Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... special story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

Holy moly, you all rock! Wonderful feedback; I savored every little comment! Thank you CharmedSerenity3, waking dawn, Sammy, The Crystal Princess, SexyInuSailor1, MoonlightSonata87, mangamania, Comet Moon, Whartongirl11, Kitkino86, RoyalLovers1418, renkhal, SerentiyMoonGodness, Celeste-Love, Lady Razeli, sacha, triforcepower-2006, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, everlove09, Walks in Faith, Lostinthought92, snoopykid, Megan Consoer, Princess Rosalie, AglaiaWar, dainlord, uranusfan1, and .Noelleox.

Summary: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

Warning: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

One Dark and Perverted Night

Part 5: "Blinded by the Pea Green"


One by cautious one, the Inner Senshi leapt onto the balcony of poor, ignorant, unsuspecting Chiba Mamoru. Jupiter grumbled incoherent profanities as Venus shoved her toward the door.

"Work your magic, Mako-chan!"

"It's not magic," the thunder warrior sighed, plucking a stray bobby pin from her hair. "Just logic."

"Logic, magic, it's all the same," Venus waved apathetically, watching as her friend fiddled with the key hole. A few minutes of impatient silence passed, accompanied by the clicking noise of metal scratching against metal. The came the increasingly irate Jupiter's muttering:

"What's with- It should be- I don't get- fuck, why isn't-"

"Er, Mako-chan," Mercury cut in hesitantly; weakly. As if she were afraid of having her head bitten off... which was of course quite a reasonable assumption. "I think-"

"Shut up, Ami-chan! I know what I'm doing! It's just this stupid lock is-"

"Not locked?" the aqua-headed bookworm suggested, reaching out and easily twisting the handle. The glass door swung open eagerly. Mars rather thought that if it had a countenance, it would have been laughing. Perhaps even dying to let loose a snarky insult or two... Jupiter glared daggers at the transparent obstacle for a moment, cheeks the same hue as Mamoru's roses. Then she sniffed disparagingly, shuffling inside with what was left of her dignity. Everyone else followed suit, snickering and mocking the whole way. They found themselves in the middle of Mamoru's sparsely decorated bedroom. Every object was in pristine condition; the bed perfectly, neatly made... hell, even the dust mites were in their place!

Mamoru was lucky he was hot, and a Prince to boot... otherwise the Inners would have been seriously doubting his worth as a significant other by now. Who wanted to date someone so boring?

"Hey, Mako-chan... know what?" Venus, still in hysterics from the failed lock-pick, giggled through her fingers. Jupiter rounded threateningly on the blonde, and she shrunk away, putting a safe couple feet of distance between them. Those wrath-filled emerald orbs looked a little too homicidal to be healthy, you know?

"What?" the brunette ground out, through firmly clenched teeth. Yep. Definitely reviewing the five quickest ways to kidnap, maim, and kill a dumb blonde. Slowly.

"You just admitted to prior criminal experience!"

"I- what? No, I did not!" Jupiter was temporarily surprised out of manslaughter.

"Yeah you did! You said, and I quote, 'I know what I'm doing' to Ami-chan! So... got-cha! What else have you been hiding?" Venus exclaimed victoriously, a strange manic gleam in her cerulean depths.

"So? Tons of people know how to pick a lock; that doesn't mean I'm a criminal!" Jupiter rebuffed. "I'm not secreting a felonious past!"

"Have you been to jail?" the orange-clad Sailor interrogated seriously, getting right up in Jupiter's grill.

"No!" the other teen shouted, pushing Venus away. "And you're lucky I'm a tolerant person, because I'm half a breath away from tearing your hair out!"

"NOOOOO! Not me precious locks!" Venus shrieked, running and hiding behind Mercury. "Blatant attempts at intimidation and blackmail, I tell you!"

"Minako-chan. For once in your life, shut up! Mamoru-san could show up any minute!" chastised Mars, who alone among the three was actually examining the bedroom. "And..." She de-transformed back into civilian garb, sighing happily. "Ah, much better. Performing espionage in heels is murder." With a haze of planetary colors, everyone else followed suit, then joined the priestess in front of what appeared to be twin wood paneled closets, standing about three feet apart. Now they all teetered on the monumental precipice of decision... which closet were they least likely to be caught in?

Well, there was only one way to find out.

Minako slid open the one in greatest propinquity with the bed. The oak parted to reveal every-day clothing organized right down to matching fabric patterns. Every garment seemed ironed into glorious perfection; not one pair of jeans nor one t-shirt had even the tiniest wrinkle subsisting on it. Minako gagged and slammed the door shut again.

"Ew, too neat! I'd have a bird if that was my closet! In fact, I'm tempted to muss up his work suits... just to make myself feel more at home."

"Well, let's see the ungodly horrors our finicky Prince has hidden behind Mystery Closet Number Two," Makoto said grimly, throwing bare the last door.

Everyone gasped. Then, the lone blonde cried,

"Vomit in my mouth, vomit in my mouth, vomit-in-my-mouth!"

"I feel sick," Ami groaned in concurrence, clawing at her eyes of all places though.

"Chocked with nerves to the point where it's affecting your vision, dear Ami-chan?" Rei teased, nudging the blunette.

"No, it's the pea green... everywhere..."

Indeed, the final closet was inhabited with every green jacket Mamoru owned... which apparently, was not just one solo raiment as the girls had previously believed, but a whole colony.

"Maybe they breed," Rei suggested, but she was cut off by Makoto's stricken,

"Gods, it's like he's made a shrine for them!"

Minako clutched her heart and recited solemnly, "Here lives the ugliest color known to man. Once thought nearly extinct, it has been discovered that one Chiba Mamoru-san is in fact hoarding the endangered jackets and attempting to revive their sickly pea hue in the fashion world by means of a secret zoo in his bedroom closet."

Silence followed this statement, then a multitude of snickers.

"Good one, Minako-chan," Ami laughed. "But unfortunately, I think this closet is going to become our nighttime stake-out."

"WHAT!?"

"Well, think about it. This closet is obviously not used as much as the other one. If we hide here, we're far less likely to be found, right?"

The other Senshi groaned.

"I hate to admit it... but she's right," Makoto sighed.

"Do I have permission to burn a couple during our confinement?" Minako whined.

"Interestingly enough... I'm not going to yell at you," Rei replied with a big grin. "Because I really do hate those stupid pea green jackets. And I think we'll all agree that no one will be overly aggrieved- except maybe Mamoru-san- if we see to their demise."

"Yaaaaay, burning party!"

"AFTER the dare ends."

"Aw, you're no fun, Rei-chan."

Just then, the distant sound of a lock becoming unlocked- the legal, non-felonious way- permeated into the bedroom.

"Oh shit," Makoto swore, and her expletive just about summed up all the Senshi's thoughts.

The night was about to get a little more exciting.


A/N: The more who review, the faster I'll attempt to update! Thanks!

AngelMoon Girl