Chapter 8
WHAT?! my mind screamed at me. But I kept quiet, poised and collected. I had to play a role. I had to do it, now. I dusted my shoes and my dress, removed my gloves, my coat and headed straight to the dining room. Candles lit up, and huge platters covered the table which was dressed in a second-best silken cloth. The Mallory's were sitting together with my father. The only two spots left were my mother's side and the one near James. Even after all these months, I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling, as if I was being punched. Only instead of anywhere else, it was my heart that felt as if it were being smothered. I had to get through a dinner with the Mallory's. Let alone, James Mallory. Suddenly, my night suddenly felt bad. It felt like I was being throne into a den of lions again. Only this time, the lions weren't going to magically be kittens instead and play with me. They weren't going to share their ball of yarn. They were going for the kill.
I sat down to the only sit available. Mrs. Mallory began chatting away with my mother. She looked uncomfortable at her presence, but conversed in politeness. The head of the Mallory's was talking to my father also. I knew my part now, I had to entertain the guests. But to my surprise, I just picked my fork and took a small, elegant bite out of my dinner. I had eaten dinner before, but it seemed like ages ago, the fun things.
Luck had run out of me because as Lauren smirked, she spoke. "So, Isabella," she said my name like venom and dirt. "What concluded your afternoon activities?" she asked. "I never knew you had become so acquainted recently. Seeing as you never really had much friends." she smiled at me evilly. I wanted to keep my stoic, calm facade, but she broke me there. Before I embarrass myself and my family, I let out a slight smile. She look taken aback at this. The 'adults' couldn't hear. "Well, I spent the day in the Cullens' estate. Oh! I tell you, indeed we had so much fun." I told her while smiling so angelically. Her lips twisted and i knew I had done well. She continued with her food then, not bothering to look at me but instead, looking very bored. We all paid her no mind.
But alas, the dinner ended and my father and Mr. Mallory retreated to his study as my mother and the fellow ladies went to the parlor. I was going to follow them when a hand pulled gently at my elbow. I looked up to see Mr. Mallory. "Yes?" I asked as politely as I could. But keeping the venom out of my voice was so hard to do. "I heard about your garden, would you show it?" he asked.
"It is very impolite. Its night. I should go to the parlor and to the study so should you." My voice was cold and bitter, very dismissive.
"Mrs. Swan, I heard about the wonderful kept garden, perhaps I should see it?" James asked my mother. "Well-" My mother started but the two girls were already pulling her away.
He turned back to me. "Well, I take that a yes, then." I looked glum. "I'll fetch my shawl."I mumbled and with that turned from him. I took the slowest steps I could muster. He was already out when I found him. I walked in front of him to our garden.
"This is the garden you heard about. Its not as grand as you think it is." I told him and stepped away. He put a hand to his chin and looked thoughtful. "True. The garden is beautiful, but nothing compares to your beauty." He walked to me, took my hand and kissed it. I pulled it away very quickly.
"Mr. Mallory! How could you! You are engaged! And. . . and. .. " I walked backwards, towards the house.
"So, what I hear is that, you and Mr. Cullen are together?" he spat out at me. "Is that true? Isn't that true?" he walked. I was scared, so scared. This wasn't like this. This was a different side of James. Even in the dark, his eyes were bright, firing with hatred, angst.
"And why do you care anyway? What is it to you?" I asked. He laughed. a dark humorless, laugh. "So, I get engaged to another girl, and you get engaged to another. Is that how it works then, luv?" he asked.
My eyes sparked. "You know, I know their kind. They would just treat you like dirt. And they'd never accept you. They would just make your life. . not worth it." his voice softened, but didn't match his face. "I can make it worthwhile." I was frozen to the ground, I couldn't shake my limbs. My mind went blank. This is. . What has happened?
"I can make you love me." he whispered in my ear in that slimy, lizard-like voice. I shivered in fear and disgust. His hands were around my shoulders. "Bella," I couldn't take it anymore. I shook him away. I ran a few steps away.
"What are you talking about?" I asked incredulously. "I thought you didn't love me! You broke it off, remember? You broke it off! Don't you dare come back to me! I don't want you! And besides, what about Ms. Lyle?"
"Hah!!" he bellowed. It boomed, but not funny, like Emmett's usually were. "I broke it off with Victoria. Wait! Let me explain!" he caught up to me. "I broke it off to you, because, well, because. . . because I was afraid! I. . I didn't know what. . . love was. And now, now, I found it. It was you all along!" he told me cheerfully. I couldn't believe it. I did need to check my ears, Edward said. . .
One word. Edward. My sanity was back. Edward was so different. He wasn't like this. His touch, his voice, his eyes. . .
But James. James loved me too. And, as much as I hated to admit it, I did love him. He was the reason my heart was scratched, bruised, mangled. He was the reason of my stoic, and why I never really believed gentlemen from then on. He was my first love, the first cut. But, but what if he came back? What if your first cut came back? When everything was fine, he appeared. But he was different to. He didn't look or is the same. James, or my James, was gentle and always had that mischief look twinkling in his eyes. He never had the serious look, always wry. He was attractive that way, the arrogant kind. He was one of the biggest fish in the sea.
And you'd need a large bait for that. . .
I heard one of the maids calls us, but I was already home. I didn't even bid them goodbye, i ran straight to my room, which seemed to be like my routine every night now.
I dressed into my night gown and washed my face and lay in my bed, thinking.
No matter how big the scar James had left upon my heart, I couldn't look at him the same way anymore. It wasn't just me, it was him too. He has forgotten his charms even they were egotistical, he seemed more narcissistic, more, evil and certainly a bigger ego.
I remembered the first time we met at one of my mother's balls. It was grand, of course and nearly the entire town was invited. The crowd had admired with awe the great house my father built, my mother designed and furnished. They stood and looked at each painting, like you do in galleries and museums. It was a grand, in door affair. Outside the rain was pouring, but inside it was cozy and warm. People said that my mother "brought the warmth of Massachusetts" with her. All night long the party went.
It was the 'opening/welcome' party for us, the Swans. I was introduced to fellow ladies in the area where I had first met Jessica, Lauren and a few others. They had encircled me, the gentlemen-boys, really- brought me drinks, even though we had caterers. One man in particular eyed me with a mischievous glint in his eye. He took a sip from his cup never taking his eyes of me. I blushed when I noticed him staring, and he grinned.
I was far too busy until I went to the rear of the house to get away from all the partying and dancing and all the introductions and my so called "friends". I found him there. He watched me as I sat down fanning myself. We spoke for a little while. That was it then. We met each other and Lauren and I managed to be civil. At first I had the impression he was arrogant, then with his charms, naturally he charmed me. After a few weeks after our engagement was publicized, he seemed. . . distant. He grew cold and stoic, and often had a sharper tone. Of course I went after him. Then one day, one day. . . .
"Bella, I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't."
I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. A few silent tears leaked out from the fortress I kept them in. The pain, it was overwhelming, as if I couldn't breath. Yes, it drove me nearly insane, breathless. I went after him, I visited him. But he went to Seattle for a while, leaving me. And now, now that he is back, he got engaged with this Ms. Lyle. Whom, personally, I've never really heard off. It hurt, when I saw them at church, or gatherings, or barbecues and in-door tea parties.
But what was I to him? He stopped the engagement with that Virginia-Victoria was it?- girl. How do I know that he won't stop it again? Haven't my heart endured enough? For my brother? For my family? For all the confusing things?
I never had this life in Massachusetts! It was always ordinary, and I had no problem with it. Here, here when we moved, everything changed. A lot of things happened. Did we have a black curse? Maybe the rain when we arrived was some bad omen? But the pearly gray skies I had gotten used too. And the rain, it felt, free. When at times I would just run out in the garden, fully clothed, bathe in the cold air and the freezing water droplets. I embraced it, cared for it even. How could such a friendly thing be a bad omen? A curse?
Then I remembered something. Infatuation. Could I . . he be infatuated young fools? After all, my family was in the midst of a emotional crisis. My brother had recently gone. . . missing. I wanted to get away, and I had. When I found him at the kitchen, I found him I thought, AHA! Because he was my escape, I escaped from all of it to him.
Yes, that was it. I had seen him as my escape, my only escape. And hadn't he seen me as an escape too? We wanted to be loved, and we took whatever we had found, because we wanted it, now.
But what about Edward. Well, I had told them about my brother, and he seemed. . . concerned, sympathetic. I could see it, in his eyes. It burned. And he was so gentle with me. And. . . and he kissed me! It wasn't fierce. It was gentle and soft.
With all the questions running through my head, I feel asleep.
(A/N: Hello! So, how did you like this one? Please tell me! And another thing, do you think I should post another story, or not? I have tones of ideas, and two possible stories. Now I'm scared 'cause more means I have to spend more time writing it. And I can't do that as much as I want to, because, my school life, is very, very, very, busy. I always have homework almost every night and weekends. And. . . . actually I'm pretty stressed even right now. Like I have a test tomorrow and my homework and. . . UGH! I can't really say to my teachers "hey, quit on the homework will ya?" cuz they'd just add more. So, it's fairly, busy. I do try to write as much as I can and research about other stuff the same time.
On a better note I'd like to say to all my reviewers/alerters/faves/and-anybody-reading-this, personally :
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Has my point crossed or do you not understand that? So once again THANKS!!
You all are really my rock at this, I wouldn't be continuing if somebody said to stop it. Then again, I would, but I wouldn't be updating as much. I'm not demanding your reviews or anything, but when you write me one, I kind of say "Ahh, so they still want to read it? Oh, okay, I haven't bored them to tears yet." And my fingers starts flying everywhere. And of course, your very llooonngg patience in waiting for the freaking-next-chapter!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I am not Stephenie Meyer, although, it would be a really, really amazing job. Since she gets her book turned into a movie. All materials belong to their respectful owners. No copyright infringement intended, no profit made.
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