A/N: Thanks to everyone who replied. I have been very busy with the end of the summer semester the last while, which is why this chapter has taken a little longer. Hopefully, it was worth the wait.
Chapter 9
Chaotic.
Thoughts and bits of past conversations, impressions, feelings jumbled up, tumbled inside Luke's head as he tried to wade his way through it all. Memories, thoughts and emotions from his training ran free, little anecdotes Yoda had told him, their sessions spent discussing the nature of the Force, the lightsaber lessons, his teachings and exhortations all flitted through his mind.
Chaotic.
Through all the feelings and thoughts, memories of better days and hopes for the future, one thought stood out clearly above the muddle...
I am alone. I am the last of the Jedi.
He, of course, knew Yoda would tell him he was the first of the new Jedi and had Arica with him; a representation of the future of the order. But in this moment, with the memory of his master's passing so vividly imprinted in his mind, it was impossible to think of being first. The responsibility was now his – that far off and somewhat nebulous future day he had always known would come, was now upon him.
Luke did not know what to do.
How was he to go on, to accept the destiny which was his? Yoda had told him he was ready, that he had learned all he needed to be a Jedi. All he could think about was the brevity of his training, the rushed nature in which Yoda had imparted the knowledge of the Jedi, everything he did not know... the very great mistake he had made in leaving early to rescue his friends. All that time which could have been better spent furthering his training and learning from Yoda...
So he wandered, not knowing where he was going or what he was doing. He retained enough presence of mind to avoid the dangerous parts of the jungle, but it was more instinctual than conscious. The muddle of his mind would not allow the more commonplace thoughts of personal safety.
A part of him wanted to be angry with Yoda and Ben. They had left him in this predicament - had given him enough training to be considered dangerous, then pointed him in the direction of the enemy like a trained Kath hound and set him loose. A part of him resented them for leaving him in this situation.
The more rational part, if any such existed, understood it was not their fault. Powerful though they had been in the Force, they could not have foreseen all, could not have known of all the twists and turns of fate which had led to this predicament. If any creature, anyone in the galaxy were to shoulder the blame, it would have to be the Emperor himself - the evil architect of this whole sordid mess. At the thought of the Emperor, Luke's confused thoughts calmed slightly and an implacable resolve filled him - he would see the Emperor defeated, see freedom restored to the galaxy if it cost him everything.
And his father... Luke stopped suddenly and slumped down on a nearby log, his hands running though his hair. Some of the blame must also rest with Darth Vader, he who had supported the Emperor, committed atrocities in his name, fathered a son and then left him to face the galaxy alone, while he gave himself over to the lust for power - his father, who had abandoned Luke to struggle alone with a legacy of blood and betrayal.
In that moment Luke realized he did not even know his father's real name...
"How can I go on alone?" he whispered, his voice barely audible.
"'Yoda and I will be with you always."
Luke's head shot up and he saw a blue apparition approaching through the gnarled trees and foliage of the jungle - a person he knew well.
"Ben..."
Mara was numb.
The Jedi master's words to her rang through her mind and she found herself struggling with the concepts he had espoused so powerfully. Mara had never been taught of the differences in Force users - certainly she had heard the words 'Sith' and 'Jedi', but the terms 'good' and 'evil' had never been a topic discussed within her hearing. Her master preferred words such as 'rebels', 'insurgents' or 'traitors'. In fact, if she were to attempt to label her master's views on the matter, she was certain he would claim there was no good or evil - to him it was merely 'us and them', or perhaps more succinctly, 'me and everyone else'. Of course in his universe, he was the center of all.
Was Yoda's view an accurate reflection of reality? Mara was not certain. But the more she considered it, the more she realized she had seen many things in the course of her service to her master - and some of them she felt would definitely fit into the category of 'evil'.
In fact, she was uncomfortably aware that in the eyes of many - likely Skywalker among them - among the acts she had performed in the service of her master, there was much which could undoubtedly be considered evil.
And Master Yoda's words regarding darkness had struck a chord deep within her, so close were they to the actuality of her master's Force aura and to a lesser extent Vader's. And how could the Jedi not have seen her master for what he was? Reason suggested he must have had the ability to hide what he was from others, although she had never known him to do such a thing. She could only assume he not longer had any reason to do so, what with the Jedi having been exterminated. When she contrasted his Force aura with Skywalker's and with Yoda's, which had been as bright and pure as Skywalker's, the differences were even more striking.
Was her master evil? It was a definite possibility, considering what she knew of him, but then, who was to say that black was not good - a purity and clarity of purpose rather than evil. But if he was evil, then that would mean he was the real cause of conflict, strife and oppression in the galaxy. And by extension, if her master was evil, what did that make her? Certainly she did not agree with her master in many things - the destruction of Alderaan came readily to mind - but if he were evil, did that not mean that she, the follower and loyal servant was also to be considered an evil?
And what of Skywalker - what would he think when he found out, as ultimately he must, of her true allegiances? Would he hate her?
The mere thought of such an occurrence filled her with dread and agonizing pain - that Skywalker could turn from her in disgust, to consider her to be evil with no redeeming qualities, was more than she could bear.
No! He must not find out, she promised herself fervently. How she was to avoid such a revelation was beyond her faculties to discern at the moment, but she was determined to prevent him from ever finding out if it was within her capacity.
A consciousness brushed her own and she began to feel a slight pressure against her mind. Her master was trying to contact her!
Mara almost snarled at the intrusion; of all the ill-conceived, poorly timed... But it would not do to have her master find her in such a state. She composed herself immediately, pushing her thoughts as deeply as she could, fearful of what he might sense if her mind were unguarded. Then she opened herself up to receive his communication.
Master, she responded to his questing sense, infusing her consciousness with every bit of deference, respect and obedience she could muster.
My Hand.
"Why, Ben? Why didn't you tell me?"
The Jedi sat on the log close to Luke and seemed to consider the question. "'I was going to tell you when you had completed your training," he finally answered. "'But you found it necessary to rush off unprepared. I warned you about your impatience."
Luke brushed off the censure in the other's voice. He deserved to know the truth.
"I'm well aware of my own failings," Luke responded, feeling the bitterness he had held away now swell up within him. "You told me Darth Vader betrayed and murdered my father. I thought the Jedi did not lie."
Ben maintained his calm in the face of Luke's resentment, his face betraying nothing. "Your father, Anakin, was seduced by the dark side of the Force - he ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, he betrayed everything Anakin Skywalker believed in. The good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
"A certain point of view!" Luke repeated, feeling more betrayed than ever. First his trusted mentor had lied to him and now he had the audacity to defend those actions without a hint of remorse.
"Luke," Ben responded gently, "you will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our point of view."
What is the status of your mission? Are you still with Skywalker?
Yes, Master, Mara returned, immensely relieved her master had not seemed to sense anything untoward in her manner.
Good, good, he cackled with glee. Everything is proceeding as I predicted. Skywalker has not sensed any duplicity in you?
Mara considered the question. She was still certain Skywalker did not believe everything she had told him, but as he had not challenged her on it, she felt reasonably secure in answering affirmatively.
No, Master, he has not. I think he may suspect I'm holding something back, but for the moment my cover story appears to be holding - he has not questioned me on it.
Then you must continue with the charade, use all your training to convince him of your sincerity. Your files have told you of the danger you face - I'm certain you would not want Skywalker to become suspicious and... question you. You know how ruthless he is.
No, Master, she responded, defending Skywalker without thinking. I have been with Skywalker and I have to tell you that your information about him, wherever you got it from, is mistaken. He is not ruthless or malicious - if anything, he is too gentle and trusting. Someone has misled you.
Are you questioning me? her master once again responded with anger.
No, Master, she said hastily, wondering how she had come to defend Skywalker so unconsciously. But I have spent time with him and seen him...
You know nothing! he thundered in her mind. I should have known he would draw in such a weak minded little fool as you! You think you understand him after a few days of observing him, but you still can't see him for what he is - you see only what you want to see from your own point of view. But you know nothing!
Luke said nothing in response, not willing to let go of his anger. He was alone and had been lied to for his entire life - he deserved some explanation for the events which had shaped his life and meant to have it.
"I don't blame you for being angry," Ben said with a sigh. "If I was wrong in keeping your father's identity, it would not be the only thing I was wrong in."
Luke's anger faded, replaced by his curiosity over Ben's words. He could sense that whatever Ben was referring to, it was not the normal, inconsequential mistakes which all beings made daily - this was something Ben considered to be an egregious error of judgment which undoubtedly had something to do with Luke himself.
"When I first encountered your father, he was just a young boy," Ben continued, his voice introspective and quiet. "By that time he was already incredibly strong in the Force, talented in many things and generous to a fault. My own master was killed soon after meeting him and asked me with his dying breath to train Anakin, believing him to be destined to be a great Jedi. I took his training upon myself, even though Yoda expressed serious misgivings. Such was my foolish pride, thinking I could be as good a teacher as Yoda and believing I could handle Anakin and mold him into a great Jedi. If I had listened to Yoda, involved him more in Anakin's training, seen what was happening to Anakin in time..."
Ben fell silent, his face a mask of pain as he considered the mistakes of the past, the regrets of a lifetime. It was evident to Luke that at one time, Ben and his one-time student had been very close.
"Ben, what happened?"
The Jedi sighed and continued. "Luke, you have to understand the Clone Wars heaped pressures on us all - Jedi were dispatched to become the generals of the republic armies and many padawan apprentices who would normally have been supervised more closely were left in positions of responsibility for which many were not ready. Anakin was one such. He was assigned to protect a young senator of Naboo, a senator he had met many years before in the company of my master. While completely capable of protecting the senator from harm, he proved incapable of withstanding temptation; at some point, they fell in love and were married, although this was kept secret from the galaxy as it was expressly against the Jedi code. The Emperor, though at the time of course unknown as a Sith, managed to engineer his election to the chancellorship of the Republic. He worked in secret to undermine and marginalize the Jedi - he knew Anakin's power, sensed his restlessness, perhaps even guessed his marriage with the senator, and ultimately was able to lure him to the dark side. I don't know exactly how Palpatine was able to accomplish it, but I fear my pride has had terrible consequences for the galaxy."
Luke drank in the history of his father, wondering at the events of the past and collective blindness of the Jedi. Clearly Ben blamed himself for Vader's defection, when it was also apparent circumstances had hardly been conducive to his watching over his apprentice's every move. To heap the blame entirely on Ben's head was wrong and overly simplistic. Perhaps Ben had been overly prideful and confident in his abilities, but surely his father himself must shoulder the largest share of the blame, if any blame was to be apportioned in such a complicated and unique situation.
"There is still good in him."
The statement was simple and quiet, but contained all of Luke's hope and conviction, strengthened by what he had just heard from the Jedi master.
It appears as though you still have much to learn, my Hand.
Mara swallowed visibly and kept her opinions to herself, wary of angering her master further. She could not understand where she had gotten the courage to point out his error - for error she was convinced it was - but she knew pushing him much further would only result in her paying a steep price.
Where are you?
I don't know, Master. Skywalker wouldn't tell me where we were going.
I am intrigued. What are you doing?
We came to visit Skywalker's Jedi Master.
What? he screamed into her mind, causing Mara to sway at the intensity of his emotions. The Jedi were exterminated like the vermin they were! There are none left.
Please Master, I'm telling the truth, Mara protested.
Who was it?
His name was Yoda, Master.
That little troll survived, even to this day?
Mara kept silent, once again not willing to risk her master's displeasure. Obviously he knew the old Jedi and the acquaintance was not one which was remembered with any fondness.
You said 'was'.
Yes, Master. Yoda died soon after we arrived here.
The cackling once again reverberated across their link. Then Yoda is dead? May he rot in whatever hell the Jedi are consigned to when they die!
Unfortunately, Ben did not see it that way. "I also thought he could be turned back. It couldn't be done. He is more machine now than man - twisted and evil."
"I can't kill my own father," Luke responded quietly, sensing the exhortation in Ben's words.
"Luke, you were humbled by Vader when you met him on Bespin. You know we would have preferred you finish your training with Yoda before facing him, but maybe in some ways, the experience was a good one for you. Not only were you forced to deal with the reality of your relationship with that... with your father, but the experience has turned out to be part of your training. Can you say you have been unchanged by the encounter? You have learned patience, much of your own strengths and limitations and have put that learning to good use. Perhaps you would have been better prepared to meet Vader if you had not left, but there is no disputing your fitness now. To be a Jedi, Luke, you must confront and then go beyond the dark side - the side your father could not get past; impatience is the easiest door - for you, like your father. But your father was seduced by what he found on the other side of the door, while you have held firm. You are no longer so reckless now, Luke. You are strong and patient. And you are ready for your final confrontation."
On some level, Luke knew Ben spoke nothing but the truth. But a part of him - admittedly the idealistic and perhaps slightly naïve part - refused to believe his father was beyond redemption. And he knew that what they were asking of him - demanding of him - was inherently wrong and unreasonable. No one should be asked to fight and kill his own father.
"I can't do it, Ben.
"Then the Emperor has already won." The old Jedi's manner and voice suggested defeat. "You were our only hope."
Mulling this over, Luke's thoughts were drawn back to Yoda's last words. "Yoda spoke of another..."
"The other he spoke of was your twin sister."
Luke's mouth opened in shock and try as he might, he could induce no sound to issue forth.
Mara was silent in the face of her master's unrestrained glee at the death of the old Jedi - an emotion Mara found she could neither duplicate nor agree with. And she had already overstepped her boundaries - gone much further in provoking him than she had ever dared before. Now was the time for prudence and silence.
You seem... changed... since the last time we spoke, Hand, he finally stated after a long pause. Has Skywalker corrupted you in such a short time?
No, Master, she responded immediately and fearfully.
What have you been doing during your time with him? How did you manage to convince him to let you accompany him?
This was not a question Mara wanted to answer, one she had hoped to avoid indefinitely, but now he had asked, she had little choice but to respond.
He offered to train me in the Force.
Her master's response was nothing like what she would have expected it to be. She had anticipated his anger, or perhaps even his indifference to the news, but when she sensed his sardonic amusement, she was surprised, not to mention concerned.
And you accepted. It is certainly convenient, given the curiosity and thirst for learning which you have always displayed, especially for the ways of the Force.
Master, I...
Do not even attempt to deny it, Hand, the Emperor responded, his mood unfathomable to Mara. He did not seem to be especially angry, but she knew instinctively he was not pleased either.
I suppose there was no other way to gain his confidence, he continued. Seeing so much... potential... in you, he would undoubtedly have wanted to pass on his learning. Skywalker is obviously powerful, an interesting development, given his training. What has he taught you so far?
His sarcastic phrasing allowed no doubt as to his feelings concerning the Jedi Heresy Skywalker would have imparted to her. We haven't had time for anything specific, Master. We did a little sparring and talked about various techniques, but nothing further.
I sense you have not told me all, Hand, he responded after a moment. Out with it, or I shall take it from you, when next we meet - it will not be pleasant I promise you.
Mara knew it was not an idle threat - he could do just that if he so chose. Nothing specific, Master. I just... I believe Skywalker has the ability to become an excellent teacher, Master. He was very... thorough when we discussed my... my training.
And how did you find him with a blade?
He is very talented, Master, she responded, allowing her admiration for Skywalker's skill to flow over into the link. He knows little of the forms and yet he uses his lightsaber with a natural and intuitive grace. I believe he may even be a match for Vader.
Her mind filled with her master's gleeful laughter, although she could not imagine what he found so amusing about Skywalker's skill. Something was not adding up here and Mara was certain she had not seen or guessed at the least part of her master's plans.
Excellent, Hand. You are to be commended for what you have managed to accomplish thus far. You have my permission to teach Skywalker what you know of the forms and learn from him what he will teach you of the Force.
Thank you, Master, she responded, grateful he seemed to be taking the news well, yet curious over his odd mixture of unconcern and eagerness when informed of Skywalker's skill with the blade. Why would he want Skywalker to become even more proficient with his lightsaber?
But... the word seemed to reverberate between them. You must take care not to be... contaminated by the idealistic Jedi dogma Skywalker will almost certainly try to spout at you.
I understand, Master...
Do you? he interrupted harshly. I'm not certain you do understand - at least you've shown very little comprehension, given your behavior during this interview. Let me be rightly understood - once you return, I shall have to attend to your... re-education and purge from you the heretical and disgusting Jedi traits you already seem to have picked up. The more you absorb from him, the greater effort it will take to eradicate all these unwanted tendencies.
Do I make myself clear? This was spoken very slowly and deliberately.
Mara was almost physically shaking by now - she recognized his meaning and the menacing threat behind his words and shuddered to think of exactly what this re-education would entail.
Yes, Master, perfectly clear.
There was a long pause during which her master seemed to consider the sincerity of her words. Good. Remember, stay with Skywalker and ensure you are with him when he comes. I will not contact you again until you return - if Skywalker is as powerful as you say, then we will run the risk of you being discovered. We would not want that now, would we?
It was a rhetorical question which nonetheless demanded an answer. No, Master.
"Sister? I don't have a sister."
"To protect you both against the Emperor, you were separated when you were born. The Emperor knew, as I did, that one day, with the Force on their side, Skywalker's offspring would be a threat to him. For that reason, your sister has remained safely anonymous."
Luke was astounded. No one had ever mentioned a twin sister before - in all the time he had spent with his aunt and uncle they had never mentioned a word, although he admitted it was possible they had never even known. And until now, neither Ben nor Yoda had ever made such an assertion before. But what possible reason could Ben have to lie? Something told Luke that Ben spoke the absolute truth - that the last piece of the puzzle had finally been made known to him and the secret of his past and that of his family's was finally unraveling.
No. The last piece was surely his sister's identity, the one thing Ben had yet to tell him. It was not likely to be anyone he had ever even met before.
And yet, something whispered in his ear, tickled at the base of his skull. There were times in the past when he had felt a certain kinship to others, a sense of connection where no such was known to exist. He had always put these feelings aside as fancy, or déjà vu, but the revelations of this day were now forcing him to consider his feelings and impressions in an entirely different manner. In fact, there was one such person to whom he had always felt close, to whom he had always felt connected and had in the past tried and failed to feel a romantic attachment with...
Suddenly his head snapped up and he peered at Ben, knowing exactly to whom he was referring. "Leia! Leia is my sister!"
The old master nodded his head. "Your insight serves you well. Bury your feelings down deep. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor."
Luke tried to sort through his feelings. He'd always loved Leia, almost from their first meeting and had mistaken that love for romance, but now his feelings were much clearer than he had ever before known them to be. Whereas before, even after they'd spoken on Tatooine, he had still harbored some confusion over his feelings, though he had not consciously admitted it to himself. He knew he did not desire her in a romantic way, but also knew his love for her was deeper than the love of a friend. Now he could put a name to it - subconsciously he had always loved her as a sibling, even before he had known of the relationship. The Force had surely called to them, understanding their relationship even if they had not.
But now, more than that, he felt protective toward her, as an elder brother might feel toward his younger sister, although for all he knew, she may have been born first. And he knew clearly what he had to do - loathe as he was to face his father again, he knew he could not step aside and abrogate the responsibility to her in such a callous and cowardly fashion. Once again destiny had stepped in to guide matters and he was forced to accept it - he could not let it fall to his sister.
He peered at Ben, wondering if the Jedi had manipulated the conversation so it would transpire in this fashion in order to elicit his agreement. He decided it did not matter. "I guess that settles it then. I can't allow Leia to get involved now - Vader would destroy her."
"I am truly sorry, Luke," Ben said with genuine regret. "I know this is difficult, but the die was cast long ago. You cannot escape your destiny. You will have to face Darth Vader again."
"I understand, Ben. I will confront Vader."
Ben nodded and began to fade from sight. "I must leave you now Luke. Keep your sister's identity secret, for if you fail she is truly our last hope."
It was dark by the time Luke returned to the hut, having spent several more hours thinking about the words of his two Jedi mentors. As he stepped inside, he could see that Arica had already succumbed to her weariness and had fallen asleep close to the fire. He gazed at her face, entranced by her sleeping countenance, the peacefulness she exhibited in her sleep, the soft, almost vulnerable look on her face which was never present when she was awake. She had had about as much sleep as he had the previous night and it had obviously caught up with her.
Careful so as not to disturb her, Luke crept through the small home and stirring up the fire and adding more fuel to it, he lay down on the floor beside her, trying to stay as far away from her as he could manage in the cramped confines of the room, knowing it would not do to have her wake up with him pressed up against her.
Even with his fatigue, sleep was a long time coming.
The morning light moved across her eyelids, gently prodding Mara toward consciousness, but Mara, not having slept the night before and unwilling to give up a few more precious moments of blissful unawareness, resolutely kept her eyes closed and burrowed further down into the softness of her pillow.
It took several moments for the thought to permeate through her muddled brain - the pillow was not soft, nor was it precisely hard. In fact, it did not seem to be a pillow at all... And had she not fallen asleep on the floor?
Her eyes snapped open at once and she gazed up into Skywalker's still peacefully sleeping face. He was lying on his back with his arm under her neck, while she was pressed against his side, with her head on his shoulder and her left arm wound about his midsection, pressed lightly into his stomach.
He sighed in his sleep at that moment and her breath caught in her throat as she gazed up at him, all thoughts of retreat suddenly forgotten. Try as she might, she could no longer deny there was something between them - an emotion for which she could find no words.
She momentarily considered moving away from him - reclaiming her own personal space, but the idea did not hold the appeal it once would have. Lying here next to him felt right.
She settled down once again, nestled against his side and allowed sleep to overtake her.
They stayed on Dagobah for the next three days, most of their time taken up with either training or discussions based on a variety of topics. Each found in the other a sympathetic companion, which they both needed after the revelations and grief of their first day on the planet.
Luke spent considerable time pondered his companion, wondering at her origins and the things she had told him since their meeting. His talk with Yoda, coupled with some of the things she had said and the way she had acted since he had met her, had now convinced him she had not told him all. He was certain she was hiding something from him, although he did not know what it was and did not feel it was appropriate to question her as if he did not trust her. And he did trust her; as confused over his feelings and unsure as he was about her truthfulness toward him, that fact was incontrovertible.
Mara, for her part, was trying to decide what she was to do. She was bound to her master and knew deep down she had no real choice but to do as he asked. But she harbored deep misgivings about what he intended with Skywalker - and her own 're-education'. She desperately wanted to find another solution, one which would remove the necessity of turning Skywalker over to her master. She was still confused over what to believe - her master or Yoda - and it kept her awake long into the nights after Skywalker fell asleep, filling her mind with constant battles, as though two factions had taken over her consciousness and were warring for control over her.
Concerning the incident of the morning after Yoda's death, neither spoke of waking up in the other's arms and they kept their distance from each other after that. Neither stopped wondering, however, about the other's feelings about the matter and both struggled to decipher their own.
Two days after their arrival, they were sitting around a fire Skywalker had built outside her small shuttle. Mara was slightly surprised they were still on the planet - she had expected him to want to leave immediately after his master's death and return to the rebels, but thus far he had shown no inclination.
It had grown dark and Mara observed him surreptitiously, watching the firelight dance across his features. He seemed solemn tonight, more so than usual - she watched as he stared into the fire, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. He had been unusually silent and distracted the entire day, often losing his concentration even while speaking, his mind on something else as he stared off at something only he could see. She would wait patiently for him to recall where he was and then they would pick up where they had left off as though nothing had happened. Once, he had become distracted during a sparring match and she had almost managed to disarm him, but he had recovered in time and proceeded to win the match.
She was convinced something was bothering him, although what it could be, she could not imagine. Her life had taken such a drastic turn since meeting him; she found anticipating anything was now beyond her, so many surprises and twists had occurred. She would simply have to wait until he decided to speak to find out what was bothering him.
She did not have to wait long.
"Arica," he called her suddenly.
When Mara's eyes found his face, she could find no trace of the previous distraction and indecision - whatever had been bothering him, he was now focused and appeared to have come to a resolution... or a decision.
"Arica," he repeated, "I have something to tell you."
Immediately Mara's imagination went into overdrive and for a brief moment she felt panic. Was he about to tell her that his master had advised him not to train her? Was he ready to part ways with her? What would she do?
"It will be difficult to tell you this, but there is something you need to know. You may not wish to stay with me after I tell you this, so if you do want to part ways after hearing what I have to say to you, I only ask that you get me off this planet and back to a place from which I can make my way back to the Alliance."
Mara was jolted out of her thoughts and the panic instantly fled, replaced by a deep curiosity. What sin could be so egregious and unforgivable that he thought she would not want to stay with him any longer?
"I've told you of my aunt and uncle," he began hesitantly, "but I've never spoken to you of my parents. Until recently I knew almost nothing of them, but I have made a... discovery that I think you should know about, as it may effect your decision to train."
As he visibly attempted to summon the courage which had momentarily failed him, Mara remembered back to the day they had arrived. She remembered the master asking her to leave the hut so they could discuss something in private and her conviction there was some secret regarding Darth Vader which they did not want her to know about. She felt a sudden premonition that the secret was about to come out.
"I grew up believing my father was a navigator on a space freighter. I have recently discovered he was no such thing - it appears my uncle lied to me."
He glanced up at her from where he had been peering into the fire, his eyes pleading and willing her to understand. "The truth is, Darth Vader is my father."
The words, softly and slowly spoken, nevertheless seemed to pierce Mara directly through the heart and she stared at him, an incredulous expression affixed to her face.
"Darth Vader?" she demanded. "How?"
His features took on an amused look which did not reach his eyes. "In the usual manner, I would expect."
Mara brushed off his feeble attempt at humor impatiently, her mind already reeling with possibilities. "You're Darth Vader's son? How could that be? How could he even father a child?"
"I imagine he was not always the way he is now, Arica," Skywalker responded gently. "As for what happened to change him or the circumstances of my birth, I cannot answer you - I'm as much in the dark as you are."
Her mind alive with possibilities and questions, Mara looked away to peer into the blackness of the night. Of all the events since she had met him, all the surprises and shocks, all the changes wrought to her life, this was by far the largest and most surprising. The black giant had always been cold and reserved when she had been in his presence - it was impossible to understand how he could have fathered a son.
Darth Vader, Skywalker's father!
And the Emperor had wanted Skywalker dead!
Did her master know who Skywalker was? He must - he had to have known what Vader's birth name was and once the Skywalker name had come to light, it was simple to make the connection from there.
And as for Vader, did he know the young rebel who had destroyed the Death Star was none other than his son? Again, the answer must be in the affirmative. Surely Vader would recognize the name himself and do everything in his power to know the truth once he heard it.
And what did it all mean? Had the Emperor dispatched Mara to kill Skywalker, afraid of his lackey's loyalty? Or had he sent her to make an example of Skywalker, to keep Vader in line?
Or still more chilling, had she sent her to Skywalker, expecting her to fail?
The possibilities assaulted her mind in dizzying succession, forcing her to withdraw her consideration. She would have time later to ponder the implications. For now, she was certain Skywalker expected her to desert him once he had told her the truth.
She glanced back at him, only to find him regarding her with a peculiar mix of apprehension and regret written on his face. Her earlier impression had been correct - he fully expected her to want to have nothing further to do with him.
Part of her wanted to run away and never return - she was suddenly filled with an image of Skywalker, eyes glowing yellow like her master's, laughing in much the same manner as he. She shuddered to think of those expressive blue eyes permanently hidden under a sickening yellow tint.
Pushing the thought away, she grabbed hold of herself sternly - she knew Skywalker by now. Despite her continued confusion of just exactly what her master was, she knew Skywalker was nothing like him - whatever he was, he was certainly not Vader and Mara knew instinctively she did not fear him. Did she?
She shook off the thought - either way, she had no choice; her master had told her to stay with him and stay with him she must.
"I won't deny, I'm surprised," she finally responded in a quiet voice. "But that doesn't affect my decision to train with you. I want to learn to use the Force and this doesn't change that."
The expression on his face melted into one of intense relief and a brilliant smile broke over his features, causing Mara's heart to flip in her chest.
"Thank you, Arica," he said at once, his heart in his eyes.
Mara shrugged his gratitude away. "You're not Vader. You can hardly help who your father is."
They sat in companionable silence for several moments before Mara's curiosity got the better of her. "So, how did you find out about this, anyway?"
He gazed at her and Mara instinctively understood - he was torn between the desire to keep the particulars to himself and the need to unburden himself to a friend.
'Friend'. The word came so easily to her now and she was startled. But instantly she understood; somehow Skywalker had become her friend - more than a friend, part of her insistently whispered.
"I will tell you, Arica, but you must keep this conversation strictly confidential for the time being. I'm not ready for it to become general knowledge."
At her nod of understanding, Skywalker moved closer to her - close, but not quite touching - and launched into his tale, beginning to recount the events which had led to the loss of his hand and the discovery of his father's true identity. Mara was enthralled, her eyes latched on to her eyes searched his face and her attention was riveted on his story. As he weaved the tale, she found herself once again revising, improving her opinion of him. He had met and conquered everything from his past and emerged stronger for it.
The thought struck her as he continued his story - could he actually defeat Vader? Although she had no definitive answer, she knew it was a distinct possibility, a thought which gave her a sudden burst of hope. But no... her master would surely tip the scales against him. They were two and he was but one - young and quickly trained at that.
The next day, Luke decided, would be their last on Dagobah. It was now time to return to the Alliance and he had spent enough time saying goodbye to the planet and his master. The time had come to leave the past behind and look forward to the future and his destiny.
There only remained one thing left to do - he had to take Mara to the tree.
He had decided before going to sleep the night before that he would not tell Mara where they were going until they got there - much the same as Yoda had done with him when he had gone there the year before.
They left that morning, heading in the general direction of the tree, ostensibly for some physical training. They stopped every so often to discuss some of the things Luke was trying to teach her and paused for a brief sparring session.
Sparring had become one of Luke's favorite activities in the course of their interactions. During these times he was able to throw off the weightier responsibilities of a teacher and slip into the role of student as Arica began showing in more detail the forms and their uses, strengths and weaknesses. He recognized much of what Yoda taught him in them, but whereas Yoda had shown him certain techniques, the time had been woefully inadequate to teach him any more than the basics. With Arica, their sessions were much more in depth.
As they jogged along, Luke pushed thoughts of sparring firmly away, knowing he would have to concentrate on his companion. Today was possibly the most important day in her training even though it had just begun. Luke had had several months to prepare (unwittingly) for this day, while Arica had had only a few days - a part of Luke was fearful for her. However, Yoda had made it quite clear that this was a necessary trial for her growth and Luke was determined to follow his master's instructions to the letter. Besides, in the short time he had known her, Luke had come to know Arica was strong and competent - she would survive the experience and emerge stronger for it, he was certain.
When they finally reached the vicinity of the tree, Luke called a halt to their run and sat down on a fallen log, motioning her to take a break. He took a sip out of his water canteen, all the while keeping a close eye on Arica to see her reaction. Much as he had many months ago, she sat on the ground and stayed there for some time, gazing around without interest at the surrounding landscape. Luke could already feel the cold, ominous presence of the tree and given the sensitivity she had shown to changes in the Force, Luke expected she would sense it quickly.
True to form, it was only a matter of moments before her roaming eyes caught sight of the tree and she stared at it for several moments, apparently trying to make sense of what she was feeling.
"Skywalker," she said suddenly, "what is going on here? I feel something... cold... implacable."
Luke regarded, resolutely remaining silent, wondering what she would do. She stood and approached the tree, stopping several meters away from it, peering into the opening, before turning back to him.
"What is that?" she asked pointedly.
"That tree is strong in the dark side of the Force," Luke responded simply.
"You brought me here on purpose, didn't you?"
When Luke replied with nothing more than a nod, Arica tapped her foot impatiently. "Well, what do you expect me to do?"
"You must go into it, Arica."
"What's in there?"
Luke felt a wry smile appear on his face as he considered the very same question he had asked of his master. "In the words of my master, 'only what you take with you'."
This was not enough for Arica, however, and she regarded him impatiently. "Can't you give me any more than that?"
"Unfortunately, Arica, I suspect it's different for everyone. I certainly don't expect you to see what I saw. All I can tell you is that we must all face the dark side of ourselves."
"And what did you see?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you any more now. Maybe later..."
Arica glanced back at the cave and a shudder ran though her. "Do I need to take anything with me?"
Smiling, Luke rose to his feet and approached her, aware she was stalling the inevitable. "Arica," he said as he reached her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders, "I will leave it up to you. However, may I counsel you not to take any weapons with you? Believe me, I speak from experience."
Arica paused at this, but nodded and handed him her lightsaber, which she had unclipped from her belt. Luke accepted it with a reassuring smile. She turned toward the tree and drew a deep breath.
"Arica, aren't you forgetting something?" Luke asked, amused at her omission.
She didn't need to ask what he meant. She turned sheepishly and with a quick flick of her wrist, handed over the tiny blaster which suddenly appeared in her hand. Luke accepted the proffered weapon and on impulse reached out and embraced her briefly.
He drew away, taking in her startled countenance with an amused glance, before handing a small glow stick to her. "Go and be mindful of what you see. You may not understand it immediately, but remember - it has something important to tell you. Do not dismiss its lesson out of hand."
She directed a long searching look into his face, before drawing away. She approached the tree, her body language betraying her trepidation, and in moments had disappeared from sight. Luke returned to the fallen log and sat down, trying to ignore the apprehension he felt on her behalf. If her trial was anything like his experience, she would not emerge from that cave unscathed.
At least he had managed to dissuade her from taking her weapons - would that he had been so easily influenced himself.
Mara dropped down onto the cave floor, immediately repelled by the squishy feeling of the ground under her feet. Was there nowhere in this whole damned world that was not sodden?
The lighted glow stick revealed nothing more than thick, green vegetation and the ever present muck which was the planet's most distinguishable feature. A quick examination of the walls led to the discovery of nothing more remarkable than tree roots and insects of all shapes and sizes. Mara was not particularly squeamish when it came to the sight of insects, but the sheer number and size of them, coupled with the dark of the cave, made her shudder - she resolved to stay as far from the walls of this cave as she could.
She paused at the entrance of the cave momentarily, considering the situation and Skywalker's instructions. She was almost tempted to laugh the whole thing off as an overactive imagination and emerge after a few moments of waiting in the entrance. Something stopped her, however... she was not certain if it was merely her nerves or the way her eyes had been opened ever since she had met him, but she was unwilling to shrug off Skywalker's words as nothing more than fancy. Besides, she had felt something as soon as she had approached the small clearing in which the tree stood. It had beckoned her, sang out to her in a language she could not quite make out. She knew it was inviting her to open up, to partake of something she had never partaken of before. It felt much like her master, but different... changed in some subtle way.
And yet, as she felt it calling to her, she also felt a hesitation and Yoda's words regarding the call of the dark side and its seductive, easy path. She would not succumb to the temptation so easily. She would resist and see what it wished to show her before she made any decisions.
Her choice made, Mara began moving forward into the cave, the glow stick held resolutely out in front of her. Several times she encountered the remains of massive spider webs, strung out indiscriminately across the cave. She cleared these out with disgust and forged on ahead, all the while wondering how far she had come into the cave and how long it would take it to retreat from it when the time came. And as she continued, the glow stick seemed to give off less light, almost as though the oppressive atmosphere in the cave was limiting its ability to function.
How long she continued she could not say; it may have been mere moments or since the beginning of time for all she knew, but at length she came to a small chamber, from which the pathway branched off in three directions. She stopped and frowned; Skywalker had not mentioned a branch in the path and had given her no directions.
Maybe it's another Jedi test. Take the wrong passage and they boot you out of the order.
The irreverent thought caused a brief smile to appear on Mara's face. Of course, now that the order consisted of one very under-trained Jedi, Mara doubted he would dismiss her out of hand if she took the wrong tunnel.
She stared at the three openings for some moments, before finally deciding it was unimportant which one she took. Choosing at random, she made her way down the middle path, her glow stick held out carefully in front of her as she walked.
As it turned out, she did not have long to wonder how far she would have to go. Almost immediately the tunnel widened out and opened up into a large room. It was no more than twenty meters square and not much more than three in height, but it was much larger than any other chamber she had come across thus far in her travels in this Force forsaken hole.
It also appeared to be completely empty.
Disgusted, Mara peered around intently, advancing some few meters into the room, while waving her glow stick into the preternatural gloom which encompassed the cave. Finding nothing but bare walls, insects and tree roots, Mara snorted in anger, wondering if she should return to the surface or try one of the other passages instead.
She turned to leave, when out of the corner of her eye, she saw a slight movement. She turned back and peered into the murk, straining to see what had caught her attention, but the room seemed to be as empty as before. Disgusted with herself for her flight of fancy, Mara turned once again, when suddenly a dark cowled figure seemed to materialize out of thin air and advanced into the range of the glow stick. Mara stumbled back with an involuntary cry of dread, when a voice she knew well said, "What's the matter, Mara, my dear? Don't you recognize me?"
Outside the cave, Luke paced back and forth in front of the entrance, his thoughts whirling faster and faster, as though travelling through hyperspace. The small glade in which the tree stood had seemed to grow even more dark and oppressive since Arica had entered the tree and Luke had grown more fearful for her.
Had Yoda felt this way when Luke had entered the tree, or was something happening to Arica? He had no answers and precious little experience to draw from. Reason told him there was nothing in the tree that could physically harm her and that she was facing her own fears and demons in the tree. It did not make waiting any easier.
And then there had been the sudden spike of fear from Arica, which he had felt clearly through their ever strengthening bond. He had jumped up and almost gone rushing into the tree after her.
Something had stopped him; however, he was uncertain what. A presentiment? A realization that to enter and interrupt whatever she was facing would not only interfere with her development as a Jedi, but would be an unmitigated disaster?
So he was stuck with waiting and pacing, hoping she would emerge from the tree with her faculties intact.
It never entered his head that his concern for her was far more than the fear for a mere friend.
Mara knew that voice - she knew it almost as well as she knew her own. She had known it from the earliest days of her childhood, from the small amount of Force training she had received in her youth, had heard it raised in chilling anger and in amused chuckling. She had heard it in the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
"What's the matter, Mara? Have you nothing to say to your Master?"
"I'm... sorry, Master," she finally managed, still staring wide-eyed at the figure now peering at her intently. "I did not expect..."
"To see me here?" the master cackled in response, peering at her through the hood which still obscured his face, but somehow allowed her a clearer impression of her master's features than she had ever seen before. The white pallor of his scarred and warped face stood out in sharp contrast to the darkness of the room. But above all, the sight of his glowing eyes arrested her breath and sent chills up her spine. The sight of him both fascinated and repulsed her.
"Why would you not expect to see me here?" he continued. "I am your Master, after all."
"But Master..."
"Now Mara, dear," he interrupted, his mouth twisting into a sneer as he said the word 'dear', "enough of me. We need to talk about you."
She knew something was wrong here, but was allowed no time to think about it further, as he was already speaking again.
"You think to hide from me, Mara, but I see through you. I can see the traitorous thoughts going through your mind."
"But Master, I never..."
"Silence!" he thundered. "You forget yourself! You think you can be free of me, but you will never be free! You are a servant and nothing more... do not consider yourself to be the equal of your company!"
Tears started in Mara's eyes as she stared back at the Emperor in consternation. He had certainly spoken to her in such tones before, had punished her physically and emotionally, but never had his words cut her to the core as they did now. Until this moment, she had thought herself inured to his words.
The Emperor regarded her disdainfully. "Look at you - a confused, frightened little wretch who has daydreams of some day being someone. Foolish little girl who believes she is falling in love. You actually think Skywalker will ever see anything worthwhile in you? And what do you think his reaction will be when he knows what you are? Do you think he will laugh and brush it off? You are a fool to believe he will ever love one such as you."
The tears starting in Mara's eyes intensified as her master taunted her again and again. Was she deluding herself? Would Skywalker ever see anything in her or would he be disgusted once he knew what she was? The mere thought of those blue eyes regarding her with cold contempt caused Mara to tremble, her tears to flow faster in unbelievable pain.
"Once he knows the truth, he will know exactly what you are - a murdering, lying, backstabbing little whore, of no more use than to be thrown to the troops for their pleasure! I begin to believe that you are of no more use to me, my dear. Believe me, I can find many more to serve the same purpose you so inadequately perform."
Finally, the word 'whore' let Mara's anger escape from where it had been forced down by her dejection. "I am not a whore!"
He chuckled and turned his head to the side. "Are you not?"
Mara's anger was halted abruptly - the voice was different... almost familiar.
"Weren't you commanded to seduce me, Mara?"
He looked back at her and under the hood she could see Skywalker peering intently at her from underneath the cowl. But she had never seen him this way before. Gone was the kindly, compassionate look which usually adorned his face, replaced by a cold, calculating stare - a look usually reserved for an insect one was about to crush. His face had lost the healthy tone of youth, replaced instead by a repulsive pallor, pale white flesh where there had once been a healthy tan from the Tatooine suns. But most disturbing of all were his eyes - the impossibly deep, sky blue eyes, which had been changed, replaced with the yellow glow she had only ever seen in her master.
This was not Skywalker... it couldn't be!
"Well, Mara? Answer me!"
"I never... I couldn't..."
"Yes, you could!" he screamed, his face alive with a rage she had never seen him display. "You were sent here to seduce me and tease me with promises of love and devotion. But I'm not so easily fooled; I know what you really are - nothing but an automaton, tied to the will of your master, incapable of thinking for yourself."
Mara shook her head frantically - this could not be true. Skywalker laughed darkly and began to advance on her.
"But I promise you, I will have the last laugh, Mara. After I dispose of the Emperor and take his place, I will claim you for my own. I will make you serve me as you once served him, although I expect your service to me will bring you far more... pleasure... than he ever could."
Backing away from him, Mara shook her head, desperately trying to refute his assertions.
Skywalker though, was having none of it. "Oh come now, Mara; you didn't think you would ever be free, did you? In love? You know love is a lie - a falsehood to trap the gullible. There is only power and sadly you will never know such power. You will always be a slave to your betters, nothing more!"
As she backed away, Mara suddenly caught her boot on a tree root and fell, landing on her rear painfully. Ignoring the pain and wetness already seeping through her pants in the sodden earth, Mara gazed fearfully up at Skywalker.
Only then did she discover the specter had changed once again. There, staring down at her with a cruel, merciless look in her eyes was a reflection of herself - but only a caricature of her own features, distorted as they were by the same white skin and glowing eyes which had been on Skywalker's face.
"Come, Mara," the figure beckoned. "This is what you want - to be your own person, to live life how you want to live it... To be free!"
Fascinated in spite of herself, Mara stared up at the hand extended toward her. Was it not what she had always dreamed of - to be her own person? It would be so easy to give in and take the hand...
But something stopped her. A memory perhaps, something Yoda had said... or possibly Skywalker... We must all face the dark side of ourselves.
Was that what this was? Was it nothing more than a test of her strength of self, her ability to resist the temptation of the dark side? What was the dark side really, anyway? Was it the evil Yoda and Skywalker seemed to think it was or was it merely a manifestation of a different path, the one which her master trod?
She was just beginning to work through all she had seen, when the apparition's voice interrupted her reverie and she looked up yet again.
"Will you not join us, Mara?"
Mara was not certain of anything - she was confused and hurt at the figure's earlier words - but there was one thing she was certain of. If giving in and accepting the invitation were to change her to the extent that she would not even recognize herself, that she would lose her inherent humanity, she knew she could not accept.
Slowly she began to shake her head, edging her way from the figure extending its hand.
Suddenly, the figure began to change - a sickening, frightening change which took Mara's breath away and filled her with terror. In an instant, the face morphed into some terrifying vision from a child's dream; the eyes became slits of red fire, the nose flattened and narrowed to a thin gash, and the mouth twisted in a grimace, the teeth elongated to pointed spikes.
"If you will not join us willingly, then you will join us unwillingly," the figure rasped.
And then it pounced.
Instinctively, Mara pushed at the figure using reserves she never knew she possessed, catching in full in the chest and sending it careening across the room. It impacted with the far wall, striking it at the base of its neck and collapsed to the floor, its head bent forward at an impossible angle. Silence reigned over the room and for a moment, all Mara could hear with the frenzied beating of her heart and her desperate gasps of air.
The quiet was suddenly broken by the sound of insane laughter and the figure lying at the end of the room straightened and raised its head and peered at her with manic eyes, the fire of its eyes grown hotter, brighter. It shuffled to its feet and haltingly approached her once again, its cackling firing against the ends of her nerves, pushing her from terror to the brink of madness.
"Good, Mara," it wheezed in between gales of insane laughter. "Your hate and anger make you powerful - only by harnessing them can you defeat me and save yourself. Soon you will belong to us!"
Faster than thought, it rushed at her again, hands stretched out like talons to rend and tear. A shriek of pure terror escaped from Mara's throat and she scrambled to her feet flew from the room, heedless of everything but the need to get away from the terrifying specter which appeared ready to consume her very soul. Forgotten was the lesson, the tree and the things she had seen, replaced by the need to escape.
She raced through the tunnels back the way she had come, searching for the exit, all the while hearing the laughter pursuing her, sibilant wisps of exhortation and temptations flittered through her mind, calling up the images from which she was fleeing, sucking the life away from her very soul.
You belong to us, Mara... Stop fighting... Your destiny... Let go of your anger...
Thrashing her head back and forth to dislodge the thoughts which seemed blazoned on her very brain, Mara stumbled into the side of the passage and nearly fell, while raising her hands to cover her ears. The laughter simply increased and became louder and more maniacal.
Feeling her own sanity slipping from the continued onslaught of the laughter, Mara kept running and running until she thought she would never again emerge from the tree, would never feel the wind on her face... would never again know the sensation of being held in Skywalker's arms.
Before she had time to wonder about the change, she was scrabbling up the side of the cave's entrance and had begun to run across the clearing, when she was suddenly grabbed and held in a viselike grip.
Screaming, she fought like a wild thing, scratching and clawing to escape from the apparition which held her fast, but it grimly held on, refusing to let go. She could almost feel its claws sinking into her, its teeth tearing out flesh as it began to consume her.
Gradually, however, she recognized... a voice pleading with her to calm down, a gentle, fearful presence intruding on her consciousness. Gradually, her fears abated and she became aware once again of the damp, leaf-strewn ground of the clearing, the light of the sun as it pushed its hazy way down through the ever present fog of the planet, the breath of a breeze on her tear-streaked face.
Eventually, she looked up and drank in the sight she had thought would be forever denied her - the sky blue gaze of Skywalker's eyes as he looked down at her, an anxious expression on his face. The image would be forever etched upon her consciousness, burned into her memory, easily recalled years after the event.
The sight of him wavered and blurred and great hiccupping sobs wracked her body as she began to cry her terror and grief into Skywalker's waiting shoulder. She could feel his hand tracing circles on her back, hear the quiet soothing words he spoke in her ear, but the only thing she could think about was the horror of the tree, the fears she had subconsciously harbored which had suddenly been dredged up from the depths of her mind. How could she have ever thought this could have a happy ending? Whatever she had seen in the tree, she could not dispute the truth of its words - when Skywalker knew what she was, he would hate her.
The thought did not stop her from clinging to him as she sobbed out her agony and grief.
