A/N:
I love you guys! Seriously. All of you who have this on Alert/Favourite are amazing. it makes me crazy happy to see updates from FF with new alerts and such. I love you. And the reviews are great. They help a lot. and they make me smile.
So, I'm updating again today, and not tomorrow. Because I felt like it. I break the rules.
I don't own Twilight.
I woke up sweating slightly because I was so close to Jake. He was snoring quietly, which was comforting. He needed the sleep, so I slipped out of bed and when down to the kitchen to find something to eat.
I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat down. Things needed to happen today. I couldn't ignore this, and if I were ever to get everything settled, or as settled as they can, it needed to happen today.
I thought about Alice first. She was everything to me. I'd never had a girl be so close to me before, girls bugged me. But Alice, even with her shopping addiction and obsession with the way I dressed, I couldn't picture my life without her. It wouldn't be as carefree as it was before, but she was going to be in my life.
Carlisle and Esme were like second parents to me. I loved them as much as I loved Alice. They may not be happy that Edward and I didn't work out, but they'd be happy I was happy. No doubt about that.
Emmett and Jasper wouldn't be angry with me. Emmett was always my big teddy bear. I'm sure I'd get endlessly joked about and the butt of his jokes. I knew it would still all be in good fun. Jasper would probably go with whatever Alice thought. He may not be so willing to hang out, he didn't do that much before though so it wouldn't be a surprise.
Rose, I don't think I want to think about what Rose will think.
I forced myself to think of my biggest worry.
Edward.
I liked to believe that he'd just want me happy. I would want him happy, even if it hurt. He meant a lot to me, even now. I couldn't make myself take him back. He wouldn't want me if I didn't want him just as much. He would be hurt. I knew I'd have to talk to him face to face eventually. He deserved that much.
All of them would be worried about my safety. But I had no reason to fear. Jake and the pack would be there for me. They knew I was connected to the Vampire world as much as I was to their world. They would have to deal.
I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and a soft kiss on my head. He sighed contently and sat next to me.
"Morning, Bells," he said.
"G'morning," I said and leaned into him.
"Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes were worried.
"As long as you're here, yes." I said into his shoulder. I could feel his body shake with a laugh.
"What's the plan, honey?" I forgot he wasn't in my head and didn't know what had happened after I said yes to him.
"Well, I have to talk to Alice some. And I think... I need to talk to Edward." I rushed the last part, not so much because it hurt saying his name, but more so
that I knew as soon as I said it I'd have to follow through.
"Why?" he said, I saw his hands shaking slightly. I hoped he'd understand.
"I don't want him to think this is about revenge. He hurt me, but I don't want to hurt him back. He deserves an explanation. One he wouldn't give me." My voice was stronger than I thought it would be.
"Okay. You know Bells, you always amaze me." Jake kissed my cheek and I believed the same of him. He took me even when I was broken.
"I believe you. You're amazing too, you know. It's hard for me to realize you wanted me, even when I was in pieces. You're my everything." I said. He needed to know that.
"Bells, there's nothing about you I wouldn't want. I might not be happy that you think Edward deserves anything, but I trust you." He stroked my hair and he had no idea what he meant to me.
"I love you." I said. Finally able to mean it.
He laughed a hearty laugh.
"I love you more."
"I need the closure, Alice." I tried to explain to her. I'd called her after I practically threatened Jake out of my house.
"Bella, it might not be a good idea." She was worried about whether I or Edward would benefit or suffer from it.
"I deserve the chance to explain what I've gone through." She shuddered at the thought of what happened during those months.
I continued.
"He also deserved an explanation. He might have broken me, but I know he'd want an explanation." I also needed to find an end for myself. The break up might have been the end for him, but it was only the beginning of nothing for me.
"Tomorrow afternoon." Alice said as a statement. I knew she'd know as soon as I'd decided.
I nodded. I had to do this. This was something completely necessary.
"You'll be there right?" I tried not to sound desperate but I couldn't see him alone.
"Only if you want me." She said, I knew I could change my mind about whether she needed to be there or not, but for now I needed her there.
We sat in silence for what seemed like forever, but it was a nice silence. I knew she was worried about me and Edward both. Picking sides was never a good thing, but she'd try her best to be neutral. Her love for both of us ran deep and she would never intentionally hurt either of us. I didn't want her to pick sides, I wanted her to be able to walk both grounds and continue to love us both.
The living room had grown dark and I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up.
"Please stay." I said and hugged Alice.
"Okay," she said.
Charlie didn't think too much about Alice being here for another night and left us alone for "girl talk".
I made a bed for Alice on the couch and brought a blanket down from the closet for a bed on the floor for me. I felt worn out and knew tomorrow would be no better, so I grabbed my phone and sent a quick message.
I love you. Goodnight.
I soon fell asleep, though this sleep didn't bring me any rest.
