Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. And I definitely don't own the song Do You Remember? By Phil Collins or Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. And I definitely don't own the small excerpt from the Iron Maiden song Dance of Death.


Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr. Nice Guy

or Keitaro Urashima's diabolical revenge


Chapter 4: Murder On The Dancefloor


Keitaro hummed the Simpsons theme song as he placed his bank card into the slot of the cash dispenser outside one of the banks in Hinata. He frowned as he found out that he had placed the card the wrong way and turned the card in the right direction as he pulled it out again and placed it anew into the slot. The card was then received by the machine as it disappeared into the slot. He then punched in his personal security code and later the screen showed the amount of money he could take out of his account. He then typed in the amount he wanted. Seconds later the card came out, and after that he received the bills and the receipt from their respective slots from the dispenser.


A bandaged Kaolla Su tried to reach out for the banana that hovered over her; unfortunately the banana then rose into the air.

"Myuh!" Tama chirped as she pulled the cord in her mouth and raised the banana tied to the strong silk cord and supported by the pulley on the ceiling.

After the "treatment" from her friend Shinobu Maehara, she was confined to her futon since the bed that lay in her room when she was possessed mysteriously disappeared. Her head was covered in bandages, and the bruises courtesy of Shinobu's frying pan still hadn't gone away. She moaned as she felt that an elephant was dancing quickstep in a glass store inside her skull… and it hurt a lot.

"Here's some more painkillers, Su," Shinobu offered her friend, holding a glass of water in one hand and a small pillbox.

Kaolla smiled. She could always rely on her friends when times were hard. And even Keitaro had been extra nice to her and bought her a few bundles of bananas.

She tried to grab the banana anew as it was lowered, but Tama raised it up again before her hand even touched it.

"Myuh!"

Unfortunately Tama took advantage of Su's condition to get a little payback. And Tama really thought it was quite fun.

"Myuh! Myuh! Myuuh!" she chirped happily.

(Must… eat…banana…. Must….also….remember….recipe…for…turtle….soup….) Su's mind screamed frantically.


Keitaro exited through the door of the shop selling various CDs and LP records with a few CDs in a small plastic bag. He looked content as he gazed at the contents in the bag.

"Let's see - Meat Loaf: Bat Out Of Hell II; Alice Cooper: Welcome To My Nightmare; Meat Loaf: Bad Attitude; Meat Loaf: Bat Out Of Hell; Meat Loaf: Dead Ringer; Iron Maiden: Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son."

"Who are you talking to?" a familiar voice said out of the blue.

Keitaro was a little startled but managed to look up and to the right, in the direction of said voice. A smiling Kimiaki Shirai waved one of his arms as a sign of friendly greeting.

"Talking to yourself?" Shirai asked him.

"Don't you?" was Keitaro's replying question.

"Sometimes," Shirai simply shrugged.

Keitaro looked around, feeling that something was different. "Where's Haitani? Isn't he usually with you?" he asked Shirai.

"Huh?" Shirai replied, seemingly surprised and looked behind him and realized that his buddy Masayuki Haitani was in fact not beside him. "I could swear that he was behind me a few seconds ago."

The two received an answer to both their respective questions as the heard a voice belonging to one of the opposite gender cry out in outrage followed by a stinging slap which could be clearly heard.

Haitani came out of a store selling expensive fashion clothes nursing his left cheek. Both Shirai and Keitaro noticed that there was an imprint of a hand on that cheek.

"It wasn't as if I groped you, you BLEEPING witch," Haitani muttered. "I just asked if you wanted to go out with me on a nice romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant." He added in a defeated tone while looking down.

"Still can't think with anything but your libido?"

"Shut up, Keitaro!" Haitani retorted mildly in a quiet tone.

Keitaro noted that his usually skirt-chasing friend was looking nothing at all like his old self. True he still did wear his usual threads, but he didn't act like the Haitani he knew so well.

"He been acting that way ever since Motoko sent him into that bookstore and being buried in a pile of romantic novels;" Shirai explained. "He's still the same perverted Haitani we both know, but now he's trying for a more romantic approach when it comes to girls."

"Hatani? 'Romantic?' Approach?" Keitaro was utterly confused. How the heck could he have overlooked that? But the answer was probably that he had gotten used to Haitani hitting on girls that he mostly ignored his friend when he started hitting on various women.

"Unfortunately the girls that he's asking out are girls he's formerly harassed, trying to make up for being such a pest. I think the girls do not believe that he's sincere about making amends for his past behaviour."

"It seems that way," Keitaro commented dryly. "Hell will most likely freeze over before any girl ever believes that guy."

Shirai then grabbed Hatani's arm: "Let's go. We have to find a way to cure you of this problem." He said and dragged him off.

"But I don't want to, Shirai. I feel a lot better acting like a romantic fool." Haitani whined in protest.

"I know just the thing to cure you of this vile sickness: The hardcore XXX porn movie: A Chaste Young Man versus the Bordello of Horny Catgirls. Where a chaste young man with no intention of having sex with women with feline features finds himself trapped in a tremendous maze-like brothel filled with beautiful nymphomaniac catgirls in heat."

"I liked the part where the main character used several balls of twine to distract some of the catgirls and escape through the window and falling into the swimming pool with his pants down; and the part where he managed to finally outwit them in the end by giving them his two 'friends' instead as substitutes." Keitaro commented while fantasizing making out with Naru who was dressed as a catgirl and he was ripping her clothes off while passionately kissing her intensely and aggressively while Naru purred in satisfaction as he kissed her neck and began to claw his back as response to it. Shirai tried to suppress his disgust as Keitaro began to have a blank, dreamy look, while also drooling like a bucket full of holes. A lot of other people strolling through the streets were also disgusted by it.

Shirai ignored the daydreaming Keitaro and continued dragging Haitani by his legs."

"NOOOOO!" Haitani cried out as he tried to claw himself in place to the asphalt. He wasn't very successful.

Keitaro suddenly realized that he looked like a complete moron standing alone and drooling in a dreamy daze of fantasy. He headed in the direction of the Hinata-sou, laughing sheepishly of his own stupidity while scratching the back of his head.


"You are aware that it's illegal to carry sharp swords in public, miss." A police inspector said to a bandaged Motoko as she sat in a chair in front of him, surrounded by a SWAT team armed to the teeth with various firearms.

"Yes," she answered, feeling minor pain in her knee and shoulder and the rest of her body due to the effective painkillers.

"And through the reports read here you sometimes still stroll arrogantly through the streets of the city carrying a dangerous weapon that could endanger innocent civilians." He replied angrily. "Who the BLEEP do you think you BLEEPING are!" he roared, losing his usually calm composure.

"Sir, think of your blood pressure." A SWAT member said.

"He doesn't have such problems." Another SWAT member commented dryly.

"I know, but I have to say something to calm him down, don't I?" he explained.

"Point taken." The other SWAT officer agreed while still clutching his shotgun and keeping an eye on the dangerous girl in the chair.

"I demand to speak with my sister," Motoko declared, hoping that her older sister Tsuroko would sort out this mess.

"She's already on her way to the station," the middle-aged inspector answered while lighting a cigar, "And she didn't sound very happy 'bout you being arrested for attempted murder and carrying a weapon in public."

Motoko gulped.

(Oh-boy.) Motoko thought in self-pity. (This really isn't my day…)


(It's now or never!) Shinobu thought as Keitaro announced that he was back from town after entering the main door of the dormitory where he was made the official living punching bag and labourer.

She had forgotten that it was about two days before the school dance would begin because of all the weird things that suddenly began to happen.

(Just put on the cute/sad/innocent act and everything will be okay.) Shinobu's sub-consciousness told her after scolding Shinobu's mind with all kinds of verbal abuse to make her follow its commands. (And if it fails, I still have that surprise.)

"S-Sempai… I-I-I have a favour to ask of you?" Shinobu said seemingly stuttering while trying to act quite sad, tearful and vulnerable. Her cornflower blue eyes staring at him. She also appeared to hold something behind her back with both her hands.

"What is it?" Keitaro asked her.

"Would you please accompany me to the school dance?" She said without stuttering, her eyes questioning and beckoning him to accept her offer.

"No." was Keitaro's simple answer.

"No?" Shinobu was confused over Keitaro's answer. "Why?"

(Other than the fact that I would be branded a child molester for the rest of my life and probably spend the rest of my young life in jail for statutory rape.) Keitaro's mind pessimistically and cynically commented to himself.

"B-Because it would be bad for your reputation if I hang around you there," he then answered to her, feeling a sharp twinge of guilt for lying to her. He hoped his reputation as a complete and utter idiot with masochistic tendencies pining for a girl with severe anger management problems would be the best excuse to discourage her from asking him to be her date at the dance. "And the fact that Narusegawa would kill me and accuse me of trying to take advantage of an innocent girl."

Unfortunately for him it looked like Shinobu wasn't exactly about to give up. She showed him what she had concealed from him.

It was his Iron Maiden t-shirt!

The thing was that the tears and small holes had been sewn together and the many big holes were patched up. While it still looked shabbier and uglier than ever before, it meant more to Keitaro that his grandfather had given it to him as a gift to wear when he was older. It was of some emotional value to him and he had grown attached to it after wearing it for a while.

"How did you….?"

"I asked a tailor who used to be customer when mom and dad were together to fix it for me. He said that it was a lost cause, but he was willing to give it a shot."

Keitaro hugged Shinobu gratefully.

"Thank you, Shinobu-chan. Thank you." He said softly. After his t-shirt had been ruined he had simply thrown the remains of it in his closet, being both depressed and enraged at the same time. It had then mysteriously disappeared from the closet.

"I know that it's not that very good, Sempai," Shinobu stuttered, feeling a warm feeling inside now that she had made Keitaro happy. True she didn't have Naru or Mutsumi's good looks, smarts or charismatic influence when it came to interacting with Keitaro, but she was good at what she could do at least.

"You did good, Shinobu-chan." Keitaro said, his brown eyes staring gratefully into the hopeful blue eyes of the younger girl. "I'll be honoured to accompany you to the dance." He then blurted out without thinking properly.

(BLEEP!) his mind thought feverishly. (Why the heck did I say that?) He knew that when he usually made a promise, he usually intended to keep it.

Shinobu's mind was a different matter. (YEEEESSS! Am I good or what?)

Keitaro was now wondering if the prison he would be put in served good food, and if he could manage to avoid becoming a prison "bitch" if the other inmates got horny. He got the inner urge to say: "D'oh!" like Homer Simpson, but suppressed it.

(Now I really regret asking mom and dad to send me a pair of my formal suits and getting them today of all times.)

"Are you hungry?" a beaming Shinobu smilingly said to him as she presented him with a meal she had worked very hard and determined with. Containing just about the right amount of various spices and having a taste that literally made the taste buds scream for more.

(Might as well enjoy some of Shinobu's homemade cooking.) Keitaro sighed mentally as he sat down on a chair near the dinner table, wondering if he should opt for using the chop sticks, or a knife and a fork instead.

After Shinobu served him with rice and her well-made meal (on a dinner plate of course, not the very table itself) ,Keitaro ate some of it.

His mind and stomach instantly screamed for more.


Mitsune Konno also felt regret.

Regret for not taking her wallet with her and having no Keitaro to scam money from.

Luckily after a few days her family had bailed her out. They could have done so a lot earlier, but they decided that their "dear" sake-swilling, no-good daughter of theirs should contemplate her ways behind bars for a little while.

Keitaro had informed her during visiting hours that Su-chan had somehow become possessed and they had to exorcize her. That resulted in Kaolla Su being confined to her futon/bed with slight head injuries after being bonked repeatedly in the noggin with a frying pan and then was also whacked in the head with blunt metal objects.

And that Motoko had been arrested for trying to play Kill Bill out in the streets with a normal guy. And when rivals of the Aoyama family with opportunistic tendencies found out, they were grinning like maniacs and leaked it out to the media and the various groups and families practicing swordsmanship in the country. It looked like Tsuroko Aoyama was now going to have her hands full.

Naru however still had slightly scalded hands due to the glue that had to be removed from her hands with hot, hot water. (And Keitaro had suppressed a devilish grin as he did it.)

She was now out on the streets walking towards home. And said home was a former inn that was now turned into a dormitory for girls (except the manager who was still quite male of course… as long as Motoko didn't strike him in a certain place with her sword or Naru didn't smash it with her punches and kicks).

She was considering being nicer to their very clumsy manager and changing her mischievous ways, but seconds later decided against it since she then would have to find another source to scam money from and use as entertainment when she was bored.

No way in hell would she stop using Keitaro for her own purposes. But she had to admit that he was cute in a normal-looking way and nice to be with despite being either the most persistent or the dumbest guy in town.

If he ever got tired of chasing Naru, maybe she could persuade him into shacking up with her. He was definitely not on her top list since Seta Noriyasu filled up those places (and most of her NC-17 dreams and thoughts), but he had many good qualities that made him a suitable guy to most women. The fact that he was extremely loyal and hardworking, and not to mention kind despite not being the sharpest tool in the shed, made him eligible husband material.

She imagined having Keitaro as her husband and Seta as her lover and all three of them participating in an all-passionate threesome in a swimming pool filled with warm sake.

Kitsune slapped her forehead trying to erase the images of Keitaro while keeping those of Seta, wondering why the hell she was including the manager in her most intimate fantasies.

"I think I really need a drink today," she muttered and continued walking, the Hinata-sou in her sight from a slightly far distance.

A barrel of sake crashed in to her.


"Oops!" a man said while wincing.

Instead of lifting the heavy barrel containing sake, he simply decided to roll it into the pub where he worked as one of the bartenders. Unfortunately it slipped away from his hands when he tripped, and it decided to roll full speed into another direction and crashed into a young woman with bandages wrapped around the upper part of her head.

(Let's just hope the barrel's okay or the boss will kill me for sure! Luckily that girl stopped it.) he thought gratefully as he walked towards the barrel.


"Me and my big mouth!" Mitsune Konno groaned in pain as she lay there, pinned to a lamp post by a large barrel filled with sake from the looks of it.


Like always Naru was now having conflicting emotions concerning Keitaro as she relaxed in the hot springs. Most of them concerning rage and great anger and some of them full of romantic thoughts and notions like potential love and such.

Naru wasn't stupid. She was in fact quite intelligent and talented. Rigorously studying almost every day except on her vacations.

Too bad having a high intelligence doesn't in reality make you a really better person than most other people.

She loved Keitaro - but also had some serious problems when it came to expressing that love in the right way (usually in the form of incredible acts of physical violence). That and that she became a lot of times green with envy when the "stupid pervert" was spending time with others than her.

She did on some occasions show him that she genuinely cared (usually when she was certain the others weren't around), and it did seem to encourage him to put up with her (most of the time).

She stared at her hands, seeing that they had almost recovered from the scalding.

Keitaro had been very sweet to her after he freed her from further hanging on to a glued Liddo-kun that was glued upside-down on the ceiling, even applying soothing ointments that dulled the pain she felt coming from her hands, his brown eyes filled with concern and caring as he cared for both her and Su-chan.

She admitted that he had many positive sides that exceeded those of Seta's, despite being both incredibly stupid and clumsy at the same time.

She suddenly realized what she was doing and crossed out those positive sides.

"If only Keitaro would look more and act more like Seta," Naru sighed sadly as she let her body sink into the warm water.


Maehara Shinobu concluded that her meal she had prepared just in case everything went totally wrong was in fact a culinary masterpiece that would have made her parents proud. At least that one of her happy memories with her parents in the past when she was taught how to make things incredibly edible.

Her blue eyes hid a mischievous smile as he she watched a sated and content Keitaro rested on his chair, his plate empty.

"It was incredible, Shinobu-chan," Keitaro praised her smilingly.

Inside the young girl felt a swelling pride.

(Take that, Naru-sempai and Mutsumi-sempai!) her mind shouted in ecstatic glee. (Now I just have to keep it from Naru-sempai and Kitsune. Too bad Su can't come with us to the dance,) she thought sadly. She then remembered that one of her favourite shows was about to start on the TV. She went over to the couch and picked up the remote control and sat down as she switched the television set on.

Keitaro having nothing to do at the moment sat down beside her on the couch. Feeling his body's weariness as he accepted the horrible fate awaiting him. Either Naru would kill him in a way that would make most males shudder in fright when they thought about it and then tell their sons never to pursue hyperviolent girls and use him as an urban legend, or there was a slight chance to end up arrested. If Motoko hadn't been arrested she would have most likely turned him into shish ke-Keitaro with her sword.


"Looks like the Aoyama clan will be out of business when this is over," a rival of Tsuroko Aoyma's school taunted cheerfully as she was walking in the direction of the train station with a sombre look in her eyes.

"Just shut up!" she growled back at him without turning his head towards him.

In Kyoto several of her rivals were grinning like maniacs when they heard the news which was good to them and bad for every Aoyama who practised swordsmanship in the country since they now knew something which could be used in smear campaigns against them.

"Hope they lock you up with your loony sister and throw away the key, Aoyama!" another one shouted gleefully from a nearby window.

Tsuroko despite her patience felt a tiny, tiny urge to lash out at them in a hardcore Motoko style and gritted her teeth, but fortunately for her she was apparently the Aoyama with common sense who knew that it would worsen if she began to act like her little sister.

It was no secret that several people bore grudges against the Aoyama family because of how Motoko acted and that many rivals were jealous of her and felt that she and her sister (and to mention the entire family) had to be brought down a notch or two.

(Mom and dad told me sooner or later there would be days like these,) she sighed sadly.

"I never liked the both of you anyway!" an old man around the corner shouted at her.

(When I'm done with you, sister-dear… you'll wish that you were never born!) These raging and boiling thoughts were now going through her head as she ignored them all.

She had to clear the family name, or it might end with the Shinmei Ryu school being closed down forever and the family having to live with the shame for the rest of their lives.


Another resident of Kyoto simply shrugged as he put down the newspaper he read on his lap. "What is it with those kendo freaks?"

"I don't know?" his friend sitting next to him on the bench reading a book about people around the world slaughtering each other for ridiculous reasons through history said as he rolled his eyes upwards. "I think it's some sort of silly rivalry or something."

"I feel sorry for that woman for being related to that madwoman," he winced.

"I agree; and those rivals of hers have no right to take it out on her and her clan because of her little sister's misdeeds."

"That's the double, triple, quadruple and quintuple standards of society, friend, can't do anything against it." He shrugged in defeat and went back to reading the paper.


Two days had passed.

The Day of Judgement was at hand.

Keitaro gulped as he waited outside the main doors of the Hinata-sou in one of his formal suits.

He was glad that Kitsune had been released from prison, but at the same time he thought his wallet shuddered in fear now that the dormitory minx/vixen/alcohol consumer had returned. To keep her out of mischief today he had given her one bottle of whiskey, one brandy bottle and a bottle of strong sake to keep her out of mischief. To be on the safe side he had also drugged the sake bottle with something he had filched from Su-chan's room that the young girl had told him was a sleeping medicine. Mitsune Konno passed out like a light in her room and began snoring. He then rolled out her futon after entering and tucked her in to prevent her from catching cold. It was too bad he didn't notice after closing the door to her room that her face began to suffer from a severe acne invasion as pimples suddenly appeared around her entire face.

After putting on his formal clothes he exited the Hinata-sou as quietly as he could after hiring a taxi through the telephone to drive them to Shinobu's school.

Luckily Narusegawa was studying hard as usual, probably daydreaming about her and her "precious" Seta stark naked in a bathtub full of chocolate sauce.

A light tap on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts. He turned around and saw Shinobu Maehara smiling at him.

Shinobu was dressed in a rather modest knee-length, form-fitting blue dress with spaghetti straps and was carrying a purse attached to a long strap on her right shoulder.

"You look….nice," Keitaro said to her.

"Thank you, Sempai." Shinobu responded while smiling at him while holding out her left arm, "Shall we go?"

(Might as well…" Keitaro mentally sighed in defeat as he held out his right arm. He heard the screech of a taxi using the handbrake to make a slight slide as tire marks appeared on the concrete… and then crashing into a lamp post.

The taxi driver exited the taxi. "Whoops!" was all she said as she looked on the small dents made near the front on her car. She was dressed in blue jeans and wore grey sneakers. She also wore a black AC/DC t-shirt

"Are you sure that Seta didn't teach her how to drive?" Shinobu asked Keitrao worriedly.

"Well Kazuyo drives waaaayy safer than Seta usually does," Keitaro explained, "she's just a little bit clumsy sometimes when she tries to show off."

The short-haired taxi driver looked impatiently at them and said: "Are you coming?" as she scratched her raven-black hair. "And I heard that 'clumsy' part, you know. If you want to walk all the way, it's fine with me." She added sardonically.

"I didn't mean to insult you, Kazuyo," Keitaro apologized.

Kazuyo looked at him. "I'll forgive you if you say this little phrase I'm going to say in a moment."

"And what is it I'm supposed to say?" he asked while looking at her quizzically.

"Seta Noriyasu is a self-centred, arrogant prick whose driving repeatedly rapes the roads and highways across the world." Kazuyo said casually while grinning at him.

"That's easy." Keitaro responded and repeated what Kazuyo just said (with quite a lot of modifications that sadly has to be censored to prevent you readers from hearing such words which might damage your psyche immensely).

"Wow!" was the astonished answer from Kazuyo. "But I thought you admired Seta and wanted to just like him?" she asked afterwards.

"I did." Was Keitaro's blunt answer.

Shinobu looked at Keitaro. She had really been surprised listening to Keitaro badmouthing Seta like there was no tomorrow. She hadn't really approved over his colourful vocabulary, but there was one unanswered question she felt she had to ask.

"Do you know her, Sempai?" she interrupted.

"He wrecked my old taxi a few months ago when he crashed into it." Kazuyo told her.

"It was that day Su wanted to test her hyper-ultra-mega-super death ray of doom™ on me and strapped me to a giant bull's eye." Keitaro added and then continued. "And I was launched into the air by Narusegawa since I managed to escape when Tama-chan short-circuited Su's invention and I managed to gnaw through the ropes with my teeth in pure desperation and threw myself out the window and landed on Motoko-chan who was out training and Naru thought I was molesting Motoko and launched me into the air with one of her punches. And afterwards I crashed into Kazuyo's old cab."

Shinobu blinked. "All that in just one day?"

"I hated that old wreck," Kazuyo interrupted as well. "Luckily I could haul in the insurance money and get a better one," she said and patted the hood of her taxi. "Are we just gonna stand here chatting or do you want me to drive?"

"Drive please." Shinobu said.


Kitsune woke up. She dressed herself and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Kitsune looked into the mirror. Kitsune blinked.


A bloodcurdling scream echoed through the entire Hinata-sou.

"Keitaro!" Naru roared as she ran in the direction of the bathroom where Mitsune Konno's scream was heard. She opened the door and rushed in. "Get your filthy hands off Kitsune or so help me I'll - "

Naru then discovered that Kitsune was the only one present inside besides her. She at least thought it was her friend Kitsune since she wore the kind of clothes Kitsune usually wore and still wore those bandages that Kitsune had wrapped around her head. The problem was that Kitsune's face was suffering a pimple and acne invasion of grand proportions.

"Don't look at me!" Mitsune Konno screamed while trying to cover her face with her hands.


"YEEEEEEEES!" Kazuyo hissed in satisfaction she switched on the nitro she had modded on her taxi a few weeks ago. Both Keitaro and Shinobu were screaming in terror as Kazuyo drove like a maniac in control of something she/he shouldn't possess as the car increased in speed.

"Make way for the queen of the road!" the speed junkie taxi driver shouted out her open window in morbid glee.

The CD player began to play Roxette's Joyride. And Kazuyo began to sing along. She couldn't sing very well though but continued singing anyway.

Shinobu and Keitaro covered their ears while continuing screaming.


Kaolla Su was sad since she didn't get to accompany Shinobu and Keitaro to the school dance. The reason was that she was confined to her futon with bandages covering her head due to having been repeatedly whacked in the head with blunt/blessed instruments made of metal.

She slowly raised herself from her prone position, feeling pangs of pain despite taking some painkillers.

She walked slowly, constantly staggering to one of her newest inventions. Her vision was blurry and the pain shooting through made it hard to focus and concentrate; but despite this she managed through sheer force of will to tread towards something that looked like a giant metallic cylinder with a metallic door on the front with a porthole on it.

It was her untested but finished healing chamber which she had planned to use on Keitaro after zapping him with her newest Mecha-Tama.

Fiddling with a control panel she entered the door which had opened. The metallic door then closed itself after Su entered it.

Kaolla Su sighed as she closed her eyes and sleep took her in its arms.


"Come on!" muttered a sour Kazuyo (very) sourly as she opened the car doors for her two passengers who were looking frightened at her, "I didn't exactly hit or run over something like Seta usually does when he drives. And he drives like he's in Death Race 2000 on steroids."

"No, but Seta drives a lot slower than you do," Keitaro answered as he wobbled out of the door, followed by Shinobu who wobbled unsteadily as well.

As Kazuyo drove off, Shinobu turned to Keitaro and said, "Why did you of all the taxi drivers in town choose her?"

"Because she said she was doing it for free," Keitaro admitted to her and sighed. "And now I'm getting the feeling that I really regretted it. And I just thought it was a rumour that she participated in the annual Cannonball Run last year."

"Remind to never to drive with her again, Sempai." Shinobu shuddered.

"Call me Keitaro," he said to her.

"Huh?" was Shinobu's puzzled answer.

"I don't mean to insult you, Shinobu, but it gets irritating some times when you always address me as 'Sempai'. Why don't I just call you Shinobu for this night instead of saying 'Shinobu-chan' like I usually do,"

I'm sorry Urashima-Semp - " Shinobu was about to apologize, but Keitaro interrupted her with a wave.

"Just say my name Shinobu. No one's going to harm you for saying it," Keitaro sighed.

"O-Okay… Keitaro," Shinobu said, avoiding narrowly to say the word she usually addressed him with.

"That's better, Shinobu," Keitaro smiled at her.


"Where the BLEEP is that BLEEPING pervert!" Naru shouted as she pranced around the Hinata-sou, searching around every corner for Keitaro. That was because Keitaro wasn't studying with her as usual.

Mitsune Konno accompanied her on her search, her face now covered entirely with bandages, making her head look like a mummy's head from an old horror movie. Her eyes were the only thing visible on her face.

"I don't know," Mitsune said to her friend, "maybe you should ask Su and see if she knows anything."

"I did that just a few minutes ago!" Naru roared. "And she was sleeping inside some kind of giant machine, and she couldn't even hear me when I pounded on the metal door or when I shouted."

"Why not ask Haruka? Keitaro still hasn't entirely gotten over the stage where you usually tell your parents or any other older relative where you're going." Was the piece of advice given to Naru by Kitsune.

"Might be worth a try," Naru shrugged.


Both Keitaro and Shinobu were equally shocked over seeing the other girls wearing inhuman amounts of make up and cosmetics on their faces. And the fact that the majority had also had on lipstick, made them resemble more like beautiful clowns in dresses than people attending a simple school dance.

"……" Keitaro said.

"……" Shinobu answered.

"Ara? Fancy meeting you here." A cheerful and known voice exclaimed happily to them.

"Mutsumi? What you doing here?" a flabbergasted Keitaro uttered in shock as he and Shinobu turned around to face her.

Mutsumi was wearing a formal green dress and was smiling at them.

"I got a job as an intern working at the school, Keitaro." She smiled at him.

"That's uh - great," he stammered.

She turned to Shinobu: "Oh, hello, Shinobu." She didn't look surprised. And her smile was warm and friendly.

Shinobu looked at Mutsumi. "Hello." She smiled back to the older girl coming from Okinawa.


Naru was cursing and swearing like there was no tomorrow as she strode through the streets of Hinata in the direction of Shinobu's school.

She planned on beating Keitaro to a pulp (as usual) and drag him back to the dorm by his legs (and beat him up some more).

Mitsune Konno accompanied her friend. Her head wrapped with bandages.

The night was neither too gloomy nor too dark. It was like something in-between, neither perfect nor bad.

While she was there for her younger best friend, Kitsune was considering if she was becoming too involved with Naru's life, and that Naru should learn to learn some things on her own.

(Nah! What would be the fun in that?) the vixen-like fox girl thought and shrugged as she followed Naru with a backpack strapped to her shoulders.

"I can't believe how perverted he is!" Naru roared.

"It's just a normal dance, Naru, not an orgy of extremely perverted proportions." Kitsune looked at her critically. "And I don't think he's the type to do something to other girls."

She concluded that Naru was overreacting (as if that wasn't something new).

(It's going to be a long walk,) Mitsune Konno mentally sighed.


(At least it's better than dancing with other guys.) Keitaro thought. But he had to admit that some of the guys he had danced with before in the past had been kind of cute in their own way. And they had been nice enough to actually dance with him when he thought about it, despite he at that time being repulsed to actually dance with another guy.

He was helping himself to a glass of water, since he suspected that drinking the odd-looking substance in the bowl supposed to contain punch was not a very smart move to do.

"Why are you not drinking the punch, S-, I mean Keitaro?" Shinobu looked at him quizzically.

Keitaro looked her straight in the eye with a serious look: "Believe me - you don't want to drink from that stuff."

"Oh?"

He had to admit it was nice to talk to Mutsumi and Shinobu without fearing any form of retribution from them if he made an accident.

He felt quite out of place here since he in fact was older than most of the people attending the school dance. But he did see teachers around the place and Mutsumi was a little older than him.

The dance music played at the moment was a classical waltz that felt familiar to Keitaro despite having forgotten the name of it.

"Want to dance?" he turned to Shinobu holding out his hand.


"Finally!" Naru cried out as she strode towards the entrance. Her rage being emitted around her, creating an atmosphere promising violence to those in her way.

The bouncer standing in front of the entrance didn't even flinch when he saw her, and knew immediately that the girl meant trouble. Trouble with a capital "T".

He denied her entry as he placed himself between her and the entrance doors. "I don't think so!" he said coldly to her as he stared hard at her and Kitsune.

It turned quite ugly when Naru discovered that he could neither be persuaded or intimidated by anything she or Kitsune said. And that he badmouthed Seta since he had almost run him over a few months ago.

She attacked him using the Kung Fu techniques taught to her by Seta Noriyasu in the past.


It had been nice dancing with Shinobu. And nothing bad had really happened when they danced.

When the music stopped they went over to Mutsumi who was sitting in a chair near an almost empty corner.

"Ara, where did you learn to dance like that?" Mutsumi asked him, her brown, friendly eyes gazing at him.

"Funny you should mention that," Keitaro laughed sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head with his right arm. "It was actually a few friendly guys who taught me how to waltz."

"So how was your first time dancing with a girl?" Shinobu asked him coyly.

"It was….. nice," Keitaro simply said. "Not what I expected , though."

"Oh." Shinobu answered, disappointment etched on her face.

"I'm sorry," Keitaro apologized quickly, "It wasn't meant as an insult, Shinobu."

He sighed a sigh of relief as Shinobu brightened up as if she was never sad to begin with. He hadn't meant to hurt her with that remark, it was just that he felt that all the magic had gone out of everything.

The promise he made on that fateful day; Tokyo University; all the supposed trashy romance that's supposed to be in the air during formal occasions such as these. It just all felt so empty and meaningless when he thought about it. But still it was nice to dance with a kind and gentle girl like Shinobu (who didn't beat him up on a daily basis).

"Do you want to dance some more?" he asked Shinobu.

"Sure," she answered.


Naru was thrown off the school ground by the bouncer who looked like a normal non-attractive guy wearing casual clothes.

"And stay out!" he spat out and walked back to the entrance.

Mitsune Konno decided that it was better to not giving the bouncer an excuse to beat her up by trying to sneak in while he handled her younger friend.

Maybe it was because he had whacked Naru with a wrench that he suddenly appeared to have in his hand after having blocked a punch to his face with it, making Naru flinch in pain as her fist impacted with the metal; and then seizing the opportunity to hit her over the head.

He slung the wrench over his shoulder as he walked back to the entrance where Kitsune waited.

"The door's locked." He informed her simply.

"So I noticed," the fox-like girl replied.

"Therefore you can't sneak in."

"It's not very nice to hit a woman." Kitsune said, a minor hint of anger in her voice.

The bouncer simply shrugged, unaffected by the girls scolding. "I'm not a very nice person."

He turned his head towards Naru, "And I really hate martial artists who think they can get away with everything." He waved his wrench around. "And that's why I always go around with Mr. Fixit as protection."

"Mr. Fixit?" Mitsune Konno's eyes widened in shock over the having given a wrench a name of all things.

"I used to be a mechanic working in a garage before some martial artist blew it up with some kind of energy blast he hurled at another one of those freaks." He explained." "I'm just taking this job as a bouncer until I can get a job in another garage."

Naru charged at him again.

"Oh no, you don't!" He braced himself as Naru closed in.

"MR. FIXIT BASH!" the bouncer cried out (since he was in a funny mood now and wanted to give this simple blow a name just for kicks).

What happened was predictable.

CLANG


"I'm glad you came with me, Keitaro," Shinobu thanked him as they sat beside each other in a corner in two chairs beside one another.

Mutsumi sat in the chair adjacent to Keitaro, looking cheerful and happy. But still Keitaro managed to notice in some moments a sad smile or a sad look from Mutsumi when she thought he wasn't looking at her.

Keitaro sighed.

He knew she wasn't Narusegawa. And he knew that he sure wasn't some bloody Prince Charming from a stupid story. He wasn't attractive. He wasn't smart, rich or good at sports. And he knew that to win Naru's heart he had to become something he was not.

He then realized that Mutsumi was one of the few girls who thought he was worth smiling at, despite his constant obsession over Naru. He sighed sadly. (At least Mutsumi is a better person than I will ever be in my entire miserable life.)

He wondered if it was really worth it to pursue Naru, feeling that he would be forced to erase his very identity to make her see him in another way. He decided to postpone this mental question, and decided that he at least owed Mutsumi a dance for being a good friend all those times they had been together.

"Mutsumi," Keitaro suddenly turned his head towards her, raising himself up from the chair.

"What?" she asked him, having a confused look in her eyes.

"May I have this dance?" He then asked her with a friendly, warm smile and held out his hand.

"Ara?" was all Mutsumi said, but then regained her composure and accepted the offer. Keitaro saw a sincere happy smile on her face as she took his hand.


CLANG

Naru groaned in pain as she nursed her forehead after being thrown out of school property.

The bouncer definitely was on her top list of males she utterly despised now.


While Shinobu Maehara was a little sad over Keitaro asking Mutsumi to dance instead of her, she was at least happy for Mutsumi that Keitaro at least had decided to dance with her.

It wasn't as she had expected at all. All that crap about romance in the night was overrated and purely nonsense. And all the jewellery, make up and lipstick many of the girls here wore made them look like morons.

She sighed a little as she stared at Keitaro and Mutsumi. She heard a classical waltz being played as they danced.

"Well if it isn't the midget?" a rude and mean voice suddenly said haughtily to her.

Shinobu turned her head to the side where the voice came from and saw a gang of girls that looked like they came from a cheap bordello. She felt a shiver of fear coursing through her body when she recognized those who usually picked on her when she was in school. They always teased and bullied her, making her life hell. Luckily it didn't happen very often since they had the habit of picking on various people they detested. But often their words and actions hurt when they decided it was time to bother her.

While she still felt some fear, she also felt an inhuman anger rise up in her as they came with their usual words. Criticizing how she was dressed and all that. Telling her that she was small and ugly.

"And to think that you decided to get that four-eyed retard to accompany you!" one of them said, venom in her voice and continued badmouthing Keitaro while he danced with Mutsumi.

(That's it!) Shinobu's mind mentally raged after they went away to pick on other girls and boys.

That was the final straw.

They had no right to say that and the other bad things they said about Keitaro. Despite of being clumsy and making bad decisions, Keitaro did all he could to make the girls feel at home in Hinata. And the fact the she really, really wanted revenge for all the times they were mean to her.

From her purse she pulled out a small plastic bag filled with Kaolla Su's homemade super hallucinogenic LSD. She had found it Su's room when she and Keitaro had nursed her and had hidden it away in her purse to keep it out of Su's hands. She had completely forgotten that it was in her purse until now.

Shinobu smiled a small smile of satisfaction as she walked over to the punch bowl that lay in the vicinity of the victims of her revenge, having a feeling that they soon were going to be very thirsty. When she was certain that no one was looking at her she poured the contents of the small bag into the punch.

She then walked out to the chair and after a few minutes grinned an evil grin when she saw her tormentors drinking from the spiked punch. Unfortunately a lot of other people also drank from it as well.


"Here," Kitsune said as she handed Naru a dark dress that seemed formal enough along with a pair of formal shoes. She had dragged Naru into an empty alley away from the school.

"What am I supposed to do with these?" Naru gazed critically at her friend.

"You need to wear this to get past the guard and pass unnoticed through the kids inside." Mitsune explained to Naru in a motherly tone.

"And how am I supposed to get past that guy and his 'Mr. Fixit'?" Naru sceptically looked at the clothes given to her.

"Leave it to me!" Kitsune flashed her one of her patented foxy smiles.


"So it's you again, 'mummy-head'." The bouncer grumbled as he read a local newspaper with a picture of Motoko depicted in the headlines. "I doubt you can seduce me with your head wrapped up like that." The wrench lay beside him on the ground.

"I wasn't going to," she answered and unwrapped her bandages, revealing her face to the bouncer.

"Except the fact that your face is covered with acne and pimples I have to admit that you have a good-looking face" the bouncer concluded. Unfortunately he didn't get to say more since a pair of familiar hands picked up Mr. Fixit and introduced it to the bouncers head; and the result was that he passed out on the ground.

Kitsune saw the opportunity to search his pockets and took out some keys. She decided to let him keep his money and wallet since she didn't want to end up behind bars again.

"Good job, Naru!" Kitsune commented to her as she stood there in formal attire, a wrench held over one of her shoulders before she let it drop to the ground.

"Now open this door, Kitsune." She said.


Mutsumi was happy that Keitaro was dancing with her. At least it gave her some hope that she at least had a chance with Keitaro.

Keitaro was certainly not the best dancer she ever danced with, but he was a considerate and gentle guy who cared a lot for other people despite his many flaws.

As the classical waltz music stopped playing, now being replaced by more modern music, Keitaro looked at Mutsumi, his brown eyes showing compassion and warmth, "Want to dance some more?"

"Sure." Her chocolate brown eyes had a gentle look as she smiled at him.

They continued dancing as the song continued to play.

We never talked about it, but I hear the blame was mine
I called you up to say I'm sorry, but I wouldn't wanna waste your time

Cos I love you, but I can't take anymore
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes
We could try like we've tried before, would you keep on telling me those lies

Do you remember (do you remember), tell me do you remember (do you remember)

There seemed no way to make up, because it seems your mind was set
The way you looked, it told me, that's a look I know I'll never forget
You could've come over to my side, you could've let me know
You could've tried to see the distance between us
But it seemed too far for you to go

Tell me do you remember (do you remember)
Tell me do you remember (do you remember)

Through all of my life, in spite of all the pain
You know people are funny sometimes, 'cos we just can't wait to get hurt again
Tell me do you remember, oh (do you remember)
The feelings we won't recall, are feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see, 'cos we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do, more important to say
And I love you wasn't one of those things, but now it's too late (now it's too late)

Tell me do you remember (now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over)
Tell me do you remember

(do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over) (repeats)

Just tell me now, tell me now, just tell me now, tell me now
Tell me do you remember
Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you remember
Do you remember
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember?

When they stopped dancing after the song ended, both of them noticed something very, very strange.

"Ara? What are those people doing?"

"Well one of them is wearing the punch bowl over her head and proclaiming that she's the undisputed ruler of Neverland and that Peter Pan and Captain Hook are her bitches." Keitaro said truthfully, as the young woman began to bounce around proclaiming that she could fly while still wearing the punch bowl over her head.

"And another one is putting his ear to the floor and telling the others that the floor is telling him something." Mutsumi continued as she gazed at the guy placing his ear to the floor.

"And one guy ran out of here screaming that the place was filled with monsters." Keitaro commented. "…..And he crashed into someone that looks like Naru."

"I think it is Naru, Keitaro." Mutsumi corrected him.

And to Keitaro's dismay and foreboding fear she was in fact correct. It was Naru who was dressed in a dark-coloured dress. And she was walking towards them slowly.

(I'm doomed!) He thought as he looked at her.


A small feeling of guilt overcame Shinobu Maehara as she witnessed several students suffering from drinking from the punch bowl she had spiked. She knew that her rage had clouded her judgement after the girls had said bad things about one of the few persons who actually showed some concern for her. But she had to admit it was funny seeing her tormentors acting like fools tonight, despite all the innocent victims suffering because of her actions.

(I have to admit that payback does give me some satisfaction.) Shinobu's brain transmitted the strange and disturbing thought to her sub-consciousness. She was shocked of the content feeling inside of her that came as result of her attempt at revenge and being partly successful.

The tiny girl slapped her forehead to make her head think like it used to do.

"Oh, well." She sighed as she sat down on a chair. "At least I got to dance with Sempai."

She then realized that Naru was suddenly there also. She could recognize that face almost anywhere.


"So there you are!" Naru scowled darkly at Keitaro as the young manager looked very, very scared.

She then turned to Mutsumi and Shinobu who had walked over to them. "Did he do anything to you?" Her question hurt Keitaro slightly as he heard, almost sounding like an accusation. But he had gotten a little used to Naru's accusations/questions since they almost happened a lot of times when he was with the other girls; but it still hurt deeply to hear that the person you cared about still didn't trust you.

"No," Shinobu said.

"No," Mutsumi said likewise and shook her head.

"Excuse me, Narusegawa, but where's Kitsune?" Keitaro quickly interjected in a desperate attempt to divert the conversation.

"Outside." Naru simply said as she looked at Keitaro critically. She had to admit that he looked decent enough in formal attire. And the atmosphere seemed romantic enough.

"Well it seems that they are telling the truth, Keitaro," she said to Keitaro, her features softening a little. It almost looked like the anger had dissipated on the surface at least.

(Oh, well! I might as well enjoy it) she thought. She smiled at Keitaro. "Keitaro?"

"Yes?" he looked at her quizzically.

"Want to dance?" she blurted out.

She had asked him if he wanted to dance with her.

It was tempting, really tempting as hell to say "YES!" out loud.

Keitaro looked Naru in the eyes as he said: "Sorry, Narusegawa, but I'm feeling really tired right now; and I think it's time to go since some of the people here are really acting weird now." He hoped she believed him; his first statement was actually a white lie, while the rest was true.

He steeled himself for a powerful blow from Naru, trying to at least to be prepared to be hit.

Neither a punch nor a kick thrown in anger came hurtling at him.

Naru looked as if she had been slapped straight in the face.

Mutsumi and Shinobu saw that Keitaro's rejection had emotionally hurt her.

"Don't worry," he then said to her, "I'll hire a taxi to drive you home."


"Well, these are the two you're supposed to drive home, Kazuyo." Keitaro said to Kazuyo as he stood outside of the school with Naru, Kitsune, Shinobu and Mutsumi in front of her, while pointing at Naru and Kitsune.

"And why aren't you driving with us?" Kitsune questioned, trying a make a foxy smile under the bandages around her face.

"It's my way of apologizing for not being able to dance with Naru tonight." He explained to them. "I'll pay the fee for driving the two of you back in 'style'," he continued and gave Kazuyo a decent amount of money.

Naru brightened slightly at what he just said and a few minutes later Kazuyo drove off with Naru and Kitsune as her passengers.

And then Kazuyo turned on the nitro….

And the three remaining thought they heard two persons scream as the car disappeared from view.


"Ara? Why aren't you coming with us?" Mutsumi asked him as she and Shinobu sat in the passenger seats of another taxi Keitaro had hired.

"I just thought I needed to take a walk tonight."

"But it's still a little far to walk." Shinobu said, looking at him worried.

"Don't worry," he shrugged, "if I can survive living with Naru, Motoko and Su, then I think I can survive being mugged if that ever happens."

As the taxi disappeared from view, Keitaro starting walking in the direction of where the Hinata-sou lay.

Despite having spent too much money tonight on hiring two cabs, he still felt that it had been nice to dance with both Shinobu-chan and Mutsumi-san tonight. It had been hard to reject Naru's offer, but he had the gut feeling that if he had taken it, he would then afterwards do something incredibly stupid that would make Naru hit him hard and send him through the roof like a cannonball. And that would have certainly ruined this night for a lot of people to have their night interrupted by a sudden act of unprovoked violence.

He started singing quietly as he walked.

"Then they summoned me over to join in with them. To the Dance of the Dead. In to the circle of fire I followed them. In to the middle I was led…."


When he came back home he knew immediately that the rest were most likely asleep.

And that Naru and Kitsune were probably so exhausted from Kazuyo's driving that they went to their rooms and fell asleep.

He smirked evilly of thinking of the little prank he played on the two. They had deserved it for hurting the poor bouncer who was only doing his job.

As he entered the living room, he saw Kaolla sitting on the couch with a sad look on her face. He walked over to her while Su seemed to be in her own melancholy world. He noticed that she was wearing one of her Molmolian dresses and some of her exotic jewellery.

"I woke up too late," she simply said without turning her head in his direction.

"Did you use that healing chamber you were supposed to test on me, Su-chan?" Keitaro asked her as he sat down beside her.

"Yeah, I figured it would fix me up so that I could at least arrive before the school dance was over, but the healing process took too long." Kaolla mumbled, holding her arms around her knees.

"Y'know, stuff like that's way too overrated in my opinion and too overromanticized by everyone. Keitaro tried to explain to her. "I just realized it now." He then gave her a friendly smile, "And you've probably danced with some nice boys back home."

"Yeah, I did," Su answered, a little smile on her face, her melancholy seemingly disappearing.

Keitaro then got an idea to make Su cheer more up. He thought it was a rather stupid idea and that maybe she didn't deserve it for abusing his as a test dummy all the time; but that was just the way he was: the nice guy who always tried to make others happy despite everything. And despite not being in her adult form that she transformed into during the time the full moon looked red, he had to admit that she looked beautiful in her own way. She was maybe not the most beautiful or exotic person he had ever seen in his life and probably very reckless when using him as her private guinea pig. But like Mutsumi and Shinobu she was beautiful in her own special way and he knew that the term 'beauty' wasn't always associated with outward appearances.

"Come on." He said taking her left hand in his right and walked up the stairs with her in tow. Kaolla was surprised by this sudden act and let him lead her up the various stairs and into her own room.

Keitaro smiled as he closed the door to her room and walked over to a holographic projector that projected realistic-looking holograms. This was an easy to use version of her original one and she had shown Keitaro how to use it a few weeks ago.

The miniature jungle that was Kaolla Su's room seemingly disappeared, now being replaced with a grand ballroom.

As music suddenly started to play in the background, Keitaro looked at Kaolla with a friendly smile in his simple brown eyes as he held out his hands. "May I have the honour of dancing with this fair princess?" he hoped the line didn't sound too corny or cliché.

Kaolla Su gave him a smile as she accepted the offer

And they began to dance as the music continued to play.

The song playing as they danced was one of Keitaro's favourite Metallica ballads. It was the live version played with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra in the background.

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every for us something new
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these word I don't just say

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for things they say
Never cared for games the play
Never care for what they do
Never care for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

As the song ended, the ballroom disappeared and they were again in Su's controversial room.

"Good night, Su-chan," was all Keitaro said and opened the door and stepped out, sliding the door back in place and headed for his room to sleep.

If he had still been there, he would have noticed the young girl blushing heavily, as a strange feeling crept up in her body.


It took me while to find the lyrics of the live version of Do You Remember? By Phil Collins.

And if you're wondering what's going to happen in the next chapter - you just have to wait and see….