AN: I think the last two chapters were the hardest to write, given how important it was to get everything perfect and keep the confusion to a minimum. This is a thanks to anyone who helped along the way. For the girls at ff who have been wondering where the hell that tiny little preview went, it's in here. Finally.
Disclaimer: I do not own HSM.
~*~
Lay Him Down To Sleep
PART FOUR
"Baby, maybe all we need is just to be."
-Breathe, Faith Hill
Troy and Lucille were already in the kitchen when Gabriella sleepily entered the next morning. She had swapped her sleep shorts for Stanford sweats but had been too preoccupied to sort through her suitcase for a more appropriate shirt. Her tiny red tank top rode up her stomach as she pulled her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head and a light blush tinged her cheeks when she met Troy's eyes while he looked over the rim of his juice glass in amusement. Shivers raced down her back. Lucille offered her a quiet smile as she measured grinds into the coffee machine, nodding her head towards the table that held a plate of pancakes and bacon along with an assortment of cereal.
"Help yourself, dear," she told Gabriella, leaving the coffee maker to deal with the dishes in the sink. "Coffee will be ready in a few minutes, unless you want tea."
"Actually, juice is fine for me," Gabriella answered quietly, accepting a glass from the other woman and shakily took the box of juice that Troy held out to her. "But thank you."
Lucille merely nodded, leaning over the sink to scrub the dishes while Gabriella eyed the pile of pancakes that Troy was shoving under her nose. Delicately sipping her juice, so deep in thought she missed the look that crossed Troy's face as he watched her, she contemplated how to deal with the situation from the night before. It was private, she knew that, but it also involved her and Troy had to have known she would follow him into the hallway. What bothered her most was neither one of them had returned to her after their talk. They had left her in the kitchen to deal with the consequences of what had been voiced on her own. Someone calling her brought her back to the present, and she looked up at Troy before pushing the food away from her.
"You're not hungry?" he asked, his eyebrows drawn together in surprised confusion. She sighed and tugged at the elastic in her hair before dropping her hand to the counter to pick up a fork and twirl it between her fingers. Glancing behind her, she saw that Lucille had left the kitchen and she looked back to meet Troy's gaze. "She went to find my dad. She's going Christmas shopping or something." One shoulder rose and fell before he spoke again. "Is this about what I said to Andy last night?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," she scoffed, "I was in the kitchen."
"Sure you were," Troy said, tilting his head knowingly and crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for her to meet his gaze. "Come on, Ella. Is it?"
"No," she answered, groaning as she let the fork go and dropped her head to her hands, "Yes." He chuckled quietly. "It's about what it made me think about."
"El, I didn't mean to get between the two of you," Troy started, but pounding on the stairs drew their attention to the doorway of the kitchen where Andy was sauntering through. Gabriella noted that he was already dressed, in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, as he gently pecked her cheek and swiped the carton of juice from the table and went to find his own glass. Troy didn't continue his sentence, and Gabriella noted how he focused his attention on the back of the still untouched cereal box.
"Morning, Bro," Andy chirped, his voice lightly as he leaned against the countertop and watched his brother and his girlfriend. "You going to help Dad and I put up the lights this morning?" he asked cheerfully, draining his glass and striding across the floor to retrieve a piece of bacon from Gabriella's untouched plate and pop it in his mouth. "Apparently he wants to use even more lights than last year."
Gabriella had never seen the brothers react to each other after a fight or disagreement, so at first she thought that perhaps Andy and Troy were the type of siblings to fight and then take a break before resuming the same atmosphere and interactions that had been in place before the disagreement. Looking quickly at Troy however, seeing the tight lines around his mouth and the way his jaw ground his teeth together, told her that that wasn't the case and Andy was forcing the happy attitude. She wondered if he had guessed that she had listened in on their conversation before dismissing it. It would explain his current mood if he was trying to make everything normal for her sake. Thinking about Troy's words about how she was just as involved now as the rest of them, Gabriella decided to destroy the sunny morning and plunge right in.
"You didn't tell me you were going to bed last night," she said in a voice that held a hint of sarcasm, "The movie wasn't even over."
"You hate that movie anyway," Andy replied in the same tone after a moment, "Plus I wasn't in the mood to continue."
"I'll remember that the next time you drag me to a jazz club or that snooty restaurant with the horrible desserts just because you're in the mood for it. Maybe I'll just walk out on our date when I've had enough," she shot back, splaying her fingers evenly along the edge of the table. "I wasn't aware I had pissed you off so much as to abandon me."
"I was tired," he sighed, propping his head up on one hand.
"No, Troy said things you weren't ready to hear," she answered, briefly noting that Troy had left the room to give them privacy. Her eyes softened as she looked at him and the way his jaw tightened in such a familiar way. "Andy, why won't you talk to me? The whole way here, you let me know what you were thinking and suddenly it's like you're shutting me out and I don't understand why. What's different?"
"Everything, Gab. Everything is different and everyone is pretending it's not," he answered her quietly, his eyes downcast and his shoulders hunched in. "I want to scream and yell and break anything within reach and yet Troy is so calm and even and rational. Why is no one as mad as me? Why does no one seem to see how unfair this whole thing is?"
"Everyone has their own way of dealing with things," Gabriella said quietly, her voice barely high enough to be heard. "And maybe Troy is holding it together for the benefit of your family."
"I'm still trying to wrap my head around it," he admitted, his eyes meeting hers, "I just need time."
She nodded, staring into the depths of her empty glass. The room pulsed with the uncomfortable silence as both tried to settle their inner feelings and questions, the only sound being the buzzing of the dryer in the basement where Lucille was sorting laundry before heading out to finish the Christmas shopping with only a handful of days left before the holiday. Gabriella assumed Troy had been taking tips off of her and waiting outside the room for the conversation to become less personal, because in the midst of the silence he re-entered the room while grabbing a jacket off the back of a chair, causing Andy to raise an eyebrow in question.
"You're heading out?" he asked, watching as Troy checked his back pocket for his wallet and jammed the zipper on his coat higher. "With Mom?"
"Chad," Troy replied, slightly distracted as he sorted through the bowl on the table for a set of house keys. Gabriella noticed how he avoided her gaze, glancing at his brother instead. "We're going to finish up some shopping and maybe head to Jason's later to hang out."
"Oh," Andy answered, sounding disappointed, "Have fun."
Troy nodded to his brother before heading to the door and then smiled back at Gabriella when Andy's eyes were focused elsewhere. The bells on the festive wreath jingled against the door as it shut behind him. Andy left the kitchen without a word and Gabriella assumed it was to find his father and begin the job of stringing lights around the house and lawn. Pushing aside the knowing sense of anxiety in her belly, Gabriella pushed herself up from the table and tidied the kitchen before finding Lucille in the upstairs hall closet and asking for directions to the nearest grocery store. Obtaining Andy's keys, she left in the SUV, finding herself fifteen minutes later with a shopping basket laden with ingredients. She had always loved the scent of gingerbread cookies and baking seemed like a good idea to distract her from her thoughts.
~*~
Mrs. Bolton had left by the time Gabriella spun the SUV into the driveway later that morning. Pulling up behind the mini-van, she pulled her bags from the back seat and slammed the door with her hip before entering the open garage door and using the inner door that led to the kitchen. She passed Andy and his father along the way, up to their elbows in boxes of Christmas lights and colourful bulbs, as she set her things on the kitchen and walked back out to see if they needed anything. They denied her, but she continued to linger as she inspected the space that smelled like motor oil.
A shelf across from her contained boxes labelled for their contents, stacked three high and taking up the whole wall. Below them, in a large container on the ground, sports equipment was tossed haphazardly inside it with a basketball resting on the top. A pair of snowboards were strapped to the wall to her right, and the butterflies in her stomach began to stir before she yanked her eyes to the monstrosity sitting idle before her. It was a battered old pick-up truck that had probably seen better days before the Second World War, but she was not an expert in mechanics. Its white pain was faded in spots and rusted off in others. Boxes in the flatbed were still taped and labelled for the athletes' dorms at U of A.
"It's Troy's," Jack told her with a gleam in his eye. "It was my father's and I never had the patience for the up keep it required to run. Troy made it his pet project when he was learning how to drive. It breaks down every once and awhile and he slaves away to get it back in shape."
Gabriella nodded as she stepped away. She had guessed the vehicle's owner prior to being told; it was so typically Troy. Andy would be the type for something sturdy and reliable, just like the SUV she had driven that morning. The truck on the other hand, as much as she thought it to be hideous was an adventure and a project like Jack had informed her of, and she could see the looks of concentration and pleasure that would simultaneously grace Troy's face as he held a screw driver over the engine. Her heart to hurt to acknowledge that his entire dorm room was most likely packed into those boxes and that he would not be returning after the holidays. She inhaled deeply knowing that his parents had probably taken away the keys.
Turning her attention to the front porch of the house where Jack and Andy had hauled a few strands of lights, Gabriella watched for a few moments as Andy stood on the ladder and attached the bulbs to the plastic hooks linked to the guttering of the roof. On the ground, Jack unscrewed and replaced burned out of broken bulbs until entire strings shone red and green as they coiled on the ground. Seeing that they didn't need any help and the conversation had drifted towards basketball and the happenings at East High, she made her way back inside to begin her afternoon project.
The time trickled by, monitored by her constant glances at the digital clock on the microwave. Finding a temporary calm in the stillness of the kitchen and the meticulousness of exact measurements and preparation, Gabriella hummed Christmas carols under her breath and inhaled the scent of cinnamon and sugar. Grinning as she pulled on oven mitts and peeked inside the oven, she lowered the door all the way and retrieved her second batch of gingerbread men. Leaving it on top of the stove to cool, she shoved a third batch inside and pushed the oven door back into place. Dusting off her hands on the apron she had found in the cabinet drawers, Gabriella began to mix up enough icing sugar to decorate all her gingerbread and the shortbreads that were going to be made later on. She had also picked up the ingredients for angel food cake as well, but that was only in the case of desperation and she had yet to find another way to make herself busy.
She was just about to add gumdrops for buttons to her first gingerbread man when a popping sound came from the open door to the garage. Turning her head, she saw that the lights in there had also snapped off and could hear someone cursing as they entered through the driveway. Wiping red icing on her apron and putting down the bowl of candy, she went to the door to see Andy holding a flashlight and Jack exploring the inside of the electrical panel.
"Got a little over zealous with the festive attitude?" she asked brightly, grinning at the bemused looks on both men's faces. Andy rolled his eyes as Jack flicked a switch a couple of times and sighed.
"Dad forgot what happened last year when we plugged those ugly reindeer into that outlet," Andy explained, lowering the flashlight as Jack closed the box and surveyed them both with a guilty expression. "We blew the fuse again, didn't we?"
"Looks like," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck in a way that seemed to be genetically wired into all Bolton men. "We'll have to head to Oscar's off the interstate; it's the only hardware store opened on a Saturday that I know will have the right parts. You want to come for the drive, Son?" he asked, eyeing Andy.
After assuring him that she was fine by herself and that he would only be a nuisance begging for cookies before they were ready, Gabriella shoved Andy towards his SUV and tossed him the keys she still had in her pocket. Jack pulled down the garage door before they left and Gabriella locked the linking door to the kitchen so that she wouldn't forget later, returning to her cookies that were almost ready to come out of the oven. Resuming her task, she lost herself in her thoughts as she baked and iced hours into the afternoon.
~*~
The clock told her it was nearing three o'clock and Lucille had just called to say she had a few more stops to make before grabbing a pizza on her way home. She had urged Gabriella to leave dinner alone and not worry about it; promising to call Jack and Andy to find out how long they would be. Andy had called about thirty minutes after leaving the house for the hardware story to tell Gabriella that Oscar's didn't have the part but had directed them to another store about forty-five minutes further down the highway. Jack had considered waiting until Monday to find a dealer in the city but considering that it was the weekend and all of the lights and the door were affected in the garage plus the laundry room, he and Andy had decided to make the trip. After finishing up her cookies and forgoing the cake until another time, Gabriella had climbed the stairs to her room and hauled out all of her Christmas gifts and the wrapping paper, sinking down to her knees in order to sort through them all. Her only break had been Lucille's phone call minutes earlier.
Placing a finger on the seam of the paper that covered a set of books for Lucille, she tore off a piece of tape and sealed the ends of the festive wrapping together. She was adding a bow when the sound of the doorbell ringing startled her. Halfway down the stairs, the sound of keys in the lock could be heard from the other side of the front door and the knob was turned before the door was pushed open. Gabriella was at the bottom of the stairs to receive a grim smile from the dark-skinned, curly haired guy whose arm seemed to be the only thing keeping Troy upright.
Despite the hand that pressed against the door frame, Troy leaned heavily into his friend as he stumbled to get his feet over the threshold. His hair was dishevelled as if he'd spent endless amounts of time pushing it away from his forehead that was creased with pain. He grimaced as the light in the entrance way struck him in the face and he kept his eyes squeezed shut even when Gabriella hit the switch beside her hand by the stairs. She saw the shiver that ran through him and the way his shirt clung to him.
"Oh, God," she exclaimed, rushing forward to hold the door open as he steadied Troy for a moment before leading him towards the couch in the living room. She roughly shoved her hair from her face as she shut the door and followed them. "What happened?"
"It's just a headache, Ella," Troy mumbled, wincing as his friend eased him to the couch and he laid his head back against the cushion while his eyes remained shut. "I just let it get out of control."
"He popped a pill a couple hours into shopping," his friend admitted to Gabriella who ran a hand over her forehead, "But he seemed fine after and insisted on continuing. We were at a friend's house when it came back with a vengeance and I thought he'd be better back here."
"Thanks," Gabriella breathed, sinking down to the arm of the chair and letting her hand rest on Troy's forehead, sliding it down to rest on his cheek as he turned his face towards her in acceptance. His eyes squeezed tighter and white lines appeared along his nose and mouth. "Can you stay with him for a minute?"
Dashing upstairs, she located the bottle of pills left on the counter in the main bathroom. Lucille had discreetly mentioned their use to Gabriella a few mornings ago in case she should need to know. This seemed like a reasonable time. Spilling two into her hand, she returned to the living room with a glass of water in her hand. Transferring the pills to Troy's hand, she handed him the water and waited for him to swallow before taking the cup back. Placing a pillow along the armrest, she guided his head so that he was lying down. When she was certain he was as comfortable as was possible, she followed his friend to the kitchen where he took an offered cookie before sitting.
"Thank you for bringing him home," she told him awkwardly, her hands clenching along the back of a chair. When she caught the question in his eyes, she offered a weak smile. "Gabriella Montez. I'm Andy's girlfriend."
"Chad Danforth," he answered, taking her offered hand with a mischievous smile, "You're the girl from the ski resort last year."
"You know about that?" she asked, shocked and slightly unsettled. Swallowing, she continued, "You do know that Andy doesn't-"
"Know?" Chad finished for her when she trailed off, "Yeah, I know. I've known for awhile. Troy needed to vent to someone and I seemed like the obvious choice." There was a contemplative pause. "He's really happy that you're here, you know. Even if you're with Andy."
"I-," she couldn't continue, not with her emotions straining to break free in the presence of the stranger. She hated that it looked like she was in the middle of the two brothers and perhaps it was Chad's observation that weighed so heavily on her soul as she looked towards the room that held Troy. "I can't do this right now."
"I didn't mean to upset you," Chad rushed, standing and clasping his car keys in unsteady hands. "Just take care of him for me until Mrs. B gets home. Tell him the guys will be around tomorrow if it's a good day."
Gabriella nodded and led him to the front door, watching as he walked slowly down the path before she shut the door and turned to press her back against the cool metal. Taking several deep breaths, she calmed her nerves and entered the living room, taking a blanket off the back of the rocking chair as she passed. Troy had shifted so his head was no longer on the pillow but the much harder armrest. Crouching down so she was level with his face, Gabriella brushed the hair from his face while calling him softly.
"I turned off the lights and closed the curtains," she told him softly, draping the blanket over him. "Your dad and Andy should be back soon and they can help you upstairs to your room."
"This is fine," he mumbled to her, his eyes fluttering open for a minute before closing again. "You don't have to stay."
"Nonsense," she scolded gently, rubbing circles on the back of his hand while ignoring the thoughts in her head that told her it was wrong. She was too close. She was crossing the barrier they had agreed to keep in place. She was falling. "Let me grab a phone in case someone calls and I'll be right back."
He nodded briefly and she stood, leaving to retrieve the phone from the kitchen along with a plate of cookies for herself and him if he wanted one later. She grabbed the remote for the television and muted it as soon as she turned it on, clicking through the channels while standing until she found a movie to her satisfaction. Turning, she took a seat at the opposite end of the couch, by Troy's feet but he had other ideas.
"Come up to this end," he told her softly, his voice thick and slightly slurred, "I can move."
"Troy, I'm not sure if we should-," he cut her off though before she finished.
"I just want to know someone is there," he whispered, opening his eyes long enough to change her mind. "Please?"
A minutes of adjustments later, Gabriella found herself wedged in beside the armrest with her feet tucked beneath her and Troy's head resting in her lap. The blanket had been resettled and his breathing seemed to be less rigid as her fingers gently combed through his hair as she watched the movie in silence. The Christmas tree winked and twinkled in the corner, its light colliding with the television's glow.
"Thank you," Troy whispered out of the quiet, surprising Gabriella.
"For what?" she asked gently, her fingers never pausing.
"For being here," he answered. "It means more than you could ever know."
"Try me." The traitorous words spilled from her lips and she felt his heartbeat speed up as his chest rose and fell against her legs.
"I used to think that we were just a spark in time; a few days of finding ourselves in each other so that when we left to go home, we would take something with us." His piercing blue eyes, dimmed by pain for the moment, looked up at her before looking away and closing again. "God gave me what I wanted when I asked if I would see you again. I guess I didn't think that he would put a time limit on it."
As he drifted off to sleep without her answer, Gabriella let the tears slide down her cheeks until one landed with perfect symmetry on the outer corner of his eye as he lay in her lap. How he managed to see things, see them, so clearly, Gabriella would never understand when her own conclusions were left unanswered or decided upon. She had thought the same thing; that they were simply a bright moment in their lives to recall later. It was the reason she had never mentioned her past with Troy to Andy, but Troy's words had sliced through her heart to her very soul and she had realized one thing. A spark in time or not, she loved Troy for what he did to her then, and now.
~*~
The door clicking open was what woke Gabriella a little while later. Her neck kinked from awkwardly leaning against the back of the couch cushion, and her feet tingling with loss of proper blood flow, she sat up to welcome whoever had returned home. Wiping the sleep from her eyes as she regained her bearings, she blinked twice and looked across the room to see the look of confusion and shock on Andrew's face. Gasping, her final thoughts before drifting off to sleep sitting in the pit of her stomach, she struggled to unravel herself from around Troy without waking him.
Stumbling towards the door as the blood rushed back to her legs and feet, Gabriella reached the hallway in time to catch the look that crossed Andy's face as he looked between his unnaturally still brother, asleep on the couch just beyond the door, and her pale face as she stood before him. Her usually pink cheeks were drained of color and her hair had been spun into elf knots from nervous tugs on her curls. Her hands toyed with the necklace around her throat as she dropped her gaze to the floor. She could hear the pounding of her heart as he spoke and his voice came out harsher than she'd ever heard it.
"Gabriella, look at me," he demanded, a plea detected just beneath the anger.
"Please, don't yell," she whispered, her gaze rising from the floor to look at the sleeping form of the older Bolton brother before looking up into her boyfriend's face. "He just fell asleep."
"I don't care," he hissed back, but she noticed with slight relief that he dropped his voice lower to remain unheard beyond the hallway. "I want to know why I came home to find you lying on the couch with huim."
"We were just talking," she told him softly, closing her eyes to gather her control. She wanted to be back on the couch with his solid arms around her. She wanted to be close enough to feel him breathe because ever since learning the news, she was terrified to lose him before she was ready. "He wanted to watch a movie."
"And you couldn't just sit in another chair?" Blue eyes flashed and the tiny pulse spot under his jaw throbbed as he swallowed. "Do you know what it looked like?"
"He is afraid to go to sleep," she told him, her tone chastising and she watched as the word registered in his eyes and guilt rocked him. "We were talking and then put the movie on and I guess we both just conked out. I am sorry, but that's all it was."
"I'm overreacting, I know that," Andy sighed as his gaze lingered around the living room, "But you two just seem so comfortable that sometimes I wonder if I am missing something."
"Andy, there's something you should know," she began, biting her lip and his eyes widened at how thick her voice had become. "I should have told you sooner but we were in such a good place when I realized and I really didn't think it mattered. I swear-"
"What is it, Gabi?" he managed to choke out.
"We've met before," she rushed out, the words mixing so that he looked confused for a moment.
"You and me?"
"No, me and Troy," she whispered, eyes cast towards the other room.
"I don't understand," he answered, backing away a step.
"In Colorado, last Christmas. You were in the gym playing basketball with your dad and he was on the ski slopes. I fell and he helped me back up." The tears were streaming down her face now. "I didn't realize who you were until weeks into us dating and you came back from a visit and brought pictures."
"And you didn't say anything?" he bit out. "You were just going to let this go until when? He came to visit? Summer vacation? Never?"
"I was just waiting for the right time. I didn't even know if he would remember me," she insisted.
"But he did," he guessed, closing his eyes when she nodded her head. "So what made you decide to tell me this now? What's changed that made this the perfect moment?"
"You shouldn't have to ask what's changed," she replied, eyes flashing at his brutal words. "He doesn't have time for us to find a perfect moment to tell you."
Not having an answer, she watched as he brushed past her and up the stairs. Hearing a door slam, she leaned against the door jam and watched as the remaining boy on the couch continued to breathe with a smile on his face.
