Chapter Sixteen: Just One Chance

Teddy

April 19

It was easy enough to find the phone number. After all, it was listed in the Stoneybrook phone book. I traced my finger down the names until I came to Bruno, Logan. I tapped it thoughtfully with an index finger whose nail had a thick layer of black grime underneath it. I wrote the number on a scrap of paper that I had brought down out of my room, circled it, folded it twice then stuffed the folded sheet of paper into the front pocket of my denim jeans. I stood up.

I was going to have to leave the hotel, climb into my car, and drive to the next town over from here, Springdale, to make the phone call. I was already in a town bordering Stoneybrook (Tallesville), but I wanted to put even more space between me and the pay phone I was planning on using so that I could continue to stay in the motel I was at for a while longer. I was growing tired of moving my things so much; most of me hated myself for putting myself in this position in the first place. Of course, the rest of me kept cheering me on, for the sake of winning Stacey.

It always fell back to her. My goddess.

I closed my eyes.

She would always look like the sweet, fresh-faced freshman straight from small-town America to me. I knew that she had grown up in New York City and had spent a lot of time there, even after her parents had split up, but there had been something so gentle and innocent about her the first time we met. It was amazing how she had managed to seemed so unguarded yet acted so worldly. I had fallen in love with her that first time.

I opened my eyes and sighed. Everything had become so twisted since then. Nothing was the way it should have been. I should have been together with Stacey by now and we should be planning a wedding or planning the birth of a child, not separated by everything because I was an idiot and ruined what we had.

Without a backward glance, I strode out of the hotel and to my car. It wasn't the same car that I had left my sister back at home with. No, this was a piece of crap. I had paid $500 in cash for it and figured that as long as it was good enough to keep me one step ahead of everyone looking for me, it was good enough.

I drove to Springdale in silence. When I pulled up to the curb beside the payphone I was planning on using, I let the car hum and clatter beneath me for a few moments before turning it off. It was nearly ten thirty and I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself by sitting in a running car late in the evening.

I turned off the car, opened the door by heaving my shoulder against it, and slipped out onto the road. I pocketed the keys as I walked around the front of the car and towards the payphone. It looked foreboding, wrapped in misty shadows. I ignored the atmosphere around me as best I could (I couldn't help but wonder if some thug was going to jump me while I was trying to make this phone call) and dug around in my pocket for the roll of quarters that I had put there before leaving the hotel. I pulled out a few and picked one up between my forefinger and thumb. I studied it for a moment then picked up the receiver and slid the coin into its slot.

The phone clicked and there was a dial tone. I quickly reached into my front pocket and pulled out the scrap of paper with the phone number on it. With a shaking finger, I dialed the number. I let out a shaky sigh as it began to ring.

"Hello?" a beloved and familiar voice answered the phone. My voice froze in my throat. "Hello? Who is this?" She paused. "I'm going to hang up."

"No!" I said quickly. "No, don't hang up."

Stacey was quiet for a moment. "Who is this?" she asked, her tone suggesting that she knew perfectly well who it was.

"It's me, Stacey. Teddy."

She moaned softly. "Teddy, no. Why are you calling me?"

"I had to hear your voice," I said softly. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the cold metal pay phone. "I just… I wanted to hear you."

"Well, you've heard me," she said in a quiet, stunned voice. "I'm going to hang up now."

"Please, don't," I begged. "Please, just listen to me for a minute."

Stacey was silent. When she spoke, I could hear the tears that were forming in her eyes in the lump choking her throat. "One minute, Teddy. I shouldn't even be giving you that."

"You're an amazing woman," I said quickly. "After everything I've put you through, you still have the generosity to listen to me. That's one of the reasons I love you so much."

"You're not going to sweet talk me," she warned.

"No." I paused for a moment. "I want to apologize to you."

Stacey began to cry and my heart began to pound. Hard. I wanted nothing more than to be smoothing those tears away from her face. I pulled my head back from the phone and cupped my forehead with the hand not holding the receiver.

"Apologize?" she asked her voice cracking. "How dare you!"

"Please, Stacey, I know that what I've done to you I can never take back. I know that I've probably ruined your life and I know that I messed up your friend Mary Anne's. I just… God! I wish that I could take it all back. I wish that none of this had ever happened. But, since I can't take it back, I have to apologize for everything. I have to apologize to you and try to make things right."

"You can never make things right," she whispered through her tears. "Nothing you can say or do will ever make things right."

"I know!" I groaned. "God, I know, Stacey. But, I have to apologize. Right? That's the least I can do."

"The very least," she responded. "Teddy, don't call me again."

"There's more," I told her hurriedly. I could hear her sigh through the phone line. "Stacey, I know that I've been a monster. In fact, I think there's something truly wrong with me. There's this part of me that I can't control that hurts you and hurts other people. I would never want to hurt you."

Stacey began to cry again, but this time it was much harder. "Are you trying to say that it wasn't your fault that you beat up and raped Mary Anne?"

"No, it was my fault, but I couldn't control myself. It's like something else comes out entirely in those situations and just takes me over."

"Maybe you should have an exorcism," she replied bitterly.

"Honey- "

"Don't call me that!"

Silence.

"Stacey, I want a second chance. I know I don't deserve one, but I want a second chance nonetheless. I want to be with you."

"What do you honestly expect me to say?" she asked quietly. She sniffled.

"I want you to say yes," I told her, feeling raw and vulnerable. I bit down on my bottom lip as a long silence stretched between us.

"How can I, Teddy? Even if I could forgive you of the things you've done, I could never forget. Never." She took a deep breath. "Besides, I am in love with someone else, so even if I wanted to, I couldn't go back to you."

"Who?" I asked, feeling like an arrow had struck my chest.

"Logan. Mary Anne's boyfriend."

"And Mary Anne is OK with that?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, she is. We both love him and he loves both of us." She laughed shortly. "You would never understand, Teddy."

I began to cry. I could help myself. I heard her crying worsen.

"I love you so much," I sobbed. "You're the only woman that I've ever loved and probably will be the only one I ever will love. You're the light of my life."

"You have a funny way of showing it," Stacey wept. "If I'm so important to you, how come you hurt me like you did?"

"I don't know! God, please believe me! I would never hurt you, Stacey."

"Stop it!" she screamed. "Stop it!"

"Stacey, please! I love you! You have to give me another chance. I'll do anything you want, just please let me – "

"Get off the line, Stacey," a male voice suddenly growled. I froze. It must be Logan. There was a click and I moaned as I realized that I might not talk to Stacey again. "Thomas?"

"It's me, Logan," I said quietly. I wiped my cheeks free of tears. "Teddy."

"It's too bad that you're not here in person," Logan said. "I would've shot you on sight."

"I don't blame you," I replied. "I would do the same."

"Teddy, if you ever come near either of my girls again, I will make sure that you pay. And, I won't let any laws stand in my way of what I will do to you." There was a short pause. "I will make you suffer if you ever come near them again."

"Stacey isn't yours," I protested.

"She sure as hell isn't yours," Logan snapped. "She doesn't want anything to do with you. Move on. Forget about her. Find something to do with your life."

"You bastard," I growled. He would never understand what she meant to me. Never. "You think you know what this is that's going on between us, but you never will. Now, I am truly sorry that poor Mary Anne got hurt and I hope that she's healing –"

"Don't you even say her name," Logan warned. "Don't you dare even think about her."

"That's fine. I just want a second chance with Stacey."

"Never going to happen. Don't call us again," he snarled then slammed the phone down. I winced at the loud noise.

I replaced the receiver a few moments later. It was impossible to tell how I felt. I was angry and upset that Logan had forbidden me from trying to make things right between Stacey and me. Yet I felt strangely numb at the same time. I couldn't believe that I had heard her voice; that I had made her cry again.


In a daze, I drove back to Tallesville. I let myself cry as I drove, hoping that I would get everything out while I was driving so that nobody at the small, seedy hotel I was staying at would even guess that everything was less than perfect.

However, instead of pulling off at the exit for the hotel, I drove on and got off a couple of exits later. There was a bar up there that served cheap beer and had a surprisingly nice selection of people who frequented it. It was an every-man's kind of bar where the people there were happy, middle-class, and tended to be very friendly. I felt I needed to be in a place where people felt bright and hopeful right now instead of being in some seedy, dark place where everyone was exchanging suspicious or lustful looks at one another. Maybe I could just play pool for a while and unwind before trying to get some sleep.

When I got there, I stayed in the car for a few minutes, breathing deeply and composing myself. I knew that I wasn't walking into the lion's den, but the conversation with Stacey then especially with Logan had left me shivering with adrenaline. I flexed my fingers around the steering wheel, feeling my heart pound in my chest. I felt strange and alert.

The bar was brightly lit and friendly. The bartender greeted me with a smile as I walked into the room. I shrugged off my jacket and tossed it over my arm. I walked casually over to the bar and ordered a Manhattan, straight up.

"Hey," a sweet voice said. I turned my head to see a small, pale girl with dark curly hair and bright blue eyes smiling at me. She lifted her own drink as the bartender handed me my drink. "What's your name?"

"Teddy," I replied, taking a sip of my drink. Her smile widened.

"Hi, Teddy. I'm Katie." She took a sip of her drink. "I don't think I've seen you around here."

"No, I've only been in here once or twice," I admitted.

"Well, it's a good thing you came tonight, huh?" she asked.

I studied her. She didn't look much like Stacey did, which I was beginning to think was a good thing. I had spent too much time with women who looked and spoke like my Stacey. I needed to either get away from her altogether or to have the actual woman that was haunting my dreams. This girl… she seemed alright.

"Do you want to go somewhere more private?" I asked her. Katie's eyes widened then she smiled shyly.

"I don't usually go back to guys' places. Especially ones that I've just met," she told me. I immediately found myself blushing.

"Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it," I replied. She laughed softly.

"I like you, though." I watched her closely and she nodded. "Yeah, I'd like to go somewhere. How about my place?"

I clinked my glass against hers. "Sounds good to me."


I moved my hand down the side of her body, resting my fingers around the trace of her slender hip. She looked up at me with those startling blue eyes and licked her lower lip. I bent down and kissed her, gradually increasing the depth and urgency of our kiss until she turned her head away, panting.

"Are you sure?" I heard myself asking her. The beast inside me roared to hear me ask her permission. It was something that I could take without asking, it urged. Do what you want with her!

"Come on," she replied, suddenly cupping me in her hand. I let out a startled gasp and found my hips bucking forward at her invitation. She laughed. "We have way too many clothes on, Teddy."

"Yeah, let's fix that," I said quickly, releasing my hold on her hip to pull my shirt over my head. I wasn't surprised to feel her hands working on my belt and eased quickly out of my pants. I yanked her skirt down and the girl squealed with laughter.

"Eager?"

I responded by kissing her hard on the mouth. Katie's fingers laced into my hair and we once more kissed until we were breathless. I laughed as I pulled back. Her big blue eyes followed the movement of my hands as I slipped out of my boxers, revealing my full erection. She grinned.

"Very eager," she confirmed for herself.

After a little more foreplay, I finally slipped myself into her warm body. She moaned and tilted her head back so that I could see the white line of her exposed neck. I kept a gentle, yet pleasing tempo even though I could hear it screaming at me to break her. Plunge right through her and don't even bother to listen to her screams. I closed my eyes tight and struggled to ignore it.

"Oh, Teddy! Yes! Right there… oh, God, no, thereTeddy!"

The feeling of her body tightening and squeezing around me sent me immediately into release. I stiffened over her as she continued to cry out a litany of praise. Then, spent, I slumped down to her side, breathing heavily. Katie wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me tenderly. I nuzzled my head against her neck.

"You were so good," she whispered. I could hear the sleep coming on her fast. I smiled, feeling exhausted myself. "So good, Teddy."

"You weren't bad yourself," I replied with a smile.

She stroked my hair lovingly. I closed my eyes and sighed. This finally felt right.


"I feel horny, Thomas," a deep voice breathed into my ear.

I was sitting down on my bunk, looking at the wall silently. A book was resting beside me, but I hadn't touched it for a while. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up and turned my face slowly to look into Devon Sands' dark eyes. I swallowed.

"Please, Devon… not today," I pleaded, hearing the fear and disgust plain in my voice. "Not now."

A fist connected with my jaw and sent me sprawling onto the ground. I blinked my eyes, only in surprise. I was used to the pain; it barely even phased me anymore to be punched or hit. I was the cell block's personal punching bag. I looked up as Sands wrapped his hands around my waist and yanked me roughly to my knees. He smiled down at me.

"How do you want it?" he asked, loosening the tie on his drawstring pants. "I'm thinking doggy-style today. What do you think?"

I simply shook my head and looked back down at the ground. Why was he trying to make it seem like I had a choice? I never had a choice anymore; the only thing I got to decide was how I was going to react while Sands was raping me or doing some other unspeakable sexual abuse to me. I could cry or just lie there silently, letting him do what he wanted to do with me. By now, it was easy just to be quiet.

He walked quickly around behind me and slammed his fist into the space on my back between my shoulders. I fell onto my hands and knees hard and bit down on my tongue. The taste of blood was nauseating, but I didn't move or even try to spit it out as Sands pulled down my pants and boxers.

"You know," he said conversationally as he pushed two fingers inside of me without warning, "I'm always amazed at how tight you are. Every time, too. It's like you want to stay a fresh, little virgin or something."

I closed my eyes and began to send up my usual string of desperate prayers. Anything to make him stop.

He didn't, of course.

I clenched my teeth together as Sands rammed inside of me, mercilessly, holding a clump of my hair so that my head was tilted back. I could feel the usual tearing and ripping as he penetrated me and knew that I was going to be shitting blood for the next few days. Then, he began to pound into me with a force that I had never experienced before.

I tried to arch against him, trying to alleviate the pain that was new to me. Sands laughed quietly in between his hard breathing. My mouth fell open in pain and I felt my hands trying to clutch at the cement floor for support.

"Devon, please," I gasped out, unable to stop myself.

"More?" he laughed and my eyes snapped open in shock of the pain.

I began to cry and Sands just chuckled again and continued his torturing rhythm. After what seemed like years, he finally stiffened then slumped down on top of me, forcing me flat onto the ground. I let out a grunt of pain at the added weight on top of me, closing my eyes once more. I could feel my face heating with the usual shame that came after Sands "played" with me. He stroked the side of my face after a minute or so, the gesture so tender and gentle that it almost sent me into a fresh bout of tears. Instead, I bit down hard on my lower lip.

"Don't cry, baby," he whispered, his voice loving. I gritted my teeth. "You're still my most special little bitch."


I woke up with a scream and heard a startled gasp beside me. I heard someone fumbling around in the darkness beside me and blind terror told me it was Devon Sands. I clenched my hands around the blankets and sheets over me and was surprised to see a pale, dark-haired girl staring back at me when a lamp flickered on.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her voice brimming with worry and concern. I felt myself relax slightly. "What happened?"

"Bad dream," I whispered through clenched teeth. The girl reached out and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"You scared me," she admitted. "God, what am I saying? Are you all right? What was it?"

I debated for a moment then sighed. "A kind of flashback nightmare."

"About what?" she pressed. One of her hands came up and began to smooth the hair away from my face. I closed my eyes at her warm, gentle touch. "What did you dream about?"

"I was raped when… when I was a kid." I decided not to tell her about being in jail. It would just make things awkward. "Over and over again."

"God, that's terrible," Katie breathed. She kissed my cheek. "I am so sorry."

"It's not your fault," I said automatically. Jennifer had said the same thing when I had told her about the rape when I was in jail. "You didn't do anything."

"No, I mean, I'm so sorry that it happened," she said softly. I opened my eyes to stare at her. "You're shaking so hard, Teddy."

I could feel the tremors wracking my body and focused on calming myself. I wasn't in jail anymore; I was being held by a beautiful, sexy woman. I felt myself begin to relax against her warm body.

"I just… Katie, it's so…" I didn't know what to say.

"Shh," she whispered, pressing her lips softly against the side of my face. I closed my eyes. "You don't have to explain anything, Teddy."

"I know, I just… I'm really sorry about this…"

Her lips pressed hard against my cheek then were on my lips once more. I stayed still, trying to sort out the difference between her lips and his. Gradually, though, I relaxed and kissed her back.

"Don't be sorry," she murmured, her lips moving against mine. She pulled away from me and studied my face for a long moment. "Nothing's your fault."

I fought down the wave of guilt as she nestled her head against the side of my neck. I wanted to tell that wasn't entirely true, but I didn't have the heart. Instead, I squeezed her gently against myself and focused on the feel of her breathing against my side.

"Let's go back to sleep," she suggested in a tired, but comforting voice. I nodded.

"Yeah, sorry I woke you up."

"Stop saying sorry," she replied. "Come on. Lay down."

I didn't resist as she pulled me back down against the bed. I let my head fall back against the pillow and opened my eyes so that I could see her before she turned off the light. Katie smiled gently at me before twisting the knob. She tucked herself close to my body once more and I sighed with something like relief.

"Goodnight, Teddy."


AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Hello everyone! I know that this story has been taking me ages to write and I am grateful to everyone who has stuck with me and continues to read this story. I want you to know how important you and your comments are to me. Thank you.