Disclaimer: I'm not BBC, so I wouldn't say no to sonic screwdriver.

Summary: collection of Hitchhiker-style whoniverse crack drabbles. Both DW and TW. Who knows, maybe even SJA.

1.

Hitchhiker Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about the Bad Wolf: presumably female semi-omniscient, semi-omnipresent entity. She has strong feelings towards Time Lords, humans and Daleks. Also it advises said Daleks on the smallest suspicion of her presence to initiate temporal shift, repent or just generally piss off from the face of this universe. As a rule she is much more friendly oriented towards Time Lords, but still the Guide feel obliged to worn off any poor bugger lucky enough to survive the Last Great Time War (really your demographic situation is bad enough as it is) not to meddle with the Doctor, which despite countless rumors is not any form of deity, but still considered to be a main romantic interest to the Bad Wolf, proceeded only by Captain Jack Harkness. Attempt to court, flirt, or merry any two of them will result in immanent, heroic and untimely death. (See also: Torchwood, a history and the Master, a man who didn't conquer the universe).

A/N: I consider this Round Robin or whatever, so if anyone wants to have a go at it, then send me you entry in review or otherwise. I'll post it with proper credentials and stuff. Requirements: 1) funny 2) at least half-illiterate (like in my case, not English me, I'm not even from Canada or USA or Australia or where else they speak English)