DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ARTEMIS FOWL AND I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANY MONEY OFF THIS !!!! (Author: Eoin Colfer)
(this story takes place after the 5th book and before the 6th - which I am still trying to forget exists)
Chapter 5
"So, who is it, exactly, you're trying to impress again?"
The sickly looking girl, Delilah she had told him, looked up at him, eyes dancing behind some hidden joke, a smile twitching at the corners of her lips. She had been bent over the table, hunched backed and sloppy, folding a sheet of paper into squares, then folding again. She had asked for the kids menu when the waitress had gone by, an odd thing to do, and then explicitly expressed that she didn't want to order anything from the menu, just wanted the paper. Now she was almost done, the paper folded into something that resembled a triangular origami animal.
Artemis didn't respond, it wasn't any of this girl's business. He clenched his jaw and glared at her, in futile hope that he would scare her off. The place smelt like a cacophony of spices that burned his nose and stung at his eyes. The waiters hardly spoke english, the food offered was not only commoners meal but also inedible tripe, and the entire atmosphere screamed public health violation.
He snorted in derision. Artemis was utterly baffled by his own honesty, and wasn't about to make the mistake again. He hadn't even told Butler his motivations for crying out loud! And here he had allowed the words to splatter out from his clenched teeth onto the pavement. And she had watched, amused, as he was consumed by his own humiliation.
Of course he wasn't a failure as a human. He wasn't a failure at anything. He was vastly superior to everyone around him, and that was all he needed to remember.
"So... Artemis was it? Thats quite an -" she began, the light in her eyes flickering wildly, the smile so wide on her face she was practically all teeth.
"Are you always this grotesquely savage? Or is this just a special occasion." He cut her off curtly.
The smile flickered. Artemis almost smiled in turn. That shut her up. She had one hand in the appetizer (something he had quickly declined consumption) and the partially eaten chip in her fingers. She closed her lips and swallowed the food quietly.
She was quite the stray. Though, now that he was close proximity with her, he could see that she wasn't as repulsive as he'd first assumed. The circles under her eyes were deep, and her skin was sallow, but her eyes were a sharp bright green – almost emerald, and her facial structure was cherubic. He supposed that with extensive work she could possibly become some semblance of pretty. Though by no means could she ever be a raging beauty, of that he was certain.
"Is that stick stuck so far up there that its touching your brain? Or do you just like me?" she retorted once she'd cleared her throat with a glass of water.
"I beg your pardon?"
She didn't even miss a beat this time.
"That's right, you do beg, don't you?"
Rage roared in his ears. Artemis could feel the fire flick at his tongue, urging him to form the words he needed to say to shut this girl down. He couldn't even – he couldn't begin – he started breathing in slowly, calming himself. He didn't feel rage. He couldn't be provoked by such a statement from such an ignorant simpleton. He instead ground his teeth.
Something sparked in her eyes. She was no longer smiling, now she was grinning not unlike a lunatic. She continued.
"That stick, the one that's stuck up your ass. Is it like permanently attached to your atlas or something? Cause you have some serious problems, man."
They glared at each other over the table. Artemis wasn't about to admit it, but he was remotely impressed that she didn't wither under his stare. She stood her own and pierced her lips and narrowed her eyes.
"You wont get a response from me continuing on like this." Artemis informed sharply, looking at her over his water flute. He wasn't drinking it, he didn't trust it. He was just inspecting the rim, which was very faintly flecked with water stains. Barbarians.
"You said you were trying to prove 'That Hack' wrong? Am I safe to assume you mean Dr. Finkly?"
"You're not safe to assume anything."
"Mmm, make an ass outta you an' me, right right... but I am right, aren't I?"
Her expression softened moderately. Artemis didn't stop glaring. Why had he said anything? Why had he stopped? She was obviously an ingrate! All she had done was return to him her phone – which she could have stolen in the first place – and here he was paying for her meal! He hadn't asked her to wait in the rain, in fact, she could have just as easily waited in the office.
"Why were you waiting in the rain?" Artemis inquired, in a manner he hoped was innocuous and casual.
Delilah stopped folding what he could now tell was a paper bird.
"You're changing the subject," she intoned.
"I'm doing no such thing."
"You're deflecting off of you and onto me. Fine, you want to know why? I tell you, you'll tell me why exactly you're trying to prove yourself to Dr Finkly – and how do you expect to do it with me."
She had folded her arms across her chest, and had leaned back in her chair. Artemis straightened out and mirrored her expression. Two could play this game.
"That's irrelevant."
"No. Its perfectly relevant, as seeing as it has to do with me."
They glared at each other. Artemis could feel Butler chuckling behind him, quietly to himself. Delilah had asked if it was alright if Butler sat in the table behind them – so that he was still there, physically with Artemis, but so that she wasn't so intimidated by his bulk. She had raised her hands and professed that she had no ill intentions in mind, scouts honor. Butler had actually chuckled then too, had given her a square look then taken a firm seat behind Artemis, so close that his broad back merged with the back of Artemis' chair.
Butler found her amusing? My, he must have been getting old. Artemis took a deep breath and sighed. He wasn't about to be moved. As if she sensed this Delilah made a face then spoke.
"I have problems."
Artemis couldn't stop the derisive snort from issuing.
Delilah opened and closed her mouth, and then frowned.
"I hate how judgmental it feels in there. I mean, I know everyone in there has problems, hell, that's why they're there, but I still feel ... like I'm a freak. I dunno. And Dr Finkly's an alright Dr an' all, but I just get the feeling he doesn't get me. Not in the least. My parents want me to go, think therapy and drugs'll fix me... but its not that simple."
Artemis felt the cold anger fade. He could understand. It wasn't hard. His parents were almost the same way – though he was by no means defective like this silly girl. He was just too smart for anyone else to remotely understand him. She, she was just as common as they came. They weren't the same, not in the least! But... all the same he could feel the connection.
Artemis almost choked on the thought. Feel? Fell the connection? With a commoner as banal and ill spoken and ill educated as her? Pah! What a ridiculous thought! He was letting her pathetic situation take advantage of him again, just like in the car! Next thing he'd be doing was offering her a kerchief or worse, dinner.
"So?"
Artemis stopped his discourse. She was now tapping her foot against the grimy floor, expectant.
"So?" Artemis parroted.
"Your turn. I told you why I was at Dr Finkly's in the rain, you've got to tell me what you've got to prove, and what it has to do with me."
Artemis ran his hand through his hair cooly and said nothing.
That is, until Butler elbowed him in the ribs.
Making a mental note to have Butler's head examined, Artemis sighed.
"I haven't had ample enough time to ... finesse the details, but from what I gathered by his blathering rant on my person, he thinks I cannot make real human connections with others, especially those I deem not my equal."
"Well, isn't that a shock," Delilah drawled, now folding up another sheet of paper she'd miraculously conjured out of thin air.
Artemis continued, as if uninterrupted. He wasn't going to allow her to get under his skin.
"I believe that I can prove him wrong, and in doing so humiliate him as a hack, that he is."
"Mmhmm, right. And this isn't because you're afraid that he's absolutely right, and that you have no social skills to speak of and in fact, the few that you do respect enough to care about either are twice your age, dead, or in another country – leaving you utterly alone. And it wasn't until he made note of it, that you felt humiliated, because no one should be able to see through you that easy. Right?"
Artemis was stunned speechless. Twice in one day! This was the second time someone had just cut right through him – made presumptions about him and managed, though he figured it was blind dumb luck, to upset him! Wasn't he a genius? Wasn't he so far advanced along in human evolution that no one should be able to guess a thing about him? He was a rock, impenetrable, and yet this complete stranger had looked him in the eye and guessed that he was alone.
He'd once embraced that idea – the solitude, the singlism. He'd figured he'd been born a great man to stand alone, much like other greats. No one could possibly fathom the depths of his genius, and no one could connect with him on any such level to call a companion. Butler was more than twice his age, as was his parents, and Holly was busy living her life in the underground – and none of them quite knew him at all. He was inconsolably alone.
But he wasn't lonely. No. That would mean he desired, hell, needed human – or other – company. He'd gotten this far without it, there was no need to change.
"You've no idea what you're talking about," Artemis growled.
Delilah looked up from her second origami bird and fixed on him. He could feel her stare plunge into his, as if she could see straight to his soul. Her eyes were as cold as his. Artemis shivered. Perhaps, however inconceivable, she was sharp. Much sharper than he'd expected.
"Oh. Really? Well, then, how about a wager? I bet that by the Debutant Ball you not only insult every man woman and child in the ballroom, but you don't make a single connection. Hmm?"
"I'll make no such agreement with a complete stranger. You think I as stupid as you?"
"Fine. But then Dr Finkly is right, and horror of all horrors, I'm right, and I don't even have a PhD."
They were glaring each other down again. He couldn't let her win like this. Was he a genius or wasn't he? It was simple reverse psychology. He shouldn't be duped so easily. And yet, he ground his teeth, she was right. She was absolutely and horribly right. And he hated her for it.
"What would be my motivation? I mean, besides knowing that I'm right and you're wrong. Why should I prove myself to anyone but myself?"
This time she sighed, blowing her hair out of her face.
"Because you need to. You like a challenge. You need to prove this to yourself because if you don't you'll be bored and disappointed and chaffing for who knows how long. As for motivation – fine, if you make one single, solid, legitimate, friend, and when I say friend I mean friend – someone you trust and respect and like – I'll go skinny dipping in the fountain outside the Gala – as everyone leaves. You want humiliation – it don't get more humiliating than that."
Artemis was tempted. He couldn't deny it for a second. How she'd known him that well baffled him, but he'd find out. He was good a puzzles and she was as kindergarten as they came. So what if she'd baited him? He'd get the last laugh, for certain. Moreover it was two birds with one stone – three birds even if he considered his parents, and he'd get an entertaining show out of it.
"I'll consider it."
"Mmm, consider away Artemis," she drawled out his name deliberately before continuing, "but just know, if I'm right and you cant make a single friend, you have to skinny dip in the fountain. In front of EVERYONE. Oh, and also publicly announce that you're a moron." She took a sip of her water and smiled, deviously.
"Who would even remotely agree -" Artemis began but she swiftly cut him off.
"Then you're not confident in yourself? You don't believe you can learn to like people, and I mean actually like people, in four months? Cause if you ask me that's a long enough time. And here I thought you were a self proclaimed wunderkind." She leaned back in her chair and signaled for the waiter. "Fine, suit yourself. You know yourself better than I."
Artemis knew, he was oh so very aware, that he shouldn't give her the satisfaction – shouldn't bite. She was just egging him on, that damn pleased smile on her face stretching contortedly from ear to ear. She knew she had him baited. But he couldn't stop himself. He'd rationalize it later.
"I'll take your wager. I hope you like public displays of indecency."
Instantly her hand shot out over the table, and that smile now reached the depths of her pupils. Artemis tentatively shook it, remotely wondering what he just got himself into.
"Same to you."
Well, at least he'd no longer be bored.
To the readers:
Holy cow its been a whole year since I've touched this story! Bet you thought I was dead, didn't you? :) Hope you enjoy. More to come, promise!
