sword which is glued to her right hand by the handle while being cornered by policemen with semi-automatic pistols on the streets of Hinata.
"FREEEEEEEEZE! PUT DOWN YOUR SWORD!"
Meanwhile Shinobu Maehara helps Father Isaac with exorcizing Kaolla Su ( the Exorcist Style).
"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" She screams and whacks the possessed Kaolla Su in the head with a blessed frying pan…. Again and again….
Fic writer's notes: Yet another revision of a chapter.
