Chapter #4- I'm Really Slow Sometimes
I collapsed on my bed. No, I couldn't take it anymore. Why was I so upset over her? She was worthless, didn't mean anything to me. If Fang liked her, then that was completely fine with me.
Biggest understatement of the century.
And as for my feelings... I was just jealous. I am not in self-denial. I felt something nagging in me, but I was so bent on convincing myself what I should feel that when I opened my bedroom door, I didn't notice my surroundings until I bumped into something hard.
I looked up.
Fang.
We stared at each other's eyes. His were a dark reflection of me, and I wondered what he was thinking right now. I blinked.
I stepped backwards and closed my door again.
My feelings weren't simple. I was so sure that Fang would always be my best friend, my brother. In return, his world should've revolved around me. I should've been his best friend, his sister. I am both the aforementioned, but as I sat down on my bed, I realized that I was selfish. Because his world didn't revolve around me; it never did. And it never had to. To me, he meant many things. Don't take this wrongly, I still love the rest of the Flock very much. But Fang was the one I had relied on taking care of the Flock. He was my best (and I want to say only) confidant. We trusted each other, depended on each other.
And now I felt as if I had to share this special relationship.
And obviously, Maximum Ride does not share.
It Was You by 12 Stones
It was you
That showed me who I am
And taught me how to stand
For what I know is real
I was sick of all the pain
Tired of all the shame that I felt
But you showed me a way
To never have a doubt
And always to believe in myself
Now I see
It was you
That showed me who I am
And taught me how to stand
For what I know is real
Now I'm breathin' for the first time
And I'm leavin', all this behind
I've become, what I am because of you
It was you
I'm so sorry 'bout the ways
But I can't take away my past
But you love me anyway
And now I wanna do
Everything for you that I can
Even though it won't erase
The foolish things that I've done
Things that blinded me
But now I see
It was you
That showed me who I am
And taught me how to stand
For what I know is real
Now I'm breathin' for the first time
And I'm leavin', all this behind
And I'll stand
For what I know is real
So how can I make this up to you
I'll fight and I'll push and I'll strive
Now now that I'm living my life for you
I'll fight and I'll push and I'll Strive
Can't you see
It was you
That showed me who I am
And taught me how to stand
For what I know is real
Now I'm breathin' for the first time
And I'm leavin', all this behind
I've become, what I am because of you
It was you
I can see the writing on the wall
As time begins to crawl away from me
And I've become what I am
Because of you
It was you
I've come to be that typical, cliche, pathetic, lame, lousy, crappy, hopeless-- girl in her own sob-story of a life. She gets distressed over something trivial known as love. She can't get over this obsession even though it's starting to ruin her from the inside and feels herself slipping away from rationality. Everything's based on I feel this, I feel that, and her whole life (so it seems) is going to fall apart any minute.
And she, me, has come to realize in corny moments like these that he, Fang, is the one she holds dear. That the only difference here is that the friendship she shares with Fang doesn't stretch out to include her.
Take this as the most cheesiest thing I've ever said.
Despite everything, I know that Fang is someone truly important to me.
Truly.
A/N
Horrible, horrible chapter. I know. Cheesiest thing I've ever written. And how does Max's feelings develop so fast? Blame my patheticness.
Of course, I have to apologize for not updating in a century. My life is not even close to simple, and with my writing style and way of thinking everchanging, I just found it hard to update. Excuses, excuses. I'm just full of bullcrap like that.
Lastly, as always, I love reviews.
