FEAR

~ Let me fall if I must fall~

When she kissed him the first time, he felt a brief flash of surprise, for which he was eternally grateful. An emotion, other than sadness or boredom, was something to be cherished. No one ever seemed to care for him and suddenly he was important even if it was only for his body. He could make someone happy, for a few precious moments. Happiness is only temporary which could also be said for sadness, he knew that, and yet he had been melancholic for such a long time. He thought he would live out his days alone until she touched him and wanted to be touched by him as well. This physical relationship should have been enough. But the gloom kept creeping back in with more force than ever before. He should have known, that this thing between them never existed.

Nevertheless she held on so tightly, her nails clawing into every stretch of skin that she could reach. Her tears melded with his own. Yes, they were so alike, both incredibly weak. He could have left her, he could have avoided getting involved with her altogether; but he was afraid. He had never been in love and what if no one ever came to love him? He knew he was not very interesting, smart, or capable. In actuality he was extremely clumsy and had no talents to speak of. Day-to-day living was just about the most difficult thing that ever was, and she knew. She knew exactly how he felt. So when she pulled him toward her, and pressed her mouth to his, it was as if she were saying: let's be afraid together.

It was wrong but he wanted to know that he was not the only one suffering. However, the agony only deepened, and that pleases her in a twisted way. So he stayed, thinking that he could make her at least a little bit happier, and perhaps, lift her out of this misery, even if he will be left behind. It was too late for him anyway. Ah, but making Akito happy was nearly impossible. Besides he did not love her, so how could anything but sorrow be born?

They spent numerous nights together; in what she believed was a peaceful understanding when in reality his anxiety levels were steadily increasing. And then a confrontation broke out, between his sempai and him. They met in the halls, for a minute he stood still glaring at him with an eerie light reflected in intense brown eyes. He spoke in low, clipped tones, as if every word was painful for him. I'm leaving; he bit out, though that fact was obvious seeing all the bags around him. Then he took a few steps closer, his eyes never straying from boring into his own. Do you see the irony? He asked raising an arm up holding his hand out in a movement reminiscent of Hamlet holding a skull. It's so funny I could get sick, Kureno, you make me sick. And without giving him any time to respond, he turned around, hefted his bags and strode out the door.

Gure sempai left. He just walked out as if it was the simplest thing to do. To go out into the world where strangers will look at you and try to determine who or what you were. He could never do that; he was not as brave. The door was left wide-open . . .maybe . . .Akito was screaming and something was shattering in the house, he must go to her, that door was not opened for him.