A/N Again, wish I owned these great characters but I don't. It's all SM.
I heard noises in the hallway. Didn't I hear this same shit yesterday morning?
Well crap. My door is open. That's why it's so noisy. But why is my door open.
Bella.
The events of yesterday flooded my brain. Crap, did I sleep through her screams? Was she all right? Some protector I am. Fuck.
A soft giggle sounded to the right of my head. My eyes snapped open and then immediately closed. I must have said that out loud. Bringing my hand to my face to rub away my exhaustion, I couldn't hold in my annoyance.
"What are you doing here, Alice?"
She was sitting at my desk, reading over the latest copy of Victoria's secret. She had to have brought it. Underwear models did nothing for me.
"Just waiting," she replied, like that was sufficient enough. She continued reading her magazine, noisily flipping pages and completely ignoring me.
"Alice."
"What?" Her cavalier attitude was pissing me off.
"Why the hell are you in my room?"
"I'm waiting for Bella."
Of course she was waiting for Bella, in my room. That made total sense. Her response and attitude implied that I should have mind reading abilities.
I gave her a look. Even though she never turned towards me, I knew I was burning a hole in her thick skull.
"She kicked me out," She continued as if that clarified everything.
I shifted on my bed, rising up on my pillow and just waited. I even 'humphed' loudly, hoping she'd get the hint.
"We have class together this morning. I stopped in to see if she wanted to walk over together. I caught her just out of the shower and she kicked me out so she could get dressed." At first glance it would seem that this was a normal occurrence. I don't know too many girls that feel comfortable naked in the presence of others. But then, I measured Alice's eyes, her posture, and the tone of her voice. She was looking at me. Intensely looking at me, like I had the answer and her stare would drag it out of me.
Shit, they were roommates for two years. Of course this wasn't normal, at least where Alice was concerned.
Unfortunately I did know this answer. It was hard enough last night not to call attention to the marks and bruises imprinted on Bella's body. There was no way Alice would have let them slide. She would have given Bella the third, forth and fifth degree to obtain answers.
Last night I couldn't lie to Bella, but this morning I had no problem playing dumb to Alice.
"She probably didn't want to play dress up for you." I tried unsuccessfully to deflect Alice's curiosity, but she was too damn good. Her eyes said it all. Fortunately she let the subject drop and I honestly didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.
I wanted to tell her. I wanted to purge the frustration and anger I felt when I saw Bella's arms and neck. I wanted someone else in this with me also, to help, to work with, and to confide in. But I didn't. Even though Alice was suspicious, I felt like confirming anything would have betrayed Bella.
The fact that Alice didn't have a snappy retort to my dress up comment did lead me to believe one thing.
I wasn't the only one concerned with Bella.
"Did you hear about Emmett and Rosalie?" Alice asked. I was relieved at the change in the conversation. We think we both were.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Emmett had strictly forbidden me from discussing his plans with Alice. Actually, I think everyone of our friends had a clue except Alice and Rosalie. It's frat stuff after all. We're really not supposed to divulge all the shit we have planned. I also didn't want to give Alice the satisfaction of knowing. It was a wonderful game to keep Alice in the dark. She seldom goes there anyway.
"I'm not an idiot, you know."
"Idiot about what?" I asked, humoring her.
Her black eyes contorted somehow, letting me know that I had the upper hand. She was grasping at straws and really had no idea what was planned. I loved watching her squirm.
"Well maybe I'll take Rose away on a shopping trip to Massena on Friday."
"Have fun. Maybe you should stay the night." I love screwing with Alice. This was the most fun I've had in days.
"What a great idea." Alice played along. "I'll have to make sure Emmett doesn't mind me taking his girlfriend for a day and night."
Can't say that Alice isn't tenacious.
"I don't think he'll give a shit. We have a party on Friday anyway. I think he'll be too busy and drunk to miss Rosie. Besides, do you really think you can get her to stay away from him for a night? There's a reason they live off campus."
"Prick. She'll come with me. No one can resist when I pout. I'll just make the arrangements anyway, seeing as you guys just have a stupid house party." Alice was going for the kill.
"Hey, will you buy me something?" I chuckled.
Her eyes became piercing, showing signs of her frustration. Thank God we were both stubborn. Alice had finally met her match. After that last exchange, we were now locked in stare down.
I was winning, as Alice started shifting and bouncing her leg in anticipation. She had too much energy. I had more patience.
Her expression flipped suddenly, and her eyes became wide, bright and full of victory.
Shit.
"What's going on?" Bella's soft voice cut through the tension.
I turned from my bed to see her standing in the entrance of my room. Her hair was damp from her shower and her cheeks were still flushed. She was wearing a long blue shirt and light jacket. Her jeans were over-worn and a backpack was slung over her shoulder.
"I was just telling Edward that Rosalie and I are planning a shopping trip this Friday. It will be so much fun. We're going to make a night of it." Alice could not contain the devilish smile that spread over her face. She could smell defeat. "Please. Please. Please. Will you come with us this weekend?
My face fell. I couldn't help it. My Achilles Heel just walked in. There was no way I was going to forfeit my opportunity with Bella this weekend.
Alice noticed my defeated look and started bouncy a little victory dance.
I am fucking going to kill Alice. Chop her into bits and feed her to the wolves.
"Thanks, but…. I really have a lot of work to catch up on." Bella stood there, leaning against the door, her eyes looking anywhere but at the faces in front of her.
The silence in the room was deafening
She gave a reason, but it was an excuse. I knew it. Alice knew it. Neither of us called her on it. Her eyes were empty, her figured slightly hunched, but we didn't call her out. She looked fragile and we wanted to protect her.
The petty one upmanship that Alice and I were playing evaporated. Our focus turned solely to the broken creature leaning in my doorway.
"Well, I'll just have to change your mind," Alice chirped, jumping up to hug Bella, as if hoping to squeeze her confidence into her friend. As her arms encircled Bella, I saw a grimace cross her face. It was so faint it was hardly recognizable. Alice didn't notice, she was too busy causing it.
Bouncing by Bella's side now, Alice turned towards me. "So you just have fun this weekend with whatever you're doing." She was trying to lighten the mood, return the atmosphere back by continuing our playful banter.
Unfortunately, I didn't hear a word she said. I was too concentrated on Bella. She was still looking anywhere but us. I would have guessed she was trying to figure out a way out of Alice's plans. But as I noticed before, something was lying underneath. Something she didn't want anyone to know.
Change the subject. Quick.
"Did you ever get the reading done?" I asked her, desperate to draw her out.
"No." Her face shifted slightly upward, but I still couldn't see her eyes.
"Good."
"Huh?" Bingo. Now she was looking at me.
"I don't want to be the only one who will fail if Professor Clark gives us a pop quiz. I like company in my academic pitfalls."
"Well then, glad to be of service." Her features lifted a little with a small smile.
"You ready?" Alice piped in.
"Yeah. I guess I'll see you in class, Edward."
"See you then, Bella," I called they retreated out of my room and down the hallway.
She smiled. It wasn't big. It wasn't bright. It was small and timid, but it was there. I made her smile. I could have launched off the bed from this euphoric feeling racing through my veins. At least I didn't giggle like a girl in to my pillow. I did have a shit-eating grin plastered on my face though. I wonder if I could make her smile again? Suddenly, I knew what my mission was today. I was going to see how many times I could make her smile.
I looked at my clock and realized I only had twenty minutes to make my class. I couldn't shower, but I definitely had to change. I could never understand how some students could go to class in three-day old jeans or sweats. My mother would kill me. First household chore I learned was laundry. I was just about to close my door, when a tiny foot in black flats stopped it.
"I'm trying to get dressed" I sneered at Alice, whose foot was blocking my door. She was alone.
"We are going to be eating lunch in the dining hall around noon."
"So." I was still trying to close the door on her. Now I wouldn't be able to clearly remember Bella's voice on my walk to my first class. Whining Alice voice would now cloud my head.
Her face became snooty. She even flicked her hair back from her eyes, for added affect. It didn't work. Her hair was too short.
"Oh, I thought you had Religion after lunch. I guess you can walk to class alone then." She turned swiftly on her heal and was out of my door.
I couldn't help it. I slammed the door. I swear I could hear Alice laughing down the hallway. What a conniving little twit. Shit, now I really wanted to take a shower if I was going to take Alice's not so subtle hint and join her and Bella for lunch.
Shower or no shower. Late or not late. Fuck.
I couldn't be late. It was Biology lab. So I did the next best thing. I grabbed a towel and rushed into the bathroom. A few minutes later I was back in my room, pulling on a clean shirt and jeans. I then used my towel to dry my crazy hair. I never thought I would be caught dead washing my hair in the sink. But desperate times call for desperate measures. It was the only way to look presentable. Besides I hate wearing baseball hats.
Actually, it's purely out of vanity that I rarely wear hats. My mother repeatedly told me that wearing hats all the time would cause baldness. I'm pretty sure that mom-ism falls somewhere between 'your face will freeze like that' or 'it's going to fall off if you hold it all the time'. Anyway, the point was drilled home, and I avoid hats like the plague. Besides my hair was one of the few features I like about myself.
I made it to lab and forced myself to concentrate. It was a losing battle. Her one small smile was consuming me. Thoughts of last night were bombarding me. Her cautious posture as we walked. Her sighs of contentment that I occasionally heard over the soft twinkling of the piano. The apprehension of her eyes when she realized I saw her bruises. The torturous sound of her voice as she asked me to watch over her.
But that was last night. This morning she smiled and suddenly I was counting down the minutes until I would meet them for lunch.
* * *
They were already seated at a table in the far corner of the dining room. I was happy to notice Rosalie and Jasper were with them. A circle of friends with Bella in the middle. I grabbed a couple grilled cheese sandwiches and a Coke and headed to them.
"Don't ruin it, Alice." Jasper voice was stern and totally out of character. Jasper was always calm. Now he sounded commanding.
"But"
"Enough, or I won't take you to Montreal next weekend." Jasper's threat worked, because Alice sunk down in her chair pulling off a serious pout.
"What's going on?" I asked trying to follow the conversation.
"Jasper knows something that involves me and won't tell Alice. And now she's all pissed because he threatened to not take her shopping next week in Canada," Rosalie explained.
"Aren't you even curious?" Alice began pleading with Rosalie.
"No. If he wants to surprise me, then let him."
I thought Rose's reply would knock Alice off her seat.
"How? How can you not want to know, Rose?"
"Because, it's really important to Emmett. He's going to a lot of trouble and I want him to have this."
"Argh," was the only reply Alice could think of. It was loud and I think half the cafeteria heard her.
Jasper was actually chuckling at the frustration Alice was emitting. It looked like he was about to say something sarcastic, but thought better of it when she turned her glare on him. He may have held her off, but you knew she still held his strings.
Bella gave a small smile at the scene. I almost forgot I was still standing with my tray until Alice kicked a chair out for me. It was located right across from Bella. I returned a smile to Bella, hoping hers would last longer. It didn't.
"How was lab today," Jasper asked me.
"Pretty disgusting. We're preparing for our dissections. I can't imagine how Jessica is going to get through it. She turned green just watching the film."
"Are you doing fetal pigs or…"
"STOP!" Rosalie shouted at us. "You science nerds know better. We're eating."
Jasper just shrugged his shoulders at her.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh I forgot, you prefer brake fluid over embalming fluid. You know it is easier to get out of your clothes. It also doesn't leave a greasy film in your hair. Now we all know how you feel about bodily fluid"
Rose threw an empty can of soda in retaliation. Everyone laughed when she missed and hit Jessica Stanley who was sitting behind us. Bella didn't laugh, but she did smile, a little brighter this time.
That's three smiles. Yeah!
The rest of lunch was relatively quiet. Every so often, Alice would try to resurrect her questioning of this weekend's events, but Jasper held her at bay by just jingling his car keys. I knew not having her car was driving her insane.
Over the summer, her parents got her a yellow Porsche, but refused to allow her to have it at school. Northern New York gets too much snow and her parents didn't want it to rust from all the salt from the roads for the ice. She hated riding in Jaspers Forerunner, but really had no choice.
Everyone started getting ready to head to classes. I caught Bella standing up and putting her bag over her shoulder. The strap must have grazed her neck, because she gave a small hiss from pain. This time I wasn't the only one who noticed.
"Bella, can I borrow you notes from government?"
"Sure." Bella lowered her bag off her shoulder. I almost wanted to slap Alice for making Bella put the thing back on again.
"I'll get it. Do you mind dumping my tray?"
"No problem." Bella grabbed her and Alice's tray and headed over to dump them. I was just about to say something to Alice, when I got a clue.
She not only was taking out a notebook, but two other text books from the satchel. Quickly she shoved them into her sack and zipped up Bella's bag as she was returning.
"Here," Alice said handing Bella her bag back. This time Bella smoothly situated the bag on her shoulders without wincing. Then her face became confused as she realized her bag was lighter.
"I also grabbed some books from class. I hope you don't mind? I didn't want to have to go back to my room to get them before Jazz and I head to the library. I hope that's okay?" Alice asked in her smoothest voice ever. She then handed her overstuffed bag to Jasper, like it was a done deal. He was about to say something, but with one look from her and he thought better of it.
Yep, Alice wore the pants.
"Yeah, no problem. I'll grab them from you later."
"Thanks, Bella. You're a life saver." Alice smiled kindly at her. I stood there in awe of my smooth talking, shrewd, little friend.
"So you ready for religion?" I asked Bella, drawing her attention away from Alice.
"Yeah, let me just run to the bathroom and I'll meet you in the hall."
We said our good-byes to Rose and Jasper as they headed off. Alice hung back with me briefly while waiting for Bella, telling Jasper she'd meet him at the library.
"You have your own books, don't you?" I quietly asked.
"Yeah. But her bag was too heavy." There was a pause as Alice stared right into me. "She's hurt, isn't she?"
I didn't know what to say, so I let the silence say everything.
"That's why she didn't want me in her room this morning." Her voice cracked. "Oh God Edward, what happened to her?"
All at once I felt sick and relieved. Something really had happened. It was said out loud. For some stupid reason, that made it real. Being real made me sick. But then Alice had said it and I was relieved. I was no longer alone. Together we would work to figure this out. That, along with Bella's three smiles, gave me more hope today than I started out with.
* * *
The walk to class was quiet, but not uncomfortable. It was nice walking next to Bella. When a breeze would blow, I caught whiffs of strawberries and Downy. My mom always used fabric softener when doing laundry. The strawberries I can only guess came from her shampoo or body wash.
"I want to thank you again for last night," her soft voice called to me. We were taking our time getting to class. Even though she spoke, she didn't look at me.
"You're very welcome, Bella." I looked at her profile. I couldn't help myself. I was please so see a faint blush brighten her pale cheeks. No smile. But a blush. I wanted to pat myself on the back.
"How long have you been playing?" she asked.
"Since I was six. My grandmother lived with us and would let me sit with her while she played. She encouraged me even though I had no idea what I was doing. My mom would cover her ears and laugh at us. Soon after I started lessons."
"How come you're not taking music?"
"I don't know. I always considered playing as kind of private. I never wanted to perform in front of a large group. I mainly play for myself and my family." I turned to watch her. Her eyes were suddenly focused on the path we were on. "And close friends." I gently nudged her shoulder, hoping she get my inference. She was still looking down, but now smiling.
That's four.
"You know it's much easier to walk when you're not looking down." I teased her. Her head snapped up. A small giggle coming through her lips.
Damn, I'm on a roll.
"I'm kind of a klutz, if you can remember."
I couldn't help but laugh. "You're the only person I know that can trip riding up an escalator."
"Hey that wasn't my fault. How was I supposed to know the rail moves faster than the stairs.?"Bella's face was now pink from remembering the incident our sophomore year when Alice, Jasper, Bella and I went to the mall.
"Good think Alice wasn't standing in front of you. You would have taken her out too." I gently nudged her again, playfully.
"Yeah, it just made my day to fall into Jasper. Did you know that Alice used that same technique a few weeks later? Jasper and her went shopping alone and she purposely fell into him on the escalator. He caught her, but gave me credit for the practice." Bella was truly smiling now as she recalled Alice's recount of her first solo-shopping trip with Jasper.
"Was she upset that you upstaged her?"
"Naw. She said his reply was worth a thousand escalator trips."
"What was it?"
"He said he's been waiting forever to catch her."
We both laughed. It was a wonderful sound, our verbal expressions melding together.
I was watching her in utter amazement. Her face was relaxed for the first time since that morning. Her brown eyes were bright and full of cheer. Her step even had a little bounce. I was totally captured. How had I not truly take notice of her before now.
To soon we reached our building and were heading up the stairs to class. I casually reminded her that she was lucking these stairs didn't move. She giggled again and I fell in love with the sound.
I didn't want it to end, but class was starting and we took our seats. Thank God for classes without assigned seating. Even though, Bella took a seat with no spares around her, I was able to procure a chair kiddy corner to her. I was behind her and even though I couldn't see her face, I began recognizing her subtle body language.
When something of interest was being discussed, her shoulders would hunch forward slightly and she would start scribing in her notes. It appeared she wasn't even watching her paper as she wrote. If an opinion was voiced that she didn't agree with, her head tilted vaguely to the right, as if trying to understand the speaker's logic. My favorite was when she was called upon to give her thoughts. She always looked down first, causing her long brown hair to shield a portion of her face before answering in a light but firm voice.
Before I knew it, class was over and I was watching her pack her bag to leave.
"Want to walk back to the dorm?" I asked, almost desperate to keep her near me.
"I actually have to work."
"Oh! Where do you work?"
"The library."
"They let you stack books?" I teased, grasping at another attempt to make her smile.
"Yeah, amazing isn't it? At least I never knocked over the stacks in the reserve section." Her smile was amazing as she remember the one pledging incident I hopelessly tried to erase from St. Lawrence memory.
"You know, I wasn't the only one. Half the pledge class was involved." I haphazardly tried to defend myself. "We did clean it up."
"Yeah and who was in charge of putting them back in order?"
"Had to be Newton or Ben. I actually know my alphabet."
The laughter between us spread and it made the breathtaking weather outside pale in comparison.
Unconsciously I was walking Bella to the library. I would have followed her anywhere just to keep her smiling. It was such a miraculous transformation from the person I witnessed yesterday.
We were almost to the library when she noticed I was still next to her.
"Are you going to the library too?"
I could have just said yes, but I was overcome by a ferocious case of bashfulness. "No, I'm actually heading over to the house. Jake wants my help with the music for this weekend." I don't know where that came from. I was actually planning on going over there tomorrow. Being around Bella sent my mind into a tizzy.
Oh My God. I'm now using my mother's vocabulary.
"Oh." It was a single syllable word, but her lightness turned black when it passed her lips. The blush was gone. The smile disappeared. All that was left were her deep brown eyes that stared at me. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Are you … I mean… do you really like being in your house?"
I realized it took an incredible amount of effort on her part to ask that question. I could also sense it was a pivotal one for her. She was searching for something so I gave her the only thing I could at the moment, honesty.
"Not anymore."
She let out a breath we both didn't know she was holding. "Why?"
"I don't really know. It's just not me anymore. Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad I joined… at the time. I got to know Emmett and Jake and Ben. But. I guess that… Well I think I just outgrew it."
"Why are you going over there?"
"I promised Jake I would help him pick music out for Friday's party. I don't like breaking promises."
"Are you close to everyone in the house?"
"No."
Somehow, my answers seemed to calm her. Her smile wasn't back, but her shoulders were more relaxed, like a weight had lifted. I didn't understand it, but I wasn't going to question it. I was just glad I could ease whatever anxiety overcame her a moment ago.
"Do you want me to swing by on my way back? To see if you want to walk back?" It was totally forward of me to ask, but I had to.
"No, Angela is working with me. We'll walk back together."
"Oh." I failed miserably at trying not to sound disappointed. She didn't miss a beat.
"Thank you for asking though. I really appreciate it, Edward." It still wasn't a smile, but I could have sworn her eyes lit up a little when she said my name.
"Well. Then, I'll see you back at the dorm."
"Yeah, see you then."
With that she turned up the path to the library and disappeared through the revolving doors. The desire to follow was undeniable. But I couldn't. I told her I was going over to my Frat. Appearing in the library would just prove I lied to her. That was something I could never do.
So with reservations, I continued on the path, crossed the street and headed towards the house. It was still early. Jake was probably at dinner. It didn't matter. I knew how to get into his room. I would just start without him. I wanted to get it done and over with. I didn't want to come back her tomorrow. I wanted to be back in my dorm. I really wanted to wait for Bella to return.
* * *
Ok, thinking back I should have asked her what time she got off work. It was 9:30. The library doesn't close until 11:00. So. Crap. I could be waiting a while. I also felt like an ass waiting. I have never really waited for anyone in my life. Well, with the exception of Tanya. Every time someone walked down the hall, I'd find myself listening at the door. All that was missing was the upturned glass.
9:45. Time to turn to plan B. I can't believe I even have a plan B. I had already changed into comfortable sleep pants and a navy blue tee. I headed out my door and down the familiar hallway towards my destination. I was pinning my hopes that she would come like she had last night. I was actually praying for it.
The lounge was locked as usual. With the master key that now permanently resided in my pocket, I opened the double doors. It was dark and stuffy. I found the lamp on the piano and with its' light, I opened up several of the windows. I wanted her to know I was in here. I got comfortable at the bench and began warming up.
I tried not to jump at every noise I heard from the hallway. I was too preoccupied. I seldom hit wrong notes, but tonight I felt like I was all thumbs. I continued my scales until my fingers fell into a familiar pattern. I used the soothing melodies to calm me. I knew I was anxious. I knew I was nervous. What if she didn't come? What if something happened on the walk home? What if she needed help?
Breath. Breath in. Breath out.
She was walking back with Angela, so she wasn't alone. If she was with Angela, then she probably didn't need help. What if she didn't come?
I'll think about that later.
I felt marginally better and started on a piece from Yiruma. I concentrated on the rise and fall of the notes and how they pushed the song forward. I kept my foot on the sustain pedal, just to feel the notes vibrates stronger through my fingers. The steady hum of the chords trembled with my muscles.
I was on the fifth song when I heard the familiar door lounge door open and close. I didn't look up. I didn't want to seem to eager. I also didn't want to be disappointed if it wasn't her.
I noticed that whoever had entered the room was still standing at its entrance. I soften the tune so I could hear their breathing. At first I didn't notice anything. Then I caught the sound of shallow pants and… a distinctive sniff from a nose. I stopped playing and looked at the person I knew to be crying by the door.
The dim light didn't fully illuminate her face, but I recognized the shawl. It was Bella and something was very wrong.
A/N. Sorry to leave you hanging. If you are dying to know what is going on inside Bella's head, check out her my other story, Bella's Journal. It will give you some clues as to what's going on. Again I love getting reviews. I live for them. I'm constantly checking my mail, waiting, hoping, praying to get your comments. Ask me questions, and I'll answer. This story touches on a tough subject. I want to know I'm doing a good job telling it.
P.S. I won't leave you hanging for long. Next chapter is almost done.
