A/N: Hello dear readers!

Thanks heaps for the reviews, I really appreciate it and I hope I won't let you down

So, yeah, don't own Harry P.

Enjoy!

Chapter 2:I wish I knew what she's dreaming of

September 1st

I look out of the window at the passing landscape. Trees, houses, rivers and a face… Her reflection on the window, eyes thoughtful and troubled.

I wish I knew what she's thinking of.

I wish I knew what she's dreaming of.

And if I saw in her dreams things unbearable to me, then I suppose it would be ok. It would have been worth just for seeing inside that weird head of hers.

I chuckle a bit at this. Who'd have thought it, that I'd be going to Hogwarts dead? Who'd have thought she'd be the only one to see me?

Who'd have thought she'd be the only one I'd want to see?

I close my eyes for a minute, discarding that landscape that never really interested me. And I see her face again, her pale lips, slow breaths escaping them, moonlight trapped in her locks. It's like returning to that one night I stayed on her window sill watching her sleeping. What crazy thing for a dead man to do! But I guess it didn't seem so crazy at the time.

After that, reality happened and the next few days were all about finding out what was wrong with me. Fortunately I only remember fragments of our conversations though. I leave the planning to her.

All I can account for is her teary eyes when Cleo accused her of wishing me dead. I, being the gentleman I am suggested we'd leave my friends' compartment but Wealsey just refused.

'I'm sorry you lost your friend and I'm sorry that I was always a bitch to him and you and I'm sorry the last thing I told him was 'to go jump off a cliff.' Her words come back to me suddenly. Could she really mean it I wonder.

I wish I knew what she's thinking of…

"What are you thinking about?" I ask not quite sure myself why I decided to break this silence.

"Right now? Oh, well now I'm just wishing you could be alive so that you could just shoot me." She replies making a goofy face.

"If I were alive I wouldn't have to kill you cause you wouldn't have to say all those shit to my friends." I explain matter-of-factly to her.

"True." She looks away before I manage to identify that strange look on her face.

Then the same thought I've been trying to dispose for the past hour returns to me like a bloody boomerang and hits me in the head. If you get my point…

"So, did you mean it? What you said back there." I ask. You know why curiosity only killed the cat? Cause I was already dead… Erm… yeah I'm not really the funny kind, I know.

"No way! I just thought I should play my part so that nobody suspects nothing." I gulp, cursing myself for questioning her motives.

That's what you get for wishing to know what she's thinking. I growl inaudibly.

And now she's looking at me, expecting me to not care. But what if I do?

Well, yeah, that won't pass.

Besides I am dead now.

"Oh!" I order myself to form a decent smirk. Yet I'm not sure if she bought it. She seems troubled enough.

"So you're so unlucky Weasley that not even death could keep me from making your life a nut-house. But then again your life was a nut-house long before I came to it." I say bitterly. Here get that Weasley. That's for messing with my head.

"Shut it." She hisses.

"Fine." I groan looking back to the landscape.

Landscape's nice. I should just stick to it from now on.

*******

September 3rd

Wealsey's nuts. I can guarantee you that.

First she wakes up real late, even though I've been calling her for ages to get her butt up. Then, while I am spending some well-deserved minutes in front of the mirror, she starts screaming stuff about her Potions' book that is clearly under her covers where she left it last night. And to add to all this, as soon as she recovers her book, with my help course, she begins… undressing in front of me.

I mean for crying out loud has this girl no sense of shame? Of course I, being the guy who looks at girls undressing only after being asked to, turn away, with a hot face no less.

And do you think that is all? Well, guess again!

All I did was make an innocent little joke to her about going to the girls' dorms to take a peak and 'bam' she went all hysteric on me, screaming stuff like 'you cannot go into other people's private places without their permission' or something in those lines.

Well, I suppose I could have cleared up to her at that point that I was simply joking but I just felt so annoyed that she had the nerve to call me of all people a peeping Tom.

She should have known better than say such a thing.

So I played her a little and then she stormed off screaming about never talking to me again.

At that moment I paid it no attention.

Well, now I see, I obviously should have, cause she hasn't said a word to me for like a hour.

That bloody Weasel. I hate her so.

Can't she just tell that if I don't get to talk to her I have no one else to talk to?

"Don't you think it is about time you quit your little masquerade Weasley?" I mutter throwing my dignity out of the window.

She doesn't even look at me. Man, I'm pissed!

"Come on Weasley, you're not really angry." I try a new approach. Still no reaction. Do you think… could it be possible that… she cannot see me any more?

Naah…

"Ok, that's enough. You're way overdoing it. You know how I hate to be overlooked!" I joke messing my hair at the same time.

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry. Sneaking in the girl's dorms was a bit too much, I get it." I send a pleading look her way. If I know Weasley one bit then that plea is so gonna work.

I wait and wait and wait but refuse to accept defeat. She will reply, she has to!

Then a thought crosses my mind and I feel realization dawning upon me.

Who ever said I knew her? It's pretty obvious I do not.

Merlin, we're enemies and I know for a thing that she wouldn't even bother to cast me a second look had I not, you know, landed dead on her window sill…

"Weasley, can you even hear me?" I open my eyes wide with fear. Crap!

"Can you hear me?" I stress every word like my life hands on it. Which by the way it does.

Suddenly I stand up, terrified, cause maybe, just maybe it's not her heartlessness that causes her to ignore me but rather…

I begin pacing back and forth. This cannot be!

Merlin I should never had left her. Now she can't see me. And I'm alone. Dead and alone…

I feel my heart beating fast and that makes me even worse. What heart? My heart has stopped beating some time now.

"If you can see or hear me say something Weasley. Just a nod would be enough, but for Merlin's sake don't ignore me!" I kneel down in front of her blank face no longer willing to hide my despair.

"Please Princess, please!" I feel the tremor of my voice but I no longer care. Merlin I am dead, is there anything more that fate can send to me?

I fight some more, assuring the redhead that I had no intention whatsoever to visit the girls' dorms but by now I'm pretty sure she can't hear me.

I am screaming my lungs out in her face and she doesn't even blink. Damn, if I were alive I could have grabbed her shoulders and given her a lesson to remember. Or I could have just taken her face in my hands and raised her eyes up to meet mines. Had I been alive I would have made her notice me.

An excruciating pain catches me.

I could have made her notice me. What a lie!

I was never courageous enough to do that. My determination always faded in front of her. What a coward!

"Sweet Merlin! She's off too. I'm all alone." I cry out in a childish way that would make grandpa Lucious disinherit me in a second.

I sit down heavily putting my head in my hands. I can feel them trembling but pay them no attention. What does it matter anymore?

"Well, you bloody deserved it." I cannot lie and say it was anger the first thing I felt hearing her voice. It wasn't.

Truth is that as soon as she spoke with that smooth tone of hers I just felt relaxed, happy even. I look up at her to make sure I did not make that up. I didn't.

And then anger finds its way in my head.

That bitch!

How cruel!

Has she no heart? Lying all this time, pretending I did not exist. Is she stupid enough to not actually understand what loosing her would mean to me? Of course not.

She knew well what she was doing. She wanted to hurt me , make me beg and tremble. Her hatred for me is actually that strong. Ok. I get it now. I don't need to read her thoughts to realize that much.

But, hell lady, I'm already dead so give it a break.

I send some well-chosen swears her way and storm out of the room as fast as I can.

I cannot bear to see her right now.

Not so much because of what she did, but rather because all this time I kept assuring myself she would never do such a thing to me. It's not her fault for hating me anyway. But it is my fault for questioning it after all she has done to prove it.

And if I still can't bring myself to share this feeling of hatred then I had better keep my distance from her unreadable eyes.

I run to the Owlery which has, for the past years, been my sanctuary. Mostly due to the fact that it is so tall it actually reminds me of my room in the Manor. It feels like home up here. And yes, even dead eighteen-year olds need a place to call home sometimes.

I look away towards the rivers and lakes and the Forbidden Forest. An enchanting picture no doubt, yet there is not happiness in my heart now.

How many times does she have to show me that she hates me before I finally begin to accept it, I wonder…

"Malfoy!" A strong decisive voice exclaims from my bag and surprisingly enough I don't jump up in shock. Sometimes one is just to numb for reality.

However it is her voice that I hear. No question about it. The reason behind her visit is just beyond me.

"Hey! Look at me." She insists when I make no obvious move to reply to her words. She probably thinks it is my way of getting revenge from her but the truth is far from it.

What is the point of asking for revenge from someone who hates you? I mean technically she did nothing wrong. She never pretended to like me or tried to deceive me. She was clear about it. She hates me.

No form of protest can change that.

"So this time you're the one not talking?" She questions. I still refuse to reply. Can't a man keep his distance?

"Damn…" I see her clenching her fists. "I just keep messing up don't I? The thing is, what I came to say is…I'm sorry." What? Am I missing something?

She's… sorry? But, but, but… she hates me. I thought we cleared that up.

Merlin, I'm gonna get a headache out of this.

"Ok, listen up cause I'm going to say this just once. I might be good at studying and organizing but truth is when it comes to actual human interaction I honestly suck." I turn and stare at her dumbfounded. I know I look like a total idiot but I just cannot control it.

"I have no idea how to react. What's the right and the wrong thing to say. Plus you just have to admit this is no normal situation. Cause in a normal situation I would insult you and you would insult me and if I said I would never talk to you again you would just scoff me off and go talk to your mates." Yeah… I would have to agree to that.

"But this is no normal situation." I point out as a token of good will. Weather she is good-willed about this I still cannot tell for sure but…well… it won't be the first time I risk my sanity with her anyway.

"Yeah…So when you first told me…when I first found out you were dead, I thought I should not start treating you differently. Because suddenly being all nice to you would mean that I somehow feel sorry for you." She says more bravely now. I still stare at her petite figure standing over my sitting one suddenly tired of trying to make my heartbeat stop racing. However letting go and trusting her again is something that requires a great courage for me to do.

"But the thing is, I don't. Malfoy, you're one of those weird people that no matter what huge misfortune comes up at them one can't really pity them. Cause they are, you are, strong." I gulp at her words. Am I strong? Doubtful. Does she really consider me strong? Even more doubtful. Oh, the happiness of being so obviously fooled!

"But I'm not that strong or that good at talking. I keep saying stupid stuff, speaking out loud making everyone stare at me. And as far as you are concerned I'm being a downright bitch." I smile warily. Her persuasiveness is immeasurable. Or my gullibility is…

"And, sadly enough for you, this time you can't just leave. So I would suggest from now on not taking so seriously my shit. Ok?" Letting go and trusting her is something that requires a great courage for me to do. And, after all, I'm just a dead coward.

"Wow…"I count my words carefully. "I kinda fell asleep in the middle of this speech, care to give it to me in paper? It might take me some time to read it but it's worth the try." I smirk as usual. What else is there to do?

"Ok, well looks like I've embarrassed myself yet once again. I'm gonna go now." She says blushing and turns to leave.

And she hates me, I know it.

And even if she didn't I am bound to do something stupid to make her hate me. And even if I don't we're not meant to be together. And even if we were, I'm dead.

All signs tell me there is no reason trying to come close to her. All signs push me away. Even she herself does so most of the time.

What a misfortune then that all I want right now is to know, exactly what she's thinking of!

It's sad how much I want to believe that all this was caused by a mere incapability to interact.

"Hey, Weasley!" She turns to look at me expectantly and I take a deep breath. Time for the truth I guess.

"I kinda suck at human interaction too. Though I guess you already knew that. I really wouldn't mind if you kept speaking to me like usual. Just…" I stumble. How pathetic!

"…Just don't you ever stop talking to me again. I don't think I could take it." It comes out like a plea making me sick. I try to assure myself that it is the mere need of having someone to talk to that pushed me to say all this.

I'll settle with this for now. It might be a lie but it's a good one. It makes my stupidity less profound.

Stupidity, because once again I fell for it. Her cute smile and her sad face.

My relationship with her is much like that:

We have both created a wall between us.

I have painted a door on the stone wall and for years now I have been knocking and pushing this door to open. I keep telling myself 'Knock again. Maybe this time she'll open up.' Even though it was I that painted this door on the wall in the first place.

The only way to reach her is to tear down the whole wall. But it's too late for that too.

Dead people cannot knock doors. Let alone tear down walls.

Yet I wish I knew what she's dreaming of.

I smile at her and she smiles back. It might not last long and it probably won't lead anywhere, this friendliness. But I'm not strong enough to let her go or alive enough to try and win her over. So let's just settle for what we've got.

A/N: Sorry for the late update and the confusing chapter.

I hope I didn't mess up very much…

Review to scold.

Kisses

Sarah