AN: This is a thanks to everyone helping along the way with reviews and begging and betaing. This is also a note to say thank you to mature and appreciatively deep reviews that have helped so much. Hopefully the next update will come faster than this one did.

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM.


~*~


Lay Him Down To Sleep

PART FIVE

"Each day is a gift and not a given right."

-If Today Was Your Last Day, Nickelback


Two days before Christmas Eve, and three days since disclosing her past with Troy to Andy, Gabriella found herself once again locked in her bedroom with gift wrap by the heaps surrounding her. On the bed, meticulously stacked by weight and size, were several finished gifts for the Bolton family. Most of them had been bought back in California and brought along unwrapped to Albuquerque. She had selected books, music and glass ornaments with a handful of hints from Andy, for his parents. Each had been wrapped, bowed and tagged over the previous days in the house. Andy's gift had been purchased months ago and concealed at the bottom of her suitcase until that morning when she had finally gotten the chance to finish it off with a big green bow and address it to him in her curling script. Holding it in her hands, she felt the weight of the season lying heavily on her shoulders.

Troy hadn't agreed nor disagreed with her decision to spill their deepest secret to Andy. He had simply nodded at her and when she received no other acknowledgement she had choked back a sob before retreating from the room and barricading herself in her room for the evening. The room had darkened to inky blackness before she peeled herself off the floor and mechanically changed into her pyjamas, sliding between the sheets. She hadn't known what to expect, but her heart clenched at the realization that no one had come to check on her. Not Lucille or Jack or Troy, and certainly not Andy. Only once during the night after falling into a restless sleep, did she wake to the sound of a door slamming and muffled voices across the hall. Letting her eyes slide shut again, she returned to sleep as angry footsteps passed her door.

The silence in the house had continued over the last three days, despite the fake smiles and hidden questions in everyone's eyes. Lucille would praise Gabriella's baking skills and then glare at one of her sons to add a compliment of their own to her attempts to ease the torture. Gabriella would brush off the half hearted attempts with a weak smile and a quiet thank you. Jack would make an effort to tell Andy to take a break from the last minute decorating or one-on-one basketball games on the outdoor asphalted court. Andy would say he didn't need one and Gabriella would share pained looks with Troy as they tried to figure out who had disappointed him the most.

She had taken to leaving the house and spending hours at the mall under the guise of Christmas shopping or the need for Scotch tape, returning in time for supper which could then be followed up with hiding in her room. Gabriella was sick of feeling guilty and anxious; tired of being ignored and avoided. Yes, she knew Andy was hurt by their silence, but did it change anything? It shouldn't have and yet she knew it had. Something in the way Andy looked at her, as if he wanted to say so much and didn't have the courage or the words to do it, told her that it had changed everything.

So she spent the afternoon on the rug in front of the bed, folding Christmas paper in perfect creases and ensuring the tape ran in parallel lines to the plaid design of the paper. She selectively chose only the most unmashed bows and made sure that the names on the tags were all the same size. It was obsessive, but it was the only way she could stay upstairs without running out of excuses. Adding the last of Andy's gifts to the pile to be placed under the tree on Christmas Eve, Gabriella pulled the last of her presents into her lap and let her fingers trace a pattern on the box.

Troy's gift had been the hardest to choose. One of the boxes on the bed contained a sweater she had bought on impulse one afternoon, but the box in her lap contained the one gift that could mean everything. She had nearly pulled her hair out the afternoon she set out to find him something, determined to make it personal and meaningful without throwing his situation in his face. At the time, she hadn't known that Andy would learn of their past, but now it just added to the butterflies in her gut as she carefully taped the edges of the box. A soft knock on the door drew Gabriella from her thoughts and Lucille's voice filtered in from the other side, asking permission to open the door. Granting it, Gabriella self consciously made to cover up her partially exposed gift. She saw Lucille's gaze settle on it for a moment before looking at Gabriella.

"Honey," she began, "You've been up here for hours; I thought I'd come see if you wanted a snack or something to drink."

"Thank you, but I'm okay," Gabriella answered, her eyes downcast and her voice hoarse.

Lucille seemed to hesitate at the door for a moment before stepping inside and shutting the door. Gabriella's eyes widened as the other woman crossed the floor and gently moved aside the pile of gifts to take a seat on the edge of the mattress. She seemed to lose herself in thought for a moment, letting her eyes soften as they skimmed the presents and the glittering packaging. She opened her mouth to speak, closing it and swallowing once before trying again.

"You're not a mother, so this may seem intrusive," the older woman said softly, smoothing an invisible wrinkle from the bedspread, "But as a mother, it is difficult to know what to do in this kind of situation."

Gabriella's brow wrinkled and she caught her lower lip between her teeth. There were lines on Lucille's face that Gabriella knew were new without asking. Her eyes, always soft, looked tired and she took her time to make sure every word counted; meant something and was remembered. She felt the need to comfort the other woman, yet, Gabriella was afraid to speak first.

"Did Troy ever tell you that we weren't supposed to go to Colorado last year?" she asked, breaking the silence after several moments. When Gabriella looked surprised, Lucille smiled softly. "It's true. Jack's Christmas gift to me and the house was new hard wood floors in the dining room. The installation company was supposed to be finished by the week before Christmas and instead they were told us it would be another week, maybe more. My parents were in Florida, and Jack's passed away years ago, so we decided to spend the holidays away. Andy wanted Florida and Troy wanted Colorado. Obviously, you know who won the argument. Jack and I used to wonder where he disappeared to all the time; I knew the slopes wouldn't care if his hair was gelled."

"It wasn't meant to be a secret," Gabriella whispered, playing with the bow in her hands.

"I know that," Lucille told her, reaching for the bow that Gabriella was mutilating, "But right now, Andy feels like he's losing both of you. Troy is his older brother, he's supposed to be invincible to all of us, and you-," she paused for a moment before continuing, "Apparently he's in love with you, and yet there's so much he doesn't know. I saw it that first night at dinner, despite all the jokes and moments between you, there are pieces he doesn't see or reach for."

"We've only known each other for four months," Gabriella defended, not liking how Lucille's observations matched her own unwanted lines of thought some nights, "We have lots of time."

"Maybe," Lucille agreed, "But time is also the culprit forcing your hand and playing with your heart." Gabriella felt uncomfortable as the other woman searched her eyes for confirmation. Somehow, Gabriella felt she found it. "Do you love my son, Gabriella? Do you love Andy the way he loves you?"

"No," she answered honestly, swiping a hand against a single tear, "But I could."

"It's hard to love someone with all your heart when it's held by someone else," Lucille commented, before getting off the bed and patting Gabriella's shoulder.

Feeling like the dam behind her eyes was about to burst, Gabriella barely realized that Lucille had left the room.

~*~

It was the night before Christmas Eve that Gabriella eased open her door and padded in her bare feet down the staircase to the living room. Her arms were laden down with gaudy paper and cellophane wrapped gifts, their metallic bows throwing back refractions of light when she flicked the switch to illuminate the Christmas tree. Crossing the floor, the wood cool beneath her toes, Gabriella dropped to her knees and gingerly lifted the bottom branches of the tree with one hand, using the other to push her presents beneath the tree. Stacking them in clumps, evenly distributed so that they didn't spill out from underneath, she let the smell of the pine needles cling to her nose while she listened for the sound of movement upstairs.

She wasn't sure why her task needed to be done under the cover of a stroke after midnight, but she felt uncomfortable about the large stack of gifts Jack had jokingly pointed out with her name on them that morning. Hence her covert operation. Despite his parents' efforts to include her, Andy's limited interaction with her only lended to Gabriella's deepening feeling of infringement on the family. She felt like an outsider whose presence was only further inflicting tension upon a family dealing in the midst of overwhelming pain. Remaining on her knees after the last gift was settled, she closed her eyes and cupped her face with her hands, letting the thoughts tumble through her body.

"God, you're beautiful."

Her shoulders jerked in surprise and her hands dropped from her face as she turned to see Troy leaning against the doorway, his hands crossed over his chest. His cheek bones seemed more pronounced to her lately, but it could just be the shadows from restless sleep. Her breath caught, uncomfortable at being found unaware and vulnerable. Collapsing from her knees to sit cross legged, she looked at the tree but kept him in her line of sight. He made no move to come any closer, appearing content to just watch her.

"You shouldn't say things like that," she finally told him, lifting her hand to spin a glass ball hanging on a branch.

"It's true," he shrugged, his gaze less focused as he surveyed the tree.

"Doesn't matter," she whispered softly, bending her head. "You're fighting with Andy because of me, because of us, and saying things like that just make it more...I don't know."

"I'm not fighting with Andy," he corrected, shifting his shoulder against the post, "He's just trying to sort his head out. He knows everything about Colorado- I told him that night after you spoke to him- And he knows there was nothing to hide." Troy's voice lost the affirmative tone and softened back to the voice he usually used when speaking to her. "I think he understands."

"Then why won't he talk to me?" she pleaded, her jaw tight, "Why does he look at me like I'm beyond his reach?"

There was a pregnant pause while she waited for Troy's answer, watching his navy eyes for a spark of anything that would help. His gaze broke from hers for a moment, shifting to a framed family portrait from years before that hung on the wall by the fireplace. When he looked back, Gabriella's entire body froze, her nerves alive with every sensation, and she knew before he said it. It snaked through the connection that sparked between them and she knew.

"He knows I love you," Troy replied, his piercing stare never wavering and each word perfectly enunciated. "He was venting and asking questions and I think it slipped out, but when it did and I answered it, I could tell he had expected it. Ella, this is not about your loyalty, believe me. It's about him and me. He doesn't doubt you."

"You love me?" she choked out, ignoring the rest as her heart split in two and her chest burned. She crushed her hand to where the beating of her heart pulsed in fury and her skin ran hot and cold as everything fell into its place. All the dilemmas and wondering and traitorous thoughts- they all rearranged themselves to make sense. He loved her.

"How could I not?" he queried, his expression soft.

"But-," she couldn't finish the thought.

"Just-," Troy licked his lip, "-Know that I do, okay? That's all I need, El, is for you to know."

She closed her eyes, fighting the rising panic that was being built around her newly founded revelations, and nodded. She stayed there after he left, her eyes shut and her hands clenched around her knees, willing herself not to call after him.

~*~

Gabriella had always loved Christmas Eve more than any other night. When she was a child, and her grandparents were still alive, the Montez family would bundle up and make the short walk down the street of her grandparents' town to the local cathedral where the organ would play carols and the choir would sing along in Latin. Her grandmother would give her a book to follow the words with and although most of them were above Gabriella's vocabulary, it hadn't taken long before she no longer needed the hymn book to join in. When she was older and her grandmother had passed on, Gabriella joined the Christmas choir to the joy of her ill and aging grandfather. Standing beside the altar, dressed in white like the rest of her companions, Gabriella's voice had blended with theirs and her eyes never needed the gilded folder of music to guide her.

The year she met Troy was the first Christmas without her grandfather and one of the driving forces behind convincing her mother to book them rooms at the resort. She had felt lost that morning, waking up to room service instead of her mother's apple cinnamon pancakes and even when she ordered apple cider from the coffee shop overlooking the ski hill, Gabriella had known it wouldn't be the same as the family recipe she was so used to. As the day had trudged on towards dusk, she had been constantly aware of the difference from previous years. Little children reminded everyone who smiled at them that Santa was coming that night and when the slopes closed earlier than usual, she had returned her snowboard to the rental place and returned to her room to finish her small amount of wrapping. It had been late when Troy knocked on her door, returning from dinner in town, to tell her to bundle up and go with him.

She had done so without a question, intrigued by the mischievous smile on his lips. They had slipped quietly out of the resort, past the knowing smirks of the employees who reminded them not to lose their keys and parents who were snuggled by the fireplace waiting for their children to fall asleep, and followed the winding path that led to the quiet hills behind the building. The snow had crunched beneath their booted feet and flakes had tumbled on the wind to lay scattered across their shoulders and hats. They had frosted Gabriella's curls and clung to Troy's eyelashes as the two hurried hand in hand along the pathways dotted with pines and spruces. When they reached the top, where a small tree stood by itself in the clearing, Troy had unzipped his jacket and pulled out a coil of Christmas lights.

Even now, the memory caused her lips to curl softly into a smile as she sat nestled on the sofa in front of the lighted tree the two of them had decorated the previous week for the second year in a row. The sun was setting outside, and even without the snow, everything seemed to glow. A fire crackled in the fireplace, throwing back heat to ward of the slight chill to the air and Gabriella's cheeks were flushed as the extra heat warmed her skin. The blanket from the couch rested across her legs and her hands pressed against the hot ceramic of her mug of apple cider made from scratch and the recipe card taken from her grandmother's cookbook years before. She loved Christmas Eve, but this year the small moments and details seemed especially fragile.

The Bolton house echoed with muffled noises. She knew that Lucille was in the study wrapping gifts to be delivered that evening and that Jack was in the kitchen making small preparations for the dinner occurring the next day. Children's voices could be heard from outside, their laughs and giggles making Gabriella grin at how easy it used to be. She had talked to her mother earlier that day, exchanging small pleasantries and wishes for the New Year with the promise to see each other soon. Taking a sip from her mug, Gabriella looked up from the steam when Andy called her name from the doorway of the living room.

"I was thinking of taking a walk," he told her, his voice holding something she had never heard before and couldn't place, "Will you come with me?"

She nodded, standing to place the blanket along the back of the sofa and replacing the coaster in the small drawer built into the coffee table. She felt Andy watching her as she took her drink to the kitchen and placed it on the stove next to the pot of cider brewing. He held her coat for her as she slid her arms in, and took the hat he offered to jam over her hair. Pulling on her boots, she felt a tingle of déjà vu travel up her spine but she offered him a tight smile as he led her out the door and down the steps of the porch. Things were silent as they passed the houses along the street with their lights on and the trees twinkling in the windows. Gabriella looped her arm through Andy's as they continued, feeling uneasy as he squeezed her hand awkwardly but didn't say anything to her as he led them away from the sidewalk and down a fenced pathway to a playground abandoned by children in await for Santa Clause and his sleigh.

"Troy and I used to play here all the time," Andy told her, shoving his hands in the deep pockets of his jacket. It was cool, the temperature hovering a few points above the freezing mark and Gabriella shivered as she sat on a swing and wrapped her gloved hands around the metal chains. "When we got older and Dad put in the half court behind the house, I used to come here to think once I knew all the younger kids had gone home. I'd sit on that swing like you're doing now and I'd wait for the answer to come me."

"This is where you've been coming the last few days," Gabriella realized, the toe of her boot drawing patterns in the pebbles beneath the swing. Andy had taken a seat on the wooden enclosure that kept the rocks from spilling onto the grass, trying to appear relaxed and yet every line of his face was tight. "I thought it was because you didn't want to be in the house with me."

She heard the haltingness of his breath and saw the hesitancy in his eyes as his gaze shifted and the wind tousled his hair. Her brows came together and she failed to hide the hurt in her eyes as he sent her an apologetic glance.

"I was avoiding you," he admitted, sighing so heavily that his breath hung for mere seconds in the air, "But only because I had a decision to make-things to think through- and seeing you everywhere would have made it harder."

"What decision?" Gabriella asked, stopping the pumping motion with her legs and dragging her feet to a halt. "Andy, what's going on?"

"I talked to Troy," Andy began as if he hadn't heard her, staring at the ground instead of her face, "About Colorado and how you two met. He told me everything and although I don't understand why it was so hard for you to tell me- why it was so difficult to just mention it when you found out- I get that it was never because of deceit or secrets. It just happened and I could let that go." He looked up at her then, her body stilled on the swing and only the creak of chains being heard around them, but he dropped his head just as quickly. "I would never let the fact that you and my brother were friends for a short period of time get in the way of us or what we could have."

"Okay," Gabriella nodded her head while drawing out the word. Remembering what Troy had said the night before and the awkwardness being exhibited by Andy now, she felt like she was desperately missing something big. "So where does that leave us?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders and dropping his hands to dangle between his bent knees. "If it was just about Colorado, I'd say we move on and leave it behind. I'd say I over-reacted and felt left out, but I understand and it's not that big of a deal." His head lifted and his gaze bore into hers so desperately that she froze, unable to break the stare. "But it's not just about Colorado."

Her heart pounded in her chest, threatening to explode as her thoughts tumbled at a hundred miles per second. She felt hot beneath the jacket and hat, her hands shaking as they clung to the swing chains. She knew what Troy had told him, but the look in Andy's gaze told her that he was expecting something from her. He was waiting for her and she was afraid that he had already discovered her inner turmoil and knew of the questions that had been plaguing her for the last two weeks. Her cheeks paled as she continued to look into the blue gaze that she had told Troy was so different from his. Her heartbeat skipped its rhythm and Andy offered her a grim smile.

"He loves you." He kicked a pebble, the sound of it colliding with others of its kind the only sound above the breeze. The expression on his face barely shifted as he watched her and Gabriella wrestled with whether or not to tell him she had already known that. "He loves you and I think a part of me knew that before I asked. Watching you two, someone would think you'd known each other for years instead of a handful of days here and a few days there. That comes from something deeper, and if I can step back and let him have the one thing he wants during his final months, and days, then I'll do it."

"You don't have to do anything, Andy," she told him. She left the swing to vibrate in the night and crouched on the ground in front of his knees. "He doesn't expect you to do anything. He would never ask that of you."

"He's not asking," Andy told her, his voice thick and husky and Gabriella felt them both struggling with their emotions and inner calm. "He would never ask for either of us to sacrifice each other for him, but I will do it anyway. Gabi, this is your way out. You're too afraid to admit it, but you love him- maybe you have all this time-and yet you'll never admit it unless I remove myself from the problem. I'm standing in your way."

"You can't be serious!" Gabriella cried, stumbling to her feet and out of her position that had been meant to offer solace and comfort. She hadn't expected this. Andy's admissions hit her in the gut and she struggled to understand what he saw. For a moment, she felt betrayed, thinking he felt so little of what they could build that he would give it up in an instant. Then, frustration reared its head again while control spun further beyond her grasp. "You're not the only one in this relationship! You don't get to make decisions like this without me!"

"Yes, I can," he told her insistently, "I've already done it. I can't force you to be with him. I can't make you love him if you don't, but I can see the difference between our relationship and the one you have with Troy. It's more than knowing we won't have that, it's the fact that I can't bring myself to touch you when he's around. It's the way he needs us both right now, but in different ways. Don't you see, Gabriella? Nothing between us can ever be the same and it's no one's fault, but it's the truth."

"So you're breaking up with me? Even if I don't go to Troy, you'd end this right here and right now?" The tears flowed down her cheeks to her gloved hands that covered her mouth as she tried to bring her thoughts under control. "Andy, why are you doing this?"

His eyes swept her face and she shivered under his scrutiny, the tears freezing on her cheeks as the wind played with her hair. Her hands were lowered to grip the collar of her jacket close, in a hopeless attempt to keep everything within it from spilling out. Her emotions were frazzled and her nerves raw; her thoughts scattered like seeds to every corner of possibility. She hated that he was doing what she'd never have the strength to do, and she hated that it was going to cause him more pain than anyone else. When he spoke, she knew it would be the last time he would look at her that way. She knew it was end.

"I'm doing this because he loves you, and because I think somewhere buried beneath your morals and loyalty and determination to do what's right- you love him too. I'm doing this because it's all I can offer." He stepped towards her until their breath formed a single cloud. "Gabi, please let me do this. The final decision is yours, but please let me walk away."

"I-," she hiccupped and roughly wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, "I need to think. I need you to leave."

"Alright," he agreed softly, the pain evident in his voice but she turned away from his hand that reached to touch her one last time, "I understand."

"I love you, you know that, right?" she asked suddenly to the dark, calling after his retreating back that walked towards the entrance of the path and led back to the sidewalk. He looked back over his shoulder and sighed heavily enough that she saw the slight movement in his shoulders.

"I know you do. I never thought otherwise." Andy paused for another moment, as if making sure she heard him. "I'm just not sure it's enough for us right now."

He turned away from her after those final words, trudging heavily down the path until he disappeared from her sight. She could see him in her mind, making the slow journey back to the house that showed festive spirit on the outside and bittersweet joy on the inside as his parents got ready for Christmas morning. Taking a seat on the swing again, Gabriella tried to make sense of it all. Andy. Troy. Love. Life. In the end, she simply stared into the blackness of the night as it approached midnight and Christmas day, the stars twinkling overhead. There was, she realized as her only solid conclusion, no sense in any of it.

~*~

The mug of coffee held between her freezing hands kept them from trembling as she gripped the ceramic tightly. From her seat in the armchair near the doorway of the living room, Gabriella watched as the Bolton family surrounded the Christmas tree. Smiles and jokes were exchanged, Jack nudging Andy's shoulder with a fist as he unwrapped a gift with a shining smile. Troy ruffled his younger brother's shaggy mop before tossing a package to his mother who was seated beside the sofa, inspecting a basket of bath products from her husband. From her position on the outer edges of the clan, Gabriella could see how they relaxed and eased into the holiday traditions.

Nestled between her hip and the cushion of the chair, was a Christmas stocking left for Gabriella above the fireplace with those of the family and the thoughtfulness warmed her heart that was still cracking from the night before. Fingering the perfect curls of the candy canes, Gabriella felt her throat ache and her eyes burn. Hiding it by taking a deep drink of coffee, she fought to regain control. It came slowly, and when she finally resettled the mug, she caught Troy's eyes staring into her own. Taking a deep interest in the chocolate mints in her stocking, she managed to avoid his questioning gaze and he went back to listening to Jack tell the story of obtaining Lucille's gift certificate from the downtown spa she enjoyed that he had slipped inside her gift of pyjamas.

Troy had been in the kitchen setting the coffee maker for the next morning when Gabriella had finally dragged herself off the swing set and made the wary walk back to the Bolton house the night before. The windows had been dark, the porch lights switched off, by the time she used the key from under the mat to unlock the front door and soundlessly slip inside the still entry way. She had startled Troy, who along with his parents, had thought she was asleep upstairs considering the hour. It had been obvious from her puffy cheeks and blood-shot eyes that she was anything but fine, yet she had brushed off his concerns with a wave of her hand. Pulling the hat from her hair and tossing her jacket on a hook, she had ignored his attempts to gain information and ascended the stairs to her room. She hadn't wanted to be rude, but at the particular moment, she had been falling apart and Troy was the last person who she could allow to piece everything back together. His concern was still etched on his face when she appeared on Christmas morning, quiet and withdrawn, but she had refused to ruin the day by explaining Andy's decision.

His eyes caught hers again from his place across the room, but when she looked away, she simply found herself looking into the guilt stricken face of Andy. Gabriella saw the way Troy's head turned to his brother, and then back to her, as realization dawned in his eyes. She knew he wouldn't know the whole of it, but he knew who was to blame. It was Lucille who unknowingly interrupted, asking Jack to change the CD in the player before smiling at Gabriella.

"Dear, I believe there is a pile of gifts under this tree for you," Lucille began warmly, standing to search them out. Gabriella shifted in her chair and set her mug aside.

She really didn't want to open gifts that Andy had picked out before last night; things that may have held some meaning but now only held empty promises. Plastering a smile on her face, she rose from her spot and made a pathway through the remnants of wrapping paper and bows. Cards and tags lay spread across the rug and tape stuck to the bottom of her sock. She hesitated on where to sit until Troy stood and indicated she take his place.

"Here, this way we don't have to hand them to you," he told her as she sat next to the stack of gaudy boxes that Lucille was patiently pulling from beneath the tree. "Mom has this thing where everyone opens their presents in turn. We saved you for the grand finale."

"Thank you," Gabriella murmured, reaching for the red and green wrapped box on the top. Her hand brushed against Troy's as he placed another on her pile, and she jerked her hand back at the tingling sensation that rushed through her. Keeping her eyes downcast, she carefully peeled back the tape and pushed away the paper to reveal a set of books by her favourite author of historical and political biographies. "Oh, this is awesome," she gushed.

"I noticed you had some in your room a few days after you'd arrived," Lucille told her, "So I figured they were a safe choice."

For the next half hour, while Jack popped in and out of the room from checking on the turkey and Lucille made an attempt to gather all the garbage, Gabriella opened each gift. She put as much time into opening them as she had wrapping those for others, making the few strands of time without thinking of the future last as long as she could. Despite her focus on keeping things light and despite the smiles and laughs, she could feel the undercurrent to her actions as her thoughts reminded her that this was the last time it would be like this. Adding the sweater from Andy to the pile that included jeans and boots that her mother had sent, more books and movies and photo frames from the Bolton parents and CDs and a framed photograph of one of the beaches in California from Andy, Gabriella reached for the final box that was left.

"You don't have to open that," Andy told her quietly, causing her to jerk her head up.

"It's not from you, though," she answered, confused as she re-read the tag. "It's from Troy."

"I know," Andy said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, "But it's supposed to go on-"

"Ella, it's okay if you want to wait," Troy told her but she heard the disappointment in his voice and steeled herself against whatever it was that had Andy worried.

"No, I want to," she insisted, ripping the bow off as she did.

Underneath the gold wrapping paper was a red box that hid a much smaller white jewellery box. Her breath hitched as she remembered the last time she had held a similar object in her hand. It had been her birthday in October and Andy had given her a charm bracelet in an identical box. She understood what he had been trying to tell her without ruining the surprise a minute before and she closed her eyes before taking off the lid.

"Oh," she gasped, unable to bring her finger to touch the two tiny square links that lay on a bed of cotton. One was fairly simple, its silver plate acting as a background to the pair of gold plated skis that crossed each other on the face of the charm. The second was a Christmas tree, gold with an amber gem acting as a star. "Troy, they're beautiful."

"Andy mentioned that he had given you the bracelet for your birthday, so I thought you could add them to it," he replied, uncharacteristically shy as faint color brushed his cheeks and he ducked his head as his fingers unravelled a discarded bow. "But if you don't want to-"

"I love them," she told him with one of the few genuine smiles all morning, "Of course I'd wear them."

Across from where she sat, she saw Andy relax at the silent message that she would still wear his earlier gift. Adding Troy's selections to it would make it easier, but she would have done it nonetheless. The tension in the room eased slightly as Gabriella replaced the lid to the box and settled it with the rest of her gifts. Leaning back on her elbows, she let her gaze sweep upwards from the base of the tree until she could see the angel resting on the top. A body settled beside her, his warmth seeping through her sweatpants as he pressed close. When she heard someone leave the room, Gabriella knew who it was without ever looking away.

~*~

She didn't know what woke her that night. It was long after the presents had been opened and dinner had been eaten. It was several hours after late night eggnog and shortbread cookies were eaten while watching old re-runs of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in the version that included the Abominable Snowman, that had been followed by the entire fivesome climbing the stairs to their beds, that Gabriella found herself awake and staring at her ceiling.

The clock beside her bed declared Christmas officially over and something inside Gabriella's chest squeezed so tightly that she felt the information would break her in two. They would never have another Christmas and it rang in her skull like an alarm. Suddenly, her breath rushed out and she clutched at the bedspread as Andy's words on the playground rattled in her memory. The things he had said and the certainty in which they had been spoken jumped to her lips and she repeatedly the conversation to herself without a word, her lips moving in haste as she sought to find what had her blood running cold.

Images ran through her head like a movie reel, scenes jumping out as the adrenaline climbed up her back. Mornings in Colorado, with the sun sparkling off fresh powder as Troy strapped her helmet in place. Evenings inside a coffee shop, curled up in a corner with no one to interrupt. A makeshift stage where they shared a microphone, laughing as they stumbled through the words and making up their own when needed. There was a lull, and then new scenes. That first day in the bookstore when her heart leapt to think it was Troy in front of her. Their first date at a basketball game where all she had done for most of it was to think of the lessons on the rules that Troy had given her one afternoon while drawing on a napkin in the resort restaurant. There were flashes of the times Troy had called and she had wondered what would happen if she had answered Andy's phone. The pictures seemed to slow as Christmas approached and she relived the moment where she heard that he was dying and the moment where he said she was what he had constantly asked for. Then she was back at the playground and Andy was breaking up with her.

Gabriella's head snapped up and her eyes widened in the dimly lit room. She hadn't seen it. Hadn't been able to admit it to herself. She felt joy and giddiness all at once before anguish set in. She loved him but couldn't keep him. No matter how much of herself she gave to him, he belonged to time. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she buried her head in her hands. Seconds ticked by and the clock counted another minute before she bolted from the bed and slipped out of the door. The hardwood of the hallway was cool beneath her feet as she hesitated with her hand on the doorknob to his room. She considered knocking, but decided against it. She didn't need him to comfort her or accept her words. All she wanted was to see that he was still there. That they still had time.

Troy lay on his back, one arm flung over his head with his face turned towards the door. The glow from the nightlight in the hallway made a smudged path across his chest and stomach where the covers were drawn up, his other arm resting on top. His hair fell away from his face and he never moved as she took a step inside the threshold and stopped. Her eyes were trained on the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath the sheets and she turned to go, satisfied that she hadn't realized her feelings too late. Making to retreat and go back to her room, she turned around on impulse. Nothing in his posture had changed, his breaths just as rhythmic as before, but instead of leaving Gabriella padded softly across his floor.

Her fingertips traced his hand and then his arm, travelling up to his face without ever touching him. Stopping at his jaw, her fingers stilled as he shifted slightly. Groggily, his eyes opened and then shut lazily. One bent knee lowered and the other moved a fraction of a centimetre, his respiration resuming its even sequence. Gently, she brushed back a lock of hair that had fallen across his brow and pressed her lips to his forehead.

Then she left, shutting the door behind her, and went back to bed.