Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
A/N: This is the last chapter for story. I told you at the beginning it was short. (Especially last chapter) It is assumed Bella's break up with Edward went down the same way it did in her letter to Jacob, thus leaving her at the beginning of this chapter; in pain. There is no letter in this chapter, this is ALL reality.
Please enjoy and hopefully you'll review for me ;)
More than Sunlight
The pain,
The excruciating pain was as sharp as I remembered it being. Though of course I had once described it as a dull ache even after months of torturing myself. It was nothing like that now when I had been the bringer of pain.
But I forced myself into consciousness, unlike last time.
I was thankful that the summer had dawned itself on me making my transition to reality much easier. School wasn't something I enjoyed when I was in this state of mind.
Like I predicted Angela was the only one who could make me dispense a pleasant reaction none the less Mike still got a reaction out of me. The Cullens had left again too eagerly making the dramatic increase in time alone miserable. It also gave Mike the option to start his endless chase for me again; even with Jessica involved.
Even though I only saw Mike and Jessica around town when doing errands for Charlie or myself it was still enough to ignite the flame.
She was even angrier with me than before finding the line between her friends and mine highlighted brightly. If she wasn't so dense she would have realized the only response I gave Mike was a blunt 'no' accompanied by an irritated grunt. Of course she could only focus on the fact that Mike was giving attention to me when she was his rightful girlfriend.
Everyone knew how flighty their relationship was anyways.
Mike only settled for Jessica and I almost pitied her for it if she only would let down the guard dog act with Lauren.
I almost pleaded Angela for alone time with her one night. I knew her and Ben spent almost all their time together like Edward and I used to. She would be the best at understanding the loss I was feeling. I told her a lot, well as much I could between my choices keeping the idea of any supernatural creatures on the tip of my tongue.
"They're complete opposites Bella, wow. It's like fire and ice." Angela commented raising her eyebrows with her contemplating expression.
"You have no idea." I muttered dryly intending the personal pun.
"I can see why you let it all go, even with the Marriage and all. In reality high school sweet hearts aren't all they're cracked up to be. Ben and I know there's a high possibility of moving on once we go to college and he isn't anything as controlling as Edward seems." She comforted resting her hand on my shoulder. I sighed to myself glumly then turned back to her.
Angela's face was contorted with empathy for my pain.
She knew this was hard, and hard couldn't even begin to cover it.
"There's something inside of me pushing this time to keeping me going. That part of me is the maturity that has formed from all this; it actually cares about my well being and not some fantasy forever first love."
I secretly knew what my body was pushing me for. My body my mortal body needed my sun, my Jacob. That was something I knew that was sent in stone. He had loved me from the beginning, and would love me to the very end.
Of course now there would not be and end so soon, I could continue to be adored unconditionally and illogically. Jake had to be the dream image of guy, his body ripped with taunt muscles, his smile setting me on fire with its perfection, his eye burning to my core on a determined path like molten lava. But he didn't care what he knew he was too well, he only wanted to use it for one reason, and that was to win me back.
He loved me too fiercely to care what anyone around us thought; pack and vampires included.
Our relationship was as exclusive as the sun's energy.
There was only one way the sun could give its power to the earth, sunlight just like there was only one way Jake and I could be together; in love.
"Love comes in many forms; infatuation included." She concluded gracing me with another hug. I nodded in complete agreement.
I knew she meant I wasn't actually completely infatuated with Edward I did in fact love him. But it was true that some of my attachment to him was caused by the infatuation of beauty and grace that surrounded him.
It was irresistible but only because it caused my blinded love filled stares.
A week after Edward left I received a letter in the mail from some exclusive lawyer authorizing and legalizing our divorce. I felt silly that I had gone through such an extravagant scenario only to fall into the exact path Renee had taken.
I really had been too foolish about it and much too fervent.
I should have waited and taken into account all of my emotions, even the ones I kept fighting to bottle up.
A month went by and every day on my own was getting easier.
I found myself working far more than I regularly did, even if it was only to fill up my abundance of time. It was mindless but somewhat enjoyable. I had started to realize how normal I really was despite all that had happened to me. At that, I was given the chance to realize how much I enjoyed the normality of life that surrounded me.
Everything had fallen into place and I even was beginning to find myself enjoying a mortal friendships.
By the third week regular hangout were practiced between me and Angela. She even keened my interest in some programs at the community college. I liked the idea of just going by something simple, instead of the extravagant ideas of education Edward had pressed on me.
Angela was attending Washington State College in the fall. She had been accepted to a nursing program which seemed natural with her abilities in science. Though some how she had sensed that I wanted nothing to do with grand education without even asking.
She showed me some accounting programs I could attend or some simple business courses that opted from my future. I could see the actual benefits from learning something more specific even if it was just to get a feel for I wanted with my future.
Just because I had made my mind up about whom I wanted to spend my future with didn't mean it was finalized. I was still young, indecision and maturing as time went by and I wouldn't have it any other way.
One thing though that had struck me within my painful recovery period I had given myself was the difference between my writing to Jake and reality.
In reality Jacob had not made on motion to contact me. I knew in fact that Billy knew about the breakup, the divorce, pretty much anything that was in earshot for Charlie. Like I had said many times before to Jacob, they were indeed like gossiping old women.
At that thought I could almost hear his ringing laughter. It hurt me to only be in my head. After all the time that had passed it was beginning to feel like that the supernatural world had decided it wanted to exclude me from it, including Jacob.
That night at dinner I spoke my concerns to Charlie. I cleared my throat awkwardly getting his full attention. He perked his head up to me, his chocolate eyes mirroring mine.
"So, have you heard about Jacob lately?"
His thick dark eyebrows rose inquisitively.
"No." He stated unusually firm.
I gulped a little too loudly taking another bite of my Caesar salad. Charlie sighed dropping his hands down beside his plate and chewed on the inside of his mouth. He looked troubled.
"I know something up with you two. All of the sudden Jacob stopped asking about you. I don't know what it has to do with Edward or those damn letters you keep having me send him, but he seems furious." Charlie tried to explain in the most authoritative voice he could muster.
I felt the choking ball form in my chest and my breath catch every time I inhaled. The guilt was paralyzing when it came to Jacob. I had dragged him along for my emotional roller coaster all these years and he was coming closer and closer to his breaking point.
We were both too young for all this drama.
We should be careless free and blissful in our childish ignorance.
"I should go talk to him." I managed to choke out staring darkly at my dinner plate. My lurching stomach no longer felt able to contain nutrients.
"Yea, no kidding kid."
I forced myself to smile weakly at Charlie as his eyes remained filled with concern.
"Do you think Jake will be home tonight...?" I asked softly. Charlie was no good with emotions, especially the ones he could see me so clearly struggling with.
"Might as well give it a shot, now's better than never." Charlie encouraged. He was still routing for the two of us ridiculously.
"I've kinda lost my appetite and I guess I should head over there now before never." I said shyly standing up with my half filled plate heading towards the garbage across the room.
"Just be home before midnight Bells and good luck with fixing whatever problem you have between you two." Charlie smiled warmly returning to the steak on his plate.
"Thanks Dad, I love you." I mumbled back.
My truck chugged along to La Push as I rode weary and anxious. I didn't know how to read Jake when I couldn't see or know what he was doing. If he wasn't calling me maybe he had moved on, maybe he was finally over me.
Maybe he had finally had enough of the silly indecisive Bella Swan.
I dreaded that reaction.
When my truck finally jolted to a stop rocking me in my seat I couldn't be bothered to move. Jake stood in the driveway his figure tall dark and firm. His warm brown eyes didn't wear the gaze I knew, the gaze that belonged to my Jacob. There was something entirely different in his eyes, menacing and furious.
Charlie had been able to read an emotion correctly and it had been one I'd been hoping he hadn't.
I exhaled heavily in a gasp unbuckling my seat belt and reaching for the car door handle never breaking my gaze with Jacob. My eyes were wide and stirring with disturbing worries. Any of my possible conclusions to Jacob's reaction could be right, and I could be the fool now standing and hoping for a chance.
I was strong enough to change.
But I wasn't strong enough to force Jacob to come back to me. I loved him too much to want to deter what he really wanted, what made him really happy.
I tumbling out of the truck awkward from the height of cab finding my shaken footing on the pine-needle covered gravel.
Jacob said nothing as I stumbled forward but clenched his fist ever slightly at my approach. I held my breath hoping for stare to shift from mine. It didn't, making me feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen. I could feel my heart pounding away ridiculously fast within my chest cavity. I knew Jacob would be able to hear it too from this proximity.
"Where's Billy?" I broke the silence uncomfortably shifting my gaze to the ground studying the stones by my feet.
"Sue's." He stated too coldly. I winced at the response then became muted by my panic. I couldn't understand him, which was so unlike me. I didn't know why he was so angry.
It was silly, and I had no right to ask; I should've already known.
"What gives?" He snarled finally.
I jumped startled by his voice, "What-?"
"What the hell gives? What right do you have doing that?" He sneered as I looked trying once again- and failing- to read what his eyes were explaining to me.
"Jake- I- I'm so sorry." I choked softly.
"Yea right you are. You're more selfish than I thought Bella." His voice was laced with unfitting venom directed towards me.
"I- " I couldn't speak hearing the anger in his voice. I was helpless caught in his angry glare like a dear in headlights. I could feel my salty tears falling over the brims of the eyes.
"What right do you have sending me those letters, telling me you want me, telling you chose wrong, telling me you love me over and over. How dumb could you be? Did you not think that would upset me?" He exclaimed in exasperation. His dark thick brows dug into his face in a twisted frustration. I so badly wanted to sooth the lines wrinkling his forehead.
"No." I whimpered back shamefully.
"Did you honestly think I didn't hope for the same damn thing you wrote to me every day you were with him, every day even after you married him? How could you think proving you wanted the same but 'couldn't do it' would make me feel better?" He gasped his eyes becoming pools of pain that I could finally understand more and more.
How could I be so stupid?
I once again only caused my Jacob more pain.
"I – I – don't know. I'm so sorry Jacob." I blubbered through the tears seizing my breathing into involuntary sobs.
He didn't say anything for a moment and looked down. I continued to sob, the guilt and shame building more and more by the second.
Jacob finally spoke calm and sure but filled with a maturity not found in many his age, "I know you are that's why you're here eh?"
I nodded frantically to his statement.
"I'm sorry I did it again, I broke my promise." The one corner of his lip twisted into a wicked smirk too mocking to be enjoyed.
"Huh?" I muttered incoherently.
"I'm hurting you, I promised not to. Plus it's not your fault you love me so insensibly." He smirked more rigidly this time. I stared blankly trying to read into his expression still failing. It was no use when my Jacob was nowhere to be found.
Never less, my personal sun was still so bright in my radius.
"So is it really true it's over with you and the bloodsucker?" Jacob finally questioned softly as I heard him take a step forward. His posture looked more casual, without the anger from before.
"Yea." I sighed reluctantly.
I didn't want to think of Edward at the moment. Of course losing him still hurt I didn't need to be reminded. All the pain was worth it in the end.
"You went through the crazy wedding for nothing? And I know you're not one for parties." Jacob inquired.
"Yea." I repeated foolishly.
"You still did look beautiful that night Bells." Jacob sighed placing his arms around me. I fell into his embrace effortlessly.
"So did you." I muttered into his chest drying my tears on the fabric between us.
He laughed weakly, "Lemme guess, in a sort of beautiful way?" I laughed in response only holding Jacob tighter. I couldn't let go of Jacob, unless I knew how much of him I actually had.
He was my personal sun; he was so bright radiating and everything that was mine.
"I love you Jacob. In all the ways you always wanted me to." I breathed looking back up into his warm dark eyes.
"I love you too, but it took you long enough to come around." He grinned foolishly at me looking almost giddy. I slapped the side of his arm like I was discouraging a dog; which technically I was.
"Just shut up and kiss me." I hissed playfully. Before I could register his reaction his lips were on my eagerly, as mine opened and invited him in. The passion riveted through us and 'sunlight' wasn't even able to describe the feeling.
Jacob was more than my sunlight.
Jacob was the energy that kept me living.
I needed him now and forever in this mortal life.
I also knew he needed me just as much.
His hands slid down my body and grasp the smalls of my back pulling me closer to his body. The heat was intoxicating and his musky scent was overwhelming. My senses were being set on fire and my nerves pulled tightly. My body pressed into his craving more.
I was unable to control myself within Jacob's gasp and I was no longer forced to.
I felt my small palm creep up Jacob's chest desperate to graze his rock hard abs concealed by the silly fabric. I felt the vibration from his growl through his chest, "Bella."
It drove me crazy.
My insides twisted into impatient knots willing themselves to my attention.
I responded to him with a muffled moan into our tangled lips. His massive hands grabbed both my thighs and pulled them aggressively up to his waist. Heat ricocheted through my body as our cores met each other. My body craved everything that was Jacob to consume me.
My mind on the other hand was begging for it.
My hands tangled in his hair tugging and gripping mercifully as Jacob guided us through his house his lips never leaving mine. He threw our bodies on the bed never once putting too much weight on me. He carefully climbed over me trailing teasing butterfly kisses down my neck.
I shivered in anticipated delight directing both my hands to pull up his shirt. Jacob obliged and grasped the hem of the shirt tossing it easily off his muscular frame. His chest was once again revealed to me in all its glory. This time I was allowed to stare and gush over how lucky I was to be mounted by his god like stature. I stared shamelessly running one of my tiny pale hands down his chest in marvel.
He smirked senselessly, "All yours."
"Better be." Blush rose to my cheeks for the first time with a coy smile.
He laughed before swathing me in his lips again his hands roaming playfully around the corners of my shirt. He seemed almost hesitant on what he really had claim on. I was meant to be no one else's other than his from this point on.
"Take it off Jacob." I ordered freely breaking our kiss. Jacob stared at me shocked for a moment, and then quickly obeyed removing my dainty navy tank top. I was left in my bra as a display for Jacob's desire. He drank me in through his eyes too eagerly.
I grasped the sides of his face pulling him to my lips again craving the feeling of his hot skin on mine. Moving against him felt like silk on silk milking my core of desire. I raised my hips to his displaying my pleasure by his actions. He grunted thrusting his hips towards mine. Whimpering moans were beginning to escape from my lips into our kiss.
I was barely able to control myself or animal I was releasing on top of me. I let go of Jacob body bolting my hands down to my pants unbuckling, unbuttoning, and unzipping them as fast as possible yanking my jeans down underneath us. Jacob's body wriggled accordingly allowing me to easily kick the useless fabric off.
Jacob growled heavily in a deep breath. I assumed he could smell my arousal and it drove him crazy as my hands found his sweats. With a small tug down I removed both his pants and boxers all at once making me one step closer to having Jacob fill me, claim me.
His hardness pressed against my stomach its warm tip tickling me slightly. I reached down grasping his thick length. I gasped at the size moving my hands up and down his length. Jacob's eyes rolled back in ecstasy moaning darkly.
"You have no idea how badly I've wanted this Bella." He grunted at my mercy burrowing his face into my neck. His hot breath gave me shivered as he began to lightly suck then blow.
"You may have the slightly idea of how bad I've wanted it." I growled playfully. He gaze briefly at me flashing me grin.
"I'm guessing your next fantasy letter would've been exactly this." He smirked nipping the lobe of my ear. I shuddered in bliss feeling helpless to his pleasure.
"Not exactly, you would've been in me already." I said feeling his cock flex in my grasp.
"I can change that."
"Do it," I hissed, "Please Jacob."
I felt the thin cotton on my lower half tear off and pressure against my core where I so badly craved. Jacob's finger tips found my clit terrorizing it sinisterly. I whimpered feebly in pleasure as he continued to grind against my wetness soaking his length.
"I love you Bella." Jacob breathed pushing into my core filling and stretching me more than I had ever been before. I winced at his size trying to adjust to everything that was larger than normal about Jacob. I'm sure his ego soared at that moment seeing my slight discomfort.
"I'm sorry Bells." He whispered stroking my hair softly.
"I love you too." I murmured softly pressing my hips up to him to continue despite the burning stretch through my groins. The heat of his body was overwhelming and pleasured me from inside out, scoring my skin like the lightest of sunburns.
It felt strangely good to have the slow seeping radiation on skin and I continued to dive into the bliss of Jacob.
"You're so tight." Jacob grunted curtly his teeth clenching together in relief. I only moaned to reply grasping his lips against mine. He dove and thrust into me abruptly. The sudden pressure sent me into a gasping pant.
He pressed in and out soon making a rhythm encouraged by my demands to move faster and harder. He couldn't do anything but obey and send me and closer and closer to my edge. Between the gasping of our names and the never ending panting I fell victim to the unrelenting orgasms Jake brought me to. He rode me until his body seized and was overcame by mine, letting his hot fluid rush into me. I withered underneath him trailing my nails down his back and pulling him down to collapse on top of me. He shifted his weight to avoid crushing me and we remained silent listening to each other's pants.
I was absolutely smitten.
He was blissful radiating me; he was more than sunlight could ever be.
And to think, only words had been the cause of this would be just too foolish.
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Hope you enjoyed please review!
