A/N: Yikes, here it is. I'm pretty happy.
Lemony as promised. Remember, this was their first time. It will only get lemony-er from here. hehe.
I don't own Twilight.
Just the dirty thoughts I have about the Characters.
My heart raced all morning. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Today was necessary, but it didn't make it easy.
I pulled on a pair of jeans and a band t-shirt, took a deep breath and went to the living room.
Alice was there waiting for me, like I asked her. I grabbed my jacket and then grabbed Alice's hand. She knew today was just as hard as it was for me as it was for her.
We walked to my backyard slowly, slowly even for me. I didn't want to avoid this moment, but no way would I want to rush it.
I felt his gaze before I even looked up. I knew this was going to hurt, it was going to burn the edges of my soul.
I raised my eyes slowly, he looked the same. Same bronze hair, perfect god like face. His eyes were the only thing that were different. They held so much pain. It was hard to look in them.
"Hello Edward," I said in a small voice.
"Bella," he said. He was going to play business man here. That hurt more than anything.
I didn't know where to start. He knew what I'd chosen. But he also knew I wanted to say it to him. I might as well be honest with him.
"I don't know what to say," I started. He kept looking at me, expecting something.
"I already know Bella, why are you making us do this?" He was visibly shaking.
"I need this, Edward. You may not see that, but I know you'll appreciate this one day," I said. He rolled his eyes. It was now or never.
"Edward, when you left me. I was broken, into a thousand tiny pieces. And I don't hate you for that, but after, I had to pull myself together I had to let go. I'll always love you Edward, but I can't be in love with you anymore. My life was turned upside down and I had find what to hold onto." I tried to explain, though I knew it didn't exactly make sense.
"Bella, I left for your own good. I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I still loved you, I love you right now. I lied to you that day in the forest. You are good for me. You believed a lie, Bella." He said, gazing straight into my eyes.
I stood there, mouth open. Was he telling me the truth? Had he lied to me? I couldn't breath. Had I made a mistake?
"No, I saw your eyes. You weren't lying, Y-you couldn't have," I stuttered.
"Bella, believe me. It killed me to lie, but that's what it was. Just a lie," he reached for me, then stopped himself and put his hands back to his sides.
"Edward, I don't know if I can believe you. You stand here before me and you look the same, it's hard not to fall into old patterns. But I had to learn to stand on my own two feet, without you. And now that I have it's something I can't go back on. I can't go back to be codependent on you." It hurt to admit that. I felt the tears burning my eyes, but we both needed to acknowledge it.
He stood across from me and stared. Probably retreating into his own mind. But when he opened his mouth I never expected him to say this.
"I agree. We were too codependent. I'd only hope that you would still want to be friends." It would have sounded so cliche from anyone else, but it felt so real to me.
"Edward, you'll always mean a lot to me. You'll always be my friend." I said as I closed the gape between us and hugged him tightly.
What had been said today would be enough. No need to go back through the past.
The healing could begin now.
For both of us.
Alice and Edward left together after we finished talking a little more. They promised to be in touch and they'd be back soon.
I walked into my kitchen, now hungry after a long morning. I reached into the fridge to grab the ingredients to a sandwich. I decided to send a message.
Lunch?
-B
I had started to clean some lettuce when my phone vibrated.
Be there sooner than you can say Werewolf.
-J
I laughed. Even without him at my side I felt his warmth and love. Jake leapt through my backdoor with a triumphant smile on his face. I smiled back and kissed him.
"Missed you."
"Missed you more," he said.
I put three sandwiches on the table and handed him two.
"How was it?" He said after taking a bite that devoured half the sandwich.
"It was as I thought. It hurt, but it was required. They've left, but they'll be back. You do know that they'll still be around right?" I said, hoping he wouldn't be upset by that.
"Yeah I figured that much. I suppose more protection for you right?" He was great.
"Kinda prone to klutzy moments," I pointed at myself.
He laughed a deep laugh and kissed me on the cheek. His lips were warm against my cold skin.
I pulled his face close to me and kissed him deeply. I wondered how I could have doubted my feelings toward him. He was everything.
Jake deepened the kiss and pulled me onto his lap. I sighed into his mouth and he moaned in response. He moved his kisses down my jaw line to my neck.
"Bella," he sighed into my neck.
A lot of things had changed in the last few days, I had opened my feelings up to Jake and let him in. His feelings were already known. If I thought about it, I'd known that I had let him in a long time ago.
"Jake, stop." I said, pulling back. He pouted out his lower lip slightly and I laughed.
I stood up and took his hand and he followed me up the stairs to my room.
When he realized what was happening he stopped pouting.
"Bella, are you sure?" He asked, he had no idea how sure I was.
I didn't respond. I sat down on my bed and he copied. My heart was racing and I knew his was as well. It wasn't so much in nervousness as much as excitement. I had no need to worry with him about stopping, or him worrying about hurting me.
He crashed his mouth into mine and I responded just as fervently. His body heat was intoxicating, along with his husky smell and silky hair. He softly pushed me to lay down on the bed, and he moved his hands under my shirt on my stomach. I shivered, even though his hands were warm. I pulled his shirt over his head and ran my hands down his chest and abs. He groaned at my touch.
"Bella, do you know what you do to me?" He asked, though I knew it was more to himself than me.
Jake pulled my shirt over my head and threw it to his left. I shimmed out of my pants and underwear, finally taking off my bra and showing myself to Jake for the first time.
He stood back and admired my body. I didn't feel self conscience or nervous under his heavy gaze. He leaned down and kissed the swell of my breasts softly. I pulled his head up to mine and kissed him deeply before moving my hands down his chest and to his buckle. He stopped me and swiftly removed himself of the rest of his clothing.
He laid back down with me and looked into my eyes.
"I love you, Bella."
"I love you more," I smiled, saying what he usually did.
We said little after that.
His hands cupped my breasts, running his thumbs over my nipples, and he continued to kiss me passionately. I pressed my body into him and enjoyed the warmth his body released.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. He moaned as my body pressed harder into his body.
I felt his hardness against my leg, and couldn't wait any longer.
"Jake," I sighed. He got the clue.
He positioned himself at my entrance.
"Bella, look at me." He said, I hadn't noticed I'd closed my eyes.
"Are you sure?" He didn't want me to regret this, I knew, but he was my answer.
I nodded and he entered me.
It hurt, more than I thought. I hadn't realized how large and thick he was. I cried out but I only wanted more. He continued and found a slow pace that I needed.
My body started to adjust to his size and I felt a tightness in my stomach.
"Jake," I moaned. His rhythm was becoming more tight and rough.
We came together with our bodies thrashing and each moaning the others name.
He rolled over and pulled me on top of him.
"Wow, Bella."
"I know," I said.
"God, I love you," he said.
"I love you too," I said.
We loved saying "I love you" now that we both meant it.
