A/N Again, I own nothing. I apologize for any discrepancies. I am new to posting and haven't gotten used to all the bugs. Hope you enjoy. More will come soon.
Back in my room, I plopped on my bed grabbing my IPod. I started scrolling through my playlist, looking for some mind numbing composition that would erase the dismal events of this morning from my mind.
Smash Mouth, no. The Killers, no. Crap, even listening to All American Rejects was a complete failure. The knot in my stomach was getting worse as my frustration increased. Maybe I needed something classical. Finding YoYo Ma, I pressed play. As his rendition of Bach Suite, No. 1 filled my ears, the unnerving tenseness and anxiety pulsing through my limbs began to abate. God, what that man could do with a cello.
I have been a Resident Assistant since sophomore year. I've been through all the training and courses on how to deal with the college crap that comes with the job. I know all the ins and outs of conflict resolution and roommate counseling and have given my fair share of hall programs dealing with everything from college hazing to STD's. It was that training that helped keep me calm and responsive when dealing with Bella and Alice this morning. I handled it, made sure she was all right and left her in Alice's capable hands. But now what? The college staff didn't tell me anything on how to settle the fuck back down after dealing with a totally screwed up situation.
The music was helping, but not enough. The cello would hit an extended high note and I would imagine the screams again. It wasn't just the screams I couldn't shake from my subconscious, it was the absolute terror that filled her big brown eyes. If it were any other resident on my hall, I wouldn't be affected as much. But this was Bella.
I met Bella i our sophomore year, when my roommate Jasper discovered her roommate Alice. They were disgustingly cute and uncharacteristically nervous about being alone together. That's where Bella and I came in. We were the safety nets for their budding relationship.
It was actually pretty comical. We would go out drinking at one of the three bars the college town had. Alice would play coy. Jasper would flirt. And Bella and I would snicker at the sickening lovebirds. You could see the phrase "just get on with it" floating between Bella and me, like one of those PBS kid specials,
The group gatherings didn't last long as Alice and Jasper fell into the most disgustingly comfortable relationship I've ever seen, outside of my parents. We still all met together at the campus pub, or hung out at my fraternity for parties, but those times were becoming few and far between as we moved on to our junior year.
I saw Bella around campus occasionally. That was one advantage of going to a small liberal arts college. We shared biology and political science our junior year and now had Native American Religion together. We were casual acquaintances, always saying "hi", exchanging pleasantries and making small talk at parties. We hardly ever met as a group anymore, but Bella was still close to Alice and Jasper. I even noticed her hanging with Emmett and Rose more during our junior year. She was reserved and self-confident and totally opposite of the jackass I turned into my junior year.
It was part of the social evolution of college and I dove feet first into the anthropological experiment while my friends kept their heads and self-respect.
As a freshman, you are so happy to be away from mom and dad that you'll do just about anything once you've discovered your new found freedom. Sophomores have a pretty good understanding of college life and are plotting like hell to get the top of whatever social ladder they think is the best. Junior year is the party year, when you are at the top of your game and are now viewed as hot shit. A junior can play, party and experiment with everything from drugs to sex. We do this our junior years to get all the ludicrous and idiotic impulses out of our system before reality hits. And reality is what blindsides you when you become a senior. During your final year, you realize that after graduation, you will be homeless, jobless and penniless. It's not like you can ask mom or dad for cash after they mortgaged their house to get you a good education. It was part of college evolution and my junior year I dove into it feet first, while my friends kept their grades and their integrity.
To say I enjoyed the promised land is an understatement. I partied more than I attended class. Miraculously, my grades didn't suffer as much as my liver. I chased after everything in a skirt. I'd date them, screw them and after a few weeks of "dating" I'd dump them. Jasper and Emmett put up with my revolving door dating, only occasionally questioning my motives and behavior. It wasn't until one night studying with Alice a few weeks before spring break that she finally made me take stock of myself. Staring at me with the most piercing eyes, she said, "Your future is going to be lost. If you continue looking in all the wrong places, with all the wrong girls, you are never going to find what your parents have." I was about to rip her head off and tell her to mind her own fucking business, but she pick up her book and left leaving me alone.
During spring break at home with my parents, I realized Alice was right. My parent's marriage was an honest to goodness fairytale. They met at St. Lawrence, fell in love here and even came back for their wedding. The love and respect that they have for one another is so strong and overpowering it flows through everyone they touch. I could have gone to any college, anywhere. But I chose here. Maybe because I wanted what my parents had. I wanted a happily ever after too.
Thinking about my own behavior throughout college, I realized Bella didn't really fit the classic Darwinist trend of college. She joined a sorority with Alice her second year. I remember only because Jazz rubbed it in my face that he was in love with a sorority girl. Alice totally fit but I never could connect Bella with the sorority stereotype. I soon learned that I didn't have to reconcile it. Even though Bella belonged to a sorority, she wasn't your traditional sorority sister. She didn't change or conform, like I saw other girls do.
Seeing her out with her sisters at dances and mixers, she enjoyed herself, but never lost her personality to the house consensus. She drank but was always in control. I never saw her hang on any guys, which unfortunately was a very common occurrence when males, females and alcohol mix together. She was constant. There was really no other way to describe her.
But that wasn't her this morning. The steady and mature girl I've seen over the past three years was missing. She was just not there. Even as Alice smoothed away the brown locks from her face, Bella looked empty and hollow.
Maybe it was a night terror, like Alice said. I don't know much about them, but I've heard they can be terrifying. That fit. But something was wrong and Alice's words came back to me again.
"But even during those nightmares…Edward, she never screamed like that before."
The look on Alice's face was as haunting as Bella's screams.
As YoYo Ma finished, I realized my efforts to relax had failed miserably. My stomach was still in knots. I didn't know what to do and I hated the anxiety building up in my limbs. I wanted to see her again. I could just knock on her door to make sure everything was all right. Even if she was still upset, at least I could check and make sure Alice was with her
I stretched my muscles, preparing to jump out of bed when the theme from "All in the Family" started playing on my cell. Reaching over, I grabbed it from the nightstand, knowing exactly who was on the line. "Hi Mom"
"Hey, Sweetheart. I hope I didn't wake you?" my mom said, giggling.
Since I was a little kid, she relished waking me up every morning. It was her mission in life and she didn't let me being away, stop her.
"Naw, I've been up for hours," teasing her back.
"Well as long as you're alone."
"MOM," I said groaned.
"Hey. I'm just teasing. You know when your father and I were your age..."
"Okay. Okay. Okay," I said, snapping at her. Her hearty laugh carried loudly through the phone.
"All right. I'm done. I'm just calling to make sure you are still coming home for Thanksgiving," she inquired.
"Yeah, I'm still coming home. Why are you asking though? Turkey day is two months away?"
"I know. I'm just calling to make sure, that's all." There was a pause. Her silence sent up an immediate red flag. "We all just miss you," she continued in her sweetest voice.
Shit. Something was up.
"Mom, what are you doing?"
"What? I'm not doing anything," she replied, trying to sound innocent.
"You are up to something. What is it?"
"Nothing. Nothing is going on." God, she's a terrible liar.
"Fine." I snapped, "Let me speak to dad."
"He's not here. He left for the office early today." Now she was being coy.
"Okay, then I'll just call him there," I retorted, knowing full well I would find out what she was up to from him.
"Now, Edward. Don't be like that. Nothing's going on. I just wanted to make sure you were coming home for Thanksgiving. I just miss you."
"I miss you too, but you're a crappy liar." I crossed my fingers and kept silent hoping honesty might get her to fess up. I really didn't want to call dad. My silence was getting to her. I could hear her biting her fingernails on the other end. She was trying to formulate a response.
"Well....I ran into Carmen and Eleazar and invited them for Thanksgiving."
Wow, she was coming clean. She clearly didn't want me calling dad.
"We haven't seen them in such a long time. And since Katie and Irina have moved out and aren't coming home for the holiday, I thought it would be nice for them to join us." She paused again, waiting. I knew there was more, so I just let the silence hang again between us. "And I think Tanya will be with us too." Her voice was soft when she continued.
Arrrg. My frustration boiled over.
"Now Edward, I know..." she started, but I quickly cut her off.
"Mom, please not now. I really don't want to discuss this with you. Again." I could imagine the force of my voice probably made her step back. "I have too much going on right now and I don't want to talk about Tanya. Okay?" I barked.
"Okay." Silence again. "Just think about it alright?"
"I will. I've got to get going. I have a class and I need to get ready," I said.
"Okay. Take care and I will talk to you soon."
"Fine."
"I love you, Edward." Her voice sounded pained but I hung up the phone anyway.
My brain was now officially fried. My mother had succeeded where YoYo Ma couldn't. I was now consumed with thoughts of home, Thanksgiving, and worst of all, Tanya.
Grabbing my bath supplies, I left my room and headed to the showers. If I could get the water hot enough, maybe it would burn the memories of Tanya out of my mind. She didn't belong there anymore.
Twenty minutes later, I emerged; my head was clearer and my skin, hot and crimson. Back in my room, I got dressed and towel dried my messy bronze hair before heading out of the dorm. I had an hour before my first class and I definitely needed food in order to stay awake through another lecture on molecular biology.
Grabbing my books, I stepped out into the hallway and locked my door. Walking down the hall, I paused briefly at Bella's door. There was no noise now, only silence. I'm not really religious, but standing there, I said a silent prayer, hoping that Bella was alright and that He would look over her.
It was chilly walking across campus, but the cold felt nice, refreshing. The campus was pretty quiet as most students were still in class. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The trees surrounding the buildings and walkway were in full autumn bloom. I'd been here for four years, and every fall I was amazed at the undefined beauty of northern New York. It's unpopulated, under-developed and stunningly picturesque. Even the stone and brick structures of the college blend naturally with scenery. No doubt about it - St. Lawrence is a gorgeous campus.
Inside the student union, the pub was desolate and peaceful, with only a few student scattered around. I purchased a pre-made sandwich and a bottle of Coke and took a seat at a table in the far corner. Sitting towards the wall, I put my earphones in and proceeded with my favorite recreational activity, people-watching and tried again to forget about this morning.
The song Dammit by Blink 186 was just concluding, when someone tapped on my shoulder.
"Christ, Emmett," I growled, pulling the plugs from my ears.
"Hey, Bro," he smirked before taking a seat next to me. "So, um... how was babysitting," he asked before diving into his massive cheeseburger.
Growling again, I silently told him to 'fuck off' with my glare.
"Well, you missed a great ... session," Emmett continued, mouth half full and completely oblivious to the annoyed look on my face. It was a common joke within our fraternity, weekends are for house parties, and weekdays are for jam sessions. Taking a gulp from his drink, he continued, "It was actually pretty tame, that is until Rose and I...."
"Emmett," I hissed, rolling my eyes.
"Dude, sorry," Emmett said. "We had a pretty good time, you know. The stereo in the basement kicks ass now that Jake fixed it. We should be all set for the house party this Saturday."
"Great," I responded, barely containing my cynicism. Granted, joining a fraternity my freshman year had been awesome. What underage freshman wouldn't want to get drunk for free and have girls hang all over you. And during my slumming period it came in handy in getting laid. But by the end of my junior year, the novelty had worn off, and now it was just an annoying obligation.
"Hey, come by tonight," Emmett continued, totally oblivious to my lack of enthusiasm. "We started on the party mix but we totally need your help. If Jake and James have their way, we would be listening to Tool or Bush. That's not going to help anyone get laid. Well, Bush might," Emmett chuckled. "Of course last night we were so high, that Abba was sounding good."
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Yeah, it's a shame I missed out on killing some brain cells with you idiots.... Oh man you wouldn't believe what some asinine sophomores tried to do last night?"
Emmett's reaction to the story of the tea leaves and dryer sheets was even funnier than witnessing the event. He was laughing so hard that table was shaking and tears were pooling in his eyes. He was so obnoxious that when his girlfriend Rosalie entered the pub, she came right over to us
"Hey, Baby," Emmett said, wiping the tears from his eyes, as Rosalie planted a big kiss on his cheek.
"Hey, yourself," she smiled before turning to me. "Hello Edward."
"Hello Rosalie," I snidely replied back.
I have known Rosalie since freshman year when we lived across the hall from each other. We despised each other then, and four years of college did nothing to change that.
"So how was Brit Lit?" Rosalie questioned Emmett. I just started to put my earphones back in when I heard that name that had been plaguing me all morning. Looking over to Emmett, I was now captivated by everything he was saying.
"It was crappy. I totally forgot to ask Bella for her notes last night. I was completely too fucked up to remember."
"Christ, Emmett. You better get those notes. You're going to be screwed if you fail Berger's class," Rosalie admonished him.
"Yeah, I know. I know." Emmett's face was now in full puppy dog pout mode
"Wait. Bella's in your Brit. Lit. class?" I choked out, having finally found my voice again.
"Naw, she took it last year, but Alice says she has awesome notes from Berger's class. Those notes were the only way Alice passed. You know how Berger is such a hard ass."
"Yeah, I remember." And I did. Professor Berger was the hardest teacher and a fanatic about British literature, especially Shakespeare. I didn't realize Bella had done so well that her notes had become a coveted resource for my friends.
"Anyway, she took off before I could ask her. Maybe I'll..."
"Bella was at the house last night?" I snapped at him. Emmett didn't seem to notice my tone, but Rosalie was shooting daggers at me for barking at her boyfriend.
"Yeah, she came over with Alice and Angela."
"Oh." It was the only response I could mutter. Bella occasionally came to our house parties, but this was the first time I've heard of her coming over on a weekday. "So you all hung out together?" I probed, trying to be discreet. Emmett was still clueless, but Rosalie was too observant for her own good.
She just continued to stare at me, absorbing my words with interest before baiting me. "Yeah, Bella was hanging out with us in Jake's room." Her lips twitched as she waited for my reaction. This was just another reminder of why Rose irritated the shit out of me. She was too sharp and calculating for her own good. She was also nosy as hell.
I took a bite of my sandwich, trying to control the nervousness that was swirling in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't about to give Rose any hint that Bella was in the forefront of my thoughts.
"Oh God, that's right. I forgot she was with us at Jake's," Emmett chirped. My fondness for Emmett grew when he answered her question, thus giving me an opening to continue the topic without seeming too interested.
"Really," I said turning to Emmett, prompting him for more details.
"Yeah, we were all just kind of hangin'. Jasper showed up after a bit and he and Alice took off. Angela was there. I think her and Ben hooked up. I don't really know. We left a few minutes after Jazz and Alice. "
Something in my brain clicked when Emmett voice stopped. "You left Bella at the house?"
Now, Rosalie was really staring at me, but right now I didn't give a shit. "Was Bella there when you left?"
"What?" Emmett looked at me now, clearly confused.
"Was Bella there when everyone left?" I repeated, getting annoyed.
"Well....no. She left pretty early."
"Oh," I replied, my face falling slightly. I couldn't help being a little disappointed that I didn't obtain more information regarding Bella's night. I couldn't shake this feeling, this restlessness that was building inside me, that Bella's nightmare, her screams had some connection to last night. Maybe something happened, or she saw something that brought back to the surface those nightmares she experienced her freshman year.
But Alice had said that those dreams had to do with Bella's parents divorcing. What could happen in college to bring up those feeling again? I tried envisioning what it was like to be shuffled between two people who were supposed to be there, together, always. I had no frame of reference.
Rosalie coughed loudly, drawing my attention away from my thoughts. "Didn't Bella leave with James?" she questioned, watching intently for any reaction on my part. Thankfully, Emmett came to my rescue again.
"Naw, I caught him in the hallway just before we left. He saw Bella leaving just after Jasper and Alice, saying something about her being tired. He was on his way to crash himself, but wanted to let me know that Bella took off. Man, I wish she would have told me she was leaving. I would have walked her home."
Rosalie face changed in an instant with that information. Her features softened, and a genuine look of concern spread across her face. And then her eyes turned fierce and she smacked Emmett upside the head.
"Ow. What was that for?" Emmett snarled at her.
"You're right. You should have walked her home," Rosalie bellowed at him. "She was hanging out with us at your fraternity, and you let her walk home alone."
"How was I ......" Emmett's self defense was cut short by a shout coming from across the pub.
We all turned to see Jasper jogging up to us. His appearance was uncharacteristically disheveled and he was out of breath.
"Hey, have you guys seen Alice?" he panted.
Rose was the first to speak. "No, haven't seen her... Wait didn't she go home with you last night?"
"No. She was feeling kind of funny after we left Jake's and she asked me to walk her back to the dorm. She said something about needing to sleep there last night. I didn't get into it with her. You know Alice. Once her mind is set, there is no way around it." Pulling up a chair, Jasper continued. "I've stopped by there just now, and she wasn't there, and she's not answering her phone. Edward, did you see her this morning before you left?"
Shit. It was a simple question, but it didn't feel like it. I knew, or at least I hoped I knew, where Alice was, but in relaying that information, it would bring up a whole other topic that was so private, so personal, I wanted to protect it with everything in my being. I couldn't lie, especially to Jasper, so I quickly decided that less was best.
"Only for a second," I responded, taking a big bite out of my sandwich, praying he wouldn't ask for details. The concerned look on his face fell away as he let out a long sigh. I knew then that he wouldn't question me. With those four words, he knew Alice was okay and that was all he needed.
I couldn't help but smile a little at the thought of how wonderfully simplistic and trusting their relationship was. It wasn't volatile like Emmett's and Rose's, but deep and reverent. Like that stupid line from "Jerry McGuire", they complete each other.
Glancing at the clock on my cell phone, I noted I only had a few more minutes to get to class. Gathering my things and saying good bye to my friends I started for the door. Bidding their farewells, they turned back to each other re-engaging in their conversation. Just before leaving the pub, I did hear Emmett yelling to me, reminding me about stopping by the house tonight. Yeah, I'll put that right on the top of 'my' to do list.
Walking out into the fresh air again was nice. The pub had gotten noisy and crowded and I needed the silence to concentrate on what I discovered about Bella's evening. She was at the house, hanging out, but then apparently left without really telling anyone. She talked to James, but he is an ass. Why even speak to him? Maybe something happened while walking home. It's about a half mile between the dorm and house.
I got it. I'll stop by the campus security after class and ask the secretary, Mrs. Cope if anything was reported last night. She is one of the few people on campus I purposely charm. With a crooked smile and a few flirting looks with my mesmerizing green eyes, she gave out information without a second thought, such as when security would raid the Fraternities, what guards were on duty and which area they were patrolling. She made my job as an RA pretty easy, along with making me very popular with my Fraternity.
And after visiting Mrs. Cope, I knew where I had to go next - back to the dorm. I would knock on Bella's door. I couldn't explain it, but I had to see her. I was drawn to her like a magnet and I needed to look into her round brown eyes again just to make sure she was okay.
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