So sorry for not updating! It hate writer's block. No killing meh!


Stupid Wand!


Okay, I knew I was supposed to be like—Oh shit!

But I was laughing.

That was why Alice hit me, very hard on the head, and I winced. "And you were in the army?" she asked me.

"Yeah, pretty much."

I was now looking at Edward, who was wearing a robe—last year's color too, ladies! Not appropriate for this year—and holding around a wand, waving it in front of my face. "See, Eddie? I know that you're trying to make me more beautiful but in conclusion, it can never happen."

He mumbled something in magic talk.

"Sorry, I don't speak dumbass."

Alice hit the back of my head. "Ow! It's not funny anymore, Allie!"

She scowled at me.

"And you're the same beautiful pixie love I married?"

"It's marriage, Jazz."

I sighed and turned to Edward once more. "Can I ask you to take off a curse off me, buddy?"

"What curse?" he said in this weird sorcerer tone.

"I'm married."

"Ahh…bad luck, dude. Nothing magic can do about it."

Alice grabbed me and took me to see Rosalie because we knew that she was probably as scary as hell—even more than usual.

"I HAVE SORCEROR POWERS! I CAN LISTEN TO THOUGHTS!"

Would someone give him like—Geeks Illustrated or something? Alice and I walked to see Rosalie and stopped in our tracks when we saw that some weird Goth girl was standing in our way. Her hair was completely black and so was her clothes, and damn, those boobs were fine.

"Alice—"

"No! I don't wanna die! Don't—"I started but Edward still continued.

"Jasper is thinking of Rosalie's boobs!"

"Whoa! HE KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE!"

Alice scowled at me.

"I wouldn't if you let me, just touch you for once…" I said, offering her a smile while Emmett stood behind me. "Dude, it's a compliment. I was complimenting my sister's boobs—can you make this quick and painless?"

"No," Emmett grinned and looked at her. "Boy, Rose, I didn't know you took that thing last night seriously."

Rosalie just stared at him, scowling, letting her black lipstick pop against her pale skin. "Darkness consumed me."

"Ouch," Emmett inquired. "Did it hurt?"

"There is so much pain in this darkened world."

"Aha," Emmett responded, blinking. "Do you like Gucci?"

"No."

Emmett's eyes widened. "MY ROSALIE! WHAT IN HELL'S NAME?!"

"Emmett…we know we're supernatural and all, but we still have ears!" Carlisle exclaimed.

"Go Carlisle!" I exclaimed, shaking my hips. "Don't hate me because my hips are beautiful."

"Someone is too full of himself…" Emmett said.

"Who?" I asked.

"His name is Jasper and his has blonde hair." Emmett told me, staring at me while I nodded to him.

"Aha… he sounds handsome."

Emmett scowled.

"There, the perfect couple, knucklehead and Goth girl!"

Alice smacked my head.

"And the perfect couple, 'Emmett pitched in, grinning. "Boxing pixie girl and conceited boy."

"Yes, we're perfect," I said, grabbing Alice and kissing her and of course, as always, she didn't deepen the kiss much but it was fine, I guess and now, as I pulled off, I heard another sound.

A sound of a body hitting the floor.

Don't worry. This wasn't gonna turn into a horror movie, ladies.

Jasper's too pretty to be telling a horror story.

"Stupid wand!"

"Thank you," I said, 'someone feels the way I feel."

We walked and saw that Bella was on the floor, her hair dyed into stripes of red and purple and my heart might've skipped. Her clothing was made of black and pink, atrocious pink by the way, the hot pink that those emo girls wore—and apparently, she fell out of a trampoline.

How'd she get a trampoline here?

Edward now had his arms wrapped around her. "I got my love the trampoline—now tell me, what's the sorcerer's secret?"

Bella smirked. "That I just tricked you into getting me a trampoline."

Okay. From what I know, The Hardys used to practice on a trampoline and now, Bella was an imitation of Jeff Hardy.

Cool.

What? It wasn't everyday you see a hot girl wearing sexy wrestler's clothing and trying to wrestle on a trampoline.

Oh shit!

Charlie!

Um…

She was like that when I got there.

I didn't do anything to her.

Understand?

That was my story. Edward didn't do anything to her. I didn't do anything to her. She was like that when I got there.

What?

Not gonna work?

What do you know?!

"Bella, let's clean that make up shit off your face, 'and she did have a lot of it on, eyeliner, nail polish, lip gloss.

"I got a tattoo!"

"Where?!"

Oh shit.

Let it be somewhere that no one can see if she wore a miniskirt. She lifted her shirt so I could see that she had a tattoo of a heart.

Oh shit.

"Hey, Bells-"

"What?"

Now, that was when I smelled it. Alcohol.

"Have you been drinking?!" Alice exclaimed in horror.

The only thing I could say was, 'got anymore of that?"

I dodged Alice before she could hit me and stuck my tongue out at her. Bella punched me in the gut.

"Damn, what are you?!"

"A wrestler. I'm going to be a wrestler!"

"I swear, Charlie, we tried to stop her, 'I tried to perfect my excuse to him. "But she held me down. Raped me."

"She raped you?!" Edward said.

"Yes, she punched me in the stomach and then raped me with that look on her face. I will have a baby and I will call him Jasper after myself but then again, he'll never look as good as me."

Alice glared at me.

I guessed that English Harry Potter Edward didn't get that this was just a joke and he started feeling up my stomach.

"I can't feel a heartbeat."

"It's a supernatural baby." I told him. "He only pushes when he hears a song."

Oh, and he sang. Edward sang.

"OH PLEASE! MY BABY DOESN'T DESERVE THIS TYPE OF TORTURE!" I ran off.

But I could still hear Edward say.

"What did I do?"


Tell me.

What did I do to deserve this?

"Well-"

Alice, not you!

Men, word of advice, don't marry women. They can read your minds without mind reading powers.

Oh, and note: STUPID WAND!


X33. Review?

X Sam.