Chapter Five: Over My Head
And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves
-The Fray
Spike grumbled to himself as he opened the hatch of the red tail. He had retrieved Faye's luggage from the ship's cargo hold and was attempting to retrieve her handbag from the cockpit. He hoisted himself into the driver's seat and began to reach underneath the seat for her purse when he noticed a small photograph tucked into the control panel of the ship.
He glanced over his shoulder for a moment before tentatively extending his hand toward the photograph. After letting his fingers trail over the glossy surface he quickly plucked the picture from the control panel.
Luke stared back at him with that same wide, self-assured grin. Not that Spike could blame him. Faye was standing next to him, holding his angular face in her small hands. Eyes closed, her lips were pressed tightly against Luke's cheek. Spike was sure he could make out the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
A large, looping roller coaster stood out in the background of the photograph. He couldn't imagine Faye at an amusement park – let alone imagine her enjoying herself at one. Nevertheless, she seemed carefree. Happy, even.
A passing breeze swept her short violet hair away from her face. Her cheeks and chest were slightly flushed. He imagined it was the result of the summer heat. Or maybe a consequence of the rush she felt on the coaster. Or the thrill of capturing Luke for a quick instant – the snap of the camera's shutter. Or maybe … she loved him.
Grunting, he tossed the photograph aside. At least she was attempting to add some realism to her little charade. He reached for her purse on the floor and then stepped out of the cockpit onto the floor of the hangar. He gathered her luggage in his arms and made his way toward her room. At least he assumed she'd be in her old room – cigarette in hand, lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling – just the way he'd remembered her.
Faye stood in the middle of her room, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. It was just the way she left it. Bed unmade, a pile of her old clothes pushed into the far right corner, and the dresser strewn with empty cigarette packets and used matches.
She could almost recall every moment spent in that room. Late nights spent chain-smoking, reviewing that old beta tape which contained a mere sliver of her past life. Grasping at every moment for some kind of meaning.
She sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. A loud thudding noise broke the silence in the room. "Open up."
Faye rolled her eyes. She'd hoped in the time she'd been away that Spike would have learned to knock on doors rather than kicking them.
She crossed the room and opened the door for him.
"Bags," he said flatly, as if she needed an explanation.
"Just put them in the corner," she said.
He complied, silently walking to the far corner of the room and dropping her bags rather ungracefully on the floor.
Faye sighed, pursing her lips together and watched as he took two long strides past her toward the door. She took a breath, then exhaled. "You know, if you really didn't want me here – "
"I didn't," he said coldly, turning to face her, "It was Jet's idea. Not mine."
Faye straightened, holding her head a little higher, "That wasn't the impression I had the other night. If I didn't know better I would have thought you missed me." She meant to sound playful – instead the words came out flat, and she couldn't find it in herself to smile.
He gave her a small smirk, "Yeah, Faye. Maybe in the way I'll miss you when you slip away a few weeks from now with all our food and half of our cash."
Faye opened her mouth to protest but he had slipped out the door before she had a chance to reply. She huffed as she heard him walking away. As if she needed his cash, anyway.
Spike shoved his hands deep into his pockets and stalked into the living room. Jet was sitting on the large yellow couch, feet propped on the coffee table in front of him.
"You just couldn't let her be, could you?"
Spike shrugged, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. "I don't know what you're talking about, Jet."
"You know, if you'd just leave her alone – "
"Save it, old man. Just because she's here now doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't owe her anything."
Jet raised a hand to his chin, running his long fingers through his black beard, "No. But it might bring a little peace to the other people on this ship."
Spike stared at the empty vid screen. The fan overhead buzzed lightly and one of the ship's lights seemed to flicker in time to the sound.
"So…" Spike ventured hesitantly, "what do we know about this guy?"
"Who? Bosch?"
"Bingo."
Jet shifted a little in his seat. He reached behind his head to scratch his neck. "He's hiding out. On Venus."
Spike could sense where this was going. He groaned, "Oh, come on, Jet. Anywhere but Venus."
Jet ignored him, "I'm sending you two off tomorrow. You'll be undercover."
"For how long?" It was a stupid question, he realized. Nevertheless, he didn't want to stay with Faye a second longer than he absolutely had to.
"Indefinitely. Until the job's done. Or he leaves. You and Faye will be staying at the Hôtel Pergolèse."
"And you'll be … ?"
"Without Ed around there's no one to gather intelligence. I'll be staying here. Keeping you two posted."
"Great," Spike sighed.
"Look, Spike," he said, "We can make quick work of it if you'll just work with her. After that you can send her off to Luke again and she'll be out of your hair for good."
"Yeah." Spike clenched his teeth. Somehow, he thought, it wouldn't be quite that easy.
Spike sighed, his thoughts drifting as he tore his eyes from the muted vid screen. Jet had long since retired to his bedroom, and Spike assumed that Faye had done the same. The dim yellow light that leaked from under her door had disappeared about an hour ago. He hadn't seen her the rest of the day. Not that he was complaining. He imagined the less he saw of her the better.
The room was dark save for the blue and white light of the vid screen. It flickered silently across the cool steel walls of the ship and onto his skin, making him suddenly feel cold.
He took a breath, reaching for the pack of cigarettes on the coffee table. Withdrawing a cigarette from the pack, he placed it between his lips and flicked his Zippo with his thumb. The orange flame danced wildly in the dark room, and as he slowly inhaled he heard quiet footfalls behind him.
He flipped the top back on the lighter and turned to face Faye.
"Hey," she said quietly.
Spike exhaled slowly, letting the cigarette dangle on his lips. Smoked curled in front of his face. "Hey," he muttered.
"You're still up."
"Yeah." He took another long drag on his cigarette. The air was so silent that he could hear the tobacco crackle as he inhaled.
Faye walked to the opposite side of the couch and sat down cautiously. Spike turned his head, studying her intensely. She folded her hands in her lap and sat up straight against the back of the couch, her feet flat on the floor. A piece of violet hair fell into her eyes and she quickly brushed it behind her ear.
"Cigarette?" he asked.
Faye hesitated for a moment, "No. I don't smoke."
Spike shrugged, "First time for everything, I guess."
She didn't say anything – just took a deep breath in, then exhaled. Spike watched as her chest slowly rose and fell. She looked nervous and out of place. Almost vulnerable.
"We're going to Venus tomorrow," he said, directing his eyes back to the vid screen.
"I know. Jet told me."
Spike ran a hand through his hair, arching his back as he stretched, "I know you don't want to be here," he said casually, settling back against the couch.
"And I know you don't want me here."
He turned toward her again. She smiled faintly before turning away.
"It should be a quick enough job, anyway," she said, playing absently with the fabric of her black pencil skirt.
"Yeah. I wouldn't want to keep you from Luke or anything, seeing as how you two are happily married now."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Spike huffed, "Come on, Faye. Marriage? How do you plan to pull that one off? You had a hard enough time staying here. Even Ein was more loyal than you." Spike took a final drag off his cigarette, then leaned forward to crush the butt against the plastic ashtray on the coffee table. "You're kidding yourself if you think people don't realize it's a sham marriage."
Despite the darkness he could see her eyes flash angrily, "Does it really just kill you to think that I might have actually moved on with my life? That I'm not – blindly chasing a past I can't even remember? I mean, did it occur to you that I might actually be happy with Luke?"
Spike smirked, "It did. But then I saw that cheesy, lifeless grin you wore all night and I knew you were just in it to suck the poor sap dry."
"I love him, Spike," she said forcefully.
"You think if you say it like it will actually make it true? You're using him, Faye. Just like you used everyone else."
"Like the way you used Julia?"
He clenched his teeth and balled his fists. He didn't think Faye would actually have the nerve to say her name. "I never used Julia. I lov – "
"Oh, bullshit Spike. You used her as an excuse. An excuse to live in the past. An excuse to – to throw your life away. To leave." She was so worked up her hands were shaking. She'd told herself from the moment she arrived on the Bebop that she wouldn't bring this up. Faye took a breath, steadying herself, "Oh yeah, Spike. You loved her all right."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
Faye laughed incredulously, "Oh, really? Why is that? Do you think that you were able to hide it well? That no one knew that you were pining away for a ghost of a woman? That you'd be willing to give your life for her at the drop of a hat? She didn't even exist Spike – whoever you loved, it wasn't Julia. It was never Julia. It was just some – some idea you had of her."
"Shut up, Faye."
"So you're allowed to criticize my relationships, but I can't say anything about yours? That hardly seems fair." Faye stood and walked toward him, arms crossed over her chest defiantly as she stood before him.
Spike couldn't help but let his eyes travel over her body. Her small hips were positioned squarely in front of his face, and her arms were crossed so tightly over her chest that he could make out a hint of cleavage peeking out from her blouse. He felt a muscle in his jaw jump and he swallowed hard. He wasn't sure if it was the mere sight of her that caused him to tense or the way every word that slipped past her lips infuriated him.
"I said shut up, Faye."
She gave him a sadistic smirk, "You really want me to believe that that's real love, Spike? Chasing ghosts? Pretty girls? If she's dead now it's your fault. You never knew when to give up. When to let go. Maybe Julia would have been better off without you."
Spike rose to his feet and gripped Faye's arms tightly. He pulled her close against his body, shaking her slightly. She gasped a little and he saw a hint of fear flicker in her eyes. The sight of her -- chest heaving wildly against his, the look of shock written on her pretty face, and the excitement in her deep green eyes -- was almost enough to make him smirk. Instead, with their faces mere millimeters apart, he stared intensely into her eyes.
"Don't you say her name. Ever." His grip tightened on her arms. His voice was low and husky – almost a whisper. Her lips were slightly parted and he could feel her warm breath fluttering against the side of his neck. It made the hair on his arms stand up and he couldn't help but pull her closer until her lips nearly grazed his. Her eyes were half closed – from shock or sleep, he wasn't sure. If it had been any other woman – any other situation – he wouldn't have been able to keep himself from kissing her. "Do you understand me?" he demanded lowly.
Faye closed her eyes for a moment, regaining her composure. When their eyes met again she glared at him, "Let me go, Spike."
Spike took a deep breath, feeling his chest press against hers one last time before releasing her. "Get out."
"Gladly."
Faye turned and slowly walked back down the hall to her room. Spike watched as she turned the corner, disappearing from sight. Swearing under his breath, he sank back into the couch with his head in his hands.
A/N: All righty! I think this is the longest chapter so far. Go me. I hope that the characters are filling out a little bit better. I had meant to address 'The Julia Issue' in this chapter from the beginning, but I'm not sure how well it all turned out. The fight felt a bit more natural as I wrote…I hope it doesn't seem contrived in any way. I really hope everyone is still enjoying the story. I'm not really all that great at writing, and I tend to move quickly through dialogue without a lot of exposition. So if you feel that description or plot is a little thin, please feel free to say so! I can't thank you guys enough for the reviews. They are very helpful.
Well, till next time, then!
-Nevi
