As yesterday's offering was a bit on the shortish side, I decided to give you this part a bit earlier
My family left the house in the morning like every day, leaving only Esme and myself behind. She made sure I was safely stowed on the couch, with plenty of blankets wrapped around me, the remote controls for the DVD player, TV and stereo in easy reach and the last book I'd been reading sitting on the couch table waiting for me with something to drink next to it.
She then left me on my own, retreating to her study. I was very grateful she left me alone even though I knew that with a simple call I would have her at my side again faster than I could blink.
I finally had stopped falling asleep at any inopportune moment – like at dinner last night and later again while watching a movie – and felt content just sitting there, thinking and not move too much.
A lot had happened the last couple of days and I took my time to sort through it slowly. I still couldn't remember the actual accident, which sort of riled me. What good was it to be called a hero if you couldn't even remember what you had done to deserve that label?
Alice had given me a blow by blow description, including the vision that had started it all. There was no doubt that if I hadn't intervened, Bella would have been dead. I was a bit surprised that none of the others had intercepted me as I had dashed across the parking lot to save her. It would have been very simple for any in my family to stop me before I reached her, and there was even a good chance nobody else would have noticed them doing it. Alice simply said that it had been meant to happen and left it at that. Sometimes I didn't understand her and I doubted anybody else in my family did.
One thing that had become very clear to me, though, was that I was in love with Bella Swan. I didn't know what it was, really, why I was in love with her, but the fact of the matter was I was. Just the thought of her crushed between the two cars caused me nearly physical pain and to imaging she could be dead was more than I could bear. When she was near me, I felt happy. When she was touching me, I nearly forgot to breathe, my heart beating like crazy. When she was gone, I felt like all air had gone from the room and the light had been replaced by darkness.
I didn't know what Bella was thinking of me and that drove me nearly to madness. It was obvious she was grateful for me saving her life, but other than that I didn't know. I thought we had made some small progress the day before the accident, and that, at least, she didn't despise me any more, but that wasn't enough for me. It could never be enough for me.
My thoughts were racing each other around inside my brain and I felt another headache coming.
I hadn't known I had emitted a moan until Esme appeared in the living room and knelt down next to my place.
"Are you in pain, Edward?" she asked worry coloring her voice.
"I'm fine," I repeated my mantra. "A small headache, that's all."
She watched me doubtingly, probably suspecting me to downplay the pain I was in. "You want some Paracetamol?" she then asked.
I shook my head. "Nah, I have enough of pills for now. It will go away on its own. I'll just take a nap."
Still looking at me with uncertainty she finally nodded, helped me to settle down and tucked the blanket closer around me. I closed my eyes, feeling her cool fingers caressing my forehead.
But for once sleep eluded me. I guess my body had finally decided it had slept enough for now. Not that I could blame it – I had slept more in the last three days than normally in a week. I tried to deepen my breath, to fake sleeping, so Esme could go back to whatever she had been doing, but I should have know that I couldn't fool her.
"Edward," she said gently, her caress never once stopping. The coolness of her hand was better than an ice pack would have been. My headache was already receding.
I sighed and opened my eyes, then struggled to get back into a sitting position. She switched her place to sit with me on the couch, wrapping her right arm around me.
"Do you want to talk?" she asked, her golden eyes fixed on me.
No, not really. But I also knew that if I didn't talk to somebody I might explode.
"Esme, I hope you don't mind me asking that, but when did you know you were in love with Carlisle?"
Her bell-like laughter filled the room. "The moment I laid eyes on him," she said, smiling at the memory. "I was sixteen and had broken my leg climbing a tree. He was the doctor who treated me and the moment I saw him, I knew he was the one. He was so unbelievably handsome and there was something in his golden eyes that drew me to him like a magnet. But I was young. In those time, you didn't necessarily marry for love and he did move away shortly after my accident. I now know I had been too young for him and also that he did it to protect me, but back then it had hurt."
I almost could feel the pain at that loss, even though it had been almost a hundred years ago.
"I didn't see him again for ten years. You know my life wasn't really a happy one, and that I tried to kill myself. I remember the pain after he bit me, though I couldn't remember him biting me. I only knew I had deserved the pain for committing suicide. But then it was gone and I saw my angel again and he smiled at me and it was as if the ten years before hadn't happened and my feelings for him was as strong as ever."
I had heard that story before, of course, as I've been told how every one of my family had been changed. But watching her, her eyes distant, a fond smile on her lips, I almost could feel how it had been for her.
"And how did you know he loved you?" I asked then. How do you know that the person you love more than your life, loves you in return? How would I know that Bella liked me and maybe even, one day, love me?
"Ah," she said as if she finally had put something together she had been wondering about but hadn't wanted to ask on her own. "He told me so, but actually there had been no need for that. It was the way he looked at me, the way my name sounded when he spoke it. His kiss. After he had found me again there was never any doubt in my mind that he loves me as much as I love him. He had been so lonely for so long and I … I made him complete. And he made me complete.
"But this is not about Carlisle and me, right? Is it about this girl you saved? Bella?"
I was about to deny it, but something told me that I could trust her with my secret, so I simply nodded.
"You like her?"
Well, liking her was a big understatement. Still I nodded again.
"You like her a lot," she didn't ask this time, but merely stated a fact.
"Yes," I said exhaling. "I'm crazy about her. I can't stop thinking about her. But I don't even know if she likes me or not."
I blamed the concussion. There was no other explanation why I sounded like such a looser all of a sudden.
"Edward, you saved her life. I don't think it's possible for her not to like you." Esme chuckled softly.
"But I don't want her to like me just because I saved her life. I want her to like me because of me," I complained.
Yes, there was no doubt, it was the concussion. I must have knocked something loose in my brain when I got hit by the van. All that was missing was that I broke out in tears.
Esme sighed and turned so she could place her hands left and right of my face. She looked into my eyes, her own topaz eyes dark and intense.
"Edward, you are an amazing young man. You are compassionate, loyal and brave. You are smart and fun and you are not exactly bad looking, if I may say so. If your Bella has any sense at all, she will very soon do much more than just like you. She will have no choice. We, for sure, never had."
She gave my head a small shake as if to push her words further in then let me go.
Slightly stunned I watched her as she got up and walked out of the room leaving me behind, wondering what I had done to deserve her words.
*
The rest of the morning and the early afternoon passed by quickly. Only when the hour came closer when school normally ended time suddenly slowed to a crawl. At last Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice showed up, asking me how I was feeling and how my day had been. I answered only half-heartedly, my mind on the thought that it now couldn't be long before Bella finally, finally would come.
I knew she was coming when my family all suddenly looked up and faced the entrance door. They must have heard Bella's truck as she drove up the winding street that led to our house. I wanted to get up and welcome her, but Emmett placed a hand on my good shoulder forcing me to remain seating.
Rosalie greeted Bella at the door and let her in.
I was sitting on the couch in such a way that I could watch her as she was coming in with a stunned expression on her face. He mouth was shaped into a small 'O' and her lovely eyes were wide as she spun slowly around.
Finally she saw me on the couch and immediately she stepped closer.
"Hi Bella," I said. I wanted to jump up to lead her to a seat next to me, but Emmett never had let go of me, standing behind the couch as if he was guarding me.
"You've got quite a house here," she said with awe in her voice. "It's huge."
"We're a big family," I said in way of an explanation.
Esme showed up in the passage between the kitchen and the living room. I knew she loved the house and had put a lot of effort into it to make it as lovely as it was. Normally it didn't take much to have her talk about it, but though I would have expected it from her, she didn't walk up to Bella and take her hand. Instead she remained where she was, watching Bella with a guarded expression. She did smile, but the smile didn't really reach her eyes. Casting one last look at Bella she returned again into the kitchen.
Alice and Jasper had both disappeared in their room, so only my parents were left in the room with us. They both shared a quick glance with each other, then they also headed for the stairs.
"We have a lot of homework to do," Rosalie said, her hand on the banister. "I'm sure Bella will find her way out when she leaves."
With an open mouth I watched as my parents walked up the stairs and disappeared on the next floor. I've never seen Rosalie being so rude to anybody. Sure, she could be nasty if she wanted to be and more than one boy in school had fled from her presence with his tail on fire, but for her being so rude to the girl I loved …
Something was wrong here.
But Bella was here and the last thing I wanted was to waste time thinking about my family's behavior. So I turned back to Bella, who also looked a little bit shell shocked, and smiled.
"You brought your notes?" I asked.
"Uh, yes, of course. But I really can't stay long. I need to go."
My face fell. I had been looking so much forward to Bella's visit that I had totally forgotten that she might have other plans for the evening. It was Friday, after all. Maybe she already had a date.
Jealousy rose in me.
"Sorry, Edward," she said, suddenly very close to me. I hadn't even noticed that she had stepped closer. "I need to get home to get dinner ready for my dad. He's hopeless in the kitchen and would burn the water if left alone for too long."
Not a date then. Relief flooded me.
I inhaled deeply, noticing for the first time the scent of freesias that surrounded her. Why hadn't I noticed that delightful aroma before? I took another breath just so I could get another whiff of it.
"It's alright, though I had hoped you could keep me company for a little bit longer. Preferably when I wasn't sleeping," I said, trying to hide my disappointment.
"I'm truly sorry, Edward," she said, sounding like she meant it, and this made me feel a little bit better. "Charlie, well, my dad, he's a bit overprotective right now with me almost dying in that accident and all. So I try to show him that I'm okay and that nothing will happen to me."
Well, I could understand that. An overprotective family was nothing new to me.
She bent down to reach into her bag and pulled out her notebook. She handed me a Xerox of her biology notes and homework. Then she got up again.
"If you want, I'll come again next week," she offered. "How long do you think until you can come back? Bio is getting a bit lonely without you," she added as in an afterthought.
Did that mean she missed me?
I told her that I'd be off school until at least the end of the next week, and she promised to bring me her notes every single day.
Then she was gone and it felt my heart had left with her.
