A/N SM owns these characters but the story content and plot are mine and are not to be reproduced without my permission. It is sad that as authors we now have to do this.
I marched through the lounge. She wasn't there. I checked down the hall towards the basement stairs. She wasn't lurking in the shadows. I turned the corner to head to the basement and ran right into Jasper.
"She's not down there," he quickly said.
Impulsively, I leaned to the side to get a look behind him because he had to be wrong. Bella had to be mysteriously hiding behind his six foot five frame.
"Alice is looking too," he added, like this tidbit of information would calm me. But it had the reverse affect and I wanted to scream.
She wasn't with Jasper. She wasn't with Alice. She obviously wasn't in the basement with the rest of the party-goers, because I knew Jasper would be thorough in his search. That left only a few other alternatives. She was still in the house or she had left the house. I silently prayed for the latter. Because if she was still here, she was under the same fucking roof as the shit-bag that raped her.
I heard Jasper swear behind me and I knew he was thinking the same thing.
I went back through the lounge futilely searching when my mind began playing tricks on me. Every Tom, Dick and Sally I now passed sported a labeled. My subconscious proactively stuck a fucking mental sticker on everyone in sight.
Pervert.
Slut.
Prude.
Gullible.
Dense
Dangerous.
Volitile
Victims and accused, innocent and guilty, were all around me. Caught briefly in my delusion I frightening realized that the geek next door, who was scared shitless of spiders would be a rapist.
It's like finding out the dad next door was arrested for pedophilia. You never imagined it. You never saw the signs, until your mom tells you that Mr. Jones was arrested for having kiddy porn on his laptop. And now everyone is under a microscope. Everyone is being watched. Because you really never know what an individual's demon looks like.
I turned on my heel and headed for the front door, praying to God that she left. If she wasn't here, then he wasn't near her. Jasper was still searching the room, as if she would magically appear but I wasn't going to wait for him to finish his mental inventory.
We always posted a sober brother at the door, and I know Omega Chi had sober sisters milling around keeping an eye on things too. If she had left, the percentages were high that she would go home. If not, I had an excuse to break down every fucking door in this place until I found her.
"Edward. Wait up" Jasper called after me. I didn't even respond. It would have wasted time. Sam was stationed at the front door along with his girl, Emily. Knowing he was sober brother gave me some solace. I've known Sam since freshman year. Emily too. I nicknamed him "old man" because I had never met a more responsible person in my life. Old man. That was his label now.
"Have you seen Bella?"
My approach must have alarmed the two of them because Sam and Emily immediately stood at attention.
"What happened?" Sam questioned.
"She left twenty minutes ago," Emily answered, probably more attune to the panic in my eyes.
"Alone?" I asked staring only at Emily.
"She was really upset. I asked Jake to walk her home."
I'm sure she had more to say. Sam even started questioning me with what, where, and why but I was already out the door.
The night air was still crisp. The stars were still out. It was a haunting reminder of that wondrous kiss. A century took place between then and now. It should be raining, or bitter cold, even cloudy, something atmospherically different to coincide with the radical change in events. Seeing the stars twinkling above me was just wrong.
With each step, I pushed myself harder as if that was even possible. I didn't quite understand my need, my desire. Well I understood some of it. Since I didn't know who the guilty ass was, Bella was only truly safe with me.
It wasn't like Jake screamed pervert to me. I actually knew him well enough not to be overly concerned. Besides, Emily and Sam both saw them leave together. If Bella appeared at all uncomfortable, I was certain they wouldn't have let her go with him. But then again Bella was drunk and pissed off. But that was mainly my fault. I'm the one that turned her down.
Oh. No.
Bella had wanted to forget and I said "no." Would Jacob also say "no" to a beautiful and willing Bella?
"Shit. Shit. Shit," I swore as I raced towards the dorm blood pounding through my veins and arteries. Aside from the thwack thwack of my shoes hitting the pavement, the only other sound was the woosh woosh flooding my ears.
My minds started conjuring all these images.
Jacob kissing Bella.
Bella pulling on Jacob's shirt.
Bella on her bed, her hair curling around her bare shoulders.
Me bursting in on them.
I found a reservoir of adrenaline I didn't know I possessed. I was becoming frantic, hysterical even. I reached the dorm, basically slamming into the door. I opened it with such force it smashed against the brick exterior.
The harsh fluorescent lights in the hallway assaulted me. It was quiet, and for some reason that amped up my anxiety. I wanted to hear noise, voices, a confrontation, or a struggle. Then I could come to her rescue. In a twisted way, that would have been better than the scenarios taunting me. Because quiet equated to willing. And I didn't want to find a willing Jake and Bella.
I turned the corner of our hall and caught sight of a figure leaning against the wall. I must have been loud because Jake's head snapped up. I should have felt instant relief as I made my approach. But I didn't.
"Where is she?" I demanded, storming right up to him. The look on his face was of pure shock. All the pent up angst I accumulated exploded within me and my body just reacted, shoving Jake hard.
"If you fucking touched her!" I growled raising my arms again to push him further down the hall, away from the door he was guarding. But before I could do it, strong hands clamped around my biceps and stilled my movement.
"Edward. Stop!" Jasper snapped in my ear. He was slightly out of breath.
"What the hell is your problem Edward?" Jake hissed.
"Where is she?" I demanded.
His eyes gave it away as they glanced at the door he was effectively guarding prior to my arrival. The girls bathroom. He didn't need to say anything. The noises coming from within were enough of an answer. The coughing. The repetitive flushing. The sound of stomach contents hitting toilet water. Jasper relaxed his grip as we all digested the situation. When a whimper passed through the door, I turned towards it only to be stopped by Jake, of all people.
"Dude. Give her some privacy."
My fist involuntarily clenched at the idea of him giving me etiquette lessons.
"He's right. You should just give her a moment," Jasper piped in. My head swiveled between the both of them, trying to figure out whom to hit first, Jake for stopping me or Jasper for agreeing with him. Jasper must have taken note of my behavior, because he moved in front of the door, the two of them effectively barring my access.
"Edward. Going in there right now will only make it worse. We are right outside the door if she needs anything. Besides, do you really want to get hit again?"
Jasper left virtually no loopholes in his assessment and the rational part of my mind knew he was right.
And I hated it. I hated standing on this side of the door when Bella was on the other. So I took it out on the person who plagued my brain as I ran over here.
"Why are you here?" I snapped towards Jake.
His eyes turned stone black, and I could see the veins popping out in his neck as his temper flared.
"I wanted to make sure she was all right."
"Bullshit. You wanted to tuck her in."
"Look. Assward, I was just helping her out. She was drunk and pissed and Sam and Emily asked me to walk her home. If you care so much, where the hell were you?"
Jasper reached out and placed a hand on my chest, knowing I was going to explode because Jake hit the nail on the head. I did truly care about Bella but I was the sole reason she was so upset. I had fucked up by doing the right thing.
"Shut up, Jake!"
"Oh. Did I hit a nerve? Are you the reason she was begging to go home?"
At his words Jasper took a step between us, keeping us from tearing at each in front of the girls' bathroom in the dead of night.
"Cut the shit, you guys," Jasper said, giving both of us the evil eye. Jake only got a glance. I got the full on glare.
The door to the bathroom opened slowly to reveal a pale and disheveled Bella. Her hair was matted and sweaty and tucked into the collar of her dress. I wanted to make some smart ass comment about the way she kept her hair out of the toilet, but figured now wasn't the time. I was right, because once her eyes caught mine, I could feel her anger reignite.
"Go the fuck away," she spit at me, leaning her body fully into the door. The three of us stood there like idiots, none having any idea how to handle the drunken mess in front of us. I don't think she knew what to do either except give me the evil eye.
The four of us were at a stalemate when Bella started to move. It was like watching an accident in slow motion. Three grown men standing stupid as the drunk girl slowly began sliding down the only thing holding her up. Thank God for Jasper, who snapped to attention and grabbed her before her legs buckled and she became a puddle on the floor.
"I can walk, you know," she protested when Jasper lifted her up into his arms.
"I'm sure you can, darlin'. Sure you can. Do you feel better?"
"No."
Jasper chuckled at her emphatic answer. Bella moaned at the subtle movement.
"I'm going to throw up on you."
Jasper didn't laugh again as he stilled his body. I had to bite my cheek to keep from vocalizing my amusement.
"Where's your keys, Bella?" Jasper asked as he carried her to her door.
"Here."
"Here."
Jake and I answered in unison. He was holding her keys and I was holding mine with the master still attached. We both passed a snotty glance at each other and then waited as Bella eyed both of us.
"Thank you, Jake."
Damn bastard practically skipped to her door and unlocked it, holding it open for Jasper to bring her through. Jasper walked over and gently placed Bella on her bed. Then he grabbed the garbage pail and placed it within reaching distance.
"How much did you drink?" he asked her, kneeling beside her bed.
"Not enough." Her reply was muffled as she buried her head into her pillow.
"Do you need anything?"
"Can you make the whole fucking night disappear?"
"Sorry, kiddo. Can't help you there. Do you want me to get Alice? She could stay the night with you."
"No, I just want to sleep," she murmured as she kicked off her shoes and cradled her pillow. Jasper leaned over and tugged on her comforter until she was covered. He then stood up and tried to usher Jake and I towards the door.
"I'm gonna stay," I whispered to Jasper, hoping Bella didn't hear me.
"Edward, leave it alone tonight. Let her sleep it off," Jake piped in as Jasper continued his herding. My anger suddenly flared. Who the hell was he to tell me what to do?
"I think Jake is right." Jasper threw his two cents in.
"I'm staying."
"Go to hell, Edward." Bella's voice cut across the room to me. I never imagined she could infuse so much venom in her words. They practically stung.
And just as I opened my mouth to explain how I needed to stay and talk to her, she spoke again.
"Thank you for walking me home, Jake." Fucking adding insult to injury.
"Night Bella," he replied, his voice all sugary and full of crap. Jasper was visibly shaking, trying not to laugh out loud at the scene we were putting on for him. I wanted to clock them both. I would have, too, if not for spotting two of my residents lingering in the hallway. Jasper effectively closed Bella's door with a very loud click, and instead of knocking the Cheshire grins off their faces, I tucked tail and disappeared behind the safety of my own room. I was still the RA. I didn't want my residents blabbing around campus that I threw some punches in my hall. If I was being honest with myself, I just didn't want to deal with anyone or thing right now. Bella's words were still fresh.
I knew I was acting like a child. A scorned child at that. Fuck. Now that I knew she was safe and alone, all I wanted to do was talk to her. Be near her. Why does everything have to be so difficult?
The events of tonight were so weird and crazy and twisted that my head was spinning. In a matter of hours, there was kissing, slapping, revelations, panic, and vomiting. To top it off, Bella tells me to go to hell. The ironic thing is that I didn't need to go to hell--I was already there. I was already in eternal damnation because she believed I didn't want her.
How the hell could she think that? Was she completely oblivious to my reaction to our kiss? She was drunk. Maybe that's why she kissed me in the first place. I was a potential memory substitute. I wanted to pull my hair out. I was so turned around I didn't know what to think. And the only answers I would get would be from the girl passed out across the hall.
Fuck it. Maybe she was out cold. Maybe she wasn't. What I did know was that I couldn't sit here and stew about what happened tonight. If she was passed out already, at least I could be near her. If she wasn't, she couldn't really run away. It was her room.
I peeked out into the hall and it was empty. Like a stalker, I crossed the hallway and slipped the master into her door, and as quietly as I could, I turned the knob and entered. I closed the door with a soft click and was greeted by a shoe whacking me in the shoulder.
"Bella?" I whispered. The minute I said it, I wanted to swallow it back. Who the hell else would be in the darken room but her. Unless someone joined her when I was hiding in my room. I seriously needed to shut off my over-active imagination. I turned slowly around letting my eyes adjust to the darkness when another shoe whipped over my head.
"Get. Out."
"Bella, I just want to talk."
Her reply was a stuffed animal, which wouldn't have been bad if its large plastic nose didn't hit me square in the forehead. How the hell was her aim so good when she couldn't even walk a straight line?
"Damn it Bella, stop throwing crap at me."
"You deserve it."
"Bella, please." Maybe my smooth velvet would help her demeanor. I waited a few seconds, bracing myself for another hit. My eyes were now adjusted, and I could make out her figure on the bed. She moved her arm around and a garbled curse cut through the room as something crashed to the floor. Then a click sounded, and her bed lamp blinded me.
"Go away, Edward. I don't want to talk to you." Her voice was clear even with her arm shielding her eyes from the light. She was still in her dress, not even bothering to change positions since Jasper left her on the bed. Except the comforter was now kicked off. Her hips and legs were rocking slightly in what I could only assume was a soothing movement. I sometimes did that when I was really shitfaced and the room was wickedly spinning.
"I'm not leaving," I stated, more confident that being close by was a good thing.
"I'll call security," she snapped back. But her words lost their weight as she began to rock her whole body.
"I doubt you could even find the phone, much less dial it."
"Go away. Please." Her voice softer now.
"I can't."
"Bullshit. You had no trouble pushing me away earlier."
"Damn it, Bella. Would you just fucking listen to me?"
"Shit. Shit. Shit," she gasped as her head shot up and her hand went to her mouth. Her wild eyes shot around the room until she found the pail just in time to grab it and bring it under her chin. In a moment, I was next to her, holding her hair back as she continued to release her stomach contents into the bin.
A few minutes and several dry heaves later, she collapsed back onto her bed. I quickly took the pail to the bathroom to dump and rinse it out before returning to her room. I set the bin back in position, grabbed a water bottle from her mini-fridge and took a seat on the floor next to her bed.
She was paler now and covered in sweat. To make matters worse, she was shivering. I handed her the water and she took a few tentative sips.
"How much did you have to drink, Bella?"
"No enough," she mumbled as she struggled to get her discarded blanket back around her. I adjusted it for her and absent-mindedly I started gently rubbing her shoulders.
"Please leave me alone, Edward." Her eyes were closed and her voice was weak.
"I can't. Bella. Please understand. I can't leave you like this." My hand relocated to her head, and I let my fingers weave trails through her damp hair.
"Please. I want to forget this night ever happened." Her voice cracked at that last word. Her eyes were still shut to me but I could see the tears forming and mixing with the perspiration crawling down her nose. She sniffled once, twice and I brought my free hand to try and wipe away the sadness that was transforming her features.
"RA Handbook," I said in an effort to lighten the heaviness surrounding us.
"RA Handbook?"
"Yeah. It's in the handbook. I'm your RA. I can't leave you like this. You could pass out and aspirate vomit in your sleep."
"You're an ass, RA. "
I couldn't help but smile at uncensored and foul-mouthed Bella. This was a side of her I'd never experienced and I was shamefully enjoying every minute of it.
"I said that's why I can't leave. Why I won't leave is a different reason."
"Mmmm."
"You. I don't want to leave you. You mean to much too me."
Her eyes popped open at my words and she just looked at me. Looked within me. A few more tears escaped and I leaned close and kissed them from her nose. As my lips touched her skin, her breath washed over me. There was still a whiff of fruitiness mixed in with bitterness from her stomach, but I didn't care. She could have thrown up on me and I wouldn't have cared. All that mattered was that she heard what I said, and she believed it.
I leaned back and purposely ran my tongue over my lips absorbing her within me. Her eyes were still mesmerized with mine. I continued running my fingers gently through her locks. Her breath shuddered when I grazed her neck, and her eyes closed slowly in perfect contentment.
I continued methodically running my fingers over her head and down her shoulders. Even though her eyes were closed, I could not pull my gaze away from her face. A beautiful transformation was taking place before me. Stress lines eased from being across her skin. Her once red-rimmed eyelids were fading as her long eyelashes rebounded to their lush dry state. Her cheeks filled in with a more natural color, and her bottom lip was no longer held captive by her teeth.
I would have stayed there on the floor all night watching her sleep. That was my full intent. That was until my name crossed her lips. I couldn't help it. I kicked off my shoes and climbed on top of the covers to be closer to her. I slipped one arm under her head and brought my other one across her arms that were folded at her chest. With a slumbering sigh, she backed her body into mine. The icing on the cake was when she kicked her feet free of the covers to weave them between my ankles, effectively connecting us from head to foot. Her rhythmic breathing soon lulled me to sleep and it was perfect.
A/N check out Bella's journal as it will be updated soon. To my awesome readers. You All Rock. I'm sorry for the length of time between postings. Just know that I am always working on this and please stick with me. Reviews are better than sunshine, so show me some love.
