Chapter 6

"Iyame, do you mind if I ask you a few questions about you and Goku?" Hakkai asked as they shopped.

"Not at all, Hakkai." she replied easily as she checked the fruit at the stand in front of them.

"Why did you call Sanzo his sun?"

"Oh, that is what he is. His guiding light, I guess you could say."

"What about you?"

"It is a bit of a paradox but I am like his earth. He is deeply rooted in me and I support him in all he reaches for. I am here to catch him if he falls."

"You two are a perfect balance between the elements, aren't you?"

She nodded, "Yes. He is Earth and Fire and I am Water and Air."

"Interesting. One would think you would embody the feminine elements while he the masculine." Hakkai murmured.

"But it would not be perfect balance if we did not have masculine and feminine energies in each of us."

"That's true." Hakkai said as he glanced down at his hands. She had noticed he did that quite often as was curious. He would also sometimes glance from his hands to Gojyo and back again.

"Hakkai, would you mind terribly if I ask what I am certain is a personal question?"

Hakkai smiled over at her, "Of course not. If I don't wish to answer, I hope you won't hold that against me."

"I do not believe I could ever hold something against you." she replied with a kind smile before turning serious. He returned the smile a bit cautiously and indicated she should ask her question. She reached over to take his hands and looked down at them curiously before turning her searching look to his eyes, "What do you see when you look at them? And why is it connected to our friend Gojyo?"

Hakkai looked back at her in surprise, "Didn't Goku tell you how we came to be travelling together?"

"No, he has not mentioned it and I did not think to ask."

"Ah. Well, I was not born a demon, Iyame. I became one. Do you know how that happens?"

She gripped his hands, "You spilled the blood of a thousand demons? But, Hakkai, you are the most gentle person I know. I know you kill in self defense, but a thousand is a mission, not an accident. What happened?"

He gave her that false smile she had come to hate, "They hurt Kanan and she died."

Iyame's face was etched with sorrow for her friend and she released his hands to wrap her arms around him in a tight hug. "I am sorry for your suffering."

"Don't be. I did terrible things because of it. Gojyo's hair and eyes are a reminder of the blood on my hands. They are the color . . . of admonishment."

She released him enough to frown up at him, "To think of a friend in such a way is a terrible thing."

He looked down at her, "It isn't as much anymore. Over the years it has become just a part of a dear friend. I still see the blood on my hands but he doesn't remind me of it as much."

She stepped back to inspect his hands thoroughly. "I see no blood on them. I see a lot of pain, but no blood."

"It's there, Iyame. Trust me."

"You have saved so many lives and if this mission succeeds you will save many more. I believe, in the greater picture, the scales of balance favor you."

"It's nice of you to say so, even though it's not true."

She ran her fingertips over his hands as she smiled at him, "One day, you will see yourself through my eyes and know that your hands are clean. If that is not enough, then you will look through Goku's and Gojyo's and even Sanzo's and you will see. No one sees you more clearly than your family."

He glanced away from her for a moment before pulling his false smile back on and looking at her. She glared at him in return. "You are aware that we can all see through that look, right?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." he replied with a definite edge in his voice.

"I am certain that you do. We allow it because it seems to make you feel more comfortable, but know that we know it is just a mask. I'll stop prying now, Hakkai. Just remember that I only push because I worry about you."

"There is nothing to worry about, Iyame. I'm fine."

She gave him another quick hug before tugging him over to the meatbun stall, "I am hungry. I bet you are too. Let's get a snack."

His smile reached his eyes as he allowed her to tug him over to the stall and get them a snack. "Goku will be most upset that we got meatbuns without him."

"Well, if he ever learns to calm down, he can go shopping with us and get meatbuns as a reward too." she replied cheerfully after she handed him the snack.

Later that evening she and Gojyo were working on companionable silence to prepare dinner. He glanced at her several times before finally working up the nerve to ask the question that had been on his mind since the night he met her.

"Iyame, why aren't you afraid of the monster?" Gojyo asked.

She furrowed her brows, "I am not certain I understand your question. What monster?"

"The one that lives in Goku." he elaborated.

She looked at him blankly while the others wandered over to listen to the conversation. "Monster in Goku?"

"Seiten Taisei." Hakkai supplied.

Iyame frowned deeply at them, "Seiten is no monster. He is my mate and Goku's natural form."

"No, this is my natural form. He's a monster." Goku argued.

Iyame looked at him with such surprise it would have been comical had it not been for the subject matter. "You do not truly believe that, do you?" she asked as she set her implements to the side and turned her full attention to her family and the discussion at hand.

"Of course I do. This is me. That other side is someone else that doesn't belong. I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of him or cage him for good." he replied.

"Goku, you were born as Seiten Taisei and became Goku. The Gods tricked you into wearing the limiter and when they put it on it essentially split you in two."

"What do you mean?" Sanzo asked.

"When he was whole and himself he was not someone to be frightened of unless you crossed him. He was meant to protect the earth and bring harm only to those that harm it and its creatures. When the Gods put his limiter on it left loose the part that was meant to protect and serve but bound the power to effect change. He is not meant to be tame, he should be as wild and free as the secret places untouched by man."

"So the Gods divided him and bound the parts that didn't suit them with no thought to the effect it would have on their pet? How typical." Sanzo growled.

"Why doesn't it have that effect on you?" Hakkai asked curiously.

"I willingly allowed them to bind me." she replied softly.

"Why?" Gojyo demanded, certain he would never allow anyone to tame him in such a way.

"They threatened to leave me behind. I knew that something that traumatic would harm us irreparably. Aside from that, I am as the wind and water, able to slip through the tiniest cracks. Their binding worked because I allowed it and altered it to suit me."

"Why didn't Goku do that as well?" was Hakkai's response.

"It is not in the nature of earth or fire to bend to another's will. Even my influence cannot change that."

"Goku does what I tell him all of the time." Sanzo replied.

She lifted a brow, "Because he chooses to do so. Have you ever been able to get him to do something he truly does not wish to do?"

Sanzo considered that for several moments before slowly shaking his head in the negative.

"Exactly. Even now, in this less than whole state, no one can bend or break him. They made it more difficult for him, but were not able to change him. Once he is more comfortable around me, we can start taking his limiter off and healing his mind."

"What?! I'm not takin' my limiter off to get in touch with that thing." Goku replied, utterly appalled that she would even suggest such a thing.

"Goku, he is the missing part of you. You cannot lock half of yourself in a cage and expect to thrive."

"And I can't let it out to murder my family, either!" he retorted.

"When you trust that I will not allow that to happen, we will begin. Until then, I would like to continue getting to know you."

"I thought you already knew me?" he asked.

"You have had six hundred years away from me, there is much I do not know." She reached out and ran her thumb under his eye, "There is much sadness in your eyes that wasn't there before."

"Five hundred years in a cave will do that to a person." he replied softly.

She leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss across his cheek before smiling gently and returning to dinner preparations. The others drifted off and left the pair alone. Goku reached over and stilled her movement with a hand on hers.

"I missed you more than I missed the Sun." he said quietly before reaching out to cup her cheek in a gesture he had often used when they were small and she was upset. "I just didn't know what I was missing."

She nuzzled into his palm with a soft smile. "I love you." she told him quietly.

His golden eyes widened slightly as he caught a glimpse of her telling him that once before. Only that time she had had a nightmare and woken them both up with her screaming. He had wrapped his arms around her and rocked her while she sat in his lap until she had stopped crying. They had been quite young at the time. Iyame had looked up at him with tears still in her eyes and he had wiped them away for her before cupping her cheek as he was now. She had nuzzled and smiled just the same before telling him that time as well.

"Iyame-" he began, uncertain what to say.

She reached out to mirror his gesture but brushed her thumb over his lips, "You don't have to say anything, my love."

He relaxed and nuzzled her palm in return. "I care about you, and I'm pretty sure I love you."

"Then that is all that matters. Would you like to help me finish making dinner?"

"Sure."

----------

"Iyame, I have a question about the Pancha Mahabhuta." Hakkai said as they settled into a circle to begin their first meditation.

"Yes?"

"We represent the five elements. You would be vayu, Goku would be bhumi, and Gojyo would be ap. Which are Sanzo and I?"

She smiled at them, "Would anyone like to guess?"

"Sanzo is agni." came Goku's prompt and certain response.

Hakkai chuckled nervously, "Why would you say that?"

"He is the sun, the sun is fire. He is agni. Iyame?"

"You are correct."

"I can't be akasha." Hakkai said.

"Of course you are. You are at the center of our circle and hold us all together. The sound of your voice is enough to spur us to battle or put us back in our place."

They allowed him a moment to process that bombshell, all the while thinking it should not have been the surprise it was. When he looked down at his hands in shame Iyame took his chin and raised his eyes to her. "Stop that."

He looked at her in consternation before shaking his head. Iyame sighed before speaking, "Do you want to have this out in front of everyone or over there where it's reasonably private?"

Gojyo and Goku answered for him by placing their hands firmly on his arms and holding him in place.

"He'll do it here." Gojyo answered for his friend.

"I'll start. Hakkai, you have saved far more lives than you have taken, in this lifetime and all of the others." Iyame told him.

"Knowledge is the center of any circle and you are our teacher and always have been." Goku said firmly.

"Hey, man, you know I've always accepted you as you are." said Gojyo.

The three looked expectantly at Sanzo who glared at them all before turning his violet gaze to Hakkai, "You're the only one here I can stand. The blood was washed from you hands years ago."

Hakkai chuckled nervously as he looked at each of them in turn. There was no room for argument in any of their gazes so he turned his attention to Iyame. "We were going to meditate?"

The corners of her mouth lifted slightly as she nodded, "Have any of you aside from Sanzo meditated before?"

Goku and Gojyo shook their heads while Hakkai nodded slowly. "You two, go over there and meditate together. See if you can find each other on your own."

Sanzo gave her a dirty look as he stood and moved away with Hakkai. They settled down near each other and closed their eyes as they deepened their breathing. Iyame turned to Gojyo and Goku and arranged the three of them in a tight triangle.

When Gojyo and Goku's knees touched Gojyo pushed him over, "Not so close, monkey."

Goku pushed him back, "I don't want to sit next to you either."

Iyame watched them squabble for a moment before pulling them apart, "Get on opposite sides of me, please. Now focus on you breathing and clear your mind."

An hour later she was breathing hard and irritation was clear in her eyes. "Would you two please settle down? You'll never get into a meditative state if you keep wiggling and bickering. Stay here and keep practicing. I'm going over to join Sanzo and Hakkai. Behave yourselves."

Meanwhile, across the way Sanzo and Hakkai were already deep in their meditative states and trying to figure out how to find each other.

Sanzo looked around and found himself in a nice house. He wandered around, curious where this might be, and heard voices from upstairs. He followed them and found a couple standing in a nursery and smiling down at a young boy with bright blond hair and violet eyes.

"Sleep well, Kazuki." the woman said softly. She had soft red hair and lavender eyes just like his.

The man had bright blond hair and deep green eyes and ran a hand down the toddler's head while smiling down at him, "Be a good boy now and take a nap."

The boy settled down as the couple stood beside the bed, holding hands. Once he appeared to be asleep they left the room and Sanzo moved closer to the bed to study the child. He looked just like he did at that age. Damn. I'm stuck in an old memory. How useless. he thought before he heard what could only be Iyame's voice coming up the stairs. She was singing softly as she entered the room and the boy's eyes cracked open as she entered the room. He gave her a happy smile as she walked over and rested a hand on his head.

"Shouldn't you be asleep, young man?" she asked quietly.

"I didn't want to go to sleep until you said good night too." he replied in a stage whisper.

Iyame knelt beside the bed and brushed a kiss across his forehead, "Good night, Konzen."

He giggled at the name, "Good night, Yochi. Where's Virya and Dana?"

They looked over at the window as a deep rumble came through it. The two tigers peeked through and Sanzo watched as the boy jumped out of bed to reach through the window and pet them. Once he had a chance to scratch their large ears Iyame dragged him away from the window and back to bed, "Time for young men to get some sleep."

He snuggled into bed and settled into sleep as she sang softly to him.

Suddenly, everything disappeared and Sanzo looked around to see Hakkai and Iyame next to him. They were sitting on the same steps that were painted on his fan. "Did you do this?"

Iyame smiled, "Yes. I pulled you to me instead of trying to find you separately. Were you able to find each other?"

They shook their heads and she rested her hands on their chests, "It will take some practice. This should help you, though."

They looked down and saw four ropes of bright light coming out of their chests. Sanzo studied the ones that connected him to Iyame and Hakkai. The ones coming from Hakkai were so white it hurt his eyes while Iyame's were the blue of the sky on a perfect day. He looked down and his were the red-orange of a camp fire. He followed one to Hakkai and saw the red-orange softened as it moved closer to Hakkai and blended with his white. The one connecting him to Iyame blended into the colors of sunset on a partly cloudy day. He turned his head and followed the ropes between him, Goku, and Gojyo. He could see where the rope terminated, at the spot the other two were sitting, even though he couldn't see them at all. Remembering that Goku was bhumi, he decided the deep brown was the monkey and the turquoise of the ocean he had once seen was Gojyo. There was a thick rope between Goku and Iyame and he studied it for a long time before looking at her.

"Why is the connection between you and Goku different from the rest?" he asked.

"They are perfect balance and mates." Hakkai supplied.

She nodded, "Correct. You can use these connections to find each other at any time and in any place. You will not be able to get to the other physically, but you will be able to communicate to a limited extent and perhaps see something that will help you find them."

"So, what would happen if I were to walk over to Goku and Gojyo like this?" Hakkai asked, seeking answers as always.

"Try it and find out." Iyame invited.

Sanzo lifted a brow and lit a cigarette, but did not stand. Hakkai moved to his feet and Iyame followed as he walked over to them. When they reached the point where the ropes ended, Hakkai knelt and studied the spot. He thought about Gojyo and suddenly he could see the kappa sitting in front of him. "Gojyo?"

The water sprite's eyes snapped open and he looked around, "Hakkai. What happened? I was thinking about the beautiful girl I met at the last town and now she's gone and you three are here."

Iyame huffed a little when he admitted that he hadn't been doing as he was supposed to but she let it go and explained the connections to him. When she was done he considered it for a moment before nodding. "All right. May I get back to my fantasy now?"

Hakkai chuckled a little and Iyame shook her head, "Yes. You have seen what you need to know."

"We need to get on the road." Sanzo said as he watched the connection with Goku moving around. "The monkey isn't ready yet. He's bouncing all over."

She reached towards the end of the light and it stopped moving for a moment before resuming and heading for where her physical body was seated.

Iyame nodded and the three slowly brought themselves out of the meditative state they had been in. When she opened her eyes the first thing she saw was Goku's face inches from her own. "I felt somethin'."

"What?" she asked, confused by the statement.

"A few minutes ago I was over there next to Gojyo and I felt a hand on my chest." he explained.

"I didn't know you would be able to feel that if you weren't with us." she replied quietly.

"I thought it was you." he replied easily before pulling her to her feet and turning to Sanzo. "You okay?"

Sanzo glared at him, "Why would you ask that?"

"You look annoyed about somethin'." Goku replied.

"Che, he always looks annoyed about something, how is now any different?" Gojyo asked.

Goku shrugged, "He just seems more annoyed than usual."

Iyame looked at him curiously, "Maybe he saw something he didn't like."

Sanzo turned away and lit a cigarette before getting in the jeep and pointedly ignoring the rest of them. The group exchanged glances before shrugging it off and getting ready to leave.