The out of character stories of Akatsuki;

Humor, the many sides of emotion.

A few miles away from one of the Akatsuki's many hideouts was a small cave and inside that small cave was Sasquatch O,o! Nah, just kidding. Anyways, deep inside that dark and dank cave was a huge wall. On that wall were scriptures or hieroglyphics or something of that sort. All I know is that they looked like swirly lines and messed up letters. Like I said in the beginning of the story, it was a nice hot sunny day and even though it was perfect for training yourself to death (Death by Training ,), the Akatsuki figured it would be a perfect day to laze about (Which they rarely do). At first everything went fine ( which is also rare) Hidan wasn't cursing, Kisame wasn't cutting off limbs specifically Hidan's, and everyone else was outside lying under the shades of the tree's (even though there wasn't much shade due to the fact that most of the tree's were dead and burnt to a crisp). Unfortunately peace lasts for only so long especially if that peace hangs around S-classed criminals who kill for money (-cough- Kakuzu –cough-)!

"For Jashin's sake, why is it so hot?!" yells Hidan, his voice growing louder to show his discomfort to the others. "Because you're a hot head!" shouts Kakuzu back, obviously angry at being disturbed from counting his money. "Shut the fu-"before Hidan could even retort back, a fist crashes down on his head. Just as quick as the fist smashed down on his head, Hidan snapped back up swinging his right leg fast up to his opponents face. The opponent easily dodged this slow attack, seeing an open spot he struck it with his own left foot, a few soft cracks emitted from the wounded spot as Hidan went flying back into a dead tree. When Pein saw that Hidan made no effort to move, he went in for the finishing attack. Just as he was about to strike his head with all the force and strength he had, a black leathered hand jets out of nowhere, quickly diverting Pein's fist away from Hidan and into the ground. Chunks of dirt and earthen-rock fly everywhere as dust drifts about covering the bodies of Hidan, Pein, and the man who stopped Pein. For a while, everything was silent and still no one could see Hidan or their leader Pein. Then finally, the dust settled and only Pein was standing, Hidan and the mystery man was nowhere to be seen. "If anyone of you say anything, I'll kill ya!" and with that, Pein made his grand get-away by storming into the desolate hideout.


"Where am I?"

"You're in a cave," replies a voice.

"Who are you?"

"…Your injury's aren't Sevier so I took the liberty of healing you," replied the voice in a calming tone.

"…You didn't answer my question; who are you? Why do you sound so familiar?"

"Who am I? It…doesn't matter much," replied the voice in a hesitant tone.

"Yes it does, for all I know you could be a fucking enemy and then I would have to kill you…well either way I'm going to kill you," countered Hidan, annoyance lingering in his voice.

"Well I am no enemy…your eye's should be adjusting now. How much can you see?"

"Um, it's still a little dark…wait, I can see the top of the cave. What are those lines?"

"It's good that you can see," replies the voice. Soon a shuffle could be heard and Hidan could tell that his said rescuer or kidnapper was leaving.

Quickly sitting up, Hidan's hand shot out and snatched anything he could get a hold of to keep the person from leaving. In this case, he gripped the man's pants and with a hard tug, he nearly torn them off (yes Hidan is strong!). "What the Hell!" "Sit down!" Threatens Hidan, as his grip tightens around the fabric of the pants. Finally after a few seconds, the man sits down. "You didn't answer my question…again! Are you hard of hearing or something!?" Shouts Hidan, his own pale violet eye's glaring dangerously at the black shadow of the figure.

"No I'm not hard of hearing! Now let me go," mutters the voice.

"…NAN DA YO, do you TAKE me as a BAKA?!"

"Yes, Yes I do," the man replies in a humorous tone.

"I'm choosing to ignore that! Anyways, you didn't answer my question again, again! Why are you avoiding them?"

"Well, what was the other question?"

"…I forgot… -.-;," mutters Hidan, while sheepishly rubbing the back of his head with his free hand.

"…"

"How about this; Who are you?"

"I thought we went over this, it doesn't matter!"

"Yes it does, how else am I going to kill you?!"

"Simple, you don't!"

"Oh no you didn't~!"

"Oh yes I did~!"

That's when the bitch-slapping started!

…Honestly, do you really think S-class criminals would bitch-slap each other?! Even if they do, they won't (or not yet)do it in my story! Now where was I?

"Look, I at least want to know who you are, that's fair," complained Hidan, his patience already wearing thin.

"I told you three times already; no I will not tell you. It's not important," shouted the voice, his patience was, as well, wearing thin, too.

"But that's not fair!" whined Hidan.

"Life's not fair, get used to it!" Yelled the voice.

Without warning Hidan quickly moves forward, using his free hand to grab at, what he supposed, the man's face. His other hand which was entwined in the man's pants quickly jutted upwards and grabbed the scruff of the man's neck collar. What surprised Hidan the most was the fact that the man's face did not have a nose or a mouth. In fact, it felt rugged and somewhat smooth, just like a mask.

"Wait a second," mummers Hidan, then with a look of astonishment he yells "Your-". A crash cuts Hidan off, as a second person attacks the masked man. From the sudden attack, Hidan lets go and jumps up fast ready for the next fight. But stops when he notice's something he didn't notice before.


Itachi, unlike the rest of the Akatsuki, pays more attention to what happens than most. Like last month when he noticed Deidara making out with his hands, anyone else would of walked away thinking of how disgusting Deidara is, but not Itachi! He knows blackmail when he sees it, so instead of walking away he took hundreds of pictures and posted them on the Internet. Or like that other time; He was walking down the hallway quietly when he heard a small, tiny, little, micro-sized sound; instead of dismissing it as the wind (or a mouse) he quickly and stealthily investigated. In the end, he found Hidan and Kakuzu making-out in a secret room that SHALL NOT BE NAMED!!! Thus more pictures were taken. Today, unlike most days, the Akatsuki were given the right to laze about due to the extreme heat but mostly because the Leader felt lazy and was tired of all the complaints (and threats) he got. Now, Itachi never trusted Tobi (or the rest of the Akatsuki…well except Kisame…but still!!), he always thought of that masked man as a crazy menace. So whenever he got the chance, Itachi would stalk poor Tobi to find any weakness to use against him. And today was the perfect day to do just that.


'God, how long is he going to lay there!?' thought Itachi, as he stood upon the only living tree that happened to be near the base. He stared at Tobi's laying figure. Tobi was on the base roof , his body covered in shadows so that no one could see him up there. His arms were behind his head, his legs lying limply on the old roof, and his mask was laid on his right so that way it wouldn't slide off the roof. Itachi felt a trickle of sweat fall down from his forehead to the ground. He had been watching Tobi for almost three hours and already his spirit was diminished. He felt hot and sticky but mostly, he was starving. 'I should get something to eat!' thought Itachi suddenly, tempted with idea of eating food, Itachi didn't give it a second thought as he jumped down from the tree and ran swiftly to the base's kitchen.


'That tuna fish sandwich was so~ delicious!' Itachi thought merrily, while walking back outside to spy on Tobi again. As he approached the door that led outside, it swung open and smacked him right in the center of his face. Quickly regaining consciousness, he gave his best death glare at who-ever opened the door; the said person gave an equally impressive glare before turning and walking away. 'Wonder what crawled up Pein's butt and died?!' Itachi thought angrily, before opening the door and stomping outside. Remember when I told you Itachi was "Special" at noticing things; it only took him .5 milliseconds to notice something was wrong. He swiftly ran up to Kisame, the only person he could almost call a friend. "What happened?"

"Pein got fed up with Hidan's bickering so he beat him up, but before he could try to kill him, some mystery man diverted Pein's attack, saved Hidan's ass, and kidnapped him," replied Kisame with a bored tone.

"Did you happen to see where they went?"

"Nah, but I think Zetsu did, " said Kisame, his eyes drooping a bit.

"Thanks!"

"No prop," and with that Kisame soon fell asleep.

It took Itachi ten minutes to find the elusive cannibal, who was hiding in a lush forest (which was a little away from the base).

"Hey what happened to Hidan?" inquired Itachi.

"Huh?" The venis-flytrap opens up to a dazed Zetsu, who must have been sleeping.

"Did you see a man carrying an unconscious Hidan?" asked Itachi.

"…Yeah, Tobi was walking by here…"

"He asked us why we were here…"

"We told him that we were hunting," replied the white Zetsu.

"Which he told us that we couldn't eat Hidan,"

"Which wasn't so nice!"

"Yeah! We didn't even get one bite!"

"Well, which way did they go?" asked a now slightly disturbed Itachi (even though you could find no trace of emotion at all).

"North," both answered in unison, the black pointing to the right. With the info he needed, Itachi left hurriedly in anticipation of catching Tobi and finding Hidan.


To make a long story short; it took Itachi twenty minutes before he caught sight of a cave and who was in it. It was a small cave opening which allowed little light to enter. On the left side of the cave, vines crawled over every piece of rock and crack it could find. On the right, however, there were no vines on the cracked wall; instead there were swirly incomprehensible lines that looked like some ancient writings…that or some delusional person decided to draw terrible doodles of people. Either one seemed possible. Stepping closer, he listened in on, apparently, Hidan and Tobi's conversation.

"Life's not fair, get used to it!" growled Tobi, his voice loud and threatening.

Then there was some shuffling soon followed by disturbing silence. Assuming the worse, Itachi jumps into the cave, hoping that the person he attacks will be Tobi. As if seeing his attack, Tobi also jumps up and blocks Itachi's punch, then grabs his wrists while Itachi grabs his. Before either could get another chance to hurt the other, Hidan's voice rings out in a surprisingly shrilly tone, "Tobi! You're the man who rescued me?!"

"eh…yup," said Tobi sheepishly, as an anime sweat drop appears on his head.

Seeing his opportunity, Itachi swings Tobi at the huge wall, forgetting that Tobi still had his own wrists in a death grip. So instead of Tobi flying alone against the old huge wall, both Tobi and Itachi went flying towards the old huge wall and taking Hidan along with them. With a tremendous crash, all three lay in a tangled heap.


What happened next is hard to describe…so I will tell you in the next chappie! ^,^