Thank you to those who have reviewed. Keep doing it if you want more :)

I do not own the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 5

EPOV!

For the past ten or so years my life has been black. I knew there was a bright world out there, but the blinds to my eyes were too thick to let any form of light in. You see, I had the brightest light of all. My Bella. I didn't have a candle, nor a flash light. I had the entire sun and every star in the galaxy all to myself. My very existence depended on the survival of this light, though. What I did not know was that my existence was what kept her alive, also. How could I be so selfish? Alice had seen us happy as vampires. I should have let fate have its' way.

I liked to think of myself as a smart man. I knew a vast variety of knowledge from far off lands. I had been new to the matters of the heart. I was a complete fool when it came to love. I felt it and knew what it was but I had no idea what to do with it. To protect that love from the dangers of my world and myself I pushed her away. Lied to my love, hurt my love. But don't humans bounce back from these things? I had thought that at one point. I would forever face my breaking heart but my Bella could love again. Could she not? If I would have known I was the only one for her, I would have never left. My fuck ups were monnumental.

I spent a few months away from my family after I left her. I could not stand to see their hurt expressions and sympathetic thoughts. How could they still love me after taking them from a sister and daughter? Jasper felt guilty, that I was sure of. But it was in his nature, I could not hate him for his instincts.

My months away I spent time shelled up in disgusting motels in places like Brazil and Puerto Rico. I wanted to be some place where the light shined bright just to feel that much closer to what I gave up. I did not plan on coming back anytime soon nor did I want to. I wouldn't be able to hear and witness the acts between two lovers. That knife would be too sharp for my marble chest. I ignored the phone calls. They only came once every couple of weeks, it could not be important. I told myself that every phone call, every other week. This notion was what made me answer for the first time after recieving countless phone calls from Alice.

It had to be important if Alice would repeatedly call me. Was it a family member? My family in Denali? I had to answer this call. I would think to myself later that night on the plane how much I regretted even answering. This kind of knowledge I did not want to know.

I had never heard my sister in such hysterics, not even after leaving Bella.

"Edward, thank God you answered. Please listen to me, please! Don't hang up!" My silence told her to continue. "Edward, I can't see her." I was confused for a moment before it hit me full force.

"What do you mean you can't "see her", Alice? Is she too far away from you? She has to be. Maybe she went on vacation some where far-" She cut me off with a dry sob.

"I had seen her just a month ago, Edward. She's not far, there was no vacation being planned! She's gone! One moment there was a flash of her face, smudged with dirt. She looked like she was in pain and then it went black. Her whole life disappeared. I keep looking but it's just black!" I heard what she said. I took it in word by word, tasted it and spit it back out. My whole body shook and quivered. I hadn't realized I had crushed the phone in my hand. I could feel my sanity slipping and had to stop myself before I lost it completly.

There had to be an answer. She could not be.... gone. I refused to say what Alice believed. I had to prove Alice wrong. I would go find Bella, show everyone that she is fine, and go on protecting her from afar. She would be alive and breathing and blushing.

So I went. I got the first flight out back to Seattle. I remember not moving an inch on the plane and finally shooting out of my seat when we landed. Rules forgotten, I was out of the plane in an instant. I ran the entire way to Forks, figuring it to be faster. Charlie's house would be the first place to look. That would be the first sign that everything would be alright.

When I arrived to the small house I listened intently on anything inside of the house. From what I could tell it was only Charlie. His thick boots thudded back and forth against the wood floor. I heard him sigh and walk to the kitchen and pick up a phone before dailing in a number. I heard a man on the other line answer and Charlie ask,"Have you found her yet?" in a shakey voice.

It was then that I knew. She was gone. Alice had been right. It did not take much to convince me of her demise. Alice wouldn't just have a vision of some one dying and it not be true. Charlie would not be on the look out for his daughter if she had been alive. All signs pointed to the death of my lovely Bella. I fell to my knees in the woods behind my Bella's house. I'm not sure how long I laid there. It had to have been atleast a day before my brothers finally came and gathered me up.

I don't enjoy dwelling on these things... as if the hole in my chest could not be bigger, I thought of her every single moment of every single day and that hole grew bigger.

I lost the love of my life out of sheer stupidity. I thought about going to the Volturri and having them kill me. But what not better torture than to live the rest of my existence without my mate? There was not a better punishment.

My family didn't let me leave them after that day in the woods. They spent time trying to help me and talk to me but I shied away and let myself die a little bit inside day by day. This is not dramatic. I am not overreacting. I lost everything I had waited for, had longed for...

And to my fucking suprise, she was alive.

BPOV

The rest of the night went about as normally as it could. Charlie didn't let Masen and Ness out of his sight longer than five minutes or to use the bathroom. His gun was kept firmly strapped to his hip, as if it could do some damage.

"Yo, I got the boxes down. They're in the car." Jacob whispered in my ear and notioned over his shoulder. "Seth is going to come by tonight while you're out."

Tonight I was to venture on to the Cullens' property and explain myself. The boxes of pictures were just to further my proof and give some idea as to what their grand children and niece and nephew had been up to their whole life. The pictures ranged from the day in the woods that I "gave birth" to Masen and Nessie hand-in-hand at the beach. There were so many pictures, though. We had to take detail of every hour of their life when they were younger because they grew so fast. I didn't need the pictures, of course. These pictures belonged to Charlie.

I was nervous, scared and extremely pissed off. They had the nerve to judge and accuse me of breaking some freakin' law. Here I was thinkin' I had the know how of the vampire world and their one and only rule...

My babies couldn't be against the law, could they? They were smart, beautiful, charming and loving. Perfect children. And I'm not just saying that because I was a doting mother, these kids were perfect. They never gave me trouble. Well, I guess there isn't much trouble twins can give their vampire mommy. I had help the entire time but raising them was all on me. If they grew up to be delinquents that was my bad. I'd take that blame if it ever came. But it won't...

Ness had been quiet, not even communicating through her hands. It was times like this when my children were worried or upset I couldn't help my shield from extending out to them. It wouldn't do much to to quelm their worries but I felt better.

"Baby? What's wrong?" Jacob was by my side in a heart beat. Stupid freakin' mutt... "Jacob back up, now. C'mon, Ness, let's go for a walk." She reached for my hand first and pulled me out the door. I couldn't help the smile after seeing the dejected look on Jake's face. It's like he doesn't get that I'm her Mother. Such a fool.

We walked for at least twenty minutes enjoying the silence. She would open and shut her mouth every few seconds and every couple of mintues she would sigh. This wasn't like her. She was never afraid to tell anyone what was on her mind. It was literally impossible to keep Ness out.

"That man, the one to the left with the bronze hair...that was him, wasn't it?" She barely whispered, keeping her eyes down. "I could feel it. He looked at me like he'd seen me somewhere, you know? I tried to brush it off at first by hanging out with Jake but.. I can't shake it off, Mom."

What could I tell her? Yes, honey, that was your absentee father!

"Yes, that was him. That was your father." Good enough, right?

"I don't know what it was. Masen looks just like him, did you see? I think I kinda look like him, but I have your eyes." I could tell she was getting excited by the notion of a father figure. I had to pour water on this spark before it became a full blown fire.

"Nessie, listen to me. Don't take this the wrong way but please don't expect anything from him. You need to hear this. He left me, baby. I could have died without Jake and Gramps. He left me to die."

"I can't believe that, Mom." Her frown broke my heart. Could a girl really have that much faith in a father she never knew?

"Tread lightly, Ness. I told Masen and I'll tell you, do not expect anything from him. Maybe he'll come around, maybe not." I briefly considered if I should have said that or not. The flicker of hope that lit up her face had my stomach in knotts.

"Thanks Mom. I couldn't focus with Jake hovering like that. Sometimes I need to just talk to you."

"I do try to get him to back off. It's nearly impossible, you know." We laughed and walked home with our hands still laced.

I waited till the kids were put to bed and until I knew the wolves had circled the house before I collected my keys and walked to the car. I heard Jake wish me good luck from inside the house, outside Nessie's bedroom door.

"That door better stay shut, Dog." My threat hung in the air as I backed out of the drive and made the journey to my once second home.

I drove slowly, atleast five miles under the speed limit. I knew they knew I was on my way but I wouldn't rush it. I needed this time to prepare my poker face. I would be screaming on the inside and diplomatic on the outside. I felt like I was walking off a plank and into the deepest ocean. Maybe once I was done drowning I could retreat back to my home and lay with my children. First hell, then heaven. But I would face death for my children. As of now, death was the least of my problems.

I wasn't suprised to see them standing on the front porch. I was suprised, though, when Alice sprang forward and opened my car door.

"Is this what you're driving these days, Bella? It's just as bad as that truck!" Her bright smile lit her face. It was just as devestatingly beautiful except, you know, even more.

"This is Jacob Black's car. My truck broke down a few years back. If it wasn't for him my children and I wouldn't have a vehicle." Since when had I become so bitter towards my best friend?"

"Oh, well I apologize I didn't mean to offend you." She looked hurt but I had to keep my face straight. I wouldn't break down until I was home and with Jacob. He would bring me back.

"Don't worry." Poker face on.

One by one they greated me with the exception of Edward. He stood in the same spot just staring. I tried to ignore it but every few seconds I would catch his eye. I never though my heart could break over and over in just a matter of seconds.

"Hello, Bella. It is very nice to see you again." Carlisle smiled at me and stayed a good distance away, but Esme was none to coy about her feelings. She rushed to me and gripped me in a hug. It felt as if she were hugging the human me so I squeezed back a little harder.

"Oh! I forgot you had gotten so strong. How amazing, isn't it?" I smiled and nodded. I knew what she meant. Being a vampire was the single most amazing thing besides being a Mother. Being a Mother was everything. My whole world.

"It is, indeed. Hello, Emmett, Jasper." I nodded to the "brothers". Emmett being Emmett wrapped me in a bear hug and swung me around.

"So, how many did ya kill?" His toothy grin let me know exactly what he was referring to. Humans. How many humans have I killed as a new born. I heard everyone gasp and stop breathing for a moment before regaining their poker faces.

"None. I've never killed a human." Shock was an understatement. More like disbelief. Was it that hard to believe? I was a good person. People friendly and everything. Jasper was the first to speak.

"You don't need to be ashamed, Bella, we've all slipped up." I had never noticed his southern accent till now.

"No, really, I've never killed. I've never tasted human blood. But that isn't what I'm here for." I looked straight into Edward's eyes. "You and I need to talk."

Please review!!! I'll try to update soon.