Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all but the plot :)


Bella's POV

1863. Unknown location.

I have no idea where I am. All I know is the horrible, excruciating burning that gets worse with each pulse of my heart. My throat is so raw and it takes me some time to realize it's from my screaming. I've never felt such terrible pain in my life; not even when I fell down our stairs back at home and broke my arm.

No, this was much, much worse than that. Then I even had Jasper to hold me while the doctor fixed me up but now I have no idea who is with me. I hear a velvety smooth voice by my ear but I hear no distinction between words to comprehend what he was saying.

I have no comprehension of the passage of time either, other than opening my eyes and seeing whether it was dark or light around me. I noticed once, when I had stopped thrashing for a moment, that I was inside some room with one window where I could see only the sky.

It's been nothing but cloudy. Just like the base I sneaked into.

I felt by body tremble as more pain than I thought imaginable flew through my body. I had burnt my hand once on a lantern when I was a child and I remember crying and screaming in pain. I couldn't move my hand without having pain lace up and down my entire hand before traveling up my arm.

That small burn had nothing on this inferno.

But I could do nothing but call out in fear and pain. I screamed, I begged, I pleaded for this beautiful man who was with me to finish me off because I was suffering more than I knew I should.

What was this infection? I had nearly no knowledge of medicine as I wasn't allowed but I knew something was terribly wrong.

Was God punishing me for something? What had I done to deserve this? I couldn't come up with any reason so I asked the man with me, "Why?!" I cried, "What have I done?"

He told me he had no answer for it was his fault.

So was I a martyr of some sort? That did not ease my fears or my pain. Nor did it make me wish for death any slower. What could this man have done in his life that made me have to suffer for it?

Oh, and Jasper, what was my family going to do? They will never get to see either of us again. I'll never be able to please my mother by wearing those tight frilly gowns or hug my father before bed. They'll lose two children instead of one. What was I thinking coming out here? What have I accomplished?

I've accomplished nothing more than getting myself killed.

I let the pain take me, as there was no other option, and prayed that it would end as I let loose another screech of terror and pain.


My misery had gone on so long that I no longer had a coherent thought. I couldn't form sentences nor could I form a single train of thought; only words. I had resorted to begging before giving up and just allowing my body to curl and thrash while I did nothing but scream.

I was in the middle of taking in another breath when I noticed that my fingertips had gone numb.

Blissfully numb.

I continued my scream but my mind had gone into overdrive, as had my heart in my chest. I thought it was going to burst from my chest it was pumping so hard to keep me alive I guessed. But the numbness very slowly spread up through my fingers and into my hands before even more slowly numbing my arms. At the same time I noticed that my toes and feet and legs were doing the same; my legs seeming to numb only slightly faster than my arms.

I felt heavy, like lead. I suddenly couldn't move.

I closed my eyes as my screams intensified. The pain might have gone in my extremities, but my chest and head hurt all the more.

Finally, I thought. I'm finally going to die.

I wasn't surprised at the relief I felt rather than the fear of dying. Anything was better than this pain.

The numbness had spread and now it was only my heart beating fruitlessly to the rest of my dead body. I wondered why it was even bothering to try for a split second before the pain I had been feeling over I have no idea how long suddenly increased tenfold as my heart exploded.

But it didn't explode. My screams cut short as I lay still, in absolutely no pain. I felt strong.

Strong? I'm dead. I'm not strong.

But suddenly I felt all of my body. I felt different. My mind suddenly opened up and I could hear sounds I've never heard before.

"Ah, it is done."

I opened my eyes and found myself suddenly on the other side of the room entirely. I fell down into a crouch and growled.

I stopped. Growled?!

I looked around amazed at the clarity I saw everything in so suddenly. I saw a color I had never seen before, it looked like a violet but more beautiful. My eyes suddenly landed on the silhouette of the man who I knew had been at my side throughout my pain.

"Who are you?" I started. My voice sounded like bells! It was a higher pitch than I was used to. My eyes raked over his frame. He was devastatingly beautiful, however I wasn't attracted to him.

Thoughts flew through my head at a rate I've never experienced. I monitored every move he made but he had stayed stock-still. I took a breath and smelled a wonderful sweet scent.

It reminded me of a field in the sun in the spring right after it had passed the rainy season back home. I briefly wondered how I knew exactly what that smelled like but shoved it back into my mind along with filing away his scent, looks, voice, everything about him. I wouldn't ever forget his face or scent I realized.

He had dark hair that swept over his brow and he was tall and muscular, his eyes were a curious amber color that I had never seen before. He didn't wear anything particularly nice, however he was certainly decently dressed. I watched, still tense, as he slowly raised his hands before him and stepped back a step as to give me space and said, "My name is Alistair. I have things I must tell you about yourself that are of utmost importance." His accent told me that he wasn't from the Southern states; he had no Southern drawl like we did, "What is your name?" he asked me.

"Isabella Whitlock, but I go by Bella," I raised an eyebrow, "You aren't here to hurt me?"

He smiled hesitantly and shook his head, "I will explain everything but no, I can't hurt you, not now. I did, which is what I need to explain to you, but you're much stronger than I am at the moment. Tell me, does your throat burn?"

It did just a little, but I could bear it. It merely felt like I needed a few sips of water. I shook my head.

He look astounded, "What? It doesn't? How could this be? Usually after the change you newborns are ravaged by thirst, nearly driven mad with it," he trailed off.

"No, I feel fine and perfectly sane thank-you-very-much Alistair." I said to him, now standing straight. I noticed I was still in my brother's uniform, "I'm sorry, but do you have something I could change into?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yes, but I'll get it in a moment. First, please sit and I'll explain to you what has happened and how dreadfully apologetic I am."

He sat and I sat, too. I noticed for the first time that the room I was in was sparsely furnished. I nodded for him to continue.

He explained to me that I was a vampire now and that some of our kind choose to hunt animals rather than humans (for that I was grateful), hence why his eyes were the topaz color. He explained that all of our kind was inhumanly beautiful but that for the next year my eyes were to be a crimson color so I shouldn't go outside at all where I could be seen. He explained to me that we never slept and had to travel frequently in case humans noticed we didn't age.

"No aging?" I gasped.

Alistair shook his head, "No, we don't age, Bella."

He explained that his attacking me was a complete accident. "I hunt animals, Bella, but you must understand that when we hunt, we give up our minds our instincts take over. We are programmed to hunt humans and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You and two other men that I accidentally drained dry before I came back to my senses."

"What happened to the other men?" I asked.

"What do you think happened to them, Bella?"

I shuddered and refrained from answering; I knew well what happened to them. I was lucky.

He explained that my change took three days and after asking me why I was dressed like a male and I told him my story, he told me that I needed to hunt.

I shook my head, "I don't know what to do!"

"Trust me, you will know exactly what to do when you are out there in the woods." He smiled, "But you won't want to hunt in a dress, believe me, so you should just come as you are. You might want to fix your hair, however, parts of it are still up in your many pins." He laughed.

I laughed nervously and pulled my hair down, brushing it with my fingers. I nodded when I was ready.

I was going to hunt and I was going to do my best. I felt a terrible pang of sadness overcome me suddenly. I looked at Alistair sadly, "I'll never be able to look for Jasper again will I?"

He shook his head, "I'm afraid that until you're safe around humans, it's impossible and who knows exactly when that will be?"

I sighed sadly. I was going to have to give up my brother forever. I'll never, ever forget his memory but I'll have to give up the search for him and get on with my un-life of sorts. I gave Alistair a small smile and motioned for him to go ahead. I was nervous.

We left the small house he was occupying. He explained that we were incredibly strong and incredibly fast. To demonstrate, he reached around a very old tree and with one tiny jerk had it uprooted and he tossed it.

He tossed the old oak tree like it was a ball.

My eyes were wide and apparently I appeared comical to him for he suddenly burst into laughter. "Come Bella, let us run to hunt." And he took off.

I found myself running after him, the trees coming at me faster than anything I've ever seen, everything passing me was no more than a blur, however I could still make out every little bug, leaf, plant, and bits of bark on each and every tree as I passed.

Suddenly my senses were assaulted with the sweetest smell I've ever had the pleasure to take in and I stopped in my tracks. I snapped my head towards my left where the scent resonated from and without thinking took off in that direction.

"Bella! No! It's a human!" I distantly heard Alistair scream behind me.

The smell was intoxicating but something within my mind suddenly clicked shut and I stopped short. My superior eyesight showed me that there was a man on a horse nearly a mile ahead of me through the trees and I suddenly closed my eyes and turned away toward where I knew Alistair was running towards me.

"Bella!" He exclaimed, "You – you stopped? How? How did you stop? No newborn should be able to." He shook his head, "You should be going crazy right now. What happened?"

I shrugged, "I told myself to stop because it was a human. I don't want to hurt anyone."

He stared at me openly, I almost giggled. I had seen already how graceful he was and how gentlemanly he was and his expression was quite funny. "What? You—you told yourself to, to stop? How is that possible?" He shook his head, "Come on we still need to get you to hunt before something like that happens again. You seem to have incredible restraint; completely unheard of. You simply shielded your thirst?"

I nodded.

We hunted and I had no more close calls with my thirst. It was going to take quite a bit of time to get used to my new strength and new awareness. My entire life has been altered.

But I'll never be able to see my family again.

I'm going to have to stay with Alistair for at least my first year because of my eye color, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to travel with him. He told me he had a large sum of money that he didn't need that he would give me at my year mark when I told him this after six months. I was to do what I pleased with it.

I think I'll find employment as a nurse of some sort. When I told him this Alistair had no problem with it, stating that my incredible restraint on my thirst and my mind had him positive that I would never slip up. He has a theory that I have a power as a shield of some kind.


Over my first year I learned everything I needed to know about being a vampire. I learned about the newborn wars being waged in the South by a crazy vampire named Maria. He taught me about the Volturi who are the rulers of our kind, like royalty. He warned me to never cross them as they had the resources to end my eternal existence.

I had a problem at first with never aging and never growing up but after awhile I gave up my mourning for my old life and began planning for my new one. I taught myself medicine with books Alistair bought me so I could be better prepared for my career as a nurse since there was no way I would be allowed to be a doctor as I was a woman. My seemingly endless mind took in all of the knowledge the books provided and stored them. I was beginning to feel like a library of sorts in my mind. I had taken in so much knowledge but I still had endless room for more learning.

Many of my human memories were already fading, as Alistair told me they would, but my memories of Jasper were clear as they could possibly be.


I was looking in the mirror one day fixing my hair when I noticed the change in my eyes. They were the same beautiful golden color of Alistair's. I jumped in excitement, "Alistair! Alistair! My eyes!"

He smiled at me, "Wonderful! Now you are able to go around humans without them being scared of your eyes!"

I nodded, "But that means I'm ready to go now, doesn't it?"

He smiled grimly, "Yes, yes I suppose it does."

I jumped, "Are you sure you don't want to come to England with me before we part?"

Alistair shook his head, "No, Bella. England is not the place for me. I do not like it."

I spent the day packing my many dresses and belongings that he had supplied me with. I announced that I would be leaving the following day with the rather large sum of money he had given me.

I tried to refuse it in actuality but he wouldn't take it back, "I have absolutely no use for it, Bella, take it. You will need money anyway in order to make your way over to England. You know where to find my extra home there since you won't be allowed to purchase your own place."

I nodded reluctantly and took the money he offered. I was going to run to New York to catch a ship over to Wales where I was going to make my way to the house Alistair spoke of.

"Will I ever see you again?" I asked him.

"Perhaps. I like it here in the South and I like it in northern New York. If you ever look for me, check those places first." He smiled.

I took a deep breath and sighed it out. Right now I was officially on my own for the rest of my life. I now understood what Alistair meant when he said that it was a lonely life but he preferred to be alone for the time being. I agreed.

I was off to England, unsure if I would ever see him again. He was my first friend in this new life, my only friend.


1929. New York City, NY.

I walked the streets in New York City alone. The skies were quite overcast thankfully so I knew I wasn't going to risk exposure.

Oh how I loved the new styles the humans were sporting. I was thankful that they had gotten past the corsets that had been required over the past hundreds of years and were on a kick with these loose fitting scandalously short dresses called flappers. I was enthralled with being able to show any bit of my skin without worry of another woman or man frowning upon me.

I kept my hair wavy and it was currently in a twisted bun of some sort that a lady at a hair shop had shown me was in style with an odd type of boat-shaped hat with short feathers protruding from it. My dress was a loose-fitting, light blue, short-sleeved number and I wore many strands of pearls. My gloved hands carried my purse as my heeled feet carried me through the streets.

I noticed over the years that I was going to forever receive many stares for my beauty and sometimes I got a real laugh out of the men that positively tripped over themselves towards me whenever I was in public. I smiled to myself as I made my way towards one of the many banks I had put my money into. I had a feeling that something was going to happen with the money in this country and I was planning on withdrawing all of my money so I wouldn't lose it. I had worked hard for my large amounts of money and I was planning on keeping it as such.

I smiled at the teller and immediately saw his eyes glaze over. I cleared my throat and he snapped out of it quickly as I said, "Excuse me sir, I wanted to make a withdrawal. That's no problem is it?" I lay on the charm.

He grinned, "Oh no, miss. No problem at all! I'll need your name and how much you'll be withdrawing."

I gave him a smirk, "Bell Charles. I wish to withdraw everything."

Over the years I always changed my last name but at all of the banks I was using I was forced to use a variation of my first name as well for each of them.

His eyes grew wide, "All of it Miss Charles? Are you sure?"

I nodded, "Positive. Please be quick, too, I have a train to catch." That was only partly true. I still had three more banks to stop at before I made my way to the train station.

Once I received my money I nodded and wished him a wonderful day before heading out to finish my errands.

Once I sat in my seat on the westbound train I began to think back over the years since my change. I had lived in many cities under many surnames. The most common I used was a variation of my real surname usually sticking, however, with Whitlock. I frowned as I thought of my brother for a split second but shoved it away; I had other things I needed to think about such as my new employer. It was a hospital in the perpetually overcast portion of Colorado. I was again to be a nurse but I was going to be working with the mentally ill this time. I had been to many schools over the years for medicine and what little is known about psychology.

But I was going to be taking care of the physical health of the mentally ill patients at this hospital. I wasn't going to be partaking in any of the lobotomy procedures or the like. I felt that was barbaric and much too tempting for me.

I was proud that I have seemed to become desensitized to the smell of human blood. I thanked my shielding abilities for that.

I looked at my watch and noticed that I had many hours on this train before my trip was over and I needed to pretend to be a human as well as possible so I turned out my light, as it was dark outside, and closed my eyes to feign sleep. I looked forward to my new place of employment as I've never worked at a mental hospital before.


1956. Memphis, TN

I sat in the crowded dance hall as everyone around me danced to a new song by Elvis Presley. I had to admit that the man had a wonderful voice. I even found myself swinging a bit to the beat. I was impersonating a high school student again and it was prom night. I had my hair up and wore a lavender colored silk dress. I was only here to keep up appearances as it would look quite odd if I were the only girl to not attend.

I had no plans to dance. I was much too good.


1985. Astoria, OR.

It was pouring buckets of rain and I stood in the entrance of the mall looking outside wondering how I was going to pull this off. I looked down at the bags I was holding, I was afraid of getting their contents wet. I had no idea what was with the fashion trends that were going on these days.

I sighed and decided to say screw it. Yes, I, Bella Whitlock, had caught on to the slang that the humans were saying these days. I was half ashamed of myself. I shook my head as I went ahead and plowed through the sheets of rain wishing that I could use my vampire speed to run to my car but I knew I couldn't for risk of exposure.

I reached my car, unlocked it, and jumped in. I had a brand new black colored two-seater Jaguar. It was top of the line for 1985 and I loved the speed the motor allowed. I could still run faster, but this was as close as I could get to running around humans. I smiled as I turned on the engine and sped from the parking lot towards my home.

I was finally able to be a doctor now that the field wasn't sexist any longer. It was incredibly hard to pass as a doctor but I have to admit that a little makeup goes a long way when I wanted to look older. I was currently a doctor in the emergency room at the local hospital. All of the vampires I had come across in my many years were astounded at my ability to brush off the scent of blood as if it were nothing.

As I drove towards home I thought about twenty years ago when I had spent time with the Volturi in Italy. Aro was particularly interested in my ability to shield with my mind, especially when I showed him that I could mentally throw my shield out to protect others from mental harm. They had asked me to join and I almost did. I spent nearly ten years with them before deciding to leave. Aro didn't want me to go and warned me that they would be searching for me in the future to keep asking if I would join. I told him not to bother and that I would find them if I ever wanted to.

I sighed as I kept my eyes on the road but not really seeing it. My life was lonely. I looked back into my rear-view mirror and saw my brother's "J" blanket and smiled grimly.

I had to move again soon. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania sounds promising.


2006. Forks, WA.

I drove my sleek, black Mercedes from my new home towards the local high school in Forks, Washington. I groaned internally, wonderful. Another high school I was going to attend for two years at most. I was going to enroll today as a junior.

I pulled into the parking lot and noticed immediately that I probably should have driven something less conspicuous, perhaps my Volvo or my silver BMW. I sighed, now I was the center of attention because I hadn't thought ahead enough to foresee the possible problems of driving such an expensive vehicle to a high school.

I scanned the lot and saw a brand new silver Volvo was the second nicest car next to mine in the lot and refrained from sighing again.

I got out of my car, locked it and made my way to what was obviously the front office to enroll. I glared at anyone who stared at me as I walked. I was suddenly glad that I had dressed down at least for today; I wore a pair of nice jeans with a white collared shirt and a black vest under a light jacket for show as I knew that it was supposed to be slightly chillier than usual thanks go the Weather Channel. My hair was down.

I received my schedule and the lady, Mrs. Cope, asked me if I was related to anyone in the school. I shook my head and looked at her quizzically. She explained that there were other students with my same eye color. I politely told her no that I didn't believe we were at all related and turned and left for my first class.

The day had so far gone well. I had caught the scent of multiple vampires in the school, five other than myself. I noticed that we all shared the same diet and for that I was grateful. I knew that they had to have caught my scent by now too. I noted, however, that one smelled particularly familiar but I shook it off. I also caught glimpses of a few of them in the halls and confirmed my suspicions that we shared the same diet.

It was lunchtime at Forks High School and I made my way to the cafeteria. I was going to have to buy something random and sit alone and pretend to eat if I were going to keep up appearances. I rolled my eyes.

I breezed through the door and immediately noticed all eyes of the humans were on me. I scanned the room quickly, intending to look for an empty table and froze as I noticed that the other vampires I shared the school with were already there. They looked up at me as I studied them.

My eyes locked with those of the blonde male that was with them and I stopped breathing.

I recognized him.

I knew every single line of his face; I had them memorized.

His eyes widened exponentially as I saw that he recognized me too.

"Jasper," I whispered before turning and running from the cafeteria.


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