Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. I don't own Miroku and Sango from Inu-Yasha for that matter either.


Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr. Nice Guy

or Keitaro Urashima's diabolical revenge


Chapter 3: Never Mess With The Male Nurse or Why Glue Can Be useful


It was a terrible day for Kitsune.

Keitaro had found most of her liquor, confiscated them, and emptied them down the kitchen sink. She knew that Keitaro meant well, insisting that she had to lay off the alcohol until she recovered from the burns on her bandaged head. She also felt horrible now that her hair had been burned off too, feeling that she looked uglier now. Luckily Keitaro hadn't found the only alcoholic beverage she had managed to hide away from the manager under the pillows in the couch in the living room.

Since she was now resting on the mentioned couch with a comfortable blanket covering her up to her arms while Keitaro tried to help out as much as he could, she deemed it a nice opportunity to pour some liquor down her throat. While the young manager looked away she stuck her right hand down between two pillows and fished out a small bottle of whiskey. As she unscrewed the cork and tried to chug it down, Keitaro appeared on the scene and snatched it out of her hand.

"No alcohol until you're better, Kitsune," Keitaro mildly scolded her as he went to the kitchen and emptied the whiskey as well. "I'll fetch some ice tea for you instead."

Mitsune Konno groaned. This morning was not turning out so well…


There are some of you who believe that Naru Narusegawa hates Keitaro with a passion that borders on almost unholy.

That is in fact wrong.

Naru loved Keitaro.

In fact she loved him so much that she had to beat the BLEEP out of him every day just to show it.

Isn't love grand?

Naru was in her room studying but at the same time trying to blow off some steam since that pervert Keitaro was probably having his way with Kitsune in the living room now. As her brain began to form these images, she quickly rushed down to the living room to save her best friend from the "perverted" clutches of Keitaro Urashima, leaving her books and notes on her table.

What a trustful and healthy relationship.


The resident kendo master Motoko "The Man-Hater" Aoyama was currently outside practicing her inhuman kendo skills.

"Hiken Zankusen!"

A boulder exploded as Motoko's blast hit it head on, showering the scenery with shrapnel of rock. Motoko gracefully cut down most of the pieces of rock coming in her direction with lightning fast strokes.

The blast was stronger than her usual ones since she was imagining that the poor boulder was poor, poor Keitaro and unleashed all her rage on it.

(That pervert! How dare he try to seduce Kitsune while she is injured! I must teach that lecherous male the righteous wrath of the honourable Aoyama Motoko!)

Thinking this she quickly ran to the living room while holding her razor-sharp blade.

Normally if Keitaro wasn't in fact invulnerable, I would have said that "It's the curtains for him.", but since Keitaro due to the inventiveness (or necessity) of his creator Ken Akamatsu was somehow able to withstand such inhuman punishment - we know that he won't end up splattered all over the living room.

She was however unaware that a very dark cloud of evil was gathering over the Hinata Inn. An evil so despicable that the world would fall into chaos should it ever be unleashed. Somehow a few plants began to wither and blacken as they died.


"Keitaro," Kitsune asked, "do I look ugly to you?" She had just finished her glass of green tea with lime flavoured ice tea with four ice cubes in it and was now staring at Keitaro who sat beside her in a chair taken from its place close to the dinner table.

The young manager was sincere as he said: "You still look beautiful to me, Kitsune, even if you're hair's burned off, your head suffering from burns and bandaged and covered with salves."

Mitsune Konno was taken aback by this answer from the gullible but kind dolt in front of her. (That was sweet of him.) she thought and gave him one of her patented blushing smiles as a response. (Sure. He isn't as good-looking or as smart as Seta; stupid; gullible; kind and very unselfish in many ways; very normal-looking compared to other guys I've dated and has a very mediocre income. But there's something about him that makes him special. But why is he wearing that Iron Maiden t-shirt?)

"I didn't know you liked to listen to Iron Maiden?"

"You never asked." Keitaro shrugged as he continued to read "The Cask of Amontillado" by Edgar Allan Poe and was fantasizing about entombing Naru and Motoko alive somewhere while laughingly using a trowel to wall up walls in front of them as they screamed and struggled with the chains which held them in place The macabre fantasy was then replaced with a romantic image of him and Naru getting married on a beautiful summer day. The various love-hate images didn't disturb him as much as before since he had gotten used to them.

His body then received some strange urges. It wasn't the urge to suddenly embrace Mitsune and make out with her and declare his undying love for her while slowly undressing her. In fact it was something more personal.

"I have to go to the toilet," he excused himself and went in the direction of the closest toilet.

Kitsune didn't have to wait long for something to happen.

"Keitaro!"

"Urashima!"

"Keitaro is in the toilet," Kitsune informed the two younger tenants in an informative tone, stopping them from uttering sentences concerning lecherous behaviour that had to be stopped whatever the cost.

They heard the sound of a toilet being flushed and a few minutes later, Keitaro came strolling into the living room and found the two there as well.

"Hello, Narusegawa, Motoko-chan," he greeted them cheerfully, knowing that he somehow by luck had managed to avoid another "misunderstanding".


Something was wrong with Su.

But then again, something was always wrong with Su.

This time however she was floating in the air over her futon. Her sheet and pillow however was also floating as well. And this was while she was sleeping.

In her sleep she began to stir.

Somehow the room shook.

And this resulted in that the entire inn began to shake.


Everyone was startled as the entire Hinata-sou began to shake like an enormous mix-master set on overdrive.

"What's happening?" Naru shouted while she and Motoko tried to keep their balance.

"How should I know? I only work here!" Keitaro responded while holding on to the table.

"Maybe it's an earthquake," Motoko said.

"Guys? A little help here would be appreciated." Kitsune said while trying to hang on to the couch.

It was at that time that the shaking caused Kitsune to almost fall off the couch, hadn't it been for Keitaro reacting quickly, turning around, catching her before she fell.

Too bad his right hand landed on her chest as he helped her back on the couch and the shakings suddenly stopped.

(Uh-oh!)

"URASHIMA!"

"KEITARO!"

"Help…" was all Keitaro managed to squeak out.


A restaurant had become popular for one of its most famous attractions. Almost every day a man would for mysterious reasons be launched through the air like a cannonball. Soaring over the restaurant in a spectacular manner, entertaining the customers in a humorous way.

It was too bad that for a few days the man stopped flying over the restaurant, robbing it of one of its popular attractions (The other one was the chaste tentacle demon waiter who thought he was stalked by rabid nymphomaniacs all the time and lived in constant paranoia).

Too bad for the owner that a rival restaurant owner had conned him into making a bet. That bet involved that if the "human cannonball" did in fact fly over the restaurant today, the owner would receive a big sum of money. If he lost he had to sell the restaurant to his rival.

(Please! I pray to whatever deity's listening to please save my restaurant!) The owner silently prayed. The bet had just begun and his rival was grinning evilly, hoping for an easy victory. Even the customers were waiting in anticipation.

"WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE!" a young voice cried out as he was launched in the air, passing over the restaurant like a rocket and crashing into the tiny glue factory in Hinata with a huge crashing boom.

The customers cheered. A few even managing to snap a few pictures with their cameras or filming it with video cameras as the young man flew.

(Someone up there really loves me!) the owner thought in relief.

The rival was stomping on his hat in pure rage and frustration.


"Luckily this time you didn't fall into the vat of hot glue, eh, Keitaro?" a man said as he peeled Keitaro from the wall, leaving large cracks imprinted on it. "Luckily the insurance covers it all up or we would probably have sued you for damaging property."

"Very funny, Masahiro." Keitaro replied sarcastically. "How many times have I crashed here again?"

"Well," Masahiro said, "with this one I'll reckon up to fifty-four times."

Keitaro groaned.

"And look! Your Iron Maiden t-shirt is ruined!"

(There will be hell to pay!) was the thought bellowing through his skull giving through echoes of rage that almost knew no bounds.

They could launch him into the air like a satellite.

Call him a pervert.

Use him as a guinea pig.

But no one messed with his favourite t-shirt given to him by his own grandfather before he died after that incident where he was killed after being shot out a cannon without a helmet. His last words to Keitaro's grandmother: "Are you very sure this thing is safe, dear?" Now that he thought about it didn't the old hag haul in a lot of cash from grandpa's life insurance? Keitaro began to wonder if he was somehow becoming more cynical with time as he thought about it. Now that he thought about it, his experiences in the Hinata-sou had made him partly cynical.

He wanted revenge…


"Hey, Keitaro!" Shirai greeted him along with Haitani. "What'cha doing?"

"Walking home…again."

"You want to come with us to the cinema?" Haitani asked him in a friendly manner.

Keitaro blinked. "Why?"

"They're showing one of the weirdest movies ever made and it's titled: A Chaste Tentacle Demon and Succubus and Incubus In Nymphomaniac Hell."

"That sounds interesting," said Keitaro.

"So," Haitani said, "do you want to come with us?"

"Um…Okay," said Keitaro while shrugging in defeat. He might as well try to enjoy this day before he paid the girls back for destroying his favourite shirt.


Several hours later a content Keitaro Urashima arrived at the Hinata-sou after one of the most amusing experiences in his life.

"That was sure one of the most sickest low-budget horror comedies I've ever watched," he said to himself, "but now back to 'work'." He patted the tube of super-strong glue in his pocket.


Motoko Aoyama usually carried her sword with her wherever she went. The hot springs, school, everywhere. It made his plan very hard. But there were occasions were she left the sword in her room, and even if her sword wasn't there he could always tamper with other things in her room.

He slid open the door to Motoko's room and found her sword hanging on the ceremonial rack in her room.

(Stroke of luck indeed!) Keitaro grinned as he took out the glue. Now he just had to get even with Narusegawa.


Motoko went to her room, shinai in hand. She had just decimated a few training dummies with it without any effort at all. Opening the door and stepping in, she went right away to her sword and strapped it to her side without gripping the handle. Skilled as she was she always felt naked without her trusty blade which she used to smite evil in her way. Note that evil for Motoko meant clumsy/perverted males, stupid males, cowardly males, dishonourable males and such.


(That's strange.) Naru thought as she entered her room after having a relaxing bath in the hot springs. (Why is Liddo-kun stuck upside-down on the ceiling?)

Reaching upwards and gripping it with both her hands trying to pull it down….


Keitaro chuckled evilly as he sat down on one of the chairs in the kitchen.

"What's so funny, Sempai?" Shinobu asked Keitaro innocently. She had earlier seen that Keitaro had a content look in his eyes as he entered the kitchen and asked her if he could help her cut the vegetables.

A scream came from Naru's room.

"That." Keitaro said.

"Oh." Was all she replied.

"How's Kitsune, by the way?" Keitaro asked, switching topics.

"She's all right, Urashima-sempai. If you hadn't caught her when she fell, she could have been hurt."

"Where is she now?" he asked with concern for his patient, still feeling guilt for the incident where she set her own hair on fire.

"She said she wanted to go out and get something to drink. She also asked Motoko if she would accompany her and she did."

"That Kitsune," grumbled Keitaro in an irritated manner, "And I thought I told her that she should cut down with the drinking until she was better."

"She's Kitsune," Shinobu simply shrugged.

"What's that noise?" Keitaro suddenly said as a rather unusual snarl was heard.

"I really don't know?" Shinobu answered.

"Maybe Su's turned Naru into a werewolf." He said jokingly.

"It didn't sound like a snarl from a wolf."

"Maybe she altered Tama-chan's genes and turned it into a monster."

"It could be another Mecha-Tama," Shinobu suggested.

"Could be," he admitted, "but it doesn't sound like the Mecha-Tamas I've 'encountered' before."

Since both were curious about what was going on they went into the living room.

What they saw was Kaolla Su crawling down the stairs…. upside-down. She looked at them as she stopped in front of the last step and gave them a demon-like snarl as she opened her mouth and exposed a cleaved tongue at them.

"?" Was all Keitaro said.

Somehow the bronze-skinned girl looked a lot paler than usual, her skin having a mixture of green, grey colour. Maybe she had an accident with all the uranium and plutonium or the gene-splicer she kept in her room and was slowly mutating into a monster.

"What is she doing?" Keitaro asked.

"Something strange as usual," Shinobu shrugged. She had become slightly accustomed to Kaolla's erratic nature.

"You're probably right." Keitaro said. "She always does something weird."

"I didn't know she had such flexible limbs though? It's hard to crawl down the stairs the way she's doing it. And what's happened to her tongue?"

"And why is she so pale?" added Keitaro.

"Myuh!" Tama-chan chirped as it flew by Su down the stairs and nestling on top of Keitaro's head. "Myuh!" It began happily to snuggle upon the head of its owner.

Strangely enough Kaolla Su didn't try to catch and eat Tama as the tiny baby turtle flew by her, ignoring it while continuing to stare darkly at them.

"Something is wrong…." Keitaro said while looking concerned.

"…..Very Wrong…." Continued Shinobu.

Why didn't she try to catch and eat Tama-chan?


In a rented apartment:

"I sense a disturbance in the Force." Father Isaac said.

"You always sense a disturbance in 'the Force', Isaac." Commented the Buddhist monk known as Miroku jokingly.

"Let's just concentrate on the game," said Rabbi Jacob.

The three were currently playing Cults Across America.

"Aha. I use the Cosmic Ray Gun to reduce your Shambling Horror into disoriented atomic matter." Miroku chuckled as he destroyed Isaac's monster.

"Oh yeah?" Jacob responded when it was his turn. "I wonder what happens when your nuclear power plant suffers a nuclear meltdown."

"Noooooo!" Miroku responded laughingly in a mock melodramatic manner.

"Thanks, Jacob. I think I'll thank you by stealing your Miskatonic University Marching Band."

"You backstabbing fiend!"

"I know." Isaac chuckled.

"But I still got the Pope." Miroku added. "And killed one of your high priests and one of Jacobs and stole a holy relic from both of you."

"But I've managed to summon Cthulhu," Jacob said. "And I've got most cultists of all of us."

"Now that I think about I also felt something strange." Miroku answered, interrupting the game.

"Me too." Admitted Jacob.

"Do you guys think it's a demon on the prowl in Hinata?"

"It could be," Jacob admitted.

"Just great!" muttered Miroku sourly. "Here we all are without being watched by our so-called superiors, playing a game peacefully together; and now this happens."

"We know how you feel." Isaac said.

"Jacob, you're the walking occultist encyclopedia here. Do you know what's happening?" Miroku asked Rabbi Jacob.

"Either a pack of ghouls having all-you-can-eat buffet in a graveyard, or we're talking about a typical possession situation."

"Just like in the Exorcist?"

"Exactly."

"Not our problem," Father Isaac shrugged. "The Shinto priests and the Buddhists here told us to stay off any occultism taking place in town."

"I just think that you're sick of exorcizing every person you come across." Miroku commented dryly. "I can understand how you feel when every time you first say that sentence, they throw up on you."

"Thanks for reminding me." Muttered Father Isaac angrily. "Do you know how difficult it is to get rid of the stench every time I have to wash my robes?"

"Hard?" Rabbi Jacob answered.

"Yes."

And they continued playing the game as dark clouds appeared over the sky.

"Hahahaha! No one can stop me now!" Miroku laughed out jokingly while pretending to sound like a villain from old spy movies.

"Oh, yeah? We'll see about that." Rabbi Jacob and Father Isaac said at the same time.


Kitsune was happy despite poor Keitaro getting whacked into orbit again. Now she could go out and get something proper to drink - like sake. Lots of it.

Accompanied by Motoko she strolled down the streets.

Motoko kept a sharp lookout for perverts in need of some serious smiting. Her hand almost touching the handle of her trusty blade in a grip.

"Look! It's the feudal age bitch!" said a guy in a group sourly and openly said as they walked by.

Motoko ignored them.

He didn't ignore them. That was because Motoko had hospitalized a relative of his in a kendo championship, causing several fractures. It wasn't that he liked that relative since he had an issue with people romanticizing the old days and samurai in particular.

"Go stick a shinai up your BLEEP! You frickin' psycho!" He shouted throwing various insults at her, knowing that he could run very fast if she attacked. "I bet you BLEEP yourself every time you read some Bushido trash!"

Motoko tried to keep her cool, but as usual she failed completely. Gripping her sword she began to rush towards the young man insulting her while the sword remained in the sheath.

"Eep!" he exclaimed, turned, and finally ran as if the Devil himself was after him.

"HEEEEELP! POLICE!" he screamed as he ran by several people, followed by an enraged kendoist.

While some people tend to ignore happenings like a defenceless man being attacked by a attractive woman wielding a razor-sharp sword on the streets, a few rushed to the closest telephones and alerting the police of the presence of a crazy psycho-slasher in Hinata.

Kitsune ignored Motoko as she went through the doors of her favourite pub. After some heavy drinking, she discovered that her wallet was empty and that she had a very large bill that had to be paid and that there was no Keitaro around to help her out….

And it was a very large tab.


Sightings of a woman running around with a sword in Hinata trying to assault a young man…. The police radio informed various patrol cars which were now racing towards the area where the assailant was sighted.

"I hate martial artists!" muttered an officer to his partner while driving the car. "Always thinking they can do whatever they want and get away with it!"

"What makes you think it's a martial artist?" his partner asked. "It could just be a normal broad who's gone psycho."

"A 'broad' who is dressed like a reject from Rurouni Kenshin." He informed his partner.

"How many of us are they sending?" the partner asked in a worried tone.

"A lot." He answered simply.


He was getting tired. Wheezing for breath he stopped by a corner while looking behind his back. He had lost her a couple of blocks ago, but he knew that she was still after him.

(Me and my big mouth….)

Just because he had a score to settle with the female clone of Tatewaki Kuno, and insulted her as offensively as he could, he was certain that as soon as she caught up with him - he would end up in a black bodybag after the ambulance had scraped up his remains that were spread around the street and probably after retching horribly at the sight.

Invulnerability would have been nice now.

After getting his breath back he began to run anew. A roar coming a few blocks away made him aware that she was hot on his trail.

Despite resting his feet were sore from the many steps he took. Each time his feet connected hard with the concrete ground, he felt a slight bit of pain despite having good shoes.

Another warcry made him aware that she was gaining on him. Stopping for a few seconds and looking back, he saw her rushing at him.

He turned and ran as the sound of sirens was heard approaching.

He gave everything he had as he gave one last spurt of energy and ran, the adrenaline making him ignore the tiredness and the pain shooting through his feet. He kept the pace up for a few seconds before he collapsed on the ground out of sheer exhaustion. Lifting his head he saw that the kendo girl came running at him with her sword held high above her head triumphantly in a slashing motion.

(Oh, well… At least I've enjoyed something in life. I wonder what the afterlife's like?)

Suddenly the sirens bellowed out in full strength as several patrol cars screeched in front of him and armed police officers exited them.

"FREEEEZE!" One of them shouted while training a semi-automatic pistol on the woman with the sword. "PUT DOWN YOUR SWORD OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO OPEN FIRE!"

Motoko stopped in her stride as the policemen came between her and the man who had so grievously insulted her earlier.

She noted that they were pointing handguns at her.

As she reluctantly sheathed her sword, knowing that even she would find it very uncomforting if she was shot with leaden projectiles that were launched through the law of physics and gunpowder at her.

Oddly for some reason she was now unable to remove her right hand from the handle of her sword as if it was stuck……


"This reminds me of the Exorcist." Keitaro said as he hid behind the couch. He had jumped behind the couch when several things in the living room began to hover in the air and move around as blind birds in heat.

"You mean that classical horror movie, Sempai?" Shinobu asked as she hid beside him.

"I do hope she doesn't get the idea to wet herself on the new rug aunt Haruka got from Seta or the floor." Keitaro muttered. He knew how much time it took to clean a dirty and smelly floor and rug. Both took a small peek from the behind the couch.

"NO! BAD SU!" was the scream being heard several streets from the inn as the pale-skinned and green-skinned Kaolla Su grinned a sinister grin and stood on Haruka Urashima's carpet.


"Is she dead?" a policeman said.

"Don't think so," muttered another, "I only shot her in the right shoulder."

"She's still clutching that sword."

"Want me to put a bullet through her knee?" the policeman said while holding his smoking semi-automatic while blowing away the smoke as if in a bad action movie and failing to impress his fellow policemen.

"By all means," another answered. "I don't think the press can use this as another example of police brutality and turn the public more against us than they were before."

"That's double standards in everyday life," mumbled a bitter policeman. "When a martial artist smacks the living daylights out of other people (despite some of them not being martial artists) for no apparent reason people don't lift an eyelid, but when a cop smacks someone around they howl out for blood."

"Ungrateful bastards." Another one agreed. "So a lot of us are corrupt, but the again so are most of the other people working in other jobs too."

"She's still alive." Another one informed.

"Then send some guys to club her down with nightsticks and cuff her."

"Do it yourself!" he exclaimed. "I'm not going anywhere near that psycho! I've seen what she can do!"

"Thanks for saving me, guys." The grateful young man thanked the policemen. "I really thought I was a goner back there. Now all you have to do is to arrest that gaijin and the other psycho and Hinata will be safer for quite a while."

"Y'know," another policeman admitted, "I've been itching for an opportunity to deport her after she wrecked my patrol car with one of her mechanical monstrosities. Personally I don't have any prejudice against any race whatsoever, but I think I'm developing something bordering on pathological racism against that girl and her people and having an urge to nuke that nation into a smoking crater on the world map."

"I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody." Another policeman grunted in response.

Motoko managed to raise herself up… and was seconds later shot in the knee and clubbed into submission by the policemen and cuffed (after having removed the sword with very hot water when she was unconscious).


"I hate my life." Father Isaac complained as he strolled through the dark streets in his black leather trench coat while carrying a large suitcase.

"So do we," answered Rabbi Jacob, "so do we."

"And I was so close to winning." Mumbled a defeated Miroku.

All of them were wearing black trench coats and Isaac and Jacob also wore their holy robes under them and carried suitcases filled with things necessary to dispatch the legions of darkness, while Miroku still wore everyday monk's robe and carried a holy staff.

"Did you say that this evil was coming from that old inn, Jacob?" asked Miroku.

"The strong presence and odour of immense evil did come from there, yes." Jacob replied.

"The safest thing would be to burn the place to the ground." Said Isaac.

"What is it with you and your obsession to burn places to the ground?" asked Miroku crossly. "We're supposed to protect people and save them, not playing pyromaniacs abroad."

"It did flush out that demon from the possessed shrine in another prefecture, didn't it?" Father Isaac answered.

"But in the process you burned a former holy place to the ground and made the shrine priest froth in rage and try to rip your head off." Informed Rabbi Jacob.

"I've burned down a few possessed churches and monasteries before." Countered Father Isaac by showing that he was in fact willing to burn down defiled holy places, regardless of which religion it belonged to, to destroy evil and that he wasn't that prejudiced.

"You could try to lure them out with those adult magazines you keep and usually smuggle into places of people you don't like." Was the advice coming from Miroku.

"It doesn't work all the time." Isaac glumly replied. "But I've managed to lure out succubi and incubi with that little trick. And not to mention that time I had to help Sango catch you where it worked better than I ever expected."

Miroku winced a bit remembering what Sango did to him after getting him out of the net he had been stuck in.

"AUNT HARUKA!" They heard someone scream… followed by a loud smack.

It made them wince.


"What have I told you about calling me that?" Haruka Urashima simply said to her nephew as he nursed his throbbing left cheek.

(One day I'm gonna stuff that fan down her goddamn throat!) Keitaro raged inside. He suddenly had those funny urges he used to have, mostly involving him pushing his dear aunt down the stairs.

He and Shinobu had run down to the tea shop to get help (or to call the nearest asylum and tell them to pick up Su) from Haruka.

"Su's gone crazy, au - , I mean Haruka." Keitaro managed to stammer out. He sighed in relief that he had managed to avoid saying the word his aunt regarded as "taboo" when it came to her.

"Is that new?" was her straight answer, looking at him as if he came with a tasteless joke.

"I believe your friend has become the victim of demonic possession." A voice familiar to Keitaro said, interrupting what Keitaro was about to say to his aunt about showing a gun up her BLEEP and pulling the trigger.

"Father Isaac!" Keitaro exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Well…. Me and my friends were playing an amusing game when suddenly blood spurted out from the wall and drenched the board game in blood, and then a man was chased by a man-eating block of tofu followed by a pack of flesh-eating rice and cannibalistic jumping beans when we looked through the window after hearing someone scream. And the skies became dark and sinister. So we went to the place were we all sensed the evil was coming from to make them pay for ruining our game."

"Hey! I remember you!" Miroku said angrily as he pointed at Haruka in a menacing manner. "You were with that maniac who crashed through that Buddhist temple I was working in! And then you both took off without paying for the damage!"

"Haruka! I'm shocked!" Keitaro suddenly said. "You defiled a holy place in another country."

Hey! I remember her too! She was also with that guy when he crashed that van of his through a synagogue in France!" Rabbi Jacob shouted.

"Is that all?" muttered Father Isaac. "That guy once literally 'drove' through the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel and St. Peter's Basilica when he chased someone who had stolen a priceless relic. Luckily the tire tracks could be washed away, but the damage was immense when he crashed through the catacombs."

"How come his drivers licence hasn't been revoked with all those things he's done?" Keitaro asked.

"Who knows?" was Rabbi Jacob's straight-forward answer.

"Shouldn't we concentrate on vanquishing the evil inside the inn?" Miroku inquired. "And put down that torch, Isaac, you're not going to burn the building to the ground." Miroku gripped his holy staff and waved it threatingly towards the priest.

"But I want to!" Father Isaac whimpered as he waved the lit torch.

"And remove that stick of dynamite under your holy robe!" Rabbi Jacob added.


"It appears that she is in fact very possessed." Father Isaac concluded as he peered slightly through the door of Kaolla Su's room.

The pseudo-jungle inside her room somehow appeared more darker, crueller and sinister than before. And all of them swore they heard something moving in the bushes and heard strange noises and rustling.

The strangest thing was that a large bed lay in an open clearing in front of said jungle…. and in it lay Kaolla Su.

Her skin had become paler and was covered with cuts and scabs and scars. The slight green tinge on her pale skin had also become more visible.

"I suddenly have a flashback from that horror movie I saw recently." Said Keitaro as he peered through the door, feeling a sense of deja vu. "Didn't that demon talk like it was a man when it inhabited that young girl's body?"

"Then it's time for some good old-fashioned exorcism." Father Isaac concluded.

"Good luck," Miroku said.

"You'll need it." Rabbi Jacob added.

"Get me down from here!" a young woman cried out from another room in furious anger.


"Hmph!" the demon huffed in a discontent manner. "Here I was hoping for a sexy Shinto priestess with large breasts in tight-fitting robes wielding ultrasharp katana and all I get is a Catholic Priest who thinks he's a natural born comedian and a little underdeveloped and vertically challenged girl with a crush on the world's biggest loser and a tendency to freak out for no reason at all." It was strange that such a voice came from Kaolla Su. It was as if someone had replaced her voice with a male one.

"I have faith in you, Shinobu-chan!" Keitaro cheered through the door. "Just keep him preoccupied while Rabbi Jacob, me and Miroku prepare the bait."

In the background was the sound of muffled screaming and struggling and loud banging noises.

"I got her leg!"

"Grab an arm! Quick!"

"Ow! She bit me!"

"Just keep your hand there while I get the duct tape!"

"My spleen!"

"My head!"

The sound of a holy staff hitting someone in the head was then heard.

"Got her!" All of them triumphantly cried out.

"The demon ignored the sounds and said arrogantly: "Know that I have the power to snuff you out like candles, mortal fools. And your faith and god is weak compared to me."

"Somehow I had the feeling you were going to say that." Father Isaac responded while wishing that he never had taken that exorcism course a few years ago.

Suddenly Keitaro and the others came through the door while at the same time carrying a struggling, tied and gagged Haruka Urashima and nonchalantly threw her on top of the bed.

"It seems that I got a pretty BLEEP after all!" the demon inhabiting Su's body said as it devoted all its attention on the bound woman lying on its lap.

"Now!" Father Isaac suddenly shouted - and Shinobu lunged at her, aiming for the head.

CLANG

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" Shinobu cried out as she raised the blessed frying pan given to her by Father Isaac again.

CLANG

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

And again…..

CLANG

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

"It seems that it was wise of Father Isaac to choose Shinobu-chan to wield that frying pan that Father Isaac blessed with holy water." Keitaro concluded as he saw the young girl relentlessly smack her friend repeatedly in the head with a frying pan.

"I agree to that." Rabbi Jacob agreed.

"Me too." Said Miroku.

"And now for the coup de grace!" Father Isaac cried out as he also made a lunge with a book raised over his head.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" He boomed.

CLAAAAAANG

"Is that hardback cover of the Bible made of steel?" Keitaro asked.

"Yup," Miroku answered. " Rabbi Jacob also has a steel hardback versions of his holy book to use in dire emergencies while I got my trusty new holy staff made of solid steel.

"Could you help me out?" Isaac asked his friends.

"Sure." Both of them said as they walked over to Kaolla Su and hit her in the head as well.

CLLLLAAAAAANNNNGGGG

Kaolla Su let out a demonic cry as a green and dark aura appeared which was promptly ripped out of her by an invisible hand and sent crashing through the sky like a flashing green comet.

A battered, normal-looking Kaolla Su slumped unconsciously to the ground.

"Mission accomplished." Keitaro sighed in satisfaction.


A few days had passed.

Kaolla Su was bed-ridden and very bandaged and bruised and the doctor had said that it would take weeks before she was back to her old self again.

Keitaro had managed to get Naru down from the ceiling and Liddo-kun as well (after removing the glue with hot water). Keitaro simply lied and said that Su had done it under the influence of the demon and was saved from a proper trashing.

Kitsune had to spend a few days in jail for not paying the tab. And Keitaro refused to bail her out with his money.

And Motoko was arrested for attempted murder and resisting arrest.

For some reason Seta had been arrested too and Sarah was temporarily put in an orphanage and daily dosed with drugs to keep her out of mischief and placed in the orphanage's newly constructed padded cell with a straitjacket on. Keitaro wondered if aunt Haruka could scrape together enough money to bail him out.

Keitaro shrugged and continued reading the newest Playboy magazine.


On an unknown island….

Hiroshi was cursing and raving and gnawing on the nearest coconut tree in utter rage. The poor palm tree was covered with teeth marks. And on the sand lay a black, book with leather hardcover and contained various unholy rituals.

He had sold his soul to the Devil in an attempt to have his revenge against the Molmolian princess and her subjects.

He managed to calm himself.

(Oh well… I just have to cast that ritual which makes that brat's entire nation suffer a series of demonic possessions.) he thought and proceeded to chant an ancient ritual of utter evilness.


The next chapter is titled: Murder On The Dance Floor

Keitaro is shanghaied into becoming Shinobu's date on the school dance.

(How the heck did I get suckered into this?)

Keitaro is later seen waltzing with Mutsumi on the dance floor, while Shinobu deliberately spikes the punch bowl in order to get even with some fellow students in her class.

Meanwhile Naru has her hands full with the hired bouncer.

Naru is seen being thrown out of the school.

"OW!"


Yes, I know the next title was inspired by that song by Sophie Ellis Bextor and the music video.

This chapter is probably filled with grammatical errors and mucked up sentences (I'm not perfect).

The "I sense a disturbance….." gag was ripped off from the PC game: Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy

I decided to re-edit my fic a bit, adding Miroku while removing another character in favour of one of Rumiko Takahashi's most amusing characters.