Chapter Twelve: Close Encounters
Stacey
March 26
One month.
That's how long Logan and I had been sleeping together. Such a short span of time, not nearly enough time to form a real relationship. Yet, my wild desire for protection and a place to escape to have quickly turned into what I think might be love. Not just the friendship kind either. All-out, heart pounding, nail biting, nervous love.
People who say that love is puppies and rainbows obviously have never been in love before. They have never experienced the raw emotions that rip up from inside of you and turn you into a blathering idiot. Love makes you sweat in places that are amazingly uncomfortable and it leaves you short of breath when skin grazes against creamy bare skin.
That's the kind of love that I was in. I was lucky to have found my lover in this world where so many people end up with the wrong person. Of course, there was a catch. A huge, disastrous catch.
I was in love with my best friend's boyfriend.
Ever since Mary Anne's rape, Logan had been craving attention for his own hurt and suffering over what Teddy Thomas had done to Mary Anne (which Logan still blames himself over for not protecting her well enough). So, he turned to me. I'm not going to say what we've done was right, but it was getting us through these hard times. I didn't have to feel so isolated and frightened and he doesn't have to feel frustrated and angry.
I've stopped seeing Logan for strictly comfort and safety. He's become the man that I am in love with.
I was pressed against a wall, with no place to go. He'd cornered me and was looking down at me with a satisfied smirk. God, he really had no idea how good looking he really was. Still, I shrunk away from his lips and they grazed my cheek instead of settling on lips like I'm sure he intended.
"Stacey, come on," he whispered, brushing my hair away from my ear and blowing a small burst of cool air into it. I shivered with arousal, but still managed to shake my head.
"I don't know when Mary Anne is coming home from her therapist's office, Logan."
Logan gently curled one of my long, golden locks around his fingers. "We'll make it a quickie," he murmured. He began to kiss softly at the sensitive skin on my neck. God, he was making me go all gooey when I was trying to stand up to him. Lousy man who knows just how to make me forget why we shouldn't be fooling around.
"Please, Stacey. You look so beautiful; it's been a struggle to keep my hands off of you."
I smiled. "Yeah, right, Logan. Your hands are all over me. I'm surprised that they aren't-"
Logan instantly caught my mouth and my words tumbling into his mouth instead of into his ears. I had to give Logan credit; he certainly did know how to kiss. I parted my lips coyly after managing to seal them shut. Logan's tongue was in my mouth, exploring and sending warm, beautiful sensations down my spine. I raised my hands from being pressed against the wall to clutching the fabric just below his collar, and pulled him closer to my body. I thought I felt a tiny laugh in my mouth that didn't belong to me.
"Anyway, honey," Logan said, trailing deliberate kisses with a gentle sucking pressure down the side of my neck. He knew better than to leave a hickey, so his pressure was miraculously always spot on. "She never comes up to the attic anymore. She hates the way it smells."
I looked around the best I could. We were in one of the bedrooms that had been created out of the far ends of the attic. There was a small twin sized bed from when I was a kid inside this room (the other held a rolled up air mattress along with a bumpy old mattress Logan and Mary Anne had found at a garage sale last fall), but it worked for sneaking around like we were.
"I kinda like it," I replied and Logan laughed.
"How did I know you were going to say that?"
"Intuition," I replied. "Now, shut up and starting kissing me again."
"Want to know who's the boss, huh?"
Logan grabbed each of my wrists and forced them over my head. Then, he kicked apart my ankles. There was something that even his boyish grin wasn't soothing. I kissed him back willingly until he released one of my hands (gripping my two hands with his remaining one) and slung my thigh over his hip.
"Logan, stop," I whispered.
His kisses became more demanding, more bruising.
I screamed and he immediately stopped and stepped away from me.
"Stacey, honey, what's wrong?"
"This!" I replied through my tears. "I can't do this."
"Be with me?" Logan asked, looking heartbroken. I shook my head.
"No. It's too violent." I closed my eyes. It wasn't really violent at all. It was just… I couldn't make love to the man I loved when I could see that naughty flicker in his eyes that was always in Teddy's eyes. "I can't."
With lips feather soft and hands just as gentle, Logan pulled me back in. "We don't have to play any games," he promised.
"Not today," I agreed before kissing him back.
His hands loosened his belt and Logan kicked off his jeans quickly. I followed his lead and let him lay me down gently onto the top of the bed. Logan continued to kiss me, light, butterfly kisses across my face, down my neck, trailing down further as he quickly but neatly undid the buttons on my shirt before slipping it off my body. My heart was starting to pound, but definitely in a good way.
Cupping his hands around my breasts, Logan moved even further south and I let out a squeak of shock. Then, a warm, liquid feeling flooded my entire being. I felt as fluid as the air and as though I could more right along with it. Still, I was earthbound. I clutched at the blankets near my hands and tried to keep from moaning out loud.
After our lovemaking was complete and we were lying in one another's sweaty arms, Logan dropped a kiss to the top of my head. I snuggled against him and sighed happily.
"Logan, this is wrong," I told him, like I did after every other time we made love. He nodded and, upon looking up at him face, looked miserable. My happiness evaporated. "I'm so sorry, Logan. I am really sorry about what I've done between you and Mary Anne. There's no excuse for what I did."
"Well, it's not like I've been refusing you, Stace. I'm just as much to blame, maybe even more so, than you are." He stroked my hair for a moment, considering what to say next. "I don't know how to stop this."
"I love you," I blurted out suddenly and felt my cheeks heat up. I swallowed and nodded. "Well, I do, Logan. I really do love you. I want to be with you forever."
He kissed me hard and seriously. I had never been kissed this way in my entire life. I closed my eyes and let him wash over me.
"I love you, too," he whispered when we broke our kiss. "It's so damn horrible that I am, but I am in love with you, too." He continued to play with my hair. "But, I still love Mary Anne just as much as I love you. What the hell am I supposed to do?"
I shook my head. "I wish there was some way that you could love both of us without either of us being jealous, but I don't know if that's possible."
"Probably not," Logan agreed. He kissed me then. "I think we have time for another go before Mary Anne comes home." He glanced at his watch and nodded. "Do you want to?"
I smiled. "You are such a horny teenager."
"Only for my girls," he said.
Was it strange that I wasn't bothered when he said that?
Logan made a big show of greeting Mary Anne when she came home from the therapist. She looked him over like he was crazy, but allowed him to hold her for a moment or so before pushing her way away from him and out of the room. Logan visibly deflated. I rushed over and kissed him firmly.
"This is going to get better," I promised him. He shrugged.
"Probably not," was his response before he followed Mary Anne upstairs. I stayed downstairs, sinking down onto the new couch.
Mary Anne hadn't been talking much to either of us. I supposed that she had finally decided to stop ignoring our affair and was punishing us by way of not talking to us. I had to admit that it hurt. After all, she was my best friend. I had taken to spending more time with Claudia and Kaylee, which was rewarding, but I still missed and felt guilty about Mary Anne. I knew that I should feel guilty- I was sleeping with her boyfriend! Nevertheless, I still loved her and cared about her deeply and I wish there was some way to make her understand that I wasn't trying to hurt her. I hadn't started sleeping with Logan to hurt her, but now I couldn't stop because I had fallen in love with him.
God, everything was such a mess.
I rose from the couch and walked quickly to the front door. Our coats were hanging up on hooks in the little hallway beside the door. I picked up my blue Burberry pea coat and slid it onto my body. The little gauge outside said that the temperature was only in the thirties still, so I buttoned up before I went out.
Sliding my gloves on as I walked to the car, I hoisted my purse straps onto my shoulder. That, too, had been sitting by the door, where I had dropped it in exhaustion yesterday after visiting with my mother. I straightened up. Today I was going to do something just for me.
Shopping.
I needed some new clothes anyways. I had dropped some weight and some of my clothes weren't hanging right on my body anymore. I needed to fatten up my wardrobe for spring so that I wouldn't feel so strange wearing too-big clothes that were last season's as well. Anyways, I needed to get away from Logan and Mary Anne because I could sense one of their big fights brewing while I was sitting on the couch.
Besides helping out with the taxes on the home and my own room and board, what else did I have to spend my social security money on?
I backed Logan's truck down the driveway. I hadn't been driving my own little green Chevy for a while now. I was sort of worried that Teddy would be able to recognize it. The last thing I wanted was for him to be able to follow me around because of my stupid car. Besides, Logan's truck was just so much more powerful. I felt safer in the truck anyways.
I ended up parking my car off on one of the side streets and walked onto the Stoneybrook downtown area; which basically consisted of a few clothing shops, a couple of restaurants, and some other stores like the craft shop and the bakery. It was small and cute and just the thing I needed right now. I decided to duck into the boutique that sold the absolute cutest clothes that weren't teen clothing.
Four pairs of jeans, two sweaters, five t-shirts, nine pairs of socks, three skirts, and four pairs of shoes later, I headed into the deli to get a sub sandwich. My stomach was growling and, as a diabetic, I couldn't ignore it. I have ignored my growling stomach a few times in the past and each time I ended up in the hospital, so now I made extra sure that I fed myself and was never hungry.
I looked around the little deli as I waited. Mrs. Kishi was in there, munching on a veggie sub. I smiled and waved to her and she waved back.
"How are you, dear?" she asked, after swallowing the mouthful of vegetables in her mouth.
I shrugged. "All right, I guess. Nothing too special going on, you know?"
Mrs. Kishi nodded. "That's life, though, isn't it? Still, I'd rather have a peaceful, uneventful day than one full of chaos."
"Oh, me, too."
"Order 24 is up."
I checked the tiny slip of paper in my hands. "That's me," I told her. "Well, it was nice to see you."
"You, too, darling. We should make a lunch date sometime," Mrs. Kishi said. I smiled.
"Definitely." We hugged and I pulled away. "I'll see you soon."
"Have a good day."
I turned to claim my sandwich and froze in my tracks.
It was Teddy.
He was much thinner than I remembered him, as though prison and hunting me down had sucked something vital out of him. His once full face that shone with light was sunken in, his cheekbone razorblade sharp. His clothing didn't fit him right either, I could tell by looking at him. For a moment, I felt pity for him, this scarecrow of a man who had once been such a great man with so much potential.
He wet his lips with his tongue.
Before he could make any move or say any word, I let out a scream and backed away from him. The shop owner bent down and picked up a bat that was hidden behind the counter.
"What's going on here?" he demanded.
I shook my head. Words weren't coming to me. All I could think of was being pressed to the wall and Teddy's fingers working their way painfully in and out of my body. I could practically feel his fists battering my body once again.
Instead of explaining and getting caught again, I ignored the shop owner and ran as hard as my legs could. I stumbled out into the town square and looked around frantically. I felt a moment of relief when I saw a squad car parked across the way. I ran towards it, banging on the windows when I reached it. The officer inside rolled down the windows, looking annoyed.
"What-"
"Teddy Thomas," I gasped. "Please! Get me out of here!"
"Get in," the officer said swiftly, unlocking the doors.
I threw my purchases into the back seat and flung myself into the front passenger seat. The officer was radioing in that Teddy Thomas had been spotted. I pulled on his sleeve.
"He's going to take me," I pleaded desperately and was rewarded with a rev of the engine. "Thank you."
I sat in silence as the officer hit the road, driving a bit faster than the speed limit. I could feel my body shaking. I needed to get home now.
Logan was waiting downstairs when Officer Lewis and I arrived. I ran to him and flung myself into his arms. I was shaking so hard that my teeth were chattering. Logan wrapped his strong, protective arms around me and I shut my eyes, willing myself to be calm in his embrace.
Teddy in right there in the deli with me…
I began to cry as Officer Lewis began to explain to Logan what had happened. Logan rubbed my back, almost absentmindedly, and I hiccoughed. My brain was beginning to feel so crowded, so screwed up with all the things that Teddy had done, all the things we'd done as a couple, and everything that I'd done to escape. I clutched at my lifeboat, Logan, even harder.
"What's going on?" I heard Mary Anne ask quietly.
"Stacey saw Teddy," Logan said tersely. Mary Anne gasped and I heard her take a step back.
"Did they catch him?" she demanded of Officer Lewis.
"I'm not sure, ma'am," he replied uneasily.
"That'll be all," Logan told Officer Lewis softly. Even though I couldn't see the young officer's face, I knew that he was relieved to be dismissed. I pressed my face against his chest again.
Mary Anne's footsteps hurried over to us as the front door opened and shut. I felt her small hand on my shoulder.
"Stacey?" she asked, her voice wavering.
I spun around to look at her. There were no words that we needed to say to one another. We both felt the same terror, the same memories of shame and degradation, and knew the anxious feeling of not being safe. Mary Anne opened her arms to me and I stepped quickly into her embrace with a sob.
"Mary Anne, it was so horrible," I sobbed miserably. "He's skinny now, but it's still him. He would've taken me, I know it, if I hadn't run. Oh, God." I began to shake uncontrollably. "Oh, God, he knows where we live; he'll just come and take me in the night. I'm never going to be safe."
"Stacey, honey, you have to calm down," Mary Anne said softly, rubbing my back. I shook my head.
"I have to be on my toes," I replied. My heart was beating so hard I half expected it to beat its way out of my chest. "Logan, give me your gun."
Logan simply embraced the two of us, wedging me in the middle. "Shh, honey. Please calm down."
A sob burst out of my throat. "I saw Teddy," I protested.
"Oh, honey, we know. We know, baby," Logan said gently. "But, he's not here. And he's never going to be here again. All right?"
I felt my legs give out as my head suddenly spun into darkness. Moments later, I was still between Mary Anne and Logan, being held upright. Mary Anne smiled at me.
"You fainted, sweetie. Do you need anything? Water? Milk?"
I shook my head. I was suddenly feeling very tired. "I need to sleep," I replied.
Mary Anne nodded. "I'll take you upstairs. If you think you can walk upstairs."
"Yeah, I think I can."
"All right, sweetie. Let's go then."
"You can't escape me," Teddy told me. I shook my head frantically.
"Teddy, please, don't do this."
"Shut up and stop whining," was all he would say to me.
Below the sheer mountain face we were standing on, jagged rocks lined the coast as high waves crashed over and over against the bottom of the mountain. I closed my eyes.
"Turn around, Stacey," Teddy commanded.
I did it. He pressed me hard against the rough face of the mountain and I felt my cheek scrape. A moment later warm blood welled on my skin. I began to cry.
"Why are you doing this to me? Just let me go, please!"
"No, Anastasia. I have other, better plans in mind for us, but first I have to show you that you are mine and nobody else's."
I cried out as I felt his hand between my legs, fumbling around until he grasped the edge of my panties and yanked the down to my knees. He used his foot to kick then to my ankles and made me step out of them. Then, he kicked my feet apart, kissing the back of my neck gently. If I didn't know better, I would think that he was actually my lover instead of my rapist.
"Don't resist me, baby," he whispered in my ear. "It's only going to hurt worse and I don't want to hurt anymore than necessary."
I wanted to protest again, but the sudden shock of his penis inside my body left my mouth hanging open. I choked back a cry of pain as he plunged in deep and pulled out swiftly. He repeated the pattern over and over, sometimes varying it to, I'm sure, keep me off guard and to make it more painful. All I could do was cry.
When he reached around and began to squeeze hard on my breasts, I began to scream out loud. The pain and the fear was too much. Maybe this was what he wanted to hear, but I didn't care. I screamed loud and hard. Maybe someone would rescue me.
Please, God.
"Stacey!"
I jerked awake. In front of me was Mary Anne. Her hair was pulled back like she always had it at night, but several strands were freed which meant that she had been sleeping and I had woken her up. I made a face.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You woke the entire house," Mary Anne replied. I blushed. "Poor Kaylee was scared to death and thought someone was in the house. Claudia is downstairs now, trying to get her back to sleep."
"And, you're trying to get me back to sleep?" I asked quietly. Mary Anne nodded.
"Was it Teddy?" she asked. I nodded. "All right. That son of a bitch." She was quiet for a long moment. "Stacey, do you mind if I sleep in your bed tonight? It might help you if you have someone else in your bed."
Logan.
"All right."
Mary Anne climbed over me and slid under the covers on the wall side of bed. She eased me down onto my pillows again, facing her. I didn't turn off the bedside lamp and Mary Anne said nothing about it. I sighed softly and Mary Anne pressed her hand against my face.
"We're going to get through this," she told me. "He's going to be caught. He's going to slip up. And, we're not going to let him control how we live our lives."
"Did your therapist tell you that?" I demanded.
"Yeah and I'm trying to take it to heart." She leaned over and kissed my forehead. I felt tears well up in my eyes at that simple, loving gesture. "You should, too."
"I'll try, Mary Anne. I'll really try."
