Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any associated copyrighted property. All I own is my imagination and therefore, this plot.
Rating: Mature for language, drug usage, sexual references, and lesbianism (because apparantly, that's only for mature audiences).
A/N: There is a rather lengthy author's note at the end of this, sorry to get your hopes up (I know you look at the length of the scroll bar before you read; I do it, therefore everyone else does... do you see this pathetic attempt I'm making at being normal? lol). It's a somewhat short chapter.
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Alfred Tennyson
Chapter 7
The desk was cool against her cheek as her mind wandered.
The morning had been awkward.
She had woken up, tangled up in Ino's bed, wrapped in her arms. It just didn't seem right to her. Ino was the girl who all the guys wanted. Ino was the girl who was rich and envied, beautiful and tempting, mysterious, smart… Sakura realized she was flattered that Ino liked her in that way and she wasn't repulsed in any way. She'd gotten through the denial stage of bisexuality quite some time ago. She wasn't an active pursuer of interests, if someone was into her, she'd usually give them a chance and she never thought once of turning someone away because of their gender. However, she'd never dated a girl before.
And it was Ino of all people. What a catch, right? But Sakura was worried about other things at the moment. Surely Ino was still reordering her life. She said she was done with everything, but how was she supposed to be sure about that? And what of the situation of college next year? The green eyed girl realized all she needed to do was talk with Ino. It'd take a while, but she wouldn't mind.
Wondering why she was so tired, she shut her eyes and listened as closely as one who was distracted with fatigue could to her teacher.
The day went on without event and Sakura felt like that was wrong too. She felt different, mentally, emotionally—something. The lack of pathetic fallacy was alarming to her, but she knew the world didn't change at her whim. She just felt it should've. (1) Had anything significant even happened to her? She couldn't just start jumping to conclusions about her relationship with Ino. What if they decided that they didn't want it?
Lunch was the usual. Naruto was goofing off and Hinata was quietly observing him; Choji was eating his (and everyone else's) lunch, stealthily of course, and Lee was dramatically reciting poetry. It was too loud in the cafeteria. Sakura just wanted—
"My princess, are you ok?" Lee asked, falling into the seat beside her.
"I'm fine, just tired," she shrugged.
Unfortunately, Lee's question directed everyone's attention to Sakura and her pathetic demeanor.
"Sakura?"
It was Naruto this time. The girl still struggled with looking him in his innocent blue eyes.
"Really guys, I'm fine. I'm just tired," Sakura asserted with a strong mask in place.
The guys accepted it, but Hinata gave her a skeptical look. After a few seconds, they continued what they were doing and Sakura could only smile at her friends. She wouldn't have liked if they were more perceptive, it would totally ruin this outward image of strength that she had crafted.
"Sakura, I'm going to the b-bathroom. Can you come with me?"
Cursing under her breath, she agreed and followed Hinata away from the table with her hands buried deep in her pockets. She should've known to not expect Hinata to just let it go. They ended up heading down a deserted hallway, but stopping a few yards shy of the bathroom.
"Is it Ino?" Hinata asked with a blush.
"Yes," the green eyed girl replied before heaving a heavy sigh.
Hinata smiled wryly, and it was then that Sakura noticed the girl was wearing a bit of makeup. It was different, but certainly pretty.
"You look very nice today, by the way," Sakura smiled as Hinata's blush engulfed her face and neck. With skin as pale as hers, her blushes were extraordinary. "I'm fully confident that Naruto's going to ask you to prom this year."
"I hope so," the girl spoke gently with a soft smile. She looked up at her pink haired friend and shook her head a bit, "You're so good at distractions."
"Man, I thought I'd done it," Sakura laughed gently, taking a seat on the ground with her back against a locker. The sound it made as she leant back on it seemed louder to her than it actually was. Hinata took a seat and adjusted her skirt looking a bit uncomfortable.
"You said it was Ino… Are you worried about her? She's been coming to class more."
It was then Sakura remembered that Hinata was in class with Ino.
"What's she like?" Sakura asked. Hinata looked confused and with a shy smile Sakura elaborated, "What's she like, in class? Does she sleep? Does she pay attention?"
"Well… She's… she's there. S-sometimes it looks like she's sleeping… But w-when the teacher calls on her, she always knows the answer."
Hinata gave her a scrutinizing look, as if she was trying to figure out why Sakura was asking about Ino's participation in her English class.
"Hinata, last night Ino invited me over to her house, after my game. We didn't really talk about what's happened. We never apologized to each. I kind of just fell asleep. But… We started talking about something, something I'm not sure I should mention, but I really need to talk about it with someone. I want to talk about it with her, but I want to figure everything out in my head first."
"I don't understand…" Hinata trailed off, looking confused.
"I think Ino asked me out last night."
"W-what?" The look Hinata was giving her was one of confusion, but not disgust. "What did you say?"
"I said I needed to think about it. I'd never really thought of dating a girl before… but I'd never dismissed the idea from my possibilities. It's just Ino is… Ino isn't the type of girl I'd want, even if I did decide I wanted to start dating girls. She's wild and fast paced… experienced. I don't want that, but everything about her draws me in. I'm so confused."
Sakura buried her face into her arms as she rested them upon her tucked in knees. Why was this so hard? She could only wonder.
She felt Hinata timidly pull her into a hug and she didn't argue with that. Hinata was warm, and she smelled nice, and she was comfortable despite her awkward nature. Hinata was such a good friend.
"If everything about her attracts you, then you should," she cleared her throat, probably mulling over how to say what she was going to say next. "You should talk to her about these worries you have. Let her know what to e-expect from you. Let her know what you want."
"What do you want, Sakura?"
"I don't know what I want."
"You have to know."
"I…" Sakura thought long and hard, trying to imagine herself with Ino, but all she could think of was the old friendship they shared. Was that all she wanted, really? All of those feelings she had been feeling before Ino pulled away for the second time, is that what they meant?
Ino's blue eyes could only take in the image of Hinata wrapping her arms around Sakura as the two sat together on the floor. Sakura was leaning up against the girl, hiding her face from the world.
What was going on?
She wasn't suspicious of the scene. She knew that Hinata and Sakura were pretty much best friends. And Hinata was far to shy to make a pass at Sakura, and she probably wasn't even gay… Yet, that meant that something was wrong. Something was wrong with Sakura. Was it her reappearance? She wanted to do nothing more than go and comfort the pink hair girl, but Hinata seemed to be coaxing words out of her.
Taking a deep breath, refusing to stall any longer, she advanced towards the girl she had been looking for. Hinata was the first one to notice her and she looked like a deer in headlights, but she always looked like that when she noticed Ino had acknowledged her with her eyes. Sakura looked up, probably noticing Hinata tense and also looked like a deer in headlights.
Ino was saddened to see that her favorite green eyes were wet with unshed tears.
"Hey," Ino said, not betraying any of the trillions of thoughts that were bouncing about her head. "Is it ok if I steal Sakura away for a little while?"
When Hinata finally grasped that Ino was addressing her she nodded and released Sakura from her hold. Sakura seemed to stand up reluctantly, but then smiled at Ino.
The blonde knew it was a fake smile.
It was then she began to prepare herself for rejection.
Her mind was brewing up things to say to make Sakura change her mind. She refused to lose what she'd worked so hard for. She couldn't be happy with anyone else—she knew this—because…
"I want to talk about last night," Ino started with a blush. Her hair was back up in its signature ponytail and she was hoping that a clear view of her face would be enough to convince Sakura of her sincerity.
"Me too," the pinkette said with a half smile.
"I know you Sakura," Ino began, not waiting any longer. "I know you'll try your hardest not to hurt me, but this is about what you want. I won't force you into saying yes when you're heart's not into it. That's what my parents did and… well, to get to the point, I apologize for just coming out of nowhere with this. I'm sure you weren't prepared for it because I certainly wasn't. I've never liked another girl before… it surprises me, how I feel about you… Just give me the truth. You've always told me the truth. I need that more now than I ever have."
She stopped talking and wet her lips unconsciously. Her throat was getting tight. This was too hard, the anticipation. Her nerves were practically dying.
She heard Sakura's deep breath; she felt it in her soul, ghosting about like distant memories. She too breathed in, gently, silently, waiting. Deep green eyes met her blue and she felt weak. Ino knew what she wanted. Ino didn't know what Sakura wanted. This was how it was; this was how it always was.
"This is too hard," Sakura mumbled, rubbing at her scalp as she buried a hand into her hair messy pink hair. "Ino, I'm really drawn to you but…"
"But…?"
"I'm… I'm afraid. I'm scared of this—of you! It's absurd, really," Sakura laughed a little at the end. "You've always been this untouchable person in my mind. Too perfect. Too surreal. And now you're here, and you've been through so much, and you've been humbled, and I don't know how to accept you. I feel like you're just playing with me. I feel like this is just one big cruel joke that I'm going to walk right into and you and your friends are all going to laugh at me."
"Why would I go through so much trouble to…? I would never do that to you."
Sakura merely looked at her, nodding her head, mentally berating herself for saying something so stupid.
"I understand, but that's what it feels like to me. I know it's not true, but things like this just don't happen."
"That's what I thought when I was sitting in bed and realized I actually did want to live. I should've died that night Sakura. I appreciate you, but saving my life wasn't what started these feelings. It was the fact that you wanted me around, that you looked at me as if I was a person that was deserving of everything in this world—the good and the bad. No one else has ever looked at me this way. Maybe you don't even know it, Sakura, but when you look at me, I feel so… There's no where else I want to be but in your eyes."
Sakura blushed. This was too much for her. She didn't know what to do. Silence settled between them and Ino looked away uncomfortably. She was beginning to feel miserable. Her arms felt cold, even though this was the warmest day they had seen in a month.
"I'm afraid too," the blonde spoke in a voice very unlike her own. It was small and frightened. Sakura gave her a questioning look, obviously still struggling with her answer. "I'm afraid because of how Sasuke treated me, and because of my fucked up family…"
"I'm afraid, but I'm taking a chance, and that's all that matters right now," Ino spoke, and Sakura flinched because it was a little harsh, yet it was deserved.
"Look," Sakura finally said, and Ino's breath hitched in her throat. "Let's get this straight; if this is going to work, I need you to promise me you'll try your best to stay away from all of that stuff you were into before. I can't have you ruining yourself again. And—"
She didn't get to finish her sentence because Ino tackled her in a hug and buried her face into her neck. Sakura tensed up, surprised, and worried that she'd fall over. She found her balance rather quickly and wrapped her arms around Ino waiting for the girl to say something. Ino was reveling in Sakura's warm embrace—it felt so right to her.
"What makes you think I'll need any of that… or even want it?" Ino mumbled, making her already muffled voice hard to hear.
"I'm not saying you will… just… I really don't want that to happen again."
"It won't, I promise." The smile on Ino's face was wide, and she looked up at Sakura with tears in her eyes.
"Oh, please, don't do that," Sakura muttered.
"What?"
"Cry; gees, I hate that," Sakura smiled, shaking her head. "This is weird. Does this seem weird to you?"
"Yeah, but I like it. It's a nice weird."
The green eyed girl smiled and peeled Ino away from her.
"Come and sit at my lunch table. I think we're making Hinata nervous," she said taking Ino's hand.
The blonde blushed, having forgotten that Hinata was even right there, just down the hallway, watching them.
"Ok," Ino nodded. "But isn't Hinata always nervous?"
"Good point," Sakura laughed gently. "She's alright though. She's alright with us, but I want the guys to know too."
"The guys?"
"My friends. Stop acting so shy and just come with me, gees."
"I'll come with you," Ino snickered, and it was then a look of realization hit Sakura's eyes. (2)
"Oh, aren't we mature," the sarcastic remark came with a slight laugh and a hot blush.
Ino kept laughing and allowed Sakura to pull her down the hallway, their fingers still intertwined, just like the night before. Suddenly Ino stopped and Sakura looked back only to be pulled close to Ino. The blonde girl took her cheeks into her hands and pulled her forwards for a kiss. She was worried that perhaps she'd completely miss Sakura's lips, but she didn't and it was perfect.
It ended as quickly as it started and Ino was heading the opposite direction. She had slipped away from the green eyed girl in her moment of surprise.
"The bell's about to ring! I'll call you later," Ino said, heading away with a smug smile on her face. This relationship was going to be amazingly fun, and for the first time ever, Ino was looking forward to every moment she had before her.
1- Pathetic fallacy would be a blessing. I hate when I've had a terrible day, and it's all nice and warm and sunny outside. I feel like nature is mocking me. Damn you mother nature. damn you.
2- Heh heh, I guess I'm not mature. Oh well.
A/N: Alright, well that's it. I know last chapter I said I had 2 more chapters, but then I realized, after reading my story plan, that it was only supposed to be about 6 chapters long. I went over one to add more closure (I did this with my last story too... I really need to stop feeling guilty about not cutting the story off at a clean point). So this is the last chapter. Enjoy it... erm, i mean, I hope you enjoyed it. Also:
For the anonymous reviewer who left me the question about whether or not I smoke weed; I wrote you a semi-long response. I was in a somewhat terrible mood when I wrote it, and I wanted to edit it so I didn't seem so abrasive, but I didn't so here it is, raw and unrefined (because I'm lazy):
Wow. I really wasn't expecting that. To just straight out answer your question: NO. I have never smoked weed and I never plan to. I don't do anything like that. I'm a goody goody; the worst I've done was cheat on a spelling test in 2nd grade (and to tell you the whole story, I got caught and never cheated again; but hey, I'm an excellent speller now). I hate that kind of stuff, so I am a bit biased, but that's not from any sort of outside influence. I'm biased on my own terms; I live by my observations and experiences and use that to form opinions. (And I don't believe "opinion" means "truth"). I know and have family, friends, and loved ones who did/do weed. They've told me about their experiences to the best of their abilities, and the majority of them were actually trying to get me to try it (so I suppose their accounts were biased). I know what it can do to a person and I personally don't support the use of it. Perhaps I'm bitter about my failed relationships due to things like this. I liked a guy once, more than I should've, and he flat out told me he would pick weed over me. Call me selfish, but I just wasn't having that. And I can't stand the idea that every single person I've liked (all except 2) didn't have the will power to not let chemicals control them (ok, I'm digressing a bit here from pot to cigarettes, but it's all the same in my eyes). I know the facts; there aren't any chemicals in it to cause addiction blah blah blah, but I don't find any sort of intrinsic value in something that clogs up the brain and makes a person act like a fool. There is no need to lose one's sense; as humans, that's the only thing we really do have over all of the other animals. Without it, we are... well, you know, sea slugs.
