Disclaimer- Nope, still not her. Rub it in, why don't you?
Chapter 14: The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
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"So, what exactly is your plan here?" Tiffany asked when the guy behind the counter turned to prepare her pistachio ice cream cone. Tiff had always had very odd tastes in deserts.
"Well," I said around a mouthful of cookie dough ice-cream (yumm…), "I figured if I could just annoy him badly enough and for a long enough amount of time he'll just go away."
Yes, you heard me correctly. Just because it hasn't worked yet doesn't mean it won't work….I just need to put some effort into it….I hope.
Sara accepted her low fat vanilla ice-cream cone (Eww…) from the man working the counter with a smile and a thank-you before turning back to us, "If he's anywhere near as annoyingly persistent as Paul is I can just tell you right now that it's not going to work."
I glared at her over the top of my cone, "Hey, don't rain on my parade. This is my only hope and I won't have you pooh-poohing all over it, thank you very much."
"You know he didn't put this much effort into it last time," Ally said while she pulled out her wallet to pay for her mint-chip cone.
"Didn't put so much effort into what?" I asked, as we pushed through the double doors leading to the benches located outside the small ice-cream pallor/drug store. So you can get your rocky road and cough syrup all in the same place. It comes in handy more often then you'd think.
"Playing you," Ally explained, taking the middle seat on one of the stone benches.
"So we still think he's playing her?" Tiffany asked as she plopped down cross-legged on the grass in front of the bench.
"You got a better explanation?" Sara asked as she used her napkin to wipe down a piece of the bench before sitting down next to Ally.
"Maybe he's changed." Tiffany, ever the hopeless romantic (emphasis on hopeless, of course), proposed.
We all turned to stare at her like she had just leaped onto the picnic table and started to do the cancan.
"What?" Tiff asked, oblivious to her phopah. She grabbed a napkin and self-consciously wiped around her mouth while we all continued to stare at her in dumb shock.
"You can't be serous," Sara chocked out as her disgusting ice-cream cone began to melt and dribble down her arm.
"Are you kidding?" Ally asked, looking peeved at this turn in discussion.
"Are you on something?" I asked, suspecting drug use, "And if so, why aren't you sharing any with us?"
Tiffany rolled her eyes before she went back to licking at her green ice-cream, "It can happen, you know. People do change."
"Yes," I informed her slowly, fearing for her sanity. I wonder if her health insurance will cover a mental hospital? "People change. Satan's minions, on the other hand, do not change."
"I think you're overreacting, that's all. It was in freshman year. Which one of us hasn't done something stupid as a freshman?" Tiff defended.
"Ok, that's it." I jumped up to yell at her, "Who are you an what have you done with my friend? I bet you kidnapped her at the mall, didn't you? I freaking told Tiffany that bad things happen at the mall!"
The Tiff impersonator glared at me, "Watch yourself, sister. The mall is a place of magic where wonderful things happen and dreams come true. All I'm saying is that this seems like a whole lot of trouble to go through just to fuck with some girl he barely even knows."
"Perhaps, but being one of Satan's minions, he's immortal so he has the time in the freaking world to mess with me." I reasoned, as I threw the remains of my cone in a nearby trashcan, having suddenly lost my appetite.
Tiffany shrugged and went back to lapping up some of her melted cone that had dripped onto her hand during our argument. Sara shrugged and went back to her cone as well, seeming unconcerned with our mini-drama. Ally, on the other hand, glared daggers at Tiff before she got up and threw out the remnants of her cone as well.
Well, aren't we just one big happy bunch?
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You know what? I'm getting really fucking tired of starting my Monday's this way.
Monday mornings should start out with sleeping in till your mother rudely drags you out of your lovely little cocoon of warm blankets and shoves you into the shower at the last possible minute. This should then be immediately followed with copious amounts of coffee strong enough to burn your eyebrows right off of your face, in order to salvage the morning.
The morning should then progress on to donuts in the car on the drive to school with your entirely too awake, non-caffeine addicted, friends (rides that have now been tainted by Tiffany's and Sara's constant bickering and silent matches, by the way) before you have to go to your super easy first period class where you can drool freely all over your desk while the teacher drones on and on about Shakespeare.
That, my friend, is the perfect Monday morning. Second, of course, to Monday's where there is no school but you can't win all the time.
You'll notice, of course, that nowhere in this pretty little plan of mine does an encounter with my stalker come into play.
So will somebody please explain to me why I have to slouch into school all bleary eyed on a Monday morning only to find Jared leaning casually against my locker with all the ease of a long term boyfriend?
It's just not right. Not right at all, I tell you.
God hates me, that's the only explanation.
Well, that's just great. You know what, god? I've only been to church once in my entire life and when I went I stole cookies that were meant for a christening and told my mother they were giving them away for free.
That's right. Stealing and lying in church. How do you like me now, God?
"Go away." I mumbled into my take out container of the afore mentioned eyebrow searing coffee while I tried to remember my locker combination.
"Good morning to you, too." Jared replied as he scooted to the left to let me into my locker.
I grunted at him (my preferred form of communication this early in the morning) while I twirled around the dial on my lock to the appropriate numbers.
Jared didn't seem to mind my reverting to cave man lingo on him and continued along cheerfully, "How was your weekend?"
"Well, let's see. You weren't there so I'd say it went pretty darn well." I was going full speed ahead with my whole annoy-the-hell-out-of-Jared-until-he-leaves-me-alone plan.
He frowned at me but before he could say anything another voice cut into our happy little conversation.
"Kim!"
I half turned away from my locker, where I was trying to remember which books my classes would demand of me today, (The weekend always leaves me so discombobulated whenever I get back to school on Mondays.) to see Eugene heading down the hall towards me, his usual fifty pound backpack looking as odd as ever on his 5'9 frame.
"Morning, Eugene." I said pleasantly, causing Jared to frown at me even more.
"Morning, Kim." Eugene said when he stopped near my locker, "How was your weekend? Pleasant, I hope?"
"It was ok." I said with a shrug.
I turned back towards him, prepared to ask Eugene the same question and ignore Jared in order to annoy him some more, when it occurred to me that something about this picture was a little bit off.
Eugene had drawn himself up to his full height (which still makes him barely graze 5'10, the poor guy) and his usually friendly, open face was distorted into a sort of mean squinty eyed glare he was pointing directly towards Jared.
Even more unusual was that Jared had done the same thing. Of, course in his case this means that he was around 6'10. He was also glaring down his nose at poor little Eugene.
I have to hand it to Eugene, though. For a guy trying to stare down another guy who not only had a full foot on him but also about a hundred pounds, he didn't seem all that afraid. To tell you the truth I was kind of flattered with his squinty eyed glare.
My eyes flipped back in forth between the two of them like some idiot who watches tennis while I waited for one of them to make a move. I half expected them to proceed on to the chest beating.
My mind immediately delved into some sort of odd safari documentary mode: Here we have the males of the species locked in the classic battle for dominance and rights to the female of the species. In just a moment they will commence with the head butting followed by urination on the surrounding area the female is occupying, after which they will then proceed to hump the females leg. Let us watch….
"So…" I said, when they didn't stop with their little staring match. Surely one of them would have to blink eventually. "I better get to class. The bells about to ring any second now"
This was a total lie, actually. There was still about ten minutes until the bell would ring and first period would start but I don't want to be here when they start marking territory. Can you blame me?
I didn't think so.
"I'll walk you." they both said at the same time, causing them to simultaneously up the voltage in their glares.
Did their voices just get deeper in the last five seconds?
"You know what?" I said, backing away from the both of them, "I think I can get there just fine on my own."
"I insist." Eugene said, tearing his eyes away from Jared's tense form to rest on me.
"Well, I insist more." Jared said quickly, bringing his eyes to rest on me as well.
Before I could protest (which would have taken me a while considering I was currently doing the whole deer-caught-in-the-headlights-of-a-really-mean-deer-hating-truck-driver thing) anymore they both fell into step beside me, one on either side of my body.
Awkward….
Luckily for me (Because, as it turns out, God isn't a complete sadist….or perhaps because she's just grown bored with me. Hard to tell) my first period wasn't that far from my locker.
When the tense silence threatened to make the air too thick to walk through that stupid little inane part of my brain that never wants a room to be silent kicked in and my mouth started to babble nervously entirely without my consent.
Damn you, brain. Damn you…
"I haven't finished my book report," I burst out suddenly, causing both of them to look at my odd for a moment. Great job, Kim. Like either of them care about your damn report. Actually Eugene probably would care…he's just funny like that.
I continued when neither of them said anything, "It's on Fahrenheit 451. The whole book strikes me as a little far-fetched, if you ask me. Not that either of you did, of course. But, I mean, even if you can buy the whole books being outlawed things I don't see how anybody would know if anybody else had them. I mean, come on! It's pretty easy to hide something. I hid a bag of pot in my room all through my first year of high school." My mind finally caught up to what I had just said as two pairs of startled eyes came to rest on me.
Oh, god. Why me?
Of course, I couldn't just leave it there. I can't have them walking around thinking I'm some sort of pathetic junkie who at any moment would develop a nervous tic and start to demand her next fix or something.
"Oh, it was just a phase!" I hurried to explain before they could check me into rehab, "One of the girls in my Spanish class had given me some and I kept it in my room for six months before I worked up the nerve to try any. When I did, I took two puffs and immediately began to cough so much that I made myself throw up all over my mothers brand new area rug. I told my mom I had gotten food poisoning and she made me stay home for three days. I missed a ton of class work. You know how it seems that teachers give the most stuff on the days when you're not there."
Eugene was beginning to look like he was about to call for the nice men in white scrubs to fit me for a new jacket of my very own. Jared, however, was sporting a very different look.
Jared's upper lip was twitching oddly and it didn't take me very long to realize that he was trying not to laugh at me.
The bastard! How dare he laugh at me!
Before I could tell him off for being such an ass Eugene spoke up, "Well, we're here."
We had, as it turns out, already arrived at my first period classroom. I just hadn't noticed this little fact during my babbling session.
The warning bell rang for class, indicating that we had about five minutes left to go.
"I better go." Eugene said. Being tardy might just drive the poor boy to the brink of suicide. Luckily I understood this having been friends with Ally, the punctuality freak, for so long
"Bye, Eugene." I mumbled pathetically, my face still pink from my unprovoked verbal diarrhea.
He nodded at me and sent one last glare in Jared's direction before he rushed off for class.
Jared, however, stood smirking at me, apparently unaware or unconcerned with the threat of tardiness.
I glared at him, "You can leave now."
"Ok," he said, hands in his pockets and his posture relaxed and at ease. Big change from five minutes ago. "Try not to accept any illegal materials from any of your classmates." He said before he started to walk down the hall, whistling cheerfully to himself.
"Bastard." I hissed after him, too quietly for him to hear.
Which doesn't explain why he started to chuckle…
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A/N- Don't hate me! It wasn't my fault! My idiot brother spilled soda on the router and messed up my computer so I couldn't update. It just got fixed. Nonetheless, my fault or not, I will offer my apologies for the wait because I am an incredibly kind person. *Sigh*
Since we don't know each other in real life (Because I live in Las Vegas and you all live…wherever the hell you all live) and we can't touch one another, I can't throw myself into your arms and give you all the appropriate big slobbery reunion kiss that you always see in Meg Ryan movies we're just going to say that reviewing is our way of doing this. So, go on. Lay one on me (in review form, of course. Unless you want to drive all the way down to Vegas but that would be freaking creepy).
