Had this stuck in my head for a while, and AAR's 'Dirty Little Secret' and Tabris Macbeth's 'Masturbation'

(another excellent Terra fic, found here .net/s/1870291/1/ ) just fueled the fire, so R&R, please.


I hate myself, to begin with.

I hate it when I wake up to another day.

I hate seeing the sun shining in.

I hate when I have to pull the dark cover of the blankets off.

I wish I could just stay there, in the darkness, forever.

I just want this life to be over.

But then there's you.

I love you too much.

I could never bear to make you that sad.

If I were gone, I know you would never be able to bear it.

But this is how it has to be.

I'm sorry I've hurt you all so deeply.

None of you owe me anything, but all I want is forgiveness.

It's all I've ever wanted.

Beast Boy, to you I'm sorry most of all.

I love you, Beast Boy, so much.

More than you'll ever know.

Goodbye.

Beast Boy's eyes filled with tears as he read. Raven stood with her eyes closed, but Beast Boy could tell she was trying not to cry. Cyborg was trying to console him, Robin was too stunned to say anything, and Starfire was crying along with Beast Boy. He put the letter down, his hand shaking like a leaf. Terra's form was slumped over her desk, used needles littering the floor. He couldn't believe it. Terra had had some problems since she'd come back, sleeplessness, bad dreams, the odd panic attack, but she'd never even talked about...this. He turned around, moving at a slow pace towards the bathroom. He proceeded to wretch into the toilet, his breakfast staining the bowl. He suddenly felt a hand on his back. "Beast Boy..." Raven spoke hesitantly. Beast Boy felt his face grow warm, and more tears flowed down his cheeks. "Raven...she..." "I know, I know." She spoke soothingly. Beast Boy turned around to face her. "I just can't believe she...I mean...she's...she's gone." Raven hugged him close to her. "Beast Boy, if there's anything we can do..." Beast Boy just shook his head. There could be nothing done about it now. She was gone forever.

The funeral was almost a complete blur to Beast Boy, just a bunch of people saying how sorry they were for his loss, hugging him, people crying. The only part he remembered was going up to her coffin and whispering his last goodbyes. The ride home was silent, and Beast Boy went straight to his room when they got back. He sat there for hours, staring blankly at the wall, until finally sleep overcame his grief.

I'm sorry.

Cyborg, you were my best bud.

Robin, you were a great team leader.

Starfire, you were a really good friend.

Raven, even though I never admittedit, you were the person I was closest to, besides Terra.

I just need to end this.

I need her.

Now, we're together forever.

I love you all,

Beast Boy.


Reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!